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Relationships: the Secret Flavor in Freedom from Addictions

Allan Handysides

Presenter

Allan Handysides

Director, Health Ministries, General Conference

Conference

Recorded

  • October 28, 2011
    2:00 PM
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like to welcome you all okay I enjoyed mine then you want to explain why you're seeing besides I'm not landless a lot of you don't know the difference between the two of us to you Doctor Hendee last question with Doctor Landy slides here and anything makes a name so much that he is the Henderson younger aviation on the old one but I'm always reflected when they think it on to Doctor landless couldn't be here today because of that the engine change in his itinerary and his booking so he had to go overseas he's currently in the Emirates and he couldn't be here at this meeting I virtually volunteered to take his place because he was doing something that's very very important for us he is as you know the executive director of the international commission for the prevention of alcoholism and other addictions that goes under the title I see a United Nations organization front and so he is working in the Emirates under that particular hanging out he is engineering something that is very dear to my heart for many reasons he is trying to set up a relationship between Loma Linda University school of Public health and cook the Dean is here and the rest of Everest relationship that will involve an eye CPA lectureship in you so my letters NBC has begotten son a British trained of course I supposed to go to her professorship is an assistant professor that we're sending over there who would be a lecturer in the British system and he's going to go over and be a liaison officer and we're hoping that we will build to establish in the area of health as we all know that health is the place that we begin now working many many many places so Loma Linda school of Public health will have a presence and I CPA will have a presence in the Emirates outlet don't be and that is a wonderful thing for us to have hoping that that that particular entity will be able to bring in lecturers to the University and set up special academic days and so forth will bring in speakers from Loma Linda bringing bringing into speakers from some of the University so we may be honest Doctor Albert Reece who is the dean of the school of medicine in Maryland for instance Gunderson lectures and maybe Doctor Gilbert Burnham from Johns Hopkins University school of Public health Doctor David Williams who is in school of Public health at Harvard and it will sort of look like they're from all these different places as they indeed are but we won't know that that will have interests and that will represent the church and it's very important that we do that because what they are establishing their hobbies relationships were undergoing their approximate size within to establish relationships the phone rang in my office I just for background on a fishing gynecologist but I didn't do pediatrics before that so I trained pediatric in Toronto to visit Jordan graduated from Edinburgh in Scotland UK First Amendment two two two Toronto trained as a pediatrician found I really wasn't too enamored of running noses and diarrhea and the oldest thing children change specialty when the OB/GYN because the mother is a much more appreciative intolerant of other things than they are for themselves and they offer their children and I found his monks in the top is can we turn it just seems little haunting history not the microphone committed maybe turn it down a little bit and so we so that my background and is is is a plus must have thought that is as a is a British trained physician and Doctor Lamberth also is not a British term for the South African trained physician and show action I've been working together with both of us have not MDs but we have NBC HBO I think it is a BCH we aren't we get a double bachelors degree the end of the training medicine and then we don't specialize in so I do have an agreement pediatrics chair is going to FRCP see today that's not a degree but when I took originally olden days that it won't be soon before computers I think that I did with a degree in the face I got in degrees FSB which was an academic degree 's I'm hoping that we will then establish in the emirate some relationships the phone rang in my practice one day and it was a young lady who said to my wife 's admission besides he's got a decent who's got and she said that living with AIDS so my wife said well Gail you'd better come and see the doctor I first met Joe when I found her coming into the practitioner noted with should depend millions of these studs in it and then she looked really young well-dressed by connecting the difference of style there were more mature occupation death she said I'm okay I knew nothing and how we you look to him so I said well alone that's fine to let you know you're pregnant and she's as well I'm a cook cocaine addict and your cocaine he said he and she says I don't touch it when I'm pregnant should you not going to be testing you she's in on him but she said I won't touch when pregnant while she did not do pregnancy high I found her went back to the cocaine she was pushed open the second half and gave she is right off the cocaine 's I knew that she could should go off it for something very important like a baby but she was addicted so she called and she says my office got a Chevy 's HIV-positive I was actually delighted that you call our office just think of it she called her office and she wanted to speak to my wife Jan why because she had a relationship she had a relationship that she couldn't trust my wife and I believe she could trust me to contribute with butchering check her out she wasn't posted on the cover long story short then just before Christmas I believe the public about this time via phone when to get she said these died and she started to cry when she cried she said you know I don't want to do for Christmas Houston nickel kind of Christmas presents for the kids nicknames still she said I'm scared to going to come because if I going to come in they catch me then they'll separately from the children of Mike kids should I go and make things for Christmas so my wonderful wife Janet who sitting the invention doesn't want me to talk like this I told I want to talk about it but she's his own grief please don't she said that will check your Christmas gap so she said to me with an care Christmas with the kids so should work what are we going to do well sure enough we had to load