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Marriage and Happiness

Chad Kreuzer


Chad Kreuzer

Anchor Point Films


  • February 15, 2020
    11:15 AM
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My name is Chad cruiser my wife is 40 a cruiser we live in Michigan and as you may know the weather is a little different this time of year obviously and so it's nice to be down here and I should have shared this in our gut brain connection seminar and I didn't so I want to tell you some people may still struggle with some issues this is not a message on the guy but if some people still struggle with things and you'd be interested in trying what's called the elimination challenge diet it's a temporary diet we give you the all the information to help try to kind of reset your gut and find out what you may be allergic to most people may not need to do this but if somebody is struggling with it my email is anchor a n c h o r point p. o. i.n.t. films f i l m s at g. mail dot com I could send you totally for free just send you an email of of how to do the temporary elimination challenge if you struggle with things or if you are if you'd like to invite us out to your local church so anchor point films at g. mail dot com You can contact us through there so before we begin this morning I just want to say one more word of prayer before we begin let's pray together Heavenly Father we're so thankful for the opportunity to study your word I pray that your spirit would open our minds and our hearts to you or we know that the Scriptures revealed that the Word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any 2 edged sword piercing to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit and of the joints and marrow and is a discerner of the thoughts and tense of the heart I pray Father that you would bring the thoughts of our heart thoughts that we may not even have we may have never even realized that you bring them to mind and that you heal us from the errors of our minds the errors of our hearts and make us like Christ in Jesus' name amen. Many of you know the pastor here Frank who's been up here speaking in Frank and I you know we've been doing some work together this week and my wife said that Frank and I have a lot in common and. Frank and I for good or for bad have some things in common in one of them is that his wife and my wife came into the house yesterday and we both discovered from his wife that it was Valentine's Day. And since Frank's probably a little quicker than me he probably grasped it about a 2nd before I did. 2 seconds before I it registered in his head and slowly it sunk into mine and then we were able to go and kiss our wives you know and say Happy Valentine's Day so. Yeah that's not a good reason for getting rid of your husband or your wife they forget the day I mean we we we have to be we have to forgive but we also have to learn to remember these things better my Yet that's one of my terrible faults I don't think about days of the week nor months or birthdays even my own birthday I don't think about but I should so not my own but she says it's not a problem praise the Lord but this message is actually because yesterday was Valentine's Day you get a message on love and relationships are going to start up and it's interesting it was some some of the information came from a book that I was I was reading some time ago I think it was called sacred marriage I'm probably getting the title wrong I would give more props to it but I just can't remember the name of the book but something like that and. Socrates once said by all means marry if you get a good spouse you will become happy if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher. What was stock what was Socrates by the way. He was a philosopher so maybe he was giving us a little insight into his home life. And I think there is some truth to that right but there is also an idea of getting a good spouse what is that really mean now we're going to talk about that now after the death death of the disciples I should actually say after the death of Jesus the disciples the early church began to kind of explode and take off and then all kinds of interesting ideas came into the church false conceptions of love false conceptions of marriage and so they became to get have this idea that marriage was basically not marriage itself that sex in general was was an evil that marriage was maybe a necessary evil and they even kind of got this idea Augustine gave the idea that marital intercourse make something good out of the evil of last night is that true by God's just taking the Ok are you since you're so evolved I'll let you have marriage is that what the Bible teaches us no not at all the Bible actually taught that when did God give marriage initially. In creation I was going to say when God make marriage in the beginning but that kind of answers its own question right it was in the beginning it was before before Genesis 3 before the fall of man and so marriage was given in what. Creation of perfection right before there was ever since this was something that God made to be a blessing has to March of marriage and relationships become a curse oftentimes that have this but that's not what God intended for it and so we're going to talk about that for a bit but the church began to have a false consideration a marriage that that marriage was a necessary evil and they even began to teach when we you know as the church began to fall away from the Gospel and from the truth they began to teach that it was better for you know priest not to get married or pastors not to get married nothing biblical the Bible actually says that was a doctrine of demons the model says doctrines of demons so it's not God's will now it is fine to be single the apostle Paul was single and if God calls you to be single There's nothing wrong that can be a great blessing you can do wonderful things for God if God