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God Invented Sex Part 2: Someone I Love is Gay

Nicole Parker

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Nicole Parker

Wife, mother, and Biblical counselor

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  • October 16, 2010
    3:00 PM
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s important topic because we know that you love homosexuals he just liked how he can best reach out ministers serve our fellow men open hearts to your word into your great Jesus name we pray he alright is gay because that was the title that first came to my line and it just seemed right but it was always that way for me I member the first time I ever heard about homosexuality I was a little kid and I thought something on TV about two people who were getting married that were things that went out with that peculiar but I guess that's what they want okay anyway but it wasn't really a topic that interested me it wasn't important to me until one day when one of my friends that down and talk with me and he said you know about me right method I know almost everything about you gleaming out of the bed you know I'm gay and I said no I didn't know that he said yeah he said I've been praying for years forgot to take this away from me but he garments he well I don't know why not at that moment homosexuality changed for me because at a face in the battle of you still love they each he's like a brother to me and he's still living a lifestyle that he knows God doesn't want to live but we stay in touch and I know that God is working in his life I see it God loves homosexuals and true Christians true followers of God would love to I want you to know how important that is because there's so many people in the world that don't and the media paints out says Christian had homophone who hold a five Van God hates gays and works that is not what Christianity is about how we have to show people that when my friend to me that I didn't know what to say to him and I told them the first thing that came to my mind I said if that's your problem my problem to I have no idea why God has allowed you to have sexual feelings I have no idea why he hasn't taken it away from you but as long as this is your struggle it will be my struggle we will go through this together we'll figure out why this has happened to you and how God can set you free that's when I told my friend is not my commitments still to understand so I've researched this tremendously and I know there are people who see things very passionately on different five that lots of time talking with people on both sides of the fence but I see clearly from research from client that what the world tell you is not necessarily true there's another side to the story and that's why we need to say something we need to show that Christians do not have to say God hates gays in order to stand up for truth and stand up for why the Bible says what is that why it doesn't matter sooner or later someone you know and love will need to come out to you that the first reason why it needs to matter to you that's why it mattered to me this week as the young Monday was national coming out Day one of my friends celebrated by coming out to me I never had any idea he never told me before this was a different friend this was you not many homosexual friends I probably have at least ten homosexual friends along the way here and there this friend had never told anyone no one in his family notes he told me this week why because he knows I'm a Safeway he knows that a person who will love him and accept him and together we'll work through figuring out what that the roomie Arnie got a long way in just a short conversation and anyone was going on he shared with me that the things that happen in his childhood how he longed for love from his father you have the keys are turning in the lock you can find his way out last year I had in the southern share with me she was struggling she had come here wonderful girl passion to follow God 's spiritual leadership here on the outside everything looked perfect straight and everything is great but her life her relationship with God had started to fall apart at the relationship with González heart she got into what the world call the codependent relationship with another girl we call it an idolatrous relationship according to the Bible and idolatrous relationship had become sexual she came to me because she was a safe place you need to be a person who is known as the Safeway because there are people in your life you don't know about her need to be able to talk if not ten percent of the population of the Kinsey report says that was based on studying in prison you know how many guys of your interview militia guys in prison but how many of you ever been involved in sexual activity with the same sex in the last few years well that's the only thing that's around neither perverted guy but it's not ten percent of the population maybe it's two percent of the population research shows probably one to three percent but that's also fluctuating because people change will get into that a little bit more but the thing is there are people in your life that you need to be able to be there for the girl that came to me from here in southern Alabama the Council was first spent some time in just a few hours we untangle what was going on in her heart lines the pain that she had been through in her life and how it had driven her to this she was able to reconnect with God and she said it was a much deeper relationship with God than she'd ever been able to have before because she has been able to allow him into the deep places in her life these areas that were hurting so much and through the tears and prayer journaling and understanding God 's love for her a new way for the first time she was delivered that homosexual hi Don for her that's not just a strange thing to happen to one person in a million their three men winning a sharing their testimonies this afternoon for you the play of how the Lord delivered them but there are many more many many more they just don't tell you because who wants to be labeled right nobody wants to have everybody look at you and all you were gay well when I get married you write but there are many people you need to know what to say when someone comes to you as their safe place you don't have to say what I said wow I don't know what that I don't know how it happened and why God had delivered you you can tell a little bit more there a lot of places you can go to and get much more information about the vehicle to share with you this afternoon will direct you to come in both places and maybe most of all you need a heart that is ready to Lebanon that you know it's easy to look like a safe person on the outside but it's another thing to have in accepting loving heart nevertheless it's very important all three