up a call we have to do all of the things Christmas time to new outfit for the children who could forget the car up the package you what typical spoiled brats another one branch that was typical sport beautiful kids and they that they had all kinds of skateboards that will scarcely used in a little fulfillment of the real whizbang skaters needed twice the film have government didn't like it anymore so we had all these kind of things we could give to the kids and the kids have not usually put them in the car and so much stuff on television and take both cause two eleven both cost to both cars about eighty miles down the road to where there was living I wish you living that because she found that she couldn't live in Toronto because she knew what the people and she said I'm going to going to go back to my old habits if I stay with the same group of people I have to make new relationships I went into her house her house was absolutely spit spat it was cleaner than our own house it was much more but it was absolutely think that we took in the food and the stuff that my wife and collected for you I cannot hold that against the veggie Turkey she said that you took your mind and she's a prostitute you got to take a regular so right so we took this techie I've done enough in fifteen hundred old food this was all their kids will looking than it was really like Christmas posted at the bottom of the stairs and I looked at the stairway that went by I said she said that Tim John looked at the picture here was a guy in his underpants but the most beautiful body he was bodybuilder pushed an electrician because I suck my belly and him somewhere sure misunderstanding what you beautiful in the stairwell they were a series of photographs which I followed up up the stairs as I went up the stairs I could see the Chronicle of the devastation of AIDS and the final picture at the top of the landing he said she said that ten details before you die and he looked like a human pretzel stripping to the time of those who once you've got big she said that's the one that said that this is my room in the room course was a big one it was about this big as she had a dressing table on the dressing table that wasn't a wooden shed that same inch choke up this was a hot woman who used us in this and this and that for every second work question do you really really love this guy and tears came in her eyes and a big one she said he's the only person who ever really left me that's what were talking about this afternoon with talking about the expression of love in a relationship and I was so delighted to hear the keynote this morning which was considered was actually the devotional hope you'll went to the devotional focused on high among them was not very good what do they focus on the devotion this one we then came into focus own unique sound who will stand and what we should focus on all our high calling Christ manifested the character of Christ Christ is focused on Christ we need to have this focus of all our activities it must be focused on Christ now I know we like to focus on depression and I know we like to focus on nutrition counters and I know Doctor Landis is focusing just now on exercise you will exercising lost lost weight did you notice you notice that I lost weight of the picture look at me now typical been methodically exercising his at the cost of funds exceeding weight-bearing exercise but it just three bottles water in arithmetic and I went on my back when I walk my way to explore than I did so that slows me down and she and I can walk together and exercise now I know on the picture my BMI is twenty five cents each just on the border you know you're like me so you understand what to do is set to accuracy which will focus on all of these things think about cities focused on we must focus on Jesus focus on Jesus we now have the basics because we've got this relationship right now we can focus on the elections the relationship that we had people have been found to be very important to talk about prevention prevention of addictions what works well Festival we know that prevention is better than all right prevention is better than cure when we go around the world people are always think how old do we have to special program got me generations that set regenerated as programmable for people who would like to get off drugs but fun and getting off drugs is never to be on that so prevention is far better than cure and prevention Ms. Mikula if you can't do this stuff then you won't be like Daniel I need to get all sick but you know if they're already on it we usually think we can educate people out of their addictions yes we telephone after the pictures back harmful effects of tobacco the next in the next places that take place in the passages you can describe the display is you can describe how they going to get impossibly intense from from from from control the chronic obstructive pulmonary disease we can talk about all these diseases very well education is important but why do you think I'm just borderline of what I know will you see it's difficult to put what we know into practice and it has been shown that longitudinal study done on the list was studied on seventy four fifty eight seventy and atlas experiment they found that the most important factors in protecting those young people click behavior was the knowledge your kids about condoms and HIV using the kids I went to school down there would you please give a talk on how each one is as irrelevant and grateful grateful to listen to grateful to myself you when you working with the difficulties but know everything so the provision of the first of his diligence so we said that how many of you know what HIV specific out with us in our scores at age physical or would like to talk about prevention prevention what do you know about the prevention of HIV was against the looms and condoms at six oh I'm thinking this is nothing that comes wondering what is and what do you know about condoms I don't want to be I don't want to be accused of telling grateful people kids about condoms talking what do you know about condoms should all just as latex condoms as final condos the animal animal tissue condoms should does your mother know you know what this is at school she picked the kids know a lot of people education is important but education alone is a failure education is education alone is a failure what is the missing ingredient to rest the question of thousands of America closes doors after many many years forty million dollars for patient compliance has gone missing I went golfing on seventy two hundred that would work living