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Finding Your Life-long Friend

Daniel Pel


Marriage is one of the most important choices we make in life. Preparation for marriage involves more than detailing a beautiful wedding. Relationships are often entered into with high expectations towards the other. But the real question is: Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for? In this workshop you will discover key ingredients that will prepare you for an enjoyable lifelong relationship.


Daniel Pel

Speaker/Director of Living Water, Norway




  • December 28, 2012
    11:30 AM
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in order for every fortified father in heaven we want to thank you Lord that we can come before you this morning thank you for the opportunity to open you work together and to talk about got the relationships we pray that you will bless our study in our time that we may come to see your plan in all of this Lord how the weekend establish godly relationships and especially that that person that special person that you have for us in our lives this to do that is to be our lifelong partner so please guide us now and speak to us with your Holy Spirit we ask in Jesus name amen all right so I guess all of you I will not here on Friday they were those here on Friday the seminar that we had on Friday note that they are only as good as this is a rapid Titian similarly different rejoicing what you can do better in the seconds is any better than the first so you come to the right one okay so the title for the seminar is finding your lifelong friend and I swear read the workshop description that may be some of you have already read in the booklet down a refinance or get an idea of what work organa do here it says that marriage is one of the most important choices we make in life preparation for marriage involves more than detailing a beautiful wedding relationships are often entered with expectations towards the other but the real question is are you the person you are looking for is looking for in this workshop you will discover key ingredients that will prepare you for an enjoyable lifelong relationship and so Belinda do in the course of our time together here is talk about the preparation for relationships the preparation for marriage and many enter into marriage with expectations expectations towards the other person that they have chosen to unite their lives with and what many times happens is that what first was a beautiful romance turns into a very tragic drudgery experience the difficult experience because all those expectations might not be met and and this on many occasions leads to divorce or or and and no second marriage maybe another divorce and we looking around us we do see the world and even in our own church this is happening a lot as so what we wanted to is look at what the Bible tells us about how we can prepare ourselves to enter into a relationship that will last you look at some very fundamental principles of Scripture we titled the seminary of finding your lifelong friend 's little bit of a hook to get here because finding your lifelong friend when you get a title of source focused on like on the other like what this he or she have to have his attributes for for me to unite my life with him or with her native better title with would be no how do I prepare for my lifelong friends because would actually focus more on our own personal personnel operation then on the qualities of the other even though the falsity part of the seminar but sometimes we just think about got it we have our list like checklist yet all the person that we want to end up with a new update pass the checklist then you know that the person to go for but that is not loaded to be here even though of course there qualities you looking for in the other but more importantly this was the question out because I got a question to think about a little bit deeper I give the person you are looking for is looking for an otherwise are you the one that cut that you would be looking for right not just putting exit station on the other but are you actually the one you make those choices to prepare your life for that relationship life is made up of choices he really bring down the core of life just a lot of choices you've made a lot of choices in your life is to know where you live in certain choices you know you have not made your parents have made but ultimately does a lot of choices that you make fishes a young person where you live you know what he did study what kind of job you have to do it we let them marry some choices have vague results consequences others small consequences you already made a lot of choices this morning when you got out of that he decided what time to get up you know just a little bit longer to actually get up to join the worship it already decide what you would wear this morning you decided whether to take the apple and banana this morning it out yet a lot of this decisions with her banana breakfast it was an Apple okay so you can make that choice the life choices write letter choices now their communities may have lesser sick significance but the choice that had their choices are a few of them in life to have huge consequences right the choice of your faith has huge consequences that you decided to be in a seven dad insisted to follow the Bible huge consequences also the decision in the choice of relationships has immensely big consequences and results in every area of our lives any of you look at them happy couples and you look at couples that are kind of all and part and sometimes we refer to them as all you know that person if she is lucky enough with the right one and the other person that it doesn't go so well well since their lot in life as we talk about luck and Lough but there's more to a relationship than having lots or you now being doomed to whatever your six circumstances it was it's really a choice and it is a preparation and that's what we really want to focus on here this morning what is that choice or how do we basically prepare ourselves to make the right choice of that person Alan Alan a start and after this foundation is to start with that is solving a net effect on the missed dose as following is the right person mess the right person that is that he is saying that when you can meet that person