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Communication Wiring

Gerry Wagoner
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Gerry Wagoner

Biblical Counselor at One Achord

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  • June 10, 2011
    1:30 PM
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Greetings welcome to each one of you. Blessings to you I trust you're all having a meaningful time here at Camp meeting. I know I am and you know I've met a lot of neat people already. We've counseled with young people we've given presentations to the youth and we've also talked to the adults and here we are our third time together. We're here to talk about relationships things that matter to us no matter who you are where you are you have relationships. Maybe they're good maybe not I don't know but we're going to talk about good wins here we're also going to specifically talk about the difference between male and female in this particular presentation. Let's pray as we begin our Father in heaven we are grateful for the beauty that you have placed in male and female together father you have called us to represent heaven to bless one another and to be used by you. We ask that our marriages father and other relationships that you have given us would be a product of your well thank you Jesus name Amen. So I was in Boise Idaho a number of years ago participating in a marriage seminar. First time I'd ever been to Boise kind of a neat place. Afterwards we went out and looked at the Snake River Canyon where Evil Knievel tried to jump over it and didn't make it. There's a lot of people who are trying to jump over another kind of canyon in their life. They're trying to jump over the canyon of bitterness maybe the canyon of resentment or maybe the canyon of some kind of infidelity something that has ripped like a knife through the home. But whatever the problem is I'm here to tell you tonight there is hope. No where the answers are and we'd like to present some of those to you. By God's help from the Bible I am amazed at three things. I'm amazed at how accurate the Bible is to give answers to everything that we struggle with. Number two I'm also amazed at how sin binds and destroys people out binds and destroys their lives. And number three I'm amazed at how repentance and cleansing can free a person. How a couple who had barriers between them for twenty thirty years can find freedom and happiness can walk hand in hand down by the creek after releasing that it is there in Boise Idaho I was approached by a young lady one afternoon after a seminar I'd given a talk and she came up later and she said Good My boyfriend and I talk to you and I said sure. Big Lad. I said I don't have a lot of time no one would suit you. She said well he works till six or seven and said OK I've got a little slot of time between seven and between eight and ten pm the following night would that work. Sure they came into the church pastor Davis' office and I sat down with and I could tell right away when they walked in the young man was angry. How do you know that you just do. You don't have to open up the stove to know there's a fire and there we had a head jammed down over angry blue eyes so I ask him to sit down and ask her to sit down. Nice young kids that know much about them yet but I knew they wanted to talk. So as we sat there I asked him to tell a little bit about themselves I got them relaxed I told them just a little bit about myself. Try to get everyone to relax so I ask them if I could pray. He shrugged his shoulders and I don't care I guess. No interest there that's OK So I prayed he kept his hat on the whole time and I didn't challenge him with that idea. Except that in where he was and then we got to know each other a little bit better and I asked the girl I started with her first because she was one that asked me to to sit down and talk. So I knew that she had she had a desire she wanted to be there and I wanted to find out why they wanted to come and talk to a guy like me from Ohio just a country boy and so I said Do you believe in God. She said Yeah I do. That's a good that's a tell me about yourself she said Well my mother tried to commit suicide when she was young and she finally succeeded. Try to number of times I was sorry to hear that. So what else happened in your life. We were close to Dad she said no the dad provided for me but I could never connect with him he was busy off doing his own thing is what we call emotionally detached in the counseling field. OK so I asked the young man I turned to him and I said Would you be willing to tell your story. Yeah he was the one asking too much of a piece. My father was in Vietnam and he came back deeply damaged traumatized by things he experienced in Vietnam. We brought that with him back into the states he looked OK on the outside but not so good on the inside. This mother had she an ongoing struggle with her sanity you know trying to look for a nice way to say it I guess there's no way no way to sugarcoat it she ended up in a home for the insane is what they call him back then he ran away from home at age fourteen fourteen years old that's not very old he ran away from home to get away from the craziness of life at the age sixteen he got married. OK At the age of eighteen he was divorced. As far as life has been punctuated by these two year intervals fourteen sixteen eighteen and now here he was sitting in this office and he was in his late twenty's. Landscaper. I found out they were married they've been living together for two years they had a daughter who was about about that old maybe a year and a half it. Beautiful little red haired girl. They want to know should we get married. How was the first question they asked me and I shutter when I get those kind of questions right off the bat. I'm not sure I like him after I know a lot about the couple but let alone when they ask me that right up front and I said let's put that question aside. I turned to the man and I said Do you believe in God My friend the same shrug the rolling of eyes. I don't know. Does it matter. Do you know matters a lot and when he said that I looked at my watch I had an hour and fifty nine minutes I committed three hours to these young people and I had an hour and fifty nine minutes left I remember looking at my watch and I thought What will I do in this one hour and fifty nine minutes and I wanted to introduce them to Jesus if I did nothing else I want to leave that room knowing that I had led them to Jesus. Let them make the decision. That's what we did. So I asked him Do you like to walk. Yeah sure where you want to go outside no no it was hot out there. So I said let's go for a walk in imagination and I told them just a story I painted a picture an imagination about the dusty streets of Nazareth and about how you walk out of the town I said let's go we walk through the streets and we came out to the outskirts of the of the village out into the open fields and there was a large crowd we came up to the back of the crowd and we paused there for a moment I opened my Bible and I began to read statements from the Bible to this young couple. He that cometh unto Me I will in no wise cast out come unto me all you did labor and are heavy laden are you. Are you struggling in any one of you