of these things are very important you need to be a safe place when my friend Leslie told me that he was homosexual homosexuality have faith for me someone I love and suddenly when I heard jokes about homosexuality people making out the meaning you it wasn't so funny and more because I'm standing side-by-side with one who doesn't find it funny at all those remarks are standing to him waiting him they wanted me to you don't want to be a person who makes those remarks that stand other people that tell other people she's not a safe place he's not a safe place whoever I tell whenever I come out I will never be that person you need to be like Jesus a person who was a woman caught in adultery was brought to him she could say to him wow no man condemning Lord and know that the one who is getting in front of her the only one who really had a right to condemn whenever we want to be that kind of Christian number two it matters in Intel because the meeting of homosexuality epic struggle to attack the veracity of the Bible by the Bible says that homosexual behavior is sinful but we now know from my aunt that it in born there born that way they can't change and therefore right I love how the media will tell you something long enough and loud enough until you finally believe it even when there's no scientific basis third the media paints Christianity and ball of hate bigotry and intolerance toward homosexuals and for the media that homosexuality cannot be changed this is why we need to know the facts this is why it's high time we talk about these issues Jeremiah two thirteen brings out this beautiful print online people are committed to evil they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters and Huguenot cisterns broken systems that hold no water this principle shows that whatever is going on in your life however painful it may be you can trace things back to spin their to redfin out of which prevents grow first of all we forsake the fountain of living waters and secondly we heal our broken cisterns that can hold no water that means you don't have to attack billions of different things in your life you can attack into written and watched the phrase been withering up in your life that is need of direct fault is struggling to blunt some time I thought that the freest with Kathy to root for staking him and fleeing to broken cistern this is the same problem it's not just a thin problem for homosexual the present problem for heterosexual you may fail I'm not homosexual never felt that way it doesn't matter God has promised to set us free by helping us to hit these two secret bid into the heart we forsake the fountain of living water what happened often when people come to thought there on fire I'm in a learn all I can make lots of friends on a stay close to God all of that I really late at night as they start going up really late at night they find it hard to get up in the morning and spend time with God even as they tried just didn't like it doesn't go into their dull brain and then the next thing you know never thinking that suddenly feeling I should be spending more time with God but I'm not that I'm doing okay looking for your comment I think that we often ended up with a handful of those things really spiritual it is only happy ten minutes every now and then with God but we first think that since we starts lead to broken blister that the subconscious thing there's nothing wrong with getting good grades but there's something wrong with getting good grades in order to feel good about yourself because God doesn't want you to fill good about yourself because you got a great he wants you to know that you are priceless in the light of the costs regardless of your grade and besides your priceless and went across you will speak excellent you will do your best not for your own glories make you feel good about yourself but because you want to glorify God right there it's very tricky when we forsake the ten we become thirsty a broken cistern can be anything but the bottom line if it doesn't satisfy for long the broken cisterns seem like something I wanted to feel so much better but they dry up last session we talked about sex and how it's often a broken system that people go to to make them feel better if I feel attractive enough I wear a new outfit it makes me feel really good I walked out confident today right somebody that I like flirts with me I feel even more confident today I got my tranny cafeteria floor my confidence evaporates right to want to be trapped in this kind of life we flee to the broken cistern because with her sake and the fountain of living water and as we go back and drink deeply from the fountain of living water were no longer desperate to find people that information or things that make us feel good about ourselves we're all like sponges thirsty we want someone to satisfy hi we can break out of that natural fight help homosexual heterosexual it all the same thing we need of living water otherwise we're like a dry personality dry desert we conveniently forgotten the distancing I needed with God but while I'm here I know I could just again and a little bit I'll get a drink to get something there and it will give me the strength to go on to God that we go to food or movies or music instead of opening our Bible we have our cell phone would find something to make us feel good right now and will get to God but the longer we wait the farther away the oasis seem this is a classic symptom of having that cycle going on in our lives right because we first taken the fountain we heal our broken cisterns and the broken cisterns cling to desperately a lot farther we feel from Christ the more desperately we cleaned broken sister that is what happened with homosexuality and tricky because homosexuality is very powerfully addictive because God has created the longing for sex it's not evil it's not bad any more than your longing for fitter water is bad and how it's used that makes it into something evil when you start eating for the purpose of life because you want to eat the food even though you know it's not good for you even though you know you're being far more than you should that's when they become the problem right the media says that homosexuality is predetermined at birth and is a genetically determined condition and that homosexuality is unchangeable they'll say all we now know from science this is the way it but that's not what the Bible says it wouldn't matter if a person was born with a genetic predisposition towards maybe falling into homosexuals then I'm born with a genetic disposition toward falling into heterosexual thin on him the person may fall into all kind of thin and young I was born with a bad temper with any advocate for me I can't know means that I went need extra help from God but I happen to believe the homosexuality and being a free event and come from a written