that dream is now still you know you're dreaming about or thinking about freedom he hurried to meet him the right person this goes like you know once I meet him or her all my problems are the result not at the moment I'm lonely but once I end up with no spouse on the longer the loan me now I have problems with anger but you know this is just because I'm a load of this is just because I don't have someone to fill in that part of my life but just wait till I and up with that person and the problem will be gone my loneliness will be gone no some people struggling with last year my losses and a dog go away one time together with a person in all these problems that we have you believe in this mess you must believe in this mess the right person myth I like to call it that once we and up with that person everything is to be all right what is the problem with .net the problem with .net is that you have a lot of expectations towards the other person because your life of a visa problems I have but once I meet the right person or persons that are sold all my problems and so you know you walk up the aisle and you know you stand for the past there any say no I do and when you walk down the aisle with all these expectations and you dump them on the other person is how many marriages go and so the other person out has to do this and this and this and that to make you a happy person now that doesn't work and so what happens is you don't strife in the home and many times leading to divorce to the other thing is that when you expect something in the thankful when the person doesn't even think about when you ask you would book a night in a hotel five-star hotel K best of the best in you paying like more than a hundred euro for this one night so you're paying a lot to come into the room and there's just a little bit of dirt on the floor they got you know you just tolerate that not probably will go out to the person reception say hey five star hotel I think this is easy to clean that room so you have this expectation is for many enter into that marriage have huge expectations and if there's just one thing that doesn't really go according to their dream business of strife and so instead of having the expectations towards the other where would I start in this seminar and and and and you know this is this is the beautiful thing many of you are not yet married or single and so note you hear you're looking forward to that day that you will unite yourself with that person if that is God 's will in an way for you and you can already decide now yup I want to become the person that my lifelong partner will be will be looking for I want to become that person because when I when I walk up the aisle and I say I do I wanted to be merely just you know words if I want that promise to mean something on that promise to mean that actually God that you have prepared me and enabled me to follow you and to be everything that you want me to be to fulfill that Thomas now in order to to give a little bit of faith structure to the seminars within a go over a couple of points on how to prepare for a relationship we chose a chapter in the Bible that many of you will be familiar with and in this chapter they are just a lots of principles foundational principles that are so crucial and not only the relationship between a young man in the young lady but actually in an old relationships and the beautiful thing is that you can take these principles that will not look at together and you can already now start experiencing those principles stop bringing those principles into your life with the power of God in any relationship but the relationship between your parents and yourself between your friends your colleagues and once you brought those those those principles there and your and you're actually you know a practicing than you can say you are experiencing them you're actually becoming more and more and more ready for a life long partner or the marriage of the chapter is first drink is thirteen second-half your Bible but invite you to turn see first Corinthians chapter thirteen first Corinthians chapter thirteen and this is of course what is known as the the love chapter and what Paul does in this chapter is he he describes the attributes of love and we can look at a couple of them and how they apply in relationships is a first print is thirteen and we just got began verse one it does what it says though I speak with the tongs of men and of angels and have not love I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal and though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge and all I have all faith that I could remove mountains but have not love I am nothing and/or the stove all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned and have not love it profits me nothing so the base of the first three verses very simple love is above everything else okay whatever gods it says in the Bible God is love to love trumps everything else and now comes the characteristics of interest for first-floor love suffers long enough what's another word for it was another way of saying that if eleven old English love suffers long what would that mean any idea patient exactly love is patient now interesting the first attribute of love that is described here in first rent is thirteen is that love is patient now when you look at the Hollywood movies of today there's a common theme in those Hollywood movies and that is like a love story now in most loves stories is love patient if usually everything but patient right to another of the popular songs of the music industry it's all about I want to I want you now and I need you I can't live without you and you know those songs that you hear your friends playing all the time that you never listen to yourself I hope you all and all the time it's about love being inpatient I can't wait for you and I need you at all of these movies all of this music industry is an interesting idea trying try to make a blockbuster movie that will sell throughout the world our love is patient will be difficult on value if not impossible we know what this is what really works this is reality that love is patient and if you you want a real relationship not one sound company has floating like a Hollywood is presenting but if you want a real relationship and this is a very fundamental principle