called you to be single and if that is you praise the lord nothing wrong with that but marriage itself was meant to be a blessing and we're going to be talking about that but if you have your bible sternness me to Matthew Chapter 19 verse a moment Matthew Chapter 19 and in Matthew Chapter 19 we're going to look at how that if site pulls had a false conception of marriage you thought what I thought the disciples were infallible Well they were human Now the Bible I do believe is a book that is filled with truth but the people in it sometimes had false conceptions and you'll see what I mean as we read this in Matthew Chapter 19 and verse 3 Matthew Chapter 19 in verse 3 is says and the Pharisees also came unto him tempting him and saying on to him is it lawful for a man to put his will put away his wife for every cause. So the question is Is it Ok to get divorced for any reason you want for every reason you might come up with but what's the answer we we read and he Jesus answered and said unto them have you not read that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. So it says unsaid for this cause of a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they Twain or those 2 Shelby one flash where for they are no more 2 but one what their forgot to join together let not man put asunder not man break apart so here we have this picture Jesus said in the beginning the way God designed the relationships of marriage to be was between a man and a woman and they were to stay together God did not will for them to break up that was not God's Will God one of these things to the this be to be a lasting relationship for the benefit of the husband for the benefit of the wife and also specifically for the benefit of their offspring of their children and it goes on to say verse 7 they say unto him why did Moses then command to give in writing of divorcement and to put her away so why did Moses allow us then to get divorced and it says in verse 8 he said unto them Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives but from the beginning it was not so and I say unto you whosoever shall put away his wife except it be for fornication and shall marry another commits adultery and who so marries her which is put away does commit adultery so yes there was a time there is a time that someone may become divorced because of adultery because it is not my will for it to be for any other cause because they were saying hey like if I don't like my wife's cooking and I divorce or because the question was Can I get divorce for any reason that I want. And this was this was kind of the debate going on and they want to know Will Jesus what do you think and it's interesting that Jesus doesn't say he says Listen what is the Word of God said Jesus points back to the Word of God is the foundation for love and marriage and marriage was intended to be a union between a man and a woman so Jesus tells us Jesus tells us about what a proper kind of marriage is some people say Jesus didn't talk to homosexuality Paul data maybe Paul was all for or just didn't understand the issue Jesus did talk to because Jesus told us what the the perfect example would be of what marriage is meant to be so Jesus did talk to the issue but then here's the thing it so disciples now were not so much into the picture and still what we read in the next verse this is this is interesting what is the same verse 10 His disciples said unto him If the case of the man be so with the wife or if this is the way it's supposed to be when you get married they're not supposed to get divorced it is not to good to get married it's not at least one person thinks it's funny I think it's kind of funny you read in the disciples are like Are you telling us we should actually stay married once we get married and he's like yeah that's what the Bible says and then the disciples like oh man be better not to get married if that's the case or if you actually get to stick with the woman that you marry then I'd rather just not get married all together. So did the disciples have a false conception of marriage yes or no yes they you know we think all the holy disciples surely they understood it but it showed it was here's the funny thing we think we are so we live in a strange and unusual time in our sister and you know what it is strange and unusual to me but what is going on is actually not so strange and unusual it's kind of contradictory what I'm saying but this is what I mean in their time divorce was so common they thought you should be able to divorce for any reason yes or no. That's why the disciples thought his only disciples had this understanding so what we can see is what goes on in the world today is just as normal as it was 2000 years ago those are not the good old days those are days like today that make sense nothing's really changed so the disciples so not only did this in cycles have a false conception of marriage then the early church had a false conception and I don't mean that what they wrote about in scripture that Paul did not write he didn't have a false conception of marriage his understanding was absolutely correct because after they were converted they I mean obviously the writings that they have are only truth but before Jesus corrected them they had a false conception of marriage now you may know you probably have heard the terms that the law is a Schrans script of the character of God Have you ever heard that before so the law is like the writing of what the character of Gaunt is and the law Paul tells us in Romans can be summed up in one word and that word is why love we talked about that Sabbath school that that love that you can't keep the law without love can you I mean you can outwardly do some things but you can't really do it in a way that is true in your heart without having love this is this is a fact and so love is a transcript of the character of gone. But you may remember also that in James Chapter