and as I began to quote the words of Jesus I saw something happen in this young couple and instinctively the young man reached up took his denim laid it on the table and I didn't ask him to do that and that told me something that day that we were in. When your in the presence of God when you're in the presence of a God who loves you. It touches you in some way it affects you. You begin to sense your own need and your own unworthiness and that's exactly what happened to that man that night then I did some other things with them. I had him turn and face each other. I put some statements in the guy's mouth to talk to the girl and I put some statements in her mouth to speak to him because I want to find out where their pain is it didn't take long within a few minutes they were both in tears and they needed each other but more than that they needed God and that's the same way with you and I my friend we need God in our marriage and that's what we're here to talk about this afternoon. The title of this message is I've given it two different titles one of them is called Three words simple little title in the next title that I've given it is communication wiring and I think we'll go with that one as we start. Communication wiring. I start off with a statement a propositional statement we are created for relationships by God Is it true or not. Yes How do I know the Bible says so I'm not inventing any of these things. Communication wiring. Let's go on. Hope you enjoy this picture as much as I did. Selecting it. Here we have a husband and wife in bed seemingly for a nice peaceful evening of slumber but the husband realizes that there is concertina wire down the middle of the bed and the wife has hastily nailed to two by fours onto the bed. Rain and strong concertina wire between them in the husband's kind of sitting there saying something wrong. Apparently I have done something to upset you. Well too many people have had this experience that you have if you're married been times when I have there been times when there's been some kind of distance between us maybe it's small maybe it's a a single flat tire or maybe your marriage has gotten to the place where all four tires are down on the car and the car won't move. How can you fix that. God can. Let's talk about the difference between male and female. I'd like to start off with a question and I ask you to ponder this question What is the most pain that a person can feel I've asked myself this question over the years. Now attempt to answer that at the end of this presentation. Let's go on. Three words to open the heart there are two different kinds of language you see there is had they had language we're all good at that. I am you are I come home from work and I turn to my wife and I say my dear. If you sow the button on my pink shirt it's the second one from the top. What's for supper. How about cleaning the house I don't want to say that I just threw that in there head to head communication. I like the color green intellectual statement doesn't have a whole lot of meaning which are at the starting point. But if I come up to Nancy when she's sitting there at the island at the green granite island and I put my arm around her and I say are you doing. And you come up here. I'm calling my best friend in life up here to join me on the platform. I like Nancy of twenty nine years about that. And a question for you. OK you feel loved by me. How do you mean have there been times when you haven't felt that way yet. So how did you work through that. Well I think we were exactly exactly we work through it together. You see we were born knowing how to counsel people we weren't born knowing how to do marriage. How were we born on something. Yeah prideful I was great at that I had all that naturally coming into the into the marriage part. Yes. What attracted you to me. Change. Oh you know first thing. Spoken out loud. Their school lunches or not then you weren't met. Thank you. What's been the happiest time in our life together. I mean just pick one name that was a great one hundred twenty pictures that was a lot back then and the days of film. We did more than that though we went we had a lot of fun we went to Niagara Falls just had a great time and then forced me to them. It's like two thousand and three sticks out in my mind I was kind of an easier for us to see here that we finally get serious about our relationship we opened up our lives to each other completely completely no hidden closets. We resolved every issue between us we had a good marriage but we had we had areas our life we couldn't seem to get past and we were content just to detour around it. Two thousand and three two thousand and two was that era of time where we kind of rolled our sleeves up because God was kind of calling us into the counseling and encouraging ministry for young people and married people like you and I told God I'm available that I got to resolve my own issues. The Lord said here's how you do it when it's trying to give you a check you don't go believe this I thought that your feet were dirty. Well there's a reason for that. We were at an annual meeting where both grew up in the end a Baptist church which like Amish or Mennonite that's my heritage I was the eighth generation out of the seven and there was this large meeting go by you know high Oh and it was raining for three or four solid days and it was so muddy they had that huge huge farm tractors to pull the vehicles into the parking lot not just to get them out to pull a man well we were all muddy but i first time I saw my wife any outside I thought her feet were made of that they were very pretty and they were lovely. Let me go let me go on more than that though when I got to know Nancy I found that she was not only beautiful on the outside but there was beauty on the inside and that resonated with me as a man. It's oh boy there's been all kinds. But I'll just run a lot of you would like to echo what you said about the honeymoon. I'd also like to say the year one thousand nine hundred one was just kind of a neat year for a lot of reasons. We began to go across the globe grow closer emotionally. Thank you and that was kind of I guess the second phase in our relationship where we were starting to mature and starting to become what God wanted us to be an engineer. Two thousand was kind of the final step and now we've got it we took a second honeymoon by the way. I've bought the same kind of car I had the first time around we fixed it up the boys and I drove it and it's kind of fun you know that you write anything down. Thank you very much. And now back to head language and harsh language. What we've tried to demonstrate there and it wasn't as as thorough as it might be sometimes but I titled part of this message three words. Why is that. Three words to open the heart. Now there's a couple of ways you can say this to an individual you can go to them and say Are you happy. Or you can say Are you happy. Notice a difference same words three more words I need you now you're appealing to the heart of that individual I need you. OK Now they might respond to that and they might not they might be afraid they might kind of freeze up inside and say I'm not ready for this. I don't want to be needed. Why. Because my heart doesn't know how to love. Why