to the lifestyle of what they had created what they told you there for two weeks maybe three weeks beautiful place what was the problem isn't the problem music education on the relationships to follow a is not going to cut now I just said you would because I see you here thank you for coming I could not let him think of England but on the say something on his brief on the present ministers the book goes to the person who will pick to the people about the disbelief they embrace the Lord Jesus I said yes I want to become a Seventh-day Adventist Christian they come to church and listen to the field just like this next video is that you will want to spend the last fifteen years in prison and I think they moved down the pew and his people don't come back to church and then connect church for pocketing the literature in English literature teachers telling us about a month ago and women in the church established the church is that if you break the habit was since you got baptized directly rebaptized you can't have him in C we have to develop relationships the relationships are essential because education unknown will not work say much about what works program gospel was a success and what works social support works social support and social support works I'm going to summer as I can tell it how I will open this up for a few questions will be done and I wanted very much open to summarize everything that you and your street appoints jujube tangling the three points if we want to change behaviors if we want people to enjoy the life that Christ with his girlfriend and book things that we have to do number one we have to establish a warm trusting and trustworthy relationship with people nonjudgmental non- accusatory we accept all people then maybe we have some behaviors that we would prefer to see modified but we accept the people 's attention in our own families we have to learn to accept children as they become them as they are because they registration you can do nothing about the Golden find out here young it will come to read when you can do nothing shall you have to ask the individuals as they are accepted as the relationship that relationship the needs this to be a channel of communication is that will permit the transmission are out there Mississippi for a very simple once we establish the relationship can transmit them having transmitted those values doesn't mean they'll stick with it doesn't mean they'll stick with us to go to church and Sunday will the government feel affronted thoroughgoing change dejection foundation with a hilltop church dressed like that and that you throw them out to music that you will let her be my macaroni what an leave the church so how can we help these people to become would put them to work social support input then giving social support as a self literature that is coming out in the press over the last five or six years in the academic press I said that shows that young people who engage in social support on a multiple group about those young people may think the values they don't they become part of their lives social support isn't that they receive social support over that simple it's important that they give social support you know when we talk about health message being involved in health ministry is replacing to you the ministers when I think all we are doing health ministry for then never forget we benefit because it is more blessed to give advantages to receive it the Bible has been scraped the Bible understands the human dynamic the Bible understands that if we can be involved in social simple we will be blessed social school once said it will save us and we can do will Associates what were not going to go to heaven because producers support don't get me wrong I think it it burns it gives us the ability to to to to move on when we have young people and I want to focus a lot of young people in the store and I'm going to try and move along the verify this by the way Doctor land with his talk the reason I can give is what he talks about is when I talk about and we can just talk to each other but it is basically college students who report high levels of social support also reported lower levels of stress largest social networks are related to fewer hospitalizations as we get older and ask your question don't take offense I just like this kids in your church you fifty K no inland seventy five percent or twenty five percent and I am not blaming this probably hundred and fifty kids and I know nothing was right that they hardly know me and not on the point of the question is do we know the names of the accused doing that lends legitimacy to it in our church is not very good at this my wife's very good with the doctor said that lady 's new which is selected this will before she's okay and she sent to church and then said that the signal remains Janet had besides shouldn't you think no not because I'm a shrinking violet because I'm going to start compensate his monitors I don't know maybe that's what made me what the basis of the business of the socialite the doctor stuck up for me and Janet Lefevre and he was using invite them home to one of this is when I shall just like the insurance you should just come home for lunch and was called a beloved husband and two children just fun to get suddenly the ship the social support we moved in body needs social support I started this will talk about a prostitute be honest in your inbox so when I said a prostitute did you feel a little bit lucky did you just a little bit think about it it's sometimes hard for us to be absolutely honest in our inmost self I love it when the lighting said that he get some property people come I know it's a problem people you're going to get you will get problem people but how message is for people just because she is white by the high society highflying Pharisees they should in all key dates with Republicans and sinners over the criticism of health ministries could be that we meet with publicans and sinners will want if you don't sometime when we go out we can prepare luncheons because luncheon stood little you know who was born about going to because I is within the object of the invention as soon as you can step her house and go Greek in which you could just forget talk about what we should and shouldn't do let's just do it in kindness and love at an Ouija these baskets is a little mad that maybe two hundred three hundred and then the young people go out on a second-place see when they know there's a lot of immigrants who will go to go to work for many living on a shoestring out of six hundred and one half hours examining one have tried to