one The Bible tells us that the law is like a Anybody know a mirror what is a mirror to the mirror as I look at a mirror I look in a mirror and let's say I have some filth on my face I have some suit or some shoe polish or mud or something and can I see right now as I'm looking at you can I see that I have mud on my face no you can see it what helps me to see that I am dirty I mean or so I look into a mirror and I realize that I am dirty so the law is like a mirror the law is also a transcript of God's character so I look into this picture of Jesus and as I look at Jesus do I look clean yes or no to myself I look at the perfect light of Jesus and I realize wow I am selfish because I make sense when you read the perfect life to Jesus I'm like man I'm dirty I'm filthy I'm I can't believe my motives I can't believe my actions but I look at Jesus and I realize wow he was perfect he was pure He was holy So Jesus so the law is like a mirror and the law is a transcript of God's character and it shows what you really look like you may remember Romans chapter 3 verse 20 where it says for by the law is the. Knowledge of sin meaning the law makes you knowledgeable to the fact that you are a sinner but when Jesus came to earth he was the living long Jesus was the living law and so as we look at him as people look to him it made them so it pricked their consciences. And so people responded to that pricking of their conscience in one of 2 ways some people as they saw the beauty the holy perfect just character of Jesus it hurt their consciences and so they decided they got together and they're like hey let's kill this guy I hate this guy because he makes me feel bad about my sin we should kill him and then he was not making us feel bad right that was one of the options other people though they saw that they saw him and they also felt dirty did Mary Magdalen feel dirty do you think in the presence of Jesus did she run from him no she actually came to a multiple times right so we have a choice if we feel dirty The devil wants us to run from Jesus but when we feel that all I want to run away from Jesus let's not do that instead we can run to Jesus because he's the only one who can cleanse us just like the law is a mirror can the law cleanse me yes or no can the mirror that I look in that reveals that I'm dirty when you find out that you're dirty you look in the mirror like I'm filthy do you then do something like this and try to wash yourself off on the mirror do you push your face up against the mirror to cleanse you know what do you do. That you need you need maybe you know some water and some soap and you need to be cleansed so to the law cannot cleanse you the law can only tell you that you are a sinner but the law can point you to your need of a Savior The law's a schoolmaster to point us to Christ you get the idea this is what Paul said this so let's go forward so when Jesus came to give live among men he gave us a perfect example of example of life that is the living Law He also revealed to us our sin so could it be that one aspect of marriage is to reveal to us who we really are to reveal our sin in need of a savior it's kind of interesting like this Jesus came and our relationship with Jesus is like that of God That is the we are the Bride of Christ if you ever read that in the scriptures the chapter 54 Verse 5 it says by maker is the guy husband by maker is my husband so God is the is the man we are His bride we are to be the spotless bride of Christ and so in this relationship that were in when we look to him we find out that we're dirty we realize that we're we're in we are sinners and need to be cleansed and could it be in marriage is the same thing happens between the bride in the husband a good friend of mine met Parra he he said this he was he was preaching a sermon and and. He said these words I shared this earlier this week actually he said if you think you are a good person get married. If you think you are a good person get married why because just like with Jesus we look to Jesus I'm more like oh man I'm dirty I actually thought I was a pretty good guy I thought I was a pretty good person and then I look at Jesus and I realized Wow No I'm not a good guy I'm actually a real sinner and could it be that this a similar thing happens in in marriages they getting married is kind of like marrying a mirror so we marry that person and as we look at them we get we we in less sure one of the 3 families that I've talked about I talk about the fact that we've met my wife and I have maybe she said for now for families we've met in our life that never argued their entire marriage praise Lord if you're one of those you can come tell me you'll be number 5 and I'll add you to the to the list Ok but nevertheless we've met for 4 couples that have never argued in their entire life so for some of you you know in the Bible the Bible also says if a man sins not in word he is perfect so I've meant for perfect human being 8.8 No I don't think they're all perfect but you get the idea that somehow these people are on a whole nother level than myself and that gives me something to shoot for right when you see something much better and Jesus is the perfect example not even these families but you get the idea so most of us we get married we disagree and we argue at times and what often happens is Ok back to the law illustration some people many Christian churches have looked at the law they look at the law on they realize their life is not in harmony with the 10 commandments and so what do they do with the 10 Commandments they grab a hammer and they smash them and say the law is what. Done away with and if the law's done away with I can feel good because there's no mirror to show me all the on my face right I can walk around going I'm clean I'm clean because I broke the law the law is done away with but am I clean because I smashed the mirror yes or no no I'm just as dirty as