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Called by Name

Clifford Goldstein

Presenter

Clifford Goldstein

Editor of the Adult Sabbath School Ministries Quarterly

Conference

Recorded

  • December 30, 2010
    2:00 PM
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him him him this message was present and she Y C two thousand ten no turning back on Baltimore Maryland brother resources like this visit us online GUI scene led to bother you thank you for being here I in my life your spirit we hear whatever anybody needs to take away from stalk sterling trust upon the changes needed the speed as I give this to help me to never forget how you in Jesus name even though I was raised in our Jewish home I was raised in a very secular very secular Jewish environment and was really many ways very postmodern we might not even call at your word is thrown around a lot and it's not necessarily all bad postmodernism but I'm on you but the essence of how I was raised in what I was hot was that there is no absolute truth there's no old work are cheating shrew you could believe what you want to match your truth you could believe what you want and that's chores and it didn't matter if watching me they were in contradiction to each other because there was no sort of overarching transcended as you can stand an open shot I mean truth was relative truth was called to help truth was based on your community there was general you heard what my earlier talks about morality where morality came from it was truth justice human construct it wasn't any kind of overarching kind of thing at all and I wanted that I believed it except that it was counted adamant purveyor of that you know I was always at the same time someone of the seeker had an interest in philosophy young and I can remember I was about twenty one years old and I was sitting in a pizza Paller at the University of Florida in Gainesville and I was sent in this pizza and holler at me pizza and drink in mind saying or not happen this beverage am reading this philosophy of Spinoza I can't think of anybody who I absolutely disagree with this but every single thing the man said it would be Spinoza now but at the time he said something in that book that changed my life right and that pizza Paller just like that I mean anybody looking this was seen some guys marry the pizza but my life-changing and the essence of what he said was in order to live the most perfect life upon the earth needed to find out the reason why you were here and live your life according off for some reason those words sorted just went into my mind almost like a lobotomy a prefrontal lobe lobotomy just went right in all those neurons all those brain cells are at all where this relativism that I had been in a educated on and raised on accepted almost like I saw this ship and disappointment out at that moment it just hit me there was pizza sent on the table in front K and you can't take an thousand different people I think I have found soon different explanations of beliefs for how the pizza go there maybe I thought the God market creating the pizza they need I thought aliens came down and try often enough line in a flying saucer maybe they thought and evolved out of the ground there could've been a thousand different people with a thousand different views on set views that they would die for profusely maybe would kill for and maybe receiving will last one of those fumes were wrong about a million people with a million views and maybe every view was wrong but it will change the fact that there was the pizza sit on the table and software out there somewhere and out there in the universe there was an explanation for the pizza for help pizza got there why got there an explanation for the pizza whatever it was would have been the truth about the pizza even if nobody knew what that truth was just suddenly be verified to have been an explanation for the pizza another explanation was the truth about the beach it exists because the pizza was at that moment I just step back and suddenly realized it needed I exist there's a world here and there's a university at that moment it hit me just as there have to have been an explanation for the pizza Yum whatever the explanation was that was how the pizza got here I suddenly I that somewhere out there there has to be an explanation for the universe for life for human existence I mean there was something there in the same or something I was feeling the pizza something how do you explain the universe in existence and consciousness and the explanation whatever it was would be the truth don't ask what the T and it suddenly hit me at twenty one proof exists I think you might think yourself onto the twenty one to come to that Mickey Mouse couldn't hold to that but I'm telling you the way I was raised the way I was educated everything in my life worked against me comment that conclusion and I'll never forget me I just walked out of that pizza pop my life changed because it suddenly hit me that Sharon T how to exist and again it was just such a revelation to me I think that is while he naps just and and and for some reason thinks I can still remember this moment a rumor I was walking the streets with Gainesville Florida and it was dark and walk the streets of Gainesville and I felt to me I felt so strongly that the second store remember I felt this pain in my chest I wanted it so bad I remember thinking to myself if it was humanly possible because I realized this absolute certainty that I had at that moment the truth had been just know that there is something looks okay and that was the drug anime boom that was just as God is use a fancy word appendectomy that was just about us on convertible of the week of the truth you come to that gained a lot of I don't mean that I could know that you want to e-mail my sudden realization no question the truth had to exist to automatically mean that I could know what was my real life I can still