make a livelihood and so we give out the type of bags you know you can feed two hundred people in a separate it's a wonderful thing this little different though from actually sitting down and eating with they get the point something in our ministries are like us but if we're going to have a relationship intimacy you can jump books are exactly what is in there is a need there is a need for us to humble my people my name will humble things we have to be like Jesus relationships and relationships are going to bring people to the church Medicaid who is a little alien in some things especially to some of the things that some of you might think of variable symptom when you doing Thursday night telephone number with reality and so when we get ready for bed nightclub poster is really good get ready for bed I got sick structures are just what homeless kids at Midland to the homeless kids when it comes to the two hundred homeless kids in Redlands California to Jesus when he comes into his mistreatment elements that just handed on a place to stay to wonder what are you doing in a meeting with a meeting with the woman here that started this she said she needed help so I volunteered up on helping I wanted the kids like his own you wouldn't want to touch and you wouldn't want to be when he says they got mohawks on their heads green and blue and excused her then husband got money kissing all over to Lisa's stuff structure that time is not your type and what are you doing to Jacinto is owed by the way is very hot in the conditions five hundred dollars for that condition of Nelson did two fifty new command to fifty somewhere else thinking that hit you up for the two this is an so want to go down there sitting down there with these kids he said the children and the company think is that if we could take marijuana than it is to take crack cocaine just two choices when he said you know I can and we had to stop waiting for the change in my T-shirt and jeans I went that way I can only lead to changes in University and recently crowd around enlightened beings around us launch social networks pool protects these people in adults and from social support is a lot to spend you know the studies that show that health promoting activities for older people relationships benefit of the applicant has a heart attack asking the question the section does your wife show you a lot because she love you specialized show you her love and vitamin some say yes something that won't have contact to follow six one twenty one two 's wife show them that they survived far better off to that attack by buyout relative respecter of maybe two times so the statistical significance is that I is very significant do you have some money to low social support associated with greater times a day patients with breast cancer and serious life-threatening skin cancer such as melanomas survive long with good social support I say how can this be its program related to this perspective in the stress of going to these illnesses in all one of the these kind of things should television a little test on the chromosomes in people are undergoing also stressed that the colonies they did they destroy the telomerase which builds off the evening the recapture the company that is found to be low instead I would support that comes for this biochemical reasons for how we cope with the stress chronically ill women have less depression if they social support social support is is associated with improved performance in academic examinations King one nine three seven which one is had difficulty in school until he went to apply for the teacher Monday announced to the class the most likely candidate to be a millionaire in this class is an amendment and the kids came home and said Mister Brown said to dwell in going to have to work on to my knowledge he never missed never missed an assignment of course this silence was always done to the highest grade in highest level but he never missed one because he felt for he felt that the teachers K if you to support this important health ministry I want to to put this support first I want you to make this number one in health is important don't get me wrong I just posted about the exercise most about this course I am eating smaller portions United Kingdom France on good food one of my searches was gaining weight and height is given election since gaining weight and she said I don't understand everything is good food I think how much do you think I watched them with a playful like this and you know you can too much of a good thing and just what you eat is how much of that you have less mothers young how many of them I use you know in a cocoon of Adventism we don't always understand what you know that becoming pregnant to you and they say Keith can you tell who the father this job is and you say will tell you little one is supposed to know who the father extra she says nobody in our Friday night and the Pentagon was drinking and I got to know wasn't sure what I think I'm not sure can we tell and you know we might think I know my mother would have gone forth and I can know my mother is my father would drift to the accuracy but usually don't leave home will someone did Jesus was living with Jesus Lincoln is an excellent dentist you know we don't want again to support flood it is adolescent mothers because they been drinking and smoking and scrolling around in there and got terribly well we think they just we say we don't when I go to Africa unite with the request for HIV and AIDS and chickenpox which the first book to continue itching to change right I thought how did you just change the flexibility compliant to the mind of Christ why don't we say we all brother unsubscribing I'm so sorry that that that you don't have to bare this burden to an event with take that the attitude Jesus wouldn't have him what troubles me is that I worried it would become Pharisees before we talk about the relationship you want these relationships social support lack of social support is associated with problems in this book why do we have to young people graduating from high school graduating from the trash and our young people when they graduate high school but all and all of us and then the judge is elected a wedding or something and then the other one is still in the jet will use that is because is it because they know that you can and you will know peace is because they don't like showing up at a physical embodiment of that is not as you know we always say well you know that some of the administrator don't relieve budgetary in the house study fifty percent of the respondents were vegetarians that in the health