before I just can't see it and as long as you don't tell me I'll never know. But you'll know and I'll really know too I'll just kind of act like it's the law is done away with but deep down all know him but when I read those texts it's really is there so same the same thing though can happen in marriage relationships that we get married and most people many people go into a marriage hoping that the other person will make them happy often people are not happy and they seek to find someone who will make them happy the trouble is the Bible says in caution chapter 2 verse 8 speaking of Jesus is says and you are complete in him you are completely in who is in Jesus Christ so where do we get our ultimate fulfillment and happiness in this world Jesus it may be verse 10 it's either various 8 overstand but it's cautions to 8 through 10 the whole passage and so Jesus we are complete in him and so if I get my completeness in him let's say I'm not complete I haven't give my life to Jesus and you know I've got my my personal issues I haven't dealt with and so I'm a broken person and I need a young lady and my hope is that she is going to that I will be complete in her but the Bible doesn't say you are complete and her is you are complete in. Jesus Christ in him so but let's say I don't go there I instead go the route of I am complete in her I see her she's beautiful she's attractive she's just what I want she is going to make me happy right so then I get married to her and she's she's broken too she's not complete in him she is thinking I am completely in him this me right and so then she marries me and then within our marriage relationship we're hoping that the other one is going to make me happy and she you know that we're both hoping that in the trouble is we can't fulfill the position of Jesus Christ in their life do you understand that does that make sense so what it is you have 2 broken people seeking happiness in another person that they could never find shrew happiness in and often then they then they get angry they get excited they go through all these troubles and then they think I married the wrong person they're not making me happy do you see a problem with this scenario. So what's happening here is that I am hoping lady a is going to fix all my problems she doesn't so I smash that mirror and then I go to find another mirror that's going to show me that I'm good looking and not dirty so I make sense and then the next 3 or do you know statistically is the 2nd marriage more likely to work on the 1st statistically No and I'm not putting anybody down that's been through this this is just the reality the good news is number one I want to say very clearly God forgives us amen whatever's happened in our past this is not an insult this is not putting people down this is just this is not even I mean we could just be saying I speak of Christ in the church here right that this is an illustration of the love to God toward man. Or to his bride This is not putting anybody down God can forgive he can help us to go on that we can live a life that is fulfilling after whatever is happened in our past whatever trauma whatever pain whatever abuse whatever we've been through God can set us free so don't hold a burden of guilt because you say man I've already been through this Listen we've all been through junk in our lives yes or no we all have broken this but there is one who is whole and he can make us whole Amen no matter what you've been through so don't feel all just this preacher put me down not one iota Jesus loves you with an ever lasting love and he can set you free even in the burdens of your past so that you can walk through and feel clean in Jesus Christ not because you deserve it but because that's what Jesus does for his bride he gives her a wedding garment that is so pure and so spotless that she looks like she's never done anything wrong. I wouldn't do that for filthy old me but that's Jesus he's so much better than me and I trust these better than each one of us right now let's get back to the point so we often we break off that relationship hoping the next one will fix us hoping the next one will fix us or maybe the next one if I could just find the right woman chill make me happy and the answer is No I am complete in Him research has actually been conducted and they find that people are statistically the same level of happy before or after marriage there's a slight bump on the honeymoon of happiness and then it goes back to the same level of happiness afterward so you don't create happiness because of a marriage. You find your joy in Christ Jesus and then if you find that joy you can take that fulfillment into your marriage so that makes sense don't seek for the fulfillment and others seek it in Christ and find somebody else who has found their fulfillment in Christ and then you won't be having 2 people trying to find something in the other that they can never acquire do you follow yes or no yes so let's go forward so the reality is you know this this woman in this in this particular book this is this man. Tells the story of this woman who she she got married and you know as as we get older we think we're more mature than we used to be when we were children and and we think we've put away childish ways because I'm an adult now and you get married and this particular woman she shared how after getting married all the insane and crazy emotions of childhood that she thought were totally gone they all came back to her heart that hatred of other children just insane like I hate you came out in her marriage because sometimes marriage is a mirror. That it shows us who we really really are but let's not smash the mirror there is a time where that we actually have to separate from that we are that we can at least right or somebodies physically abusive to us there is nothing wrong with separating from that individual nothing wrong with that as the Bible says Thou shall