remember I was twenty one walking through the streets I just felt the burning sensation is almost people think to myself if it were humanly possible as I said I realize it might not be I thought if I could know this truth I thought to myself I wanted to know I think here where it lived me what it cost me what I had to give up what I have a soft if I could know the truth I wanted to know what no matter what I can still remember that day and I wasn't thinking anything that we can just the sudden realization that truth have to exist just put the screaming I wanted to know it no matter at all I know all the different paths I could've gone on all the different ways I could go on in Gainesville Florida had everything I went through my marks stage for a while and any Google News and in the eastern thing for a little while and philosophical pain and bill of all the different ways I could have gone all the different path I could've gone all of them out there is an awful lot all I know is not three years later I ended up becoming a sentence they had and has remarkable for a lot of reasons it's a lie believe me you don't know a half million to get a five but if I find my life I growing up I knew one happiness my whole life I knew what I was used to smoke pot together and he's only never know we get line he witnessed me know this actually has a happy ending the article twenty five years later to get that happy ending we probably won't have the time to get into that way only one of his garage was used to get snow and everything to in my life there were two kinds of people I used to hate I used to hate Christians and I'm not kidding to my meeting I used that he failed to parents after I was selling to eating meat I realize I was so kind of I was so carnivorous that I would meet vegetarians and meat would be I wouldn't mind from your number one time I was in rationality this impression was a vegetarian I started mocking her and almost brought her to tears and I want to do is keep from state intervention and also so I was not my animosity go towards Christianity was a big people seem to go to my animosity towards vegetarians because even I wasn't raised in a religious home and I was raised very much aware that I was Jewish very much Jewish and I was very bitter their repair over all the persecution God in the name of Christ by churchwide professors don't church going people to choose through the centuries and even studied the history of what the other crusaders would roll it all the way through your burning Jewish towns and pillaging and no stealing from the Jews to go to Jerusalem they round up all the Jews put them in a synagogue and burn it to the ground wealthy Christian sang hymns to Jesus it on the Holocaust happened and all the Christian lands you know why I never heard anybody can take out of the church for murdering Jews and all the stuff done like a lot of people going to church in the Latin I was bitter I was bitter against Christianity mean really is hated Christians hated Jesus holds your in there used to be this hellfire and seven brimstone itinerant preacher named Chad small jet is the kind of University of Florida Gainesville not telling the story for years I once I'm gone you to show my kids here here's this guy hardly tell the story since you are trying to pierce the guy I used to harass and there's still do whatever there's no harassment on the college campus will usually get stand out there with this Bible start regional fire brimstone maybe a crowd of students in a circle around and I was never content to stand with students I used to get in the center of that circle I get on that guy 's heels and corruption curves Bible verses modern economic channel inside the damning to hell once again be a hell of thousand times each the slayers novel for me he was charismatic he put his hands I mean speak in tongues and Cat Stevens out of the research will be memorizing lines seen the movie yet subsist on at all and any and actually my friends I get this off my friends eventually nicknaming them how they would think you why when I was out there harassing this guy heckling the will this one on for a couple years until ultimately I graduated college this was the mid- nineteen seventies and mid-to-late nineteen seventies and I graduated college University of Florida Gainesville at that time of my life I had one goal in one goal lead from the time I was very young I knew I was Canadian novelist or I wasn't enough to me I sometimes agree to novels of days I got writers and editors house in my family my desk photograph my grandfather in a newspaper editor and my uncle I mentioned one of my other talked to well on this recently by nominating the national book award so on I got this in my family and I started a novel my senior year at college before long this novel consumed me all I cared about was writing my novel in the Ward might like into this book I want to get college done just get it out of the way just to get it out when you can really mean anything to me all that mattered to me was writing my novel and some of it century 's best novelist got thrown out of college you never graduated so but I just wanted to get on it all I wanted to do was work on my novel well I graduated college I worked on for about a year in college and I graduated and I went back home and I grew up in Miami Beach that's right grew up I still go and visit Miami designers traveling people asking where I'm from and I'd say Miami Beach was wanting success for people go to not come from but I went back on the Miami Beach and is therefore little while and I decided I wanted to go over Europe and work on the novel in Europe because from the time I was seventeen I had to my madness in the midst of all this woman around the graduate College from seventeen I went to Europe and north Africa when I was nineteen I'm bummed on my way around the world is going every year you don't just travel and I wanted to work on the