and I think that's what the Scripture says and as we find our nourishment in Christ to give us the power to deal with the Ritz in that lead us to have homosexual tendencies the media says sexual orientation is determined before birth and I cannot change if the person who previously had homosexual feelings begin having sexual feelings they were never truly homosexual I have this person I was talking to a woman who is a champion for weird we just have to be compassionate because this is the way God made them all we have to accept it and just encourage them to have some young monogamous same-sex relationship with another person wonderful I said that that sounds really nice very compassionate but what about people who change to survive never knowing any person who is truly homosexual who change to become heterosexual unlike what about the guy that we were just hanging out with this weekend he was told to himself his testimony that he is no longer homosexual he been married for like fifteen years you know twenty years ago he was very actively involved in homosexual lifestyle and was for sixteen years of his life and even always since he was four or five years old he had powerful homosexual feelings but he's not truly homosexual can you see what's wrong with that he's not really a homosexual because he was able to change and become a heterosexual she now says that he was a homosexual he was just a heterosexual and homosexual feelings Peavy fill in the media tells you know homosexuals cannot change and then everything would be found upon the people that they are used to be homosexual I'm not anymore them on the window why the temperature homosexual can never change right he was wrong with homosexual changes their testimony is therefore null and void I don't never hear .com no matter how many times that my friend might hear what was done in a testimonial elegant Hellespont the NN .com to get what they wanted however many we get so much negative publicity from that boycott from here and there is the politics is definitely not going to help the case of those who are trying to show that the Bible that will affect behavior sent is an environmental or is it hereditary wealth it very interesting and compelling I think that despite the most energetic efforts by thousands of determined scientists and well-funded studies and believe me the homosexual lobby has tremendous amount of money no solid evidence for genetic predisposition to predisposition to homosexuality has been pronounced nine if that is a thin dime they can uplift while it then concludes therefore it seems that there may be something they'll have one study that they all leap onto no yes that must prove something in the proof of that happened with just a little blip in fact Bailey and Pillard 's twin studies these new guys studying twins who were genetically identical identical twins and found you how many of them were both homosexual even if they been raised in separate homes you know where they both homosexual and a not one of the study found that it seemed like they were slightly higher concordance between those were identical twins you know as it is one of homosexual the other one was to but a lot of the time most of the time they were not limited a second twin study in Australia it just negated that well you know what basically no it's not genetic but what they prove for sure even though the homosexual lobby will use that to us that study as they see it don't show that it's genetic now it doesn't actually what it does show is that it was certainly not a hundred percent genetic if if it were something genetic you're born with it if it's in your DNA than two people have the same DNA are both always going to be homosexual even any immediate how you got those values Bailey and tell her studies to say while you know it seemed like the only like the first one actually think Brady show that there was a little more concordant but the second nearly zero homosexual concordance between identical twins so while there is evidence that there could be some hereditary tendency and definite that there has to be something more than heredity in other words you're not born homosexual or if you are not everybody who was homosexual was born homosexual one of clients really say Dean Hammer who is the researcher who published engaging but at the very popular study because they were trying to find a gene that seems to say that you know this family you can see homosexuality runs all the way through the family but he admitted the pedigree failed to produce what we originally hoped to find we never found a single family in which homosexuality was distributed in the in the obvious pattern that Mendel observed in other words we were very disappointed because we got a lot of money for the homosexual lobby and we could have really made it big if only we found what we wanted to find but we did what have researchers found on Irving Bieber was an American psychoanalyst he spent hundreds and hundreds of hours of many thousands of hours counseling homosexuals and heroes in my long experience I have not found a single case where in the developing years of father had a kind affectionate and constructive relationship with the fund becomes homosexual this has been unvarying finding a consistent history of unremitting fear of and hostility to other mail throughout childhood has led me to conclude that male homosexuality is basically an adaptation to a disorder of a man's relationship with other men now that would really make some people angry to reading you can be sure that Irving Bieber studies are extremely unpopular by the sea he had compelling evidence he found him me many times that people could change and then change and for consistent that wasn't just okay I can start feeling heterosexual for a while that come back inventive therapeutic results of our study provide reason for an optimistic outlook many homosexuals became ex- lucidly heterosexual and psychoanalytic treatment although this change may be more easily accomplished by fun than others a heterosexual shift of a possibility for all homosexuals were strongly motivated to change Irving Bieber died I think in nineteen ninety one that was before the strong homosexuality thirds came on the market you want to call it that now but in nineteen seventy three there is a tremendous shift because the APA the American psychiatric Association changed their definition of homosexuality for they would no longer considered a disorder in other words if it doesn't make you uncomfortable it's fine their money and other things that don't make people uncomfortable but that are considered to be fine but that's okay and everything to bother the APA because they are not trying to their non- not particularly a scientific organization anyway the budget people to get together and their club and they leave over this not exactly the way that