not kill and I should allow you to kill me yes or no and there's nothing wrong with that but the reality is is just because someone doesn't make me happy is not a reason to all I'm going to break this off. We'll get to that more in a little bit but sometimes we discover that in marriage all the crazy emotions of life of childhood come back and we realize Have I really put away childish things behind me 1st Corinthians chapter 13 verse 5 tells us what love is it's the picture of what love is and what love is not and one aspects of love that we read in 1st Corinthians chapter 3 verse 5 specifically says that love seeks not its own love seeks not its own ways it's interesting because that seems like the exact opposite of what we think love is love is once again we think i have this feeling for this person I don't want them to to be without them and I want them to make me happy that's the general idea of what love is but the reality is love seeks not its own and you may have you may have heard someone who is toward the end of their marriage or is breaking off their marriage and they have this statement they say I never loved you have you ever heard something like that before I never loved you but I want to share with you something very quickly that that is in admission that is that is a and acknowledgment rather that that person is saying I am totally selfish because love seeks not her own true love is looking out for the best of the other and if they say I never loved you it means I was never looking out for your bass do you see that or help us. The love that Jesus reveals to us is so much more glorious so much deeper so much more beautiful than what we think love is in our humans conception in our human conceptions that's why Hebrews 4 Verse 2 tells us that God's law God's Word is a discerner of the thoughts and intense the heart because it reveals to us we think we're good people we think all the good person I don't kill people I don't I don't murder anybody and I don't steal as if it is long as you avoid those 2 things you're a really good citizen right I know there's all kinds of things you could do right but the reality is God's word reveals to us who we really are but it doesn't leave us when it would be kind of it would be terrible to be honest if God only gave us the law to tell us that we're filthy when that be terrible look at you you're filthy and ugly with no hope but he doesn't leave us there even within our marriage what if our marriage if we go through these times and we think before we get married this and that that will never happen to me we all think we're going to be one of the 4 families that I've met 4 times in my life not my marriage. That my marriage I mean we met thousands of people you know and and it hardly ever happens where people don't argue in their marriage or have some other kind of issues the arguments are not the only problems of marriage you know there's adultery there's pornography there's all kinds of problems there's stealing or I mean yes there's all kinds of other problems but number one the good news is God can set us free from anything that's been holding us back but this person could be revealing us to me Man all these emotions these feelings that I haven't that I hate I don't like this but looking to them I think if I get rid of them that'll fix my problem but if I break the mirror it'll fix my problem I will see that I'm dirty but the reality is it doesn't cleanse me what if that person revealing to me that I'm a sinner could help me turn to Jesus what if instead of ending the marriage I turned to G.'s us more than I've ever turned to him in my life could marriage become a great blessing in a fallen world yes it could but saying that don't then think oh I could get married and then hope my the person I'm going to marry they're not walking with Jesus but hopefully they will someday that's not what we should do we should we want them to be fulfilled in Christ right from the get go right from the get go the Bible says and 1st John chapter 4 verse $20.21 if a man says I love God and hates his brother he is a liar for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen 1st John for verse 21 says this commandment we have from him that he who loves God should also love his brother so the test of do we love God. Can be tested by saying Do I love the people around me and I think the hardest commandment in all of Scripture is to love people we think the hard commandments are like keep the Sabbath but the real hard commandments are more than just love other people Jesus says Love your enemies that's the hardest commandment all Scripture love is the hardest Commandments Scripture because it's impossible to love someone who is hurting you without the power of God without the power of Jesus Christ changing your heart we will naturally hate our enemies whether they be our political enemies whether they're enemies at work or even maybe if they are those of our own household we may hate those who we deem to be enemies the Jesus says Love your enemy yes you may be in a point in your marriage where you feel like you are literally enemies. And God says love that person that's impossible and you know what it is impossible what I find so interesting about what God says is he always tells us to do impossible things and that kind of annoying why don't you just tell us like do the things you can do in leave the rest up to me and that's what we normally think the Bible says do it all and do whatever you can do is leave the rest up to me and so there is a portion of that that's actually true there's a portion of that that's true but many people take it at that and they're like well I can do this I can overcome this and God's just going to have to accept it but that's not Biblical that's not biblical. The reality is this God gives us a lists of sins in 1st Corinthians Chapter 6 or 9 if you got to Bible turn with me there I want you