novel overseas because part of my novel place it on this based on some of the places I was overseas I decide I want to go over Europe and work on the novel there I had a little bit of money left over so I I leave my fly in and hitchhiked around England just trying to get settled anywhere else count me as a long-term one point actually wound up in a Catholic monastery on an island off the coast of Wales and I was there about two days in the month will I cannot anymore tell you what I thought God and the hitchhiking around England and am not getting where I finally decided on the speed because I have been in Sweden earlier time overseas I spoke the language pretty fluently I haven't lost it after a couple years that is going to go to sleep so I hitchhiked to the English coast and attachable from England Holland well the whole time articulating when it rained on and if you get the Holland any rains more Holland and rains anyway I'm getting off the boat in Holland and walking down the gangplank and it's raining it's cold as I'm walking on the front there's a guy had any whose got back and on the backpack he's got sinensis griefs I suddenly had to start thinking him a warm peaches and so on and I'm going to sweeten so I want to organize a man religiously an evaluation agrees and he says yes question one seven so I was typing is better for me just like that I changed my mind I don't ten minutes later whatever I'm on the opposite side of the road I would've been if I was attracted to the suite and instead with this guy who started a hitchhike to Greece together well don't you guys in the rain with backpacks you're not getting anywhere were not get any worse I said it doesn't look nameless just went up maybe I'll see you in error whatever and I went on my own Dan I hitchhiked on my own by myself I hitchhike to Athens and after four long hard hot days I think I walked through communist Yugoslavia Anita versus Longhorn updates I finally got I got this was lain lain in the afternoon I was exhausted dehydrated in a whole spiel and I had a friend who lived in Athens I knew on college in the Senate it will come come visit me so I have the address I finally get this guy 's house in the middle of the city IMF I knocked on the door and this little old lady comes in and I safe in his pharmacy that was his name and she sent for snow here pharmacy in Miami I checked all my fair help by way I just can't let out a wail and she felt sorry for me she brought me in the room will be announced in the medial and an hour later on back down and streets at its I have no idea where I'm than a good I have no idea what I'm going to do I mean I just can I just wasn't it wasn't a great situation amendment biggest problem for second sleep sometimes I can do for the rest of my life sleeping wasn't profitable finally I just found the plot abortions over while wall the fine and I just laid out my sleep right there in the city and I laid out my sleeping bag and I went to sleep and that night I had a dream now it's funny because the understanding at this time of my life I was philosophically aminal hard core material of hard-core natural state you know everything was Adams in the voice is everything in the universe ideally could be explained through atomic city of the atomic theories of physics and chemistry to know when there was just everything was a purely materialistic view of the world land no place at all for the supernatural realm anything like that I mean we had everything to do for my genetics don't know what I might get out what I ate for dinner and all and and and and and so on until I didn't believe in any any that was my world you know supernatural worldview and all surely materialistic atheistic worldview gigantic dreams as anything other than his in a pure psychology well anyway what I'm trying I was dreaming that I was sleeping in the bushes then I shrimp that I woke up and then I dreamt that I booked a ticket to Israel and flew to Israel to work on couplets in Israel to work on my novel couplets are currently self-supporting communes almost scattered around the country will take volunteer work anyway that was the tree while I woke up I called the sleep and and I thought about the tree and I thought hey that's a good idea that's a good idea and I'm a member on never forget why I remember this detailed out right across the street there was a travel agency environment the agency opened at nine o'clock why I remember that detail I don't know but anyway find all the travel agency will continue and I fly to Israel that they can choose three days later I'm on a kibbutz in northern Israel working on my novel just as I had shrimp in those bushes and some honest reports and I left I work thirty hours a week the rest of the times mine in a all I want to do was work no money is being watched closely oriented culture meals you just gave you thirty hours and then you try with yours and so this was great I was working on my novel all that is all that mattered to me to bring to the balance right now and just for these details because they become important later in the longer while saying that now first what you know I was young writing fiction I love and I still do I still read a lot of poetry and love poetry and often to people I learned how to write by reading poetry even now I really want to try to undo something serious with writing I have to read poetry or just the kind of just ignite can explain it just ignites something in me that nothing else does so I was really into reading a lot of poetry and there was one book phones by this woman named Sylvia plat to nothing had impacted at this woman's book on its this kind of heavy stuff in one place she went she went into her kids cookies and milk without robust home still remember the woman and she went stuck her head in another shoulders it was kind ahead and stop me but have but if I remember the book of poems Sylvia Plath the other thing too was I was on