medical science goes but anyway what is really saying no studies prove conclusively that homosexuality is inborn if such proof existed it would be given worldwide publicity and the ongoing argument would end that's when the book coming out of homosexuality new freedom for men and women which is an excellent resource by the way if you or someone you know is struggling with same-sex attraction has excellent step-by-step guide for how to break the cycle is an unchangeable we're going to be listening to three men testify to you that it's not unchangeable but I thought I would read this from Doctor Rubin find a director for the New York Center for psychoanalytic training I had occasion to review the results of psychotherapy with homosexual than had been surprised by the findings if the patient were motivated whatever procedures adopted in other words not even Christian net that but they were all kind of method being used whatever procedures adopted a large percentage will give up their homosexuality in this connection public information is of the greatest importance the misinformation spread by certain circles that homosexuality is untreatable by psychotherapy does incalculable harm to thousands of men and women I know so many people who are well-meaning in their efforts to say no don't believe homosexuals and instead accept all homosexuality as just an alternative way to let it find it normal to feel and make them feel like their way of living in substandard because of either the suicide I personally believe that far more are driven to suicide by those who think homosexuality is genetic and unchangeable if you're born that way you'll never ever be able to change and people who work for desperately to change I told that they cannot fix researchers Masters and Johnson were not Christians by any stretch of the imagination report the success rate of eighty one days desiring reorientation after six your follow-up to be seventy one six percent at six years other studies that may be thirty percent maybe seventy percent but there's a huge number of the change the major challenge in treating homosexuality from the point of view of the patient's resistance has of course been the misconception that the disorder is in eight or inborn I Doctor Charles Accardi attempted to cut Christopher Fetzer the outer Einstein College of medicine in New York City for those are interested in doing further research on I would recommend you go to North .com that the national Association for the research and therapy of homosexuality they have excellent our college is not a scientific research and the latest findings in all kind of areas not good not an anti- gay movement is not even a religious organization defined in the organization that people who want to change for being homosexuals have a right to know that there are options and it had a right to be able to be helped by caring professional if that is a virus is not their desire more power to them we're not going to try to force anything down their throats were just saying for those who want to change know that if not impossibility is also Exodus global alliance .org which is a religious organization and they had a tremendous amount of material including many testimonies of people that left homosexuality and a network of ministries all over America over the world and also sexual identity institute .org marks your house and server which university is it that they work with any web that have a lot of great information and compassionate approach if someone comes to you and said I'm struggling with same-sex attraction don't tell them all man that's terrible wish you could be helped you have the resources you can point to that will help them to deal with whatever it is that they're struggling with three of my friend share that testimony sticking out Don Smith is my friend is going to come up here first I had done enough I am so proud of my friends who have the courage to stand up here and share when I was when I was sharing for the first time that I had been sexually abused I felt like I was standing at naked incredible audience it was so tremendously difficult for months beforehand I battled every night what I can't do that I can do all things in Christ to strengthen board I can't do that but he he gave me the strength of my friends they're going to be able to share with you and you know I would say that the three different stories someone told me once that homosexuality is like the journeys of homosexuality is like going to count there a lot of ways to get to California not a lot of places to be in California so that every different journeys and how they came to be homosexual and how the Lord led out of that situation and I'm sure you're going to be blessed by their stories below real boon in him my name is is Don Smith is just hard I was I was born at an early age and Bradley Memorial Hospital in your my mama but I was I was born just up the road here my parents were going to work the college at the time and they were they were looking that they wanted to have children my mother could not have any children and when for the church and had pastor praying and me and five brothers and sisters later God God is a great God any brings about great things for us then and you would think that you know if your parents couldn't have children and God blessed you with children that the children that he's blessed you win he would cherish with with great honor but that was not the case a few years after after my birth by the time I was about three or four years old my father began to sexually molest me I had a recurring memory all of my life of him bathing me I had no idea what that was all about but it was a recurring returning memories and and listen until much later that I found out what this was all about now I was raised mostly in New England for a liberal part of the country but still is a very difficult thing to to be looking to be facing this particular issue I don't know you know who may be in this room today that may be dealing with this if you know someone who's dealing with this this is not an issue that you come to the church and just begin to tell him I just wanted to I just want to go through a couple of a couple of phases that are that I can went through as a child as no psychologist outlasts counselors would tell us that when trauma happens your mind has a way of blocking that putting in a different pigeonhole somewhere so that you don't have to do with it you can live your life most of my life up until the age of fourteen I thought that I was pretty normal I rode bikes I built luxury sports I played with other guys I must let down hills with him in my toboggan I know I'd I have a dog and we were no one would run around all over the place and then I thought that I was normal but I wasn't there was there was something that had there had been a boundary broken by my father