to read this with me for just a moment 1st Corinthians it be beneficial if you if you if you would see it with your own eyes and not take my word for so we're looking in 1st Corinthians Chapter 6 1st Corinthians Chapter 6 and we're going to read verse we're going to start in verse 9 1st Corinthians Chapter 6 verse 9 1st Corinthians Chapter 6 verse 9 and the Word of God reason I'm going to read this one a newer translation I'll read in the e s v 1st Corinthians Chapter 6 verse 9 and it says Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God stop right there that's trouble do you not know Paul says that the unrighteous don't get to go to heaven how many people does the Bible say are righteous naturally not one there is no one righteous not one suit Ok but then the text just told us on righteous people don't go to heaven is this good news no not not in our not for us right so it says normal unrighteous people go to heaven and yet nobody is righteous but lets go for it goes on to say do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of Gone Do not be deceived What does that mean don't be deceived don't let anybody fool you trick you pull the wool over your eyes do not be deceived why about what neither of the sexually immoral Have you ever had a sexually immoral thought as an adult sure at least at some point in your life you have so the text just said if you've had a thought like that you can't go to heaven Well it clarifies we're going to clarify we're Don't we want and here keep going with me neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters Have you ever put something before God ever. Oh but you have we all have. Nor adulterers So you have sexually immoral any form of sexual immorality adulterous sexually immoral might have to do more with relationships you know that before marriage sexual relationships before marriage adulterers maybe has more directly to do with those who are already married and then it says nor men who practice homosexuality we're talking about the act of choosing to live the lifestyle north The nor greedy nor drunkards. Nor swindlers shall inherit the kingdom of gone this is bad bad news I actually think these 2 attacks are 2 of the scariest acts in all of Scripture because all of us can probably find a sin that we've committed in this passage yes or no and notice he's not focusing on one of them and saying oh those are the real centers right there he's pointing out something that I think every single listener can say Man I've done that and he says unrighteous people don't get to go to heaven and troubles no one's righteous no not one but the thing is who is righteous there's only actually one who was righteous and it was Jesus Christ where do I get my righteousness from him all you know Isaiah 64 of our 6 tells us for all my righteousness are as what filthy rags but once again that this husband Jesus Christ wants to cover his a bride with the robe of righteousness so when she enters into this marriage covenant she is pure even though she wasn't pure before entering into the marriage covenant does that make sense. So it's impossible for people to be righteous yet Jesus makes them righteous by is only Divine merit by his death on the cross he takes all of the sin all of the wickedness in the pain the suffering upon him on the cross he literally takes it from us and then he gives us that white robe and he hands and he covers us and it cleanses us he's not covering us in our sin he's taking the sin from us and giving us his righteousness and we receive it by faith righteousness by faith we receive this through Jesus Christ and he gives that too is a bribe and he gives it to her how much does she have to pay actually the question is how much does he have to pay he is willing to pay with his own life for her to have the wedding garment and then he dies before the marriage Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her men need to learn to sacrifice for their wives so that their wife will respect their husband if someone was willing to sacrifice their life for you Do you think you might be willing to respect them I remember having a friend say to me I would take a bullet for you that was one of the greatest compliments I've ever had in my life and we are told that men should sacrifice their lives for their wife but the reality is Jesus did this he was willing to pay for her to have a spotless robe and it was with his own life with his own blood as he went to the cross for us. Do you realize why the picture of marriage in the Bible is so beautiful so holy that when we make it into man's idea that it is just 2 people doing whatever they want and you shouldn't have anything to do with my opinions how we take it down to a lower level than the high and holy thing that caught intended it to be I don't see that as an insult to anybody I say that as a fact that we are broken as a society with a misconception of what holiness and truth is all about I want to close with the story some of you may have heard its true story I did not make it up I did not make up this story now actually Couple things I should have a couple things before I finish so. Ok So Gary Thomas was the guy who wrote the book and he actually asked this question he said What if God designed marriage to make us whole leave more than to make us happy but you know the strange thing is I shared with you a quotation work God's desire actually every human being's greatest desire is to be happy and the Bible assures us that all heaven will unite with us in our efforts to gain true happiness God wants you to be happy even within your marriage he wants you to be happy he wants that but the reality is we've got to find our happiness in Christ 1st before we can ever find it in a marriage that makes sense. So you know one of the things this one of the ways to have an unhappy marriage is to tell other people negative things about your spouse that's a great way to