because one of ten different issues spiritually have locked my heart and I don't know what's wrong with that school. I am lonely. OK that's an appealing statement when you say those kind of things from your heart to another person you're appealing to the heart of that person and they're going to want to respond to you they're going to want to open up maybe they can't maybe they're afraid maybe they've been hurt before and they don't want to get hurt again but this is a great way to start communication. Arthur Hart Can we pray will just introduce spiritual intimacy into the equation. Husbands and wives need that each of us all of you listening and watching with us at our neighbor's need with God first. You see Adam had enjoyed this with God long before he was around we don't know how long but for a while. Not establish the primacy of spiritual intimacy. And then he brought a lovely gift of life to him and together they experienced emotional intimacy. I love you. We need Jesus. Wonderful. There is hope. Every person who is depressed has one common denominator in their life. They've lost hope. You see that's what depression is it's a secondary emotion. And one of the indicators of it is there is a loss of hope in the life there is hope. My friends wherever you're at in life and whatever you're experiencing there is hope. Let's resolve this. I like those kind of those kind of statements because we've been there we've been through them and we've been profited by that I was wrong three words not so many syllables but some of the hardest words to say a person has pride in their life. Pride will block the resolution of every other problem in your life. First step to having a good marriage is to resolve so once then that we all struggle with I know I do and every morning I have to call out to God and fall in front of him and ask God for me as I am to myself. We work together in it. Lastly can I care this is a sympathetic heart reaching out to that other person and I care about the things that you're experiencing now. There are three words you might want to avoid. Maybe you've been there can you see that all right. OK Ready aim fire battle. I'm getting ready to start right. I don't care that's one of the most dangerous three words in a marriage relationship you can have. I don't care. Number three just shut up I won't listen. You are wrong. I'll talk to the lady the other day who said she struggled with pride and I said so she said it this way she said I don't have pride in my life it's just that everyone is so stupid you know. She had some pride in life and there's a way to resolve that biblically and be an umble person you can be the use by God when you're able if you're walking in pride in the Good Book says that God will fight against you. I'm usually right. What a moron what an idiot. Three words the damage the heart of another individual. These are tax statements. It's all about me. We live in a world a culture that is saturated with self and narcissistic culture where the center of the universe has gradually shifted in almost every center of the earth to the individual and specially in our culture here. It's all about me. I'm in charge. Pride again pride likes to control other people I've been there my friends I've been there and I can also tell you the blessing of having an ample heart by responding to God and letting him be in charge of my life here so fill in the blank. I may have missed something I'll leave that up to you I've got my rights. You've heard this statement before haven't you. How many rights that Jesus claim. But I know of just one. He said I have a right to lay my life down and take it up again. Lastly get a life I first heard this statement in one thousand nine hundred four I didn't care much for it then I don't still like it very well. Now we're talking about families here marriages and family and there are three specific crimes against members of the family with male female and children. I want to start out first by talking about crimes against women. You've heard of this term up here it's called feminism wasn't so popular back in the fifty's it began to really gain momentum during the one nine hundred sixty S. I was born in one thousand nine hundred sixty so I grew up in the sixty's pretty young throughout most of it and also in the seventy's. I saw this picture one day in the plumbing magazine I was looking through and I said I've got to have that so I threw it into the scanner and copied it and using it here's an illustration. Listen capsulated all that we're trying to describe crimes against women. I'll just read to you what it says here at the bottom your left hand says wi your right hand says me your left hand rocks the cradle your right hand rules the world women of the world raise your right hand. Now some people buy into this a lot of people sad to say a lot of women are disillusioned in our culture and the rate of depression among women is higher than it's ever been it's the number one prescribe illness in Australian Americans close behind depression and part of that is because the roles are all messed up in our culture. You see our culture tells women they need to look a certain way to have valued all of you have seen this. You ladies you've been exposed to these kind of influences like hydraulic pressure it constantly pushes in on you through magazines standing in the line at Myer you've got to look a certain way in order to have value. Now having said that it would be good if we would all take care of ourselves Sure. And that's you know I just returned from a trip over in Scandinavia we were conducting a week of prayer at the European Bible School and one thing we noticed over there was how universally fit the people of Norway seem to be my wife pointed that out to me after being there for a week and I guess you're right I hadn't noticed it before and then we flew back to London and then we flew here. OK we're home we're home big difference in the way they take care of themselves and the way that most American. As do however they also have the same problems we have. They struggle with marriages they struggle with the ability to love and they struggle with these outside influences another lie that is being compressed upon our women is that anger will make you powerful you can push people away from you emotionally it won't cost you anything. Yes it will it will cost you the ability to love to give and receive. Number three you need independence from men this is also a theme that began to gain influence down through the one nine hundred sixty S. and seventy's it really gained momentum as many women were reacting to what in some cases were legitimate abuses but if you climb out of one ditch you run across the road you fall and the other one you're just as bad off as where you started aren't you. And it's cool and without a career you have no value. My wife and I were with a group of people over at White Water state park one time back in one thousand nine hundred eighty eight and in that park we were getting to know some people and they said what do you do and I told them and they asked my wife what do you do and she said I'm a housewife and I take care of the house and get two beautiful children. What did they say then to that. You're just a housewife. Exactly and you know I remember