the kibbutz I have blonde Danish girlfriend and her name was seen the show remember most of the Tina and the book of poetry by Sylvia Plath okay anyway among the components and working on my novel is not much long after who should show up but a group of twelve to fifteen fundamentalist Christian 's eighteen is rebuilt the kind of be like a silent witness that you cannot evangelicals are just Jews in Israel and final answer and I happened around two hundred million Chinese are not attack Israel and the valley of Armageddon and the church 's rapture ten hundred and forty four thousand Jewish virgins brings Craig and all all spiel and not on every silly as it is awesome these people believe it they were there silent try to be witnessed and used I was furious but here I was I was in the room these are the only Jewish state since the bar clockwork rebellion YTD one thirty seven night all these Christians here on out they were in the minority I was in the majority and see how they like and I started harassing them in horizon on and it really got so he that I get along with his kibbutz links anyway I do get on that great anyway and eventually got going within Julie's on the couplets they were getting ready to call me off if I leave the people of unlike dynamic amongst women out of the monastery to the island 's analogy was organic to go kaput so I just backed off and left him alone as I don't dislike these idiots out of it I just titled norms much like that because really all I want to do was work on my novel well anyway time goes by and this other guy shows up part of the Christian know there was anything in my mind worse anything that was worse than these in the next Vista is enough to make you wanted you wanted to just get wavelength for any Canadian mourns people who believed in Jesus it was she who believed in Jesus and this Jewish guy comes as part of the Christian becomes as part of this was discussed change the equation completely I didn't care anymore no I didn't care and I laid in the sky Schrader ran on I all all the stuff that I didn't get in for you know thirty years but anyway this Phil was different I mean first of all he was very very intelligent after I really had a hard time because I just did a little while leaving the Bible was nothing but the rantings and ravings of a bunch of sleeping camel herders they got tired I will need to install idles around that you gain desert so they may have some notion of some godly currency setting was one named on our way some name nobody knows what it means and I was a religion of the Bible it was late Bronze Age cowherd 's as I can't understand how any agency intelligent person could take this stuff seriously in the sky was very bright and we would get into some heavy discussions members of all post- pizza pop I knew that truth had that we are members one baby number after we got done with a discussion and a member went back to my room was the first time in my life I remember looking at the sky thinking maybe there really is something mama for something that is slight in the first time that it ever really entered my mind but anyway as I do most of the stuff I got over it I said all that matter was working on the book well a number of months went by later and they were and how mom could put a pool written partly Korean as lots and then he does this was a very secular kibbutz I think annoyed if they the Jews of Israel were busy dealing with the Arabs he murder each other okay and they hated the second one of those black cats came applicable to tell they weren't telling okay that's how much of myself as a very secular compliance but on baseball at all like a lot of the traditional things in and we never worked on Sabbath we never worked on staff complete the work on Sunday either I try to remember now that things the Sabbath meeting where I had bought up anyway and when they had this in a traditional Judaism it's a pretty wild party when none of the Christians went to the poor will never forget the next morning I saw this guy 's Jewish believer is very rational intelligent and I wanted to myself flying how come you Christians didn't go to come to forget this rational God watch but he looks me in the face is is well-trained to the Lord all week he told us not to come and just freaked me out and because it is honest with myself I don't I wasn't a job as well the salvage value some recently found after lunch he technologies us on acid or something in on me know what I could say that about this guy he was too irrational to save from you honestly just write them off this is not job I really believe Jesus in order for a party that's ridiculous to me but I just didn't have an answer for this and I thought I had enhancer everything really but then I never gone back to my room on my head against the wall in frustration over this because what was I going to what can I do with him because as a scientist can write him off as a nut job and as I said I was an earnest seeker of truth body weight but like all the stuff I got over it and the antibody year went by and worked over to you dear Tom the normal website a medical back to Europe and worked on the novel in Europe and I want to go back one of the demo and I hitchhiked to Denmark and in the middle of Copenhagen Copenhagen had been this fast military and the military had and all these hippies and the squatters moved in and I had been there on a previous trip and that's where I was going to go back and just live there and work on my novel there and I guess I somehow idealize the place or something like it was placed by finally someone told me about a year ago they finally had nothing to support nothing down about a year ago but it was a straight eight no whatever was assisting slum in the middle I think half the drug addicts and fugitives in Europe where there is not a day was going by when somebody wasn't fine of a drug overdose or something I mean it was really the place was not as I