start a in the church itself is not now with fifty percent would be a good number for North America if you took the global church with four to five with ten percent I can think of anything well now we've got the pecans with the Discovery Channel at the left all the pictures which ones the best and Hoffman about which ones the best juicing that's very attractive to someone to somebody you know is his girlfriend was as if the Lord will accept ten or he got drunk we smoked a joint of marijuana how we behave King really choose us no Linda Fox news will verify that the cost to cover five-story please apologize if you send out to Doctor Landis just tell them it was one photo or otherwise using the social support or love his health giving sincere honest relationships they build resilient as they build the capacity to maintain competent functioning in spite of adversity in life stresses it develops over time and is characterized by coping skills that we want to give forty six percent of men did mention Utah forty six percent less likely to use drugs twenty seven percent less likely to initiate alcohol fifty three percent less likely to skip school or aperture thirty seven percent less likely to skip class mentored youth are greater than thirty percent less likely to somebody more confident in the school gets along better with FM religion and prayer regarding drug use religion of parental influence of the most common factors common practice associated with refraining from alcoholic strength lack of religious affiliation is strongly associated with such without alcohol abuse amongst the most physicians highly religious commitment among adolescents is associated with less intention to use cocaine resiliency all of our ministries doesn't matter what you are and if your nutritionist if you are behaviorist if you remove whatever branch of health ministries you must look to build resiliency and I resiliency means that they pushed under the water they stressed the what difficult predicaments will bark like a cool night bobbing for apples and relationships in the church I thought you might like to see this because I know you like you know your scientific ordinance anyone a few percentages look at the Adventist church this cat I got to these statistics from Gary Frazier added that this tool would cut kept telling that to you handset offerings took just a little bit of the people you socialize with what percentage are Adventists of the people you socialize what percentage of Adventists when you because there is persistent in response to seek sixteen six two hundred percent Adventist of those we associate with fifty one percent of the church if you exit twenty five cents to sixty five percent twenty seven zero two twenty five percent last year 's twenty eight percent said they willingly primarily with one another but you see this is the problem because downhill twenty percent of Adventist report approximately one hundred percent of their social circle was with at your in the world but not of the world that what Christ said twenty percent on the world on a very narrow because they will register college social support in the doing and then administer coombs do the people whom you worship with make you feel loved and cared for now we welcome them into the this church that has been in prison these guys are wonderful express of the given social show they come into the judge in the night do we make them feel loved and careful now these are not prisoners these are just members right these are not nonadministrative not my prostitute and her kids to the school she said before that when the stimulus was needed this kind would you put in evidence but but I mean basically beside me the Ronson these questions do you always feel only twenty five percent said they always felt loved and cancel only twenty five percent fifty percent said that only sixty percent of family and is being newly sixteen percent said never these the guys literally the church can you make a difference can you make a difference you willing to establish a relationship with these people now let me tell you these people on the difficulty these people maybe the doctors are in the doctors who know everything about no interference I tolerate nobody telling them anything can send talk to write some of the biggest pains in the cost is is the doctor this is on the board with as well about ten thousand dollars if you do this himself but if you don't do it my way it's a hot evening that the boards and then put some money at the end but that one copy on the Hong Kong government that will come down and accept the money hello what shall we talk about healing the rift between the ministers of the professions as a professional overlap in the home of the pasta I knew it's a two way street two-way street and we health professionals we have to be prepared to walk the extra mile to heal the rift because we were the ones that maybe don't feel this loved and cared for what is helpful how often the people with whom you worship critical audience I was pleased with this method right now yes you critical us but that means no constructive chrism the pastas too scared to say that drinking alcohol is a problem just had to say no church doesn't believe in extramarital sexual relationships and maybe we can we can be Tuesday in a while okay fairly often this group here obviously feel there in the long view and not getting the support and not getting the need I've been so the church size if the judge sizes less than a hundred and fifty one percent to each other's family to hundred two thousand forty one percent because it is over thousand is pretty obvious today that small churches of that amendment churches brought and sings about pills can we don't do is what do we we don't do as well in a week we always what will you do want to know what to talk about their own day that afternoon but you know the members and listen to your personal problems at least fairly often see the judge tries again these big churches because the church was so you got the message encounters then it went all the special gift from God to come to an end love will go on three things will remain a hope and love is love life is the foundation of old relationships that build resiliency outgoing to don't transform your churches don't think you can transfer the comfort don't transform everything we just work on this guy Jenna you got it when I go to her classroom in relation this video was produced by audio verse four amen this medical and better to learn more about me then please visit www. name address and I will 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