that statement why because it didn't something didn't sound right about it and you go back to the Bible and you go back to the spirit of prophecy and there you find the rightful value placed on motherhood the rightful value is not found in the world the world demeans the things of God and you'll hear statements like that oh you don't have a career. Yes I do. I'm raising two young men to be soldiers in the Lord's army will get to the fathers later working on the women. Motherhood is demeaning this goes along with number four there. So that by the way is falling by the wayside there are many women in Western culture who are starting to pull back away from these lies and they are lies because they are they are violently opposed to the truth of Scripture and the enemy is behind this to mess up the balance in homes and to bring dissatisfaction and frustration into the lives of children and also marriages. There's a better way. Let's go on to talk about what television does to people. This is not the better way. By the way you may have a television. We don't. I was raised without one I'm warped I know it I was raised like I said Amish or Mennonite. We don't have T.V. We didn't have electric and so after we got married we had to make a choice and so we got a television for two months and couldn't stand it any longer and we threw the bomb out as grandma would say and still don't have one people so how come you don't have a T.V. I say I can't afford it. I hope you can't either. But anyhow Having said that I just want you to know those of you that have them who control them you have my respect. I really admire that because I'm not sure I would have been in motel rooms and I turned a dumb thing on I've seen the kind of stuff that's on there and I have a great amount of respect and admiration for three A.B.N. we just came from there last week working with the youth department their camp meeting. That's a good use of television but we're talking about the wrong use of it here and the effect that it has on people it tells women they need to be sexy to have value. This again is an untruth because the Bible indicates that God created women to be beautiful and there is a huge difference. OK a big difference. I grew up with a guy and a friend in school who made a statement one time he said. He said I've known some women who are really beautiful that were spiritually ugly. I never forgot that statement I was seventh or eighth grade. Let's go on the television encourages fantasy it makes you dissatisfied. A lot of times with what you have. It encourages fantasy a lot of women will be wanting all to just I just wonder what it would be like to be married to Bengali. Most men struggle with or not of the people who struggle with pornography let me put it that way. Most of them are men a great majority of those are men ninety percent Tyler. OK sixteen percent of women have admitted to looking at pornography or struggle with it for any length of time. Usually that's a man's problem that is changing by the way it's up in the twenty's the mid to high twenty's now the percentage of the test and the surveys they've taken so there's there's some movement in the wrong direction and I hope I hope under men and women we could put a zero in each column but that's not reality in our world we live in a messed up world that is twisted in the way that it deals with sex this gift of God It is taken this gift and perverted it perverted it. What's go on here. Film movies is so powerful I learned this from a friend Dr Ron dupré told me this we were I forget one of the G Y C's but he said film is so powerful because it goes right past your filter. Neurologically it will make you a walking bundle of habits. Scary. Now is talk about guys and gals and guys here in the audience. One of the greatest problems in our culture in Western culture is the same when Scandinavia is the missing father. You see this is a tremendous problem. We have families that are all out of balance because yes dad might be out there if he is even around he might be earning a living as but he comes home and he tunes out and he looks for the remote control and he's done what the family is antenna is not up he doesn't he doesn't know what's going on. It's children could be falling apart inside. They could be just crying inside emotionally even in their high school years and he's not and he doesn't know how he does provide for the family. Sure but an orphanage can do that something more is needed. Ninety one percent of all men in prison have either a bad or no relationship with their father. When Nancy and I go around and conducts seminars around the country and in some cases around the world on relationships the Times will go into an ethnic culture where eight out of ten fathers are missing and we have to be prepared when we go in there how to how to helpless people how to care for them and how to lead them to healing in that area get them connected to their Heavenly Father. Crimes against men men are being conditioned in Western culture to be passive and boy that's true and it happened so many ways guys I feel for each one of you because we're all in this together and there's hydraulic pressure pushing pushing in on each one of us trying to condition you and I to be passive to not be leaders. No wonder Ellen White said the greatest want of the world is the want of men I believe she looked prophetically down the corridor of time to today. Never was the father more needed in our homes. Let's go out there and money but they're not involved in the family their intent is not up and talked about some of these things already and something I have to touch on just briefly is how men are portrayed as you know this advertising literature or entertainment sometimes music men are portrayed as bumbling insensitive fools who have these advertisements. Guys just a complete flop. He's his wife sends him out to get pizza Papa John's and he's driving home we just can't resist getting some of that on the way home he drips that all over the steering wheel himself and he's trying to wipe it off. The sleeve when you get home of course the wife is moron that is the culture that we're in and it's not accurate. You see it's not based on bible values it's based upon the lies of the enemy. Are there some men who are not living up to what they should be about that but let's let's go there together. Let's turn to the Bible to find out what reality is. Television teaches men to lust to fantasize this is absolutely true in our culture and mentioned just briefly already in pornography. That's a huge problem in our culture and it's damaging many many people and this will also damage the why the wife will feel defiled of the husbands and pornography and she may not even know why but she's going to feel defiled for some reason you see a woman insensitive her spirit can sense some of these things and she can also tell at times by looking at a man this this makes men nervous sometimes but a woman can tell if a man is lusting with his eyes when he looks at them. I've had husbands and wives come in and the husband resolves the issue of pornography and the woman results for bitterness and all of a sudden the woman will look at the guy she'll say something's different about you I don't know what that is. There's something