remembered it as it was really kind the kind of depressing place women dancing around what I want to come up in his place I was there an image of him walking through this courtyard and I hear this woman screaming I look over there some guy is not some girl and she's on the ground and stomp and earnings can enter thinking how I want to get involved this in our lives and status but my walking by my conscience bothers me I just can't stand there nothing else I walked over and as soon as I walked over the guy stops being honored and she gets up and runs away before I did my good deed for the day in us I just walk away with this guy some strung out little chunky I'm not looking in the same he turns around ninety just sucker punch slams me right in the mouth so he hits me while you are not all that there is you can see when I was in college I used the box the Boston College in Boston back I got a ring one time I got my head handed to me in the rain is that they never hit that is now stuck with the bad well I cannot I could look as strung out what your punches me in the mouth like it was his reflexes aren't even given a second thought I just turned around global labor and display them out he was flat-out but what happened was when he hit in the mouth and hit my head on my glasses went flying all green my eyesight so that he lays that they would like and I can't see can see anything I couldn't find my glasses on one equal in the mud when the startup junkie you know those efforts I grant him by his head I'm going to find my glasses fly my life I like to have my glasses I put my glasses on and I say to this guy say look man am not interested in your marriage problems in the book a counseling or some whatever doesn't I just taken all my sports I just slammed into the ground well that was a problem because I got a week mean week that I'm an old sky I just spotlight was today with the people nice to have the management console whatever it was I had a week needles back in the minute I threw them on the ground both my knee and my back and got its emphasis on the acutely manic I went boxing in the watching but some pulls out a knife you just brought in my knee and my fact that needs the money was like a Keystone cops am running down the street help please help us out with Jason at night but the bottom line in the cost fun out of the blue take us out of the station and an hour later the cops as well we got to let him go because according to Danish law tonight is not on long enough to make an arrest in the case of the bottom line is in fact out on the streets my niece killing me my back still in we think that with what he punched me in this place and whole time am looking over my shoulder some still scared for this guy to come up behind me with that night and just put in my back she was interested in the bottom of a lot of my father well okay and some raw I've got a friend that lived in another part very shy very nice the sky was deep in the deep spiritual now I know anything about that stuff online guys are risk-free everything that whole place was creepy he was creepy everything was creeping in management talk about supernatural things in there but this guy just to get niche trunk and stupors and he would sit and share the data meaning urination in his pants and he would never get any sit there and eats all the ground anyway out this tremendous sure each instrument will still get the willies thinking about either sit there and each week in the hour and it was like an animal looked at the sky worked I was so stop I don't want for this guy am in Iowa when he and learning why do you know where to begin and at one point this kind of money to that point of one I do not send this guy needed something so the sky and I thought it was a major rethink about Jesus and I believe something will never forget this is on my sentences I sent maintains I still never forget this he was spot mission as I said the name Jesus stops he looks up at me with one eye but what I don't get this one I think well why he says to me twenty years ago I asked for Jesus instead I got the devil take what you know I know squat for me Jesus Buddha Moses Santa Claus to bury the devil knows that all the same even with all the same class me but that sold recently that was so creepy I just let the apartments I just got a get out my left and I traveled you know you can't get away from your shell can't wait by traveling but I think that point I just got a get out here I went to Paris to get to Paris and is having this just came up from the cars are so down I am human after still hurt them in Paris and I don't know anybody and I'm running out of money in the city and images government personal issues like anyone on dealing with the plainest things are just going down down and she only time in my life question okay here's your situation and tough situation you can do a or you can see or you can kill yourself only time in my life ever thought about suicide active member even there was the Eiffel Tower I remember the thought entered my mind just jump on immigrants that you can jump off the Eiffel tower will as soon as I had thought I started them was almost like this other thought carnitine and knocked that one phone enough thought was how you because maybe it's cheap system is true and as soon as I had thought Courson 's patient attention your whole life to always view religious people as we people all they can't handle the hard knocks of life unlike the art of aboriginal invisible body rapidly sent their prayers or they went at night in the pattern of God that they don't and I'm not just that with absolute under this theme and she is ashen stupidest clutch you don't anybody could happen and my desire was a nice of him now for the first time in your miserable twenty three years you feel like you can handle it in your recount some the only TV some nonsense spaghetti monster or something that in all of the leave to make you feel better