and my mother knew about it but didn't do anything about it and I I I remember as as a young kid three four years old waking up in the middle of the night 's dreaming because I couldn't open my eyes because I had gone to sleep crying in the sleep you know it I couldn't open my eyes and then and she would pick the offense bring me into the kitchen and clean that my eyes so my was elected C and and I would ask her the question why does he do this to me and her response is we just want to be a clean little boy she had no idea what I was satiate she and she and completely blocked it out of what of what was happening I can't say whether my brothers or sisters ever talked about this is not been until recently but I even told them what my issue was but I remember going to there in the summertime being with a friend of mine and that we were doing this my first encounter as a teenager with another guy and my mother walked in on us and Mike my story was well aware just change enforcement from Scoble and she bought that it's amazing what people will buy when they want to my father my father 's first inclination to talk to me about sex was came into my room and sit whenever you have sex with a girl your forever married her in God 's eyes so watch so in my eyes then okay I can have sex with a girl so yes I can have sex with a guy 's got been saving about that go to my father so the mind gets set up your site your psyche gets set up for these kinds of things the boundary and Artie been broken the words have been spoken and you just you just have to wonder about stuff now when I turned seventeen I know what my family moved to a South Carolina I figured man I'm out of my old neighborhood amount of my all these guys that I have been with us throughout my teenage years and then a mood disorder moving to South Carolina I get a clean start so no more particularly blunt hit and no more masturbation no more worries about seeing pornographic films because the guys that were with you know that was just a normal thing and I thought this is this is awesome this is great I I attended church I was a Sunday school teacher but that lasted about a month I think it will maybe if I got a girlfriend that would help me I got to get a girlfriend yeah I can I can do that I mean you know I wasn't that bad looking so I figure while I'll go get a girlfriend but you know it was just it was just the thing to do and the thing that I began to do is is is as the girls I dated anyway the girls and I was when I talked about the guys that they were really previously and I begin this to to fantasize about about that so I did nothing nothing was working for me I I just hide I went to the college went to a Christian college in North Carolina and I figure while this is the place I can get everything done and accomplished and write down the street not a mile away was a gay bar so you know what my radar took me that's where I went and I was always singing in the in the corral I was traveling with the ministry was doing all these things that but there was still a void I didn't understand why was feeling the way a student because I didn't know until I'm forty years old what it happened to me what the real truth of what was taking place I thought that I was a strange and weird something must be wrong with me I'm not to pray and I got to class and I got to read the Bible these are the things that I got to do I couldn't do anything only by the blood of Christ and only by the gospel and only by the revelation of the truth consists good can I come to grips with this and then allow the blood of Christ to read deem me completely to redeem me so that I can see what was happening so I could follow after him then I i.e. I'm was twenty two years old met my wife and I sorry I was playing to Kennewick church and she comes into the into the church and I'm certain and from the church plan appeared when she walks in myeloid there she is Miss America I will sure I found it she is the cure and somehow someway between me and my dog ran all night long she consented to marry me and at the time she was she was dating black football players with hair and everything was just simply amazing but you know I I thought that I thought that I'd found my cure this minute the photographer took a picture of us as we're leaving you know that the sanctuary walking down the aisle in everybody the same this pictures is what is that look on your face I tell you what that look is success I unsealed on the whole and helping I was completely distinct completely distinct we took a church we went we went to a church as a youth minister and daycare director in Washington DC that's not a good place to go when you're dealing with this and I found those adult bookstores I found I didn't understand what I found those old machines we put quarters in I just did all of those things I did all those things on the minister of the gospel I'm married I got the most beautiful wife in the world and I'm going to a pink show with twenty five cents in my pocket put it in the machine what's the deal video is the blood got to be applied to be applied I I went to camp meetings and conferences and I went to the front I asked I asked the ministers pray for me I never told him what was can't do that because admitted that no more ministry snug and had to get this in most churches this is the unforgivable sin it is as a matter fact I am no longer in ordained minister in that particular organization because of this and I'll never be able to be more and an ordained minister in that organization because I confess to dealing with this does not work the way it ought to be but anyway that we are protime is progressing I might we had three daughters by God to bless us with Ray the most beautiful dog I thank God for them they're great time and break-ins but not the Internet came along and it was a URL right here in America that that I use quite frequently and in and I know I know that I sound like something that you probably are not in and I hope you're not but I allowed this thing to take me down a path that almost completely and utterly destroyed I should I should read that from Ace I should be but I'm not nicely on the God that I'd I went down that road I went down that path and in I went through your all kinds of things but ultimately I came to a place where I found in counseling and prayer that I was able to come to the realization of who Christ is in my life and prove that I begin to understand that I am the image of God in Christ Jesus and I have been free from this lifestyle for the past ten years and I am counseling other man in and in some some women but mostly men two two come from this come out of this that it is possible to find deliverance from this if you will submit yourself to someone who will lead you to the cross who you feel you'll submit yourself to this God has the power to do this I do have my