to embrace that his love is patient now what does that mean deliver that description you think about the creation story no God created the world and spoke everything into existence after question did not have a specific order in its creation or the just like a yesterday I made this and see what's I make today but I feel like making a counting this combat but it was a lichen just you know what it is thinking of of of of what he wanted to do each day or if they actually have a plat you can get a plan with easier flat get a plan as well yet even as maverick he makes everything ready and then the last committee creatures mankind right male and female why because everything is now prepared for them there the crowns of the creation and soap has a plan he's always had a plan from the very beginning as an effort when God before he even created the first thing which is like the Bible says God spoke to let there be light and there was liking before God created life it first existed in his mind was an amazing thought got thinks about it and he speaks it into existence else methinks I speak the next thing in physics if you have a plan is a order no love is patient wasn't me that love is patient there is a right order to things first come certain things then follows this then follows that up with you the Bible Adam was created note interesting Adam was given a hall of the Lord and it says that he must address the Garden of Eden to be a beautiful beautiful work you know hee hee he was to have a designer together with God of this home that he had himself as he is engaged in this workings also naming the animals and all kinds of things that he's doing out what happens next is that God gives them of course that precious gap the greatest gift that he could receive from God and this is what you need but isn't it interesting that he first receives his calling you know many times love his impatience and before we have the calling of God we rush into a relationship and what many times that will that relationship will do is it will hinder us from God 's call right and that's why it's so powerful for script inserting starts with love suffers long love is patient in other words wait until God has given your claw holding first is especially important for the man but it's also important for the women but a man in many ways Scripture and spread her pussy reveals if you know the provider of the home note and if you don't have it all however in a way to provide an XML United and it would be working against the order of God but also port for each of us also of course ladies you know what God has called you to do it because if we ask that we rush into a relationship and then comes the call the question is is the call compatible with your partner and the case that many times can't be that it's not as happened to a main occasion an illustration if if you have the call of God to become a mission I let okay and then then you would be lucky for a AWOL I got that can support you in that call right that could could understand that you might be sometimes away from home and that will not be totally continually anxious and afraid of you being in the year ago it the compound was not it is the call that God has given me compatible with the partner that God has given me many times we think the other way around we find a partner and we consider the call of God the question is who comes first who comes first comes first in everything and if we put God first he also knows the best partner for us it's a beautiful thing he knows the best person that matches with estimated if you want if you would be interested in how work and you and you would need a partner that just has no interest for that to be difficult you could never talk about that which is really on your heart I received a call into to teach and preach the word of God and after that a hogan goblets filled into my life and and and the beautiful thing is that we can work together this is something that interests her and and she participates in this and so many amazing ways you know personally contact with people and and and and supports and in many ways that is just you know alone I would be capable of doing this so so this this idea of hall comes before your lifelong friend is is is really what what what and what is in caps in these words love is patient now you know am the book there's a book that I can really really really really recommend the book activism thank you for being a fair that already as it is how come you are familiar with it I get the book addresses how this with my wife and it's actually compilation of quotes from our life on what makes a happy relationship and a happy Adventist home now and when I was silly and I started courting we actually actually made the decision to be Tom together with her which we did we read it together to discuss these chapters and that it was a beautiful thing and action I may have been my my mind suits not proposed to her to marry until we read this book together I thought that the and and and I can recommend that you know if you already in a relationship with considering a relationship he want to be on the same page no this is an excellent book to read now when talking about this principle of love is patient listen to what it says on page seventy nine of Adventist home it says the young affections should be restrained until the arise when sufficient age and experience will make it honorable and safe to unfettered them aboard unfettered that means another was to release them so if you have been given a factions right you've been given and it can experience and add that you are to safeguard that nothing just like give yourself away to everyone and what it says there is a there is a period in your life when it is safe to unfettered to unleash that in other words if it does appear that a safe one is that also tell us their visitors appear that it is unsafe exactly now they goes on to say those who will not be restrained will be in danger of dragging out the unhappy existence is a this is such a crucial decision if you think while you know I just give my faxes to this person you know and I don't really know what God 's call is in my life I don't really know what the call of God is in her life for his life are just a few C-note on Fedor my affections I'll give them everything and what ends up many