and I said no way I just curse myself to a gentle ice I rather jump off the Eiffel Tower in the squash them like a queen rather than live a lie no matter how good the lightning the most honest seekers for truth is that there in the least some nonsense they are retail to the christening of Neverland Urbandale and I never was one of those moments will know whether I should put this up in the sky cannot quite remember the moment so we remember stopping and thinking alternate God is if you're there you're going to have to reveal yourself you have to show me that you're there you have to give me a sign that you have to do something otherwise I will never vote ever and with that left us I managed to get myself back to Israel every all that heaviness all that pressure on the guy 's apartment was everything just left me and I was back to my good old obnoxious self which probably explains why went back to my own thoughts and they would let me back on the device you have any data on in the and I just want to get back justifiably go to another kaput I just want to get back on my mom 's icon surrounding Europe and I wasn't really working on the numbers all that mattered to control my life nothing matters me other than my mom and I remember telling one of the credential was gone I felt what happened in Paris he said you asked the question I asked well if you ask automobiles are well fine say whatever anyway I left the kibbutz and went to the main office in Tel Aviv to get assigned to another one I walk in the office there's a woman at the desk and there's a guy happening was there to get assigned to some segment on the office in my book on the desk and a sheet of paper that has my name Clifford Goldstein passive woman excuse me for an Iraq that are hot as you know I was coming on sheet of paper Jesus however worried and I said Clifford Goldstein looked I was sitting in front and he jumps up and says no my name is Clifford Goldstein and he was there to get assigned to a couple just as I was now on a quest for gold he's not the most common name in world then again both where I was in Houston Tel Aviv for crime and are just finalizing where you are and he said Miami Beach and I was like this when I was delightful my mother the story later and she talked about how old he was going to be 's pediatrician asked to come to the house Clifford Goldstein for doctors appointments that want my doctors appointments over the weekend the same pediatrician and his bills were coming to our house most viewers early whenever he was there to get assigned to a kibbutz and I say hey I got couplets for the safety of the why while what you think your name is I hear from Miami Beach you watch what happens okay but when he goes to the couple because of the complex will I get assigned to another appointment that kind I'm just not get my act together and I'm gone back states and on the way back to stop stop the complex for a final visit so I go back for a visit and all the old walled rooms he could've been in Clifford Goldstein was in the same room that I had been when I have been on the couplets and left months early and there were two is in the room and he was saying that I was when I had been on some city in the room and just chatting within the last same name same city what's that whatever was designing and building John at excised by until I looked up on the bookshelf over the bed sent a slap on that and I saw a whole bunch in my book 's on the ship notebooks and I have left when I went to bed market is Europe since I can remember that my library with me usually carry one booking on offense on the road you need somebody new to exchange books or whatever I see a whole bunch of my old books on the bookshelf I should hate cliff like my books were you talking about he said those are all my books at that point I said no way around never forget I stood up I went right for which Sylvia Plath the book of poetry so same author seems kind of seem addition same everything was my book it was his block industry opinion I told later on the complex story and memories that make people sit down and listening me know that is what you really care about it or not I want to read them Sylvia Plath poetry is how much it affected me in this book on the shelf I looked at some reason I said Cliff are you a writer Jesus yes I'm a writer and I've come to Israel for running then at I asked if this were not done yet then as were talking and start to freak out with this girl walks I've never seen him his girlfriend she's blonde she's from Denmark Mrs. Clinton will never guess what her name is her name was teen okay I know what you do with this case but it was okay I mean I remember I went down on young people for free stuff Christians were very cool about this guy should clip you sent to me two weeks early you were asking for God asking God for signs just men what more do you want each of the Lord 's calling you by me in at least six afternoon as he sat back to me I'll never forget it again this is one of these really happy to read how to be okay he said that to me and I remember stuff outside Emerson run about five minutes old I usually use the excuse again I just told the story Australia about three weeks ago I was able to get on client seven thousand miles during the severe Leslie finished story I can use enough to live thirty minutes from here so but anything are you aware what are you signified and I'm thinking about this and I realized I just noticed she be a coincidence and it's not coming since Microsoft first time in my life I can't look up in the sky with a little bit of your initial at that moment I just know I just knew that there does have to be sometimes I knew this couldn't be a coincidence whiny whiny advertisement even more bizarre the next day all those Christians who my heart rain and harassed they took me around the Jordan River which is like a hundred yards from the point is that things me in the Jordan River and