have an unsuccessful marriage one of the things my wife and I we decided we would not go around and tell other people all my wife said this or my wife does this we sometimes talk about it in public situations like this because we've decided to talk about those things we talk to you about that but we do not say all men I just can't stand it when my wife does this or whatever and trying to get your sympathy for me what is that love seeks not his own and when I want you to I want you to have sympathy for me because I'm annoyed with my wife or vice versa you're annoyed with your husband you are not loving Does that make sense by doing that you are not loving So one of the great ways to have a happy healthy marriage is to not I mean if you if you think your mouse is going to murder you and you need to call the cops that's another issue but if it's not that if it's not dangerous like out of serious danger we don't need to complain about the little problems or the things that are just the idiosyncrasies that we don't enjoy or the a 1000000 says or what have you so one of the things that's pointed out is if your spouse knows more about what you disapprove about them than what you approve you are living like a Pharisee. If your spouse knows more about what you disapprove about them than about what you prove about them and research even shows that the level of negative comments to positive comments I think it's like you have to have at least 5 positive ones to to or you're likely to get divorced just according to research this is not some spiritual fact but just the researchers can say they can look at husband and wife they can see as they interact they can literally watch their interactions and how many positive things are said by vs how many negative things are said and they could tell by the ratio who is likely to get divorced with super high accuracy and so we should continually being saying saying things positive to each other friends let's learn though a man is meant to be sacrificed his life for his wife really we should be looking to serve each other wherever we can wherever we can many times people think I've got to put myself 1st now if you're talking about your safety yes but we should do what we can and I'm going to close with a story some of you probably heard it's a true story it is a mind blowing really powerful story but also a terrible story to listen to a minister true story it was working in a camp meeting and people are coming to pray with the maybe some of the ministers that they can meeting this particular woman came to him and she said I'm having struggle in my struggles serious struggles in my marriage and she said you know my husband and we are just we are just having I mean we. I don't think we can even make it anymore and he said why are you willing to try anything to save your marriage are you willing to try something and she she basically wasn't sure I don't know I don't know if I'm willing to at this point is we've been through so much. And he read to her a quotation from a book called Desire Of Ages of beautiful life a beautiful picture rather of the life of Christ gorgeous book if you haven't read it it's life changing and he shared with her a quotation and I'm paraphrasing it here but it basically said that while Jesus was here on Earth because remember the Father Our Father which art in heaven Jesus is lives life in communication with the Father in heaven Jesus is here the father is in heaven and Jesus while he was here we are told in that book basically accepted everything that happened to him in life as if the fact that God had allowed it to happen now God doesn't make all the evil things that happen to us happen I want to make sure you understand somebody abuses somebody God did not make that happen not at all there is a devil and there's human evil humans do terrible things in the devil inspire us to do evil things and sometimes our heart the Bible says that our hearts are deceived of all things desperately wicked who can know our hearts or even deceitful even if the devil doesn't tempt us right meaning we're so wicked we can come up with witness on our own in our own wicked hearts but there is a devil too so he tries to coax it on but nevertheless Jesus accepted every trial every tribulation every temptation as as the fact and accepted that God had allowed it to come his way and if God allowed it he was going to get him through it and he said to this woman this minister said to the woman who's struggling in our marriage if either of you you or your husband is willing to accept every trial that comes your way in your marriage that God allowed it to happen and you're going to trust him and you're not going to fight back and if either one of you can can say when the trials come I just accept it and I won't fight back and you will love the other person God can save your marriage. Well you didn't hear for some time from this woman but she decided right then and there I'm going to accept it I'm going to accept this challenge is from God I want to experience the life of Jesus and so if my husband is rude if he speaks to me negatively I am just I will fight back I will be kind to him in loving she got home and her husband was insulting and she didn't fight back and he became more insulting and she said over time it would be came over the course of months like she was living with the devil himself he was so rude to her that the words that he would say were just absolutely atrocious but she never responded back with anger with insults demeaning degrading none of that she just prayed she accept somehow that this was as if coming from the hand of God She pressed for and after a few months you know what happened he began to change he began slowly to become more patient and more kind he began to show her kindness that he hadn't shown for years maybe since they had been dating and their marriage began to get better and better and they