ministry I am on a brochure and I have some newsletters if you like that to get some information we do have her website and and what I do counseling that kind of thing but anyway I just that's where I yes I located the ministry that my wife and I have found it is called heart set for a heart century even violated hearts of three Lord I is him and him to her and to thank you for breaking the ice makes a low easier for me and for your site I wrote it down so would be appearing on when it is Mike and I my story is much different from Don's on Emily 's side for what Don went through with his father and it almost seems that it's exactly polarized for me I did have a relationship with my father much all I want to start off with Exodus twenty verse five visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation I believe that homosexual sex in the sexualities both hereditary and environmental my spirits it involves sexual sin on both sides my mother was molested by her father her mother was raped by her stepfather and my grandmother my great-grandmother was actually on a prostitute during the depression and then on my dads side my dad was a philanderer married four times usually had an affair before he leaves in his last wife and I shared my great grandfather on his side also died in jails from shooting and killing and so we have anger issues also but my dad was macho Navy for ten years he was a cop a patrolman in a probation officer a car salesman a musician he was critical absent and moody my mom is broken and somewhat self-absorbed Reichel but my mom is broken and somewhat self-absorbed I have three sisters and by the time I was ten I knew that it wasn't like other boys and I wish that I was a girl I played with girl things I preferred the things the girls played with and voice to me were too rough it was a ministry rejected that because I also reject my father as my I will role model so my gender sampling was really after the feminine at school is called Sissy Fagg clear and maybe they know something that I didn't because at that early age I didn't know that that that's what I was it was an essential thing for me but I knew that I was different my first introduction to pornography was at ten years old when my dad moved out my mom gave me my dad 's Playboy magazines puberty brought out the unresolved gender issues with attractions towards sex towards the sex which for me was the mystery at thirteen masturbation and same-sex attraction became an addiction emplacements in my forties church shouldn't have the answers or maybe they just didn't care but it's almost wanted already had my first encounter in Academy and I went to an elder after I was at a school in the church to as an attempt to see if there was any redemptions for the state feelings that I was having I told it was about girls and he said something prerogative about women and a termite back on the church and God and felt that the only solution to my confusion was to forget about religion and embrace with the world said to me was normal and my God-given right twenty years of living the gay lifestyle strata myself with people who are accepting of my identity which was far too easy and my family was always nice to my boyfriends the first one expose me to things like adult bookstores that clouds group sex pornography sadomasochism going deeper and deeper in the world embrace me as I was starving for male love and acceptance proverbs twenty seven seven says the person who just a honey 's undesirable but to the starving every bitter thing is sweet I fulfill the ultimate dream of the day life I became a hairdresser and taught aerobics the gym became the ultimate indulgence of my sexual addiction the Internet allowed me to hook up with someone within fifteen minutes for I lived in a non- gay neighborhood and was within a couple miles of several gay bars I think the men in traffic in stores at work and on planes the more risky the behavior the more it heightened the fix and fueled the drive I was always on the hind and was never faithful in any long-term relationship each intoxicating encounter on the less the need for more now is never satisfied Genesis six five says every imaginations of the thoughts of his heart were evil continually as a successful hairdresser I thought it was living the American dream I mean her boyfriend big arms big blue eyes living the party scene with influential friends that accepted me and embrace me into the culture that the world says is normal how does God read someone like me I had two sisters added in praying for me for years next thing I know I'm sitting in a church where my ex- brother-in-law is getting remarried to my sister this is the last thing that I wanted to see and the last place I wanted to be after she had an affair with my and my sister left her they do their getting remarried the next day as he came into the water to be baptized guiltily confess to the church and ask their forgiveness and said that he wanted to make it right with God that day before he may write to my sister the next from that moment on I was never the same within three months I was baptized and still in a relationship with my boyfriend my sister standing outside the church asked me the night before my baptism I was going to do about it now I said is all I know is in day this is who I am and all I know is that Jesus loves me she stopped and supported me and was right beside me as a began my journey with Christ as I read the Bible my boyfriend and I spoke to the gay pastor I believe the Holy Spirit gave me discernment when the pastor gave us her understanding of the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah but was really just the Senate in hospitality praise God I didn't buy it I only knew that I was gay from a very young age in my prayers I told the Lord that if you wanted me out of that lifestyle Houston has to do it himself I was digging in my heels and I was hoping that my boyfriend would discover the love of Jesus with me the Lord takes us at his word and he removed the boyfriend it was a very tough couple of months but Jesus was there for me and I could feel him as I fear that I would live alone for ever not be able to experience love again then why did he give me these feelings if he says it on an abomination and if it's wrong and how can I change I tried that prayed bagged and nothing ever happened then he started to nurturing friendships in the church who were searching for the same restoration and watched testimonies from others who have left this lifestyle and as I read ministry of healing it started to jump off the pages that was meant for something more and beyond anything that I had ever imagined or thought was attainable first page of Ministry of healing it says it was his mission to bring to men complete restoration he came to give them health and peace and perfection of character from him Florida