they give me a bottle of my fly and I get back on a plane fly that states now the only problem was I was really no more born-again 's K it was heavy meeting my double that and I knew that made me know there had to be something else out okay there has to be something else but I went back to Gainesville Florida and all that I cared about was working on my novel nothing else matters I just got back to my novel Amanda you want to read and I would try to read the Bible but I just cannot and I just couldn't get past the talking snake spiel and I had a slight nothing click nothing in my life changed I just as I said I knew there was something else out there but nothing went right back to the way I was just working on now want to backtrack and then come right back to Kings when I was in Israel I lay down after this was when I left by Mike I lay down one afternoon take a nap I felt the strain well I told rolled up and felt the now being in my head the sensation of being shocked when I was allowed he was very young South Africa the world 's this is when I got back to the states it happened again and again always we laid out thick and just close my own statistics sensation felt the stealing and this comments and was a slight studio the sensation of a window and set up after myself the next time this happens click on find no way so I laid out my nose and a half if I knew it was happening all the time laying down and tingling in my televisions was very frightening and pounding in my head I said don't fight it don't quite go go go with it and the next thing I know she was I felt myself go fly right out of my body I remember going through the ceiling and then I number ceiling myself hovering in the Ayer in this crazy comic craft we diaphanous in this outside the second-story apartment of a couple of friends of mine who are and will try to get me into the school okay international back now please understand hard core Seventh-day Adventists today today I understand today for a perfectly mind-body dualism you can minimum the vaguest idea how that works okay perfectly I haven't I have no idea how that works but I understand there's no such thing as a separate conscious immortal soul please I understand that now I mean I boarded the stake over that they know what I know that now I may not know fundamental now but I knew nothing about that was anything anybody could say that would convince me that that wasn't my soul leaving acrobatics and I thought why this calls this is happening I mean this is real as I said I had a Bible identity born again experience and nothing changed my life I thought maybe the spiritual is where the true things in life and that I was seeking so I decide on the library and we get a book on vehicle a library at the University of Florida back in Gainesville I wasn't in school that my disconnecting work on my novel and I was it is within a normal layover I just happened to stop the health day I was looking for a job for me I was desperate enough to where I would of worked vegetarians I had a and this guy came out and started talking this opens up about what I was using what peoples mean health store lots of my Star-Telegram article experience in the stars to try to start learning down on someone while you not talk to me about that is talking about Santa Claus resistances here read this book and he hands me a book and I go over the library and cohort I get a book on the clone on spiritualism and I sit there I can't check book at so I sat there in the library I read the first chapter in the book and I practiced first technique and I don't think in thirty years of telling the story of people overtones but the technique was with my wife anyone I practiced the first technique and amendment in the book somewhere site and come back the next day and read more but the bottom line is walking to the library and literally for the first time in my life I got up upon the whole book on spiritual will I get into things now I have this stuff was real I got that book literally in one hand and literally in my other hand for the first time in my life first like I got the guy handed me know which which book do you think you want to see only you want and what together we can bring others okay by me I'm telling I had I had no idea I mean everything was just kind of fish come in writing how you know and the water when I was holding oblivious while about two days later I'm walking back to my room and use so necessary going back to work on my novel it is going better than going to a half years since I worked on enough else mattered in my mind and your backlight after that I believe in God I believe in Jesus and while I know there's something else out there I know all that someone will call stuff but nothing change it all my life was my book I come back to the room sit down at my desk a little portable typewriter manual typewriter it's important because nineteen seventy nine and I sit down at my desk to work on my novel sheet of paper in my novel in the typewriter crank it up put my finger on the key and at that moment as real as anything that ever happened the presence of the Lord Jesus came in the I knew exactly whom he was and he knew exactly what you want in the instant I knew who he was and what he wanted he said if you want me tonight burn a little shot at me I know what you burn your not shown the Internet is definitely a problem by milling about the Bible was how lazy I is he showing that novel was my God and you shall have no other gods before me if you want me can I burn them out and tell you the most important word in the whole scheme if is it driving a lot of philosophy I wrote a lot of things about free will okay and I can prove to you free will philosophically enough my life depended on from a purely philosophical span I believe it is my religion makes no sense without the whole time this is going on I realized this I realize that I don't have to do realize it was mine shall