times as its physical affections and so you get physical with the other person you get into a relationship with the other person you might end up marrying the other person and then you actually figure that you really know what God wants you to do in life and and and and maybe you do get a call but that it is not compatible with the call of your partner or vice versa and what ends up happening is an on happy existence and you know what have to get you don't have to I do ministry of course I I I speak with a lot of couples but you don't even have to be ministry you will know you you see this around I'm sure each and every one of us knows some couple that are unhappy together that we did was look at him and and and think to myself I want to make the same mistake again I want to make the same mistakes of this until it also says here this is the same quotation continuing a use not out of his teens is a poor job on the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life that a young person not out of his teens is a poor judge now if you're still in your TV or in the summer that's fine but happier here and that this is a good thing because you can prepare and run so but but isn't it interesting and this is not some kind of the rockets of statement like teens you know you just need his mouth this is like no God wants to be with you every step and stage of your life if you're still a teenager you know what God wants to did flip you want to give you a special call and a special direct action and when you receive that an experience that then when you come into your note at a young adult in her early twenties late twenties as you get to that age you will be more set to be able to see who was that life are not precious counsel enough I just look at my own experience from when I was like a teenager tell my late twenties are now beyond thirty two now if there's a lot that happens in those years you might be a teenager mighty unit sixteen seventeen eighteen and you know you think that you know your ready know what you want to do a lot of you are ready know you want to go and I can tell you that ten years from now if you look back and say well oh him a different person how can I ever think like that note however did not there's a lot that changes in just that of your life is this is God-given counsel as to when we can safely unfettered or unleash those affections in a relationship so love is patient and this patient's will result in a great great blessing so the principal in love is patient is calling comes before your lifelong partner your relationship with God is first we get we can think of it this way the vertical relationship comes before the horizontal nations I go to move to the next and the next attribute of love here in for twenty thirteen under the gift at Soviet chief enemy yesterday that one okay so I am waiting for since it is the fifteenth and is the least intention to say that many liquidity think you know that the records of thirteen percent known chapter we know everything that is they are actually closer you that it has a lot of precious consoles I especially for relationship and for managed and so I just to continue with anyone thought is not therefore after the last peppers lonely kinds it continues and it says that the law does not envy love does not parade itself is not puffed up a note to human hearts naturally it's craving for attention screening for expected craving for you know to be the entity hurts and them if the one in relationship it will create problems because when I is still alive into a person and rose again in nine minutes estate in that unity and each will be two eyes crashing so you don't think in this way many times we talk about the Mavericks problems actually it's not so much marriage problems that I problems too I find I that is causing a double eye problem and of course that will manifest itself in strife and struggle in marriage life so this message that we many times they be hereabouts you know in sermons that definitely reading the Bible dying to self initiative very occasional principle when we're talking about relationships and winter talking about marriage that that you're willing to give up their own desires and your own wishes and differently think of Jesus of the example in this and he was willing to give up its right when he came in he died in the process if you know that he was he was equal to God he just made himself a noted reputation he was willing to choose software that a terrible death of the cross said that he was willing to give up his own wishes and its own deciders and if it's really an example for hostels when we talk about relationships is a foundation when we are speaking about the cheating off which comes from one source organic law so instead all you not especially PRN competitive person I entered into releases if you will equally join as we get into that relationship and will thought to compare yourself with your partner and now you know trying to out the anti- argument and said that they are in it instead of bringing back into the relationship in a relationship the Bible tells us that she persons become one and back how's that that's where one team is at the point so instead of being too competitive units he is about trying to have been that for you actually brought into one unit team in question you're on the same team that is a psychological importance by Daniel spoke about that you have the same goals and had the same patients because then you have a definite aim that you are together working towards I definitely had experienced at different examples you know you see couples and an easier the older to outdo each other if one tells a story out in-house at pictures and great of an experience out on continent on some area of something great that I know I did that in a close up with that is not very appealing but then on the other hands when you see a couple it back is trying to support him if each other out and she obtained to show that the respect and to mother support the other story gathers with three and did something bad but somehow just respond you think might now that's beautiful and I think it's important of course in any relationship and especially for those of you that are not yet in a relationship this is already something that we can call to wake you know in front of friends family