stream of human power and in body and mind and soul men were made whole there was no bang in my experience no one over my head and linger straight each layer had to be addressed everyone had to be reopened and cleaned and bandaged and healed and this time many times I had to confess that I wanted the old ways more than I wanted him many times in the midst of dark agony experiencing the loneliness of my life without a savior he drew me back declared in his again searching for authenticity and church looking for guidance and accepted at the acceptance at the risk of exposure finding nothing or judgment and Richard from the body members this year they came forward to me where the oasis in a desert a perfect Christians too fearful to be associated with someone too close to the edge dealing with the rejection of my father as my gender role model establishing healthy intimacy with men and inappropriate way claiming the merits of Christ and giving him authority over my established patterns of self abuse and cultivated sexual addiction and attractions he respected my choices and showed me patience long-suffering kindness he never pushed he did it at a pace I could handle over the course of seven years I had experienced the growth of my relationship with Christ I got that I could see myself in heaven with Jesus but not God the father I read is it for the very first time John fourteen nine he that hath seen me hath seen the father and not until then had the fullness of that statement become an introduction to who my real father was to his real nature and the character of the God that I thought had all but rejected me and cut me off as I was in prayer one day this image came into my head I want to share it I was in the top I was sick I was so delirious that I couldn't hold myself up in the water I couldn't respond and I was helpless to break the fever of my sin on one side was my savior Jesus and quietly and patiently he was washing my helpless form in that time he gently was washing away my sin and dutifully standing right beside me as the image in my mind open I could see that there was someone on the other side of that time as I strained to see who it was I moved in and saw that it was God my father holding me up in that water and for the first time I could see that he was a hands-on father who had been with me from the beginning I now knew that I had never really known him except as I knew his some after seven years as a Christian I was finally introduced to the compassion of God as I tried to bridge the cavern between my own father and me with little success a few months after the revelation of God my dad died of a massive heart attack but no longer did I need his approval or acceptance but now I saw him with pity and hope that he'd made the same connection with God to I could forgive him for what he couldn't give me and was free to experience new feelings in a legitimate way and to live without the vices that had imprisoned me for most of my life I am truly walking with credibility but I never known before John eight thirty six as if the son therefore shall make you free ye shall be free indeed in closing I like the clothes from off another man who left homosexuality who am Justin credible witness but this seems to sum it up why am I not a Buddhist why am I not a Marxist why would I give up my boyfriend why would I crucify my flesh why would I swim against the tide of popular culture telling me I'm wrong why would I walk into church culture they would look at me like a freight from Mars there is only one answer my eyes were opened to God peace seems to be theoretical he was no longer a philosophical point of view he was real and though I couldn't touch of tangibly I could feel him tangibly affect me thank you for letting him to him and he him him or not many are real and right now and you praise the Lord can you hear me not to be cute but known in my start start getting worried when I see a bald head is an unstable and nine and I see Mike and it makes me nervous as well I'm forty years old now and my hair is falling out and so is my Lord Amanda to be bald and my wife says now now now it's amazing how mainly are for me anyway I really have a short testimony I was just praying and asking God what he wanted me to share in really I felt a sense that I needed to do to share the point of my conversion I have a long testimony I have it available if you would like to have it and unsettled first month so happy to see two people so brave given their testimonies have never met you but I like to get to know you first of all seventeen years ago I surrendered my life to Christ seventeen years ago there is a scripture and I don't carry a Bible much anymore I carry my phone with my scriptures with her Scripture second Corinthians five seventeen and says noting that in the Lord uses Scripture to really minister to me to know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God do not be deceived neither fornicators idolaters adulterers effeminate or abusers of themselves with mankind homosexuals nor thieves covetous drunkards nor of Eilers exhort extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God will we all fitness categories while window liars that drunkards we all fit we often find a category to fit into any says that we shall not inherit the kingdom of God if we are living these lifestyles but the thing that brought me hope was Scripture after that and it says and such were some of you but you are washed in your sanctified and are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and I'm a big word person I want to see it in the word out to stand on the word years ago when I was coming out of the lifestyle about two years to really find a solid foundation of self-discovery and I took about two years for me to really be secure in my identity with God 's fell back and forth in sin and our sin when the church on the weekends and the net following we cannot be to have a boyfriend it was so difficult actually my first boyfriend was a minister and I would sit in church with him while he preached that didn't last too long of the elders discovered what was going on there asked me to leave but it's amazing the calling that the bone all of our lives the calling of God that is without repentance and so God knew that there was a purpose for me coming out of homosexuality it wasn't a lifestyle that was looked upon as being horrible my mother totally accepted the lifestyle she was more than willing to go to the nightclubs with me my dad I never knew until last fourteen years old and spent almost thirty years of spoken with him but seventeen years of coming out of the lifestyle two years of really finding secure the foundation of of finding freedom free and people want to know what freedom looks like freedom for me is when I'm not consumed on a daily basis with thoughts desires of homosexuality when I