different about your eyes. Jesus said the eyes the lamp of the body it's the doorway to the heart. When we resolve hard issues like water reflects an image our face really flexed what's happening inside. And that's neat to see that happen. Television makes us lazy not only physically physiologically emotionally too is kind of going into neutral and letting something else control your mind it raises depression levels. Oddly enough this is happening and then there are statistics bear this out and more importantly television will desensitize a guide to payno over a period of time movies the same way. I have seen I don't go to movies which is not to do with got just a few in our home but they're pretty benign I was I was pretty pretty clear with my children what kind of movies you're going to bring into the house that doesn't pass the test and then out it goes on the burn pile and so they really they only brought it to you and not that many good ones to choose from. Lastly the crimes against children each of us are children at some point we have been made we have them maybe we don't. I love kids by the way. Got a lot of nieces and nephews no grandkids yet but I got a son that's getting married in a month so you never know what will happen. Looking forward to that. Children are great but children can experience some pretty hard things in this world. Here's a young girl is kneeling at the grave of a father who was killed in Afghanistan all she can do is light a candle to this memory by the time she is twenty years old that memory will have faded to almost nothing. Something is missing out of her life. Here we have a young man who has just watched something on television that he can't take back no matter no matter how much he wishes he could push the reset button any race that you can't take it back. God they were seen and there is a way to resolve it by the way. There is good news. Through Christ there is a young girl who has just found out her parents are getting divorced and she almost wishes her life could end she's feeling all alone sitting there in the kitchen on this barstool but she can't end it she's got to go on. She has an eighth grade class to go to tomorrow. She's got to find a way to go on and how does she do that she pulls a slip inside and she learns how not to feel anymore. Creates a whole pathway of problems and she grows up goes down through life. Let's go around the world is dedicated to the law. So if your children's innocence long before they can handle it. It's getting worse. Paul was right when he said evil men and seducers will wax worse and worse. So we don't need to be caught off guard by these things Paul said it would happen God through Paul warned us. And he also said he also said that we can be more than conquerors through him who loved us. There is hope there is hope for the world as exporting inequality to your children through television. Ya'll know what exporting means right. You kind of marketing supplying bad things to your children through television music and advertising and as parents we have to make some choices we have. Number one don't be your kids' friend at the age fifteen don't go in for that. Don't try to be their friend be their parent. You could be friends later on let's go on. Jesus said Let the little children come unto me each of you are special to God no one can take your place with him you're unique You're unique and God cares about each one of you and he makes a statement in Scripture that unless you become as a little child you can't even see the kingdom of heaven that's a strong statement. What does that mean that means we were invited there to trust God with an innocence reminiscent of little children. To everyone who's been forsaken or abandoned by a mother and father. I give them this verse and I ask him they'd like to pray together. When your father and mother forsake you then I the Lord God will take you up take you up needs to lift you to him self to hold you close. God created families so people would be love you don't have to be alone he created families all Mr Wagoner my family is a mess. My parents have done everything wrong. Maybe they have done some things wrong but they haven't done everything wrong. They change your diaper once they fed you once at least OK Otherwise you wouldn't be here. They've done a few things right. People tend to exaggerate their pain when we have to do is just accept that and work back towards the truth. God created male and female unique. Have you noticed that anybody. Sure there's that when I was young I noticed it again after I got older. I'd like to talk just for a moment about men's brains and women's brains and the differences between them this is from a physiological point of view. OK the University of Pennsylvania has done a number of studies in this area they've got a very good neurology department over there and they've done a lot of studies and they found that men and women are actually different I threw their hands up like this was a new discovery. You know we know they're different. We also know that the Bible talks to each one differently in Ephesians five and first Peter three those famous marriage chapters you'll notice that the exhortation given to both male and female are different they're not exactly the same why is that because they're different Not wrong just different. OK one thousand nine hundred five two thousand and four there was also a study done in two thousand which is kind of sandwiched between those two dates. I'd like to just draw a few conclusions from them. Now the disclaimer here I did not make this charge here. I did not draw this picture. I threw it in here as a way to kind of relax you a little bit with some humor one of the things we talk about are pretty serious and you getting into the hearts and lives of people. I thought this was kind of funny so I brought it out here just to kind of enjoy it with you this is somebody whose caricature of the male brain. OK And it might be true it might be true in the carnal. That's what we're here to talk about the spiritual man later on we'll follow up with that. OK the asked for directions. Well it's not very big is it. Is that true. Sometimes listening particle needs help. Attention span is talking down to guys again. Avoid personal questions at all cost. Pretty good sized lame excuses gland. You noticed I'm avoiding these for now we'll get to that later. Ball sports dangerous pursuits and if you guys ever bungee jump in here. Guilty as charged. Is that a fair or county fair. Greenville Ohio look fairly safe so I did it I don't know if I would do it again is a lot of construction center here. We must guys just kind of gravitate towards a hammer a nail a lot easier than our female counterparts toilet aiming cell. These were not very big. I got a confession to make to you right here but his ears perked up. There have been times when I have walked by a bathroom in our house to go outside you don't have to think domestic skills are very small tiny television remote control addiction center that's certainly not my problem. Irony. Yeah there's some truth to that and I'm almost helpless but I got a wrinkled shirt I'm grateful for having a good wife ability to drive manual transmission. Whoever put this together has identified the sex drive as the