were now having the greatest marriage they had had in their their entire life and then she became pregnant they had their 1st child things were going so well it was amazing God had intervened in their lives God was changing them and after a time they left their baby with grandmother to take care of her for some time and they went out on a date and while they're out on that date this baby is home with grandmother and grandmother had her pills sitting out beside the sofa and the little baby crawled up and to the side of the so fun and grab that that container of pills and dumped the whole container down its mouth. And grandma saw it happen and she just was so terrified she just froze and did absolutely nothing until the baby turned blue and when the husband and wife came home grandma was sitting there frozen in the chair with their little child lifeless they called 911 but it was too late it was too late they lost their child and then there began to be once again the blame game you can imagine how easy it would be to blame what's wrong with your mother I don't know what they said but you can imagine the blame that would come out in a situation like this the marriage began to stumble again they begin to struggle in their marriage and just things were going downhill rapidly and then after weeks and weeks of this just this marriage spiraling out of control and the blame and the guilt and and the anger one day one of the church members see the husband had already left church he wasn't going to church anymore his parents had been Adventists they had turned away so it was just the wife was going to church and here she is struggling again and then one particular day one of the church members came to visit with her and to sympathize with her over the loss of her child and as the church member began to sympathize with her she said the the much the mother of this lost child she said I appreciate you wanting to give me sympathy but I realize I don't need your sympathy right now what I need is I need a prayer. I and she began to say I had accepted every trial in my life I had given my life to Jesus and I decided any trial that came to me that I was it I would accept as if God allowed it into my life and so I would not become despondent I wouldn't give up I wouldn't argue I wouldn't fight back I would just accept it and I would cling to my savior but I haven't been doing that this was so terrible I thought ah I stop trusting in God I stop giving it to him and I stop saying all this to I can accept that God allowed this to happen and she said can you pray with me that God will help me to accept this that even through this god can somehow work things together for good even through this difficult situation and then they kneeled down and prayed she then once again began to show kindness to her husband love patience and as time progressed he saw how change she was and his life began to be changed again and finally he said to her I want whatever you have and he gave his life back to Jesus and began to come back to church. And over time the mother in law the one who had watched this child die I saw the love and compassion Scholl saw the forgiveness saw the kindness that she was showing to her and you know what her and her husband finally came to and they say we see something different in you we know we know there's something different about you and we want whatever you have and they ended up giving their lives back to Jesus Christ friends think about this in the resurrection this woman will not only have an angel bring the baby back into her arms not only should we have she have a child I shall shall raise in the kingdom made new a child that will never fall away. She will have a husband whom she wouldn't have had in the kingdom and she will have a mother and father in law also in the kingdom who have walked away from Jesus friends there are trials in our lives but if we yield our lives into the hands of Jesus Christ and if we accept the trials that we've gone through as if Jesus allowed them not because he wanted our pain not because he wanted our suffering but because he could turn that suffering on its head and he could make you more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ friends Jesus loves you will you allow him to cover you with his robe of righteousness and will you yield all your sins to Him for seeking repenting and going forth into the hands of Jesus he can save your marriage and if your marriage isn't broken he can make it better than it ever has been but friends I want to challenge you give your life to Jesus because you are complete in Him Let us pray Heavenly Father we are so thankful for your word we are not deserving of you we are sinners we are the bride who ran around doing all kinds of foolishness all kinds of sin and you were the spotless husband the one who was altogether lovely and yet you saw us in our filth and in our ugliness and yet you pursued us Father I pray that we would stop running from you if we happened to be running to someone here to day who has been running for you from you they've been as Adam covering themselves with a fig leaf because they're afraid to be in your presence may we realize that all things are open before the eyes of him who see Athol things that you see all our darkness all our filthy rags and you love us anyway. Father may we allow you to put that role of righteousness upon us and we turn from our sins and walk in the light of life with our beautiful Savior Jesus Christ feeling a purity as if we had never sinned and father may we walk with you day by day and be your precious wife that you so long to be with and may we be ready when you come back I pray in the name of Jesus. This media was brought to you by audio 1st a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse or if you would like to listen to more service leader visit w w w audio verse or.


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