can actually walk into a rain and not less over a man now whenever I see someone may be that that would be attractive to me I would think immediately this man is made in God 's image and it really takes the chewing a different focus instead of lasting you really realize God saying this man is made in my image so that the favorite Scripture of mine years ago I was given several scriptures that stood out literally I would write them down in the new machine you have go figure but I was young and I don't fire for the Lord of the transformation I was a process I hear Don and I hear my it was a process of self-discovery flooring the woundedness of your childhood I have a ministry Joseph's coat ministries and we've been started the ministry because there was no other resource available that I knew of in chat and other so for fifteen years we've been ministering to those struggling with homosexuality and in saying that I am touched knowing that there is complete freedom and with the name Josephs coat there was a Scripture that touched me on not having my father in my life wanting him desiring on per Jamon of my life wondering what is wrong with me why did he reject me and taking that in internalizing it causes a child you don't know how to process that information and my mother was not emotionally capable of explaining anything she struggled with depression and six marriages and when she wasn't married she had a boyfriend and she always put them above their her own kids so me wondering for so long what what was wrong with me that my dad rejected me so come to find out at fourteen Midtown live with him for short period of time it was a terrible time in my life he said he told me that I was not his son that my mother had in affairs in and that he didn't believe I was his child so after about a year I decided to go home to come home where I immediately went into the JR style I've suffered the rejection for the second time for my father and really probably trusted God as a child but I'd strayed away from God and a new in my heart I felt in my heart that homosexuality was standing but I wasn't able to live that out was unable to live that out so I chose to walk into the lifestyle I stayed there for twelve years I had no problem having boyfriends I had a good time everything was going okay until alcohol and drugs and all those things that I spelling to become addicted to trying to cover-up the pain medicating front cover up the pain of my childhood and sexual abuse is she's covered here today but but when God called me to be free I had no idea what I would be faced with what that process look like it always said to me was trust me if you trust me I'll set you free and that was the promise that I had it and as a stated it took a couple of years to get on the firm foundation and now Ben Avalos offer fifteen years I have a lot of friends to have gone back to the lifestyle unfortunately I'm so glad to see Nicole T Cheung gay theology not a theology but the science behind the theories I don't do seminars anymore and I'm so happy to see someone else picking up that mantle and in teaching people because they need to know these deceptive their deceptive and they're not true so I'm proud of that proud of you for that finding the courage it's been free in free for all those years I'm now married it was it oh wow that's my life it was one of those situations where a lady came in to volunteer in the ministry I was at a place in my life that I walked in substantial amount healing for problem I think five years before I met my wife had no desire to be married I know desire to be with a woman but that last year before I met my wife started having these desires I started having these desires a more lustful desires they were desirous to have a companion it was a desire to have children and was just that really that last year and people the Council there fearful that how can I be attracted to a woman but that's not the power to we should power ties ours our lives by saying I need to get to know who Jesus Christ is a need to get to know who Jesus Christ is the need to see what my images in him not don't worry about your future don't worry about whether or not got stuck on you into marriage and when you don't worry about it the pressures off and you can walk in a hundred people marked in the healing path of understanding who you really are in Christ Jesus that's really what set me free with understanding that I had an identity it wasn't what the world said that it was and what God said pieces we are the apple of design and that my mind interviews and him not my father not my mother not my gay friends but my dignity was in him and so when I met my wife she volunteered the attraction was sort of their but I didn't want to make business with pleasure but what turned into a volunteer relationship turned into dating we dated and that we only day for three months without married after three months we were in our thirties we sowed our wild oats we knew what we wanted and so we grabbed opportunity but we did get married after it after three months and I would not advise that has a stake in probably six years of really a difficult marriage to walk into a place where God really has us walking is one so I would always advise you never know a person to live with them and are more those as well I'm very good come live with him so we've been married eight years we had two children have a son in his veins as sure he was four years old and have a daughter Amber Rose she's six and they are the most are the jewels in the crown and God has given me these rewards because he promised that he would bring total risk restoration in my life and I with my wife and I look at my children and I realize that that is restoration that is restoration and wanted share another Scripture with you that really ministered to me and it was such a great dance five seventeen says therefore if any man be in Christ he is a new creature old things have passed away and behold all things are become new and that was really a Scripture that I had hold on to and believe for myself part of my identity that God is not judging me for my feelings the only judges me for my behavior understanding that I had a choice to act out homosexually or heterosexually have a choice and when much is known much is required and when you learn more and more about God and what he expects from us then we are expected to adhere to his perfect will yes I'm finished and him saying his last field all the three testimonies that three men he chose not to make heterosexuality and gold the holding role in a healthy developer everything the one media was brought by bodybuilders the website dedicated to spreading God 's word through reading sermon audio and much more you would like to know more about our universe the more certain that the visit www. 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