most powerful of all motivators in the male brain. Now I will agree to that to some extent. Male testosterone peaks at around the age of eighteen OK It comes up here in a fairly high level and it stays just about. Level throughout your life. And and and then you die and there have been cases where where a man might through whatever reason lose some testosterone simultaneously loses his sex drive they have found that by giving that man injection they can bring him back to the same old guy that he used to be down here to footnote the listening to children cry in the middle of the Night Land is not shown due to its developed nature best viewed under a microscope. So I'm intrigued. Remember that we're not getting on guys here we're just laughing a little bit of ourselves. Let's go on. Another thing they discovered interestingly enough that the University of Pennsylvania in order to do this they brought a bunch of guys and they hooked him up to all these leads and test wires and monitors and they got all these screens going on you've got these young students coming in there with lab coats and notebooks and pencils and they're writing down all the details they're looking at that how the brain waves is responding on the monitor and downed all over the place and then all of a sudden on this one guy. Nothing stop just stop. Hey hey guy was how you know when to start going again. Native or that weird maybe this guy's broke you're very nice that we're done with you you can go thank you. Next brother Guy and hook him up to all these wires and tell me there are no good up to the monitors same thing that's going up and down neurologic impulses synopses are giving firing. My flat and he said Whoa. Maybe it's a guy problem. Maybe it's a guy characteristic they didn't know but they discovered there through all those tests that a human brain the male brain rather has the ability to just kind of shut down where you can still breathe to live. Got all these involuntary functions that are going on by the way you guys know what I'm saying don't you think that's why guys can fish for four hours straight and you can't do that very long but. But a guy has the ability apparently to think about nothing another thing they found out was that a guy was very ordered in the way that he thought about different topics. He would have a compartment for instance or a sick cubicle or a compartment for just about everything one for the car one for the lawnmower one for the job one for the bank account one for all these different categories and a guy in the way he thought he was very careful to only open up one of these at a time. Just want to time with that you know this you have no way out had to be if she was in here she could attest to that to which she'll be off on she'll be off on three other topics now they say way way way way up still thinking about three topics before that she said we have done with them when I went on three other ones but you're still mulling over the first one and so when a guy wants to think about something it will open up to this one particular compartment or go to that you want to think about the job or the mother in law down the basement just kidding and you want to talk about just that one topic or think about OK and you're very careful when you are done with that topic not to bump into any other ones. That's the way the male brain works apparently. Now what does God have to say about all of this has a lot to say we're going to get to that later. Let's go on here. Female Brain again I didn't draw all this but I selected it because of its ability to relax you a little bit. We're not making fun of women Whew hand-bag coordination times. Chelsea I'm in fact in a way it is I've seen girls in New York City and also our own little town how they'll view a woman who's just decked out coming down the sidewalk like I see the ways they look at her and I see the way guys look at her too. That's a whole nother topic when we're dealing with mortality. Realization of wants vs needs a sense of direction neuron which weighs northeast by the way guys gals. Any listening particle shopping pretty good sized you guys like to shop. Any of you or you can ask this question or weigh one little Norwegian kid said when I have money. Yeah I can understand that I'm the same way now I could just go browse for hours with no purpose need for commitment an atmosphere that's a good thing. Telephone skills that true I suppose it is in some cases by the way. If this isn't true then just extrapolate for your own situation indecision nucleus Chocolat center I don't know about that. That's true for some girls it is physical intimacy connected to the listening particle and there is something to that because if you're married physical intimacy is directly tied to your ability to connect emotionally with your spouse hear this and guys hear this sex will be three times no it'll be one hundred times. There if you have spiritual and emotional intimacy first in your marriage remember that somewhere between ten and one hundred times. I'll leave the exact amount up to you but you get those two operating first. Huge difference. Let's go on over in Norway had to explain what tongue in cheek meant. How would you tell people who don't understand American idioms what that means. Means it's supposed to be funny and it's OK And let's go on. What they found there in that same test over in the University of Pennsylvania was that a woman's brain is best described by say fiber optic wires just a big looks like a ball of yarn maybe it is a bailing wire. We're going to call fiber optic wire because of the way everything's connected to everything and the job is connected to the lasagna and that's connected to that stain on the carpet in the bathroom my brother in law said this in the laundry is needed to be folded and it's done and I know and it goes on and on and on and on but I'm not wrong by the way wrong just different. You see God has created women with the unique ability to do several things at the same time. Best chefs in the world. What are they male or female male. Why because a guy has the ability to focus on one thing and do it really really well. The best engineers in the world. That's not to take away from from the few women who have become engineers there are some but the great majority of the great thrust have a male brain because of the way it's wired. Now a woman can do a number of things well and this is what's needed. You see God has equipped women with a unique ability the nurturing ability you take a guy like myself or like Steve or or any of you. And you have us babysit five kids that are age five alone. After about forty minutes. Radio scream pull our hair out. I can handle one kid no problem two and a half. Come with me. Never hammer a nail. Come on take him out the shop OK here's how we do this it's really nice he likes it but you give me four other kid time like I don't know how to do this Nancy says it's not that bad. There are times when she'll get a harried when she's around a lot of kids but she is equipped to be able to handle this much easier and better than I can. It's God's way of making us unique. We need each other you need each other. I need a wife. My wife needs me and together we make a good team. That's go on by the way all of this everything