message if you want me tonight the amount is God please let me just give my limitless finish this book will give my life to you if if you want me tonight burn the novel should God please let me rewrite all your glory if you want me burn enough I should at least get some way to deal with another boring book I remember I just burst into tears I jumped up and I ran out of and was walking through the streets of the slip at night the same streets that I walked out of that pizza Paula three years earlier two years earlier saying I want to know the truth no matter call no matter what about husk now suddenly to three years later I'm confronted with was too much slit my throat easier than for the book I had enough in my friends were he agrees him that I'm going to my point in the book immediately I barely had time to my name I didn't fare all that mattered was my work my heart human mom will not let else mattered to me now I have learned nothing else that was why I had to go as it was my God I'm going to host regional restaurant is no way and vitamin finally I remember once I stopped underneath the street while two minutes when determined and little books were just flying around when casting shadows I stop underneath it she went on how long a lot of wrestling a lot of faith in my mind and finally one point I said okay go I want you I want one and I want this book but your bird forms can burn marks now the moment I is showing us it was you don't actually know God might not force but it's worth endlessly Karen ran around him okay but it was me the moment I made that choice it was a agonist of the most amazing friends my I think that husband instinct everything just went off everything the anguish the turmoil I had no idea I was a sinner I will contact the sender at home and I knew nothing about I told and I told her the only thing I knew about Seventh-day Adventist I knew nothing about any of all I knew was that I met God and that Jesus and I had to burn know enough about no idea what I was getting into anything I just went back to my room there was total peace not an ounce of doubt question whatever I went back to my room and have as little to burner luckily my mother had given me pick up that manuscript when I have usually been picked up that means the bottom line to hear some and laid it on the hot plate turn the switch and burn but not tonight I became a born-again and I cannot say for an anomaly nineteen seventy nine and not one time have I ever been so that I burn them how much we had to go in order from the become a believer in Iraq the second quickest in one little bit late here anyway for a novel is my fertility of those experiences and only shortstops people die when you try to near-death raisin and they come back they talk about floating around this man is meeting again on an online that was the exact experience I was having it I wasn't anywhere near that I'm convinced it was somehow from that experience with that guy in the cold in Copenhagen an open door in him the Satan saw that I was getting interested in spiritual things immediately sentenced the devil 's religious okay documents and all supernatural hallucinations many people with these near-death registry maintenance is to know what's going on there but it was so deceptive Satan selling himself but the moment I gave my heart to him at night are not novel those cold expenses never came is what rigorous even seem human he lives in the world and then at preacher I used to harass he came back and I got right next to McDonald here we go again only this time I witnessed with and many of them remembered me his tackle and the last thing to a couple of artificial self I was couple months went by and stand in front of the health store and get ready Cross Street I see this car in the car coming I think I want across from the West always so I stop in the hard drive Boethius in the car Clifford Goldstein last time I saw him was in the gallery anyway here's the point people that I realize I might not ever write I die to I was to I had not announced any school with not just that and then when I went on and I started studying it the people know you're obviously cabinets about two years when and I never wrote didn't really do any writing send one day the door open me to write an article you never guess what the article is not vegetarians and the plaintiffs I wrote that article I never stopped writing since I think that's the moral story I got the slightest crowd ready for the next meeting so I had rush I got here late so I started late for some of your money is prayer and Chris again don't miss the moral of the story there was nothing inherently evil about bookings my relationship to something different let's bought again I just thank you for the way you worked in my life where I don't know most of the people here and I don't know their hearts I just pray heavenly father if there's somebody here was something that would clean if there's somebody here with the block no matter what it is and might not in and of itself evil but if it's something that means more to them than you and the Lord you know that you got to get what you do not force I pray the same way you came to me that nine over thirty years you'll come to anybody here showing them no matter what it is if there explain some but they must surrender it to you and give it to you and you and ourselves to use fully and completely in Jesus name I this message was thank you I see the Foreign Ministry said in July Suzy 's inspiring young people I have a base price of February download or purchase other resources like this you then left making waves and donate his wife's laptop and phone G see when done with also reaches your mail box seven eight six Harvard Michigan eight one oh six this recording is licensed under creative Commons this means you can share please attribute this recording is every heap in my resale and alteration

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