connected to everything is keep going just keep going. It's all fueled by a very particular fuel called emotion. OK When you take a memory you attach an emotion to that memory. You burn that in your mind forever. Girls do this a lot. You guys can do it but not as much because frankly we don't care. But it's getting that you see there are memories in your life. Guys in the audience that you'll remember forever. Why because there was an event you attached an emotion to that memory and a girl can do this much easier than a guy I have a friend of mine who's a biblical counselor from Colorado Springs name is John John told me one time whenever he and his wife had an argument which was a rare thing but they did have it and he said My wife always got historical I said You mean it's very good. He said no. Historical she could remember everything Hank and in one thousand nine hundred seventy you bought that stupid van for the window that didn't work and another couple they don't do that now by the way they resolve all their issues in there that there isn't a Christian couple. When you take a memory and you catch an emotional memory you burn it into your heart forever in your mind. OK let's go on here. Same words different meanings guys and girls being different. Five minutes. Guys how long five minutes five minutes. Three hundred seconds five minutes. Girls how long five minutes. Two parents that's you know I can be in a motel and say Honey come on we've got to go we are huge class starts at three pm or whatever in a little bit let's go she said five minutes. OK So I'm standing on early. OK five minutes three hundred seconds to ninety two ninety nine three hundred. Let's go two more minutes. Another thing Nancy and I learned early on in our relationship was how the male and female brain were different. Only we learned the hard way early on you see when a guy is troubled about something he just wants to turn it off or just not think about it really and that way I think you guys are too. I've had some pretty harrowing experiences and you know you've got to work through it but you just kind of want to not think about it just turn it off and do what needs to be done. When I was troubled I would want to kind of think about nothing turn it off. Nancy could sense this as a good wife she would say Honey do you want to talk about it now. Oh no no I don't want to talk about that at all I just want to turn it off I've talked about it too much as it is now I was going to turn everything off and go flat. OK Nancy on the other hand couldn't do that my wife couldn't do that. You see when she was troubled about something she had to talk about it it's the same way with most of the women here all of you probably you need to talk about it to work through resolve and I learned early on in our marriage to stop trying to fix her. She'd come up and say I've really got a problem you know I was slow and so set or did something in the usually relational So I would say well you know this is how you fix that this is what you should do. She didn't want to hear that you know maybe just be quiet and listen. Now I finally learned that in our relationship you cannot in the office one day she said I've got this issue to come up that's OK. And before she got started I said you want me to fix it or just listen she said I want you to just listen I said you got it. Just She told me the whole thing. Found that up off the couch and I feel better. Ran downstairs I'm hollering after Wait a minute don't you want me to fix it. No I figured it out. Thanks for listening. You're welcome you're welcome. You see when it seems troubled about something I would give her my best advice as a man. Don't think about it she couldn't do that. I was she couldn't do that I'd say Honey it's easy just to don't worry about it don't think about it. She's not wired an away game and as a spiritual woman and as a spiritual man we have the ability to connect spiritually with one another pray about things together. There's a whole new dimension is that we're moving away from just these physiological differences into the solution. Pray for one another. Encourage one another to pray together. When I was upset she'd say you want talk about no I don't want to talk about it but I've learned to move beyond that guys you see you can change you're not locked into any of these patterns. I've learned to say let's pray about this together and as a leader I wasn't a leader when we first got married I was a passive man I was like that guy I showed an American Idol God in His goodness showed me how to become a spiritual leader in my home. Year two thousand and four I made a statement in a marriage seminar I'd never made before. I said I'm woman cannot respect a man who is not spiritual leader in their home. First time I ever said that I wonder how that will go over. Immediately after that presentation three women marched up front they want to talk one of them with tears and he said this is absolutely true they weren't experiencing that in their life and they were in a hard spot the Bible calls a woman in Asians five to respect. OK And it is very difficult for them to respect a man who is not a spiritual leader. And so by default they found themselves square in the middle of first Peter three where talks about a woman who is living in a home a hard situation where the husband's not a believer and what needs to happen there in order to win the husband over to Christ. This is God's advice through Poland works but there's a better way. Let's go back to the words different meanings nothing we're gone down the road driving from Stavanger Norway over to Kristiansand three weeks ago right along look at the beautiful scenery. Not stand much for twenty minutes. Nancy looks over and says what you think and that is true and I wasn't thinking about much at the time now. If a woman said if I ask her. Anyway thinking about nothing then I know something good something because very difficult if not impossible for a woman to think about nothing. What's going on inside it means different things to different people. For a guy is walking down the mall and he walks by Macy's there in the mall and there's mirrors lining the wall and he sees that image of himself it likes what he sees I've seen guys do this i president of myself and I've seen girls in the mall I've sat down there on my wife's shopping watching and I see girls walk by that same area they're kind of White House and they said Well now look back. My hair's terrible difference. Go ahead we're driving to the Outer Banks North Carolina for a much needed vacation I say Honey I've got an idea. I'm going to drive all the way down to the ferry dock and we're going take a ferry on up to Cape Hatteras that will be fun. Yeah it will but when does the ferry go at all now. They probably go regularly like they do over in Scandinavia. Go ahead so we get there we find out they do go regularly every three hours and we just one just left twenty minutes ago. So about two hours and forty minutes to wait. Not much fun to go on male testosterone we talked about this. Now testosterone is part of the way God created a man clear back when the fall cured and the curse was pronounced upon the earth also to man was given the responsibility which I believe was a carry over from the original role of creation to provide for the family and God said it's going to be a little harder this time around you're going to have weeds and thing. Is to deal with and Paul like he said the creation groans that will fight against you for a while until the earth is made new. Testosterone will help you do your task. It will it will be that driving force within you that will give you the ability and the desire to protect your woman and girls how do you know man loves you when he wants to protect you when he wants to protect you. They are daily one of the greatest cross-country skiers it's ever been an exhibition you've heard of this guy probably who is that. Michael Phelps Yeah you can swim a little bit. The tremendous specimen of conditioning and ability. Johan all of cars on the go to speed skaters over them also from Norway. Now these guys have something these guys have something special. They've got they've got testosterone of course like all of us guys habitate conditioned themselves into the world class athletes that they are but that means nothing in the eyes of heaven. Testosterone will not take you to heaven or will it take you to happiness. I surrender to Christ world let's go on female hormones you all know about this. Some of you more than I am probably probably not qualified as many of you to talk about this but I do know that there are four main hormones in a woman's cycle and when we talk to husbands and wives that sometimes I'll ask them what's the monthly cycle for like for you. Struggled a lot during that period of time. Or is it easier and you get all kinds of answers and finds the work to say it's really not that bad. No I'll turn to the husband if I know who give me the right answer. So is that true. And say oh yeah it's really not that bad. Again if it is he'll tell me. I know one guy is a doctor and he said I asked my wife one time why she's so angry during that. It monthly cycle she said I'm not angry I just hate you. They had a sense of humor. They're a Christian couple by the way. There are a couple of things that will help level these cycles out women and one of them may surprise you. Bike tax has been offered lately as a natural solution to kind of help to level out the hormonal cycle for a woman in flaxseed oil has often been touted for its ability to help level that out but there is one other thing that will help resolving betterness will definitely help this monthly cycle now that's a spiritual thing isn't it. And you would be amazed at how that affects the emotional side of a person you had a Baptist couple come to us all five years ago or so. I can't remember when it was an adultery case for him that's about the third hardest thing there is to help someone through and I helped him resolve his moral issues and lead him to Christ and to God for healing and then I led the wife to resolve her bitterness she had a very large amount of bitterness and I had led her to Jesus to resolve that is the only one that can I'm just fortunate to be able to watch this happen in my office the next morning they came back in to the office and I said they were staying with us by the way. I said How do you get along last night. I was like to check on couples and she said a funny thing happened yesterday afternoon I walked over to the window and I stood there for three hours without moving. Looking outside. OK And she said I found myself noticing the grass and I could hear the birds. She said it was also beautiful and I couldn't leave that window I just stood there for a long time. I lost track of time. Later I found I found out I've been there for three hours she said I found myself saying it's so beautiful what it happened I was the very same yard the very same window that she'd been looking out of probably for the previous two days. But something happened in her life she chose to resolve that and if she was carrying around inside of her a note of debt someone owes me something in this case it was the husband in the way that her own father treated her when she was young and she carried that around all of her life and her husband stood on the shoulders of that which we have there's no doubt that she was carrying around in the form of bitterness the Bible says. See to it that no root of bitterness spring up among you whereby many are defiled. She chose to tear that note up and tearing that note up met her saying I am willing to pay the price of the pain that they caused me only then. Was she walking with Jesus. Side by side. You can't pay for the stand of another individual but what you can do is be willing to pay the price of emotional pain and to put it simply all that means my friends is that you say I accept what happened I can't change it. Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having a different past that will help this monthly cycle tremendously. That might not be a complete cure but it will go a long ways. Let's go on. We're back to the question we ask in the beginning what is the most pain a person can feel. Some of you may have come up with an answer to that already I'd like to provide the answer to that as we've found over the years. The answer to that is the most pain a person can feels when they're completely and totally alone. We've learned this in different ways. The state of California years ago did a study where they discovered that if you take a young child and you feed and you clothe that child that you never ever interact or talk. At that child within a few short years a child will die. They've been eating and drinking. If something important is missing from their lives it's the same way with each one of us my friends we were created for relationships by God we were created to first open our hearts to God and God in heaven to be able to connect with him in the most pain a person can feel is when you feel completely and totally alone. When you get into the federal penal system here in America when they really want to punish a soldier or a prisoner what do they do. Solitary completely and totally alone. But you're not alone. Young people adults. You're not alone we have that promise that lingers wherever you go wherever you are we know that we're not alone you can be the third ruler in Babylon and know that you're not alone even though you may feel like it you can be in jail and Philip I mean you're not alone because it's there. God sets the lonely in families he leads forth the prisoners with singing but the rebellious live in a dry land. Nothing grows in a dry land only be OK's You know we God sets the lonely in families. Those of you who have come out of another faith into the Adventist Church have experienced something unique and you found a new family one that you didn't have before. And that's a special thing and you also have some things that you have to learn along the way. And that's OK I will be with you and he will help you do that. We need each other we've been given a special family. In the advent of family that's our presentation for today. Thank you for being here and God bless each one of you. This media was brought to you by audio through a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about our universe. If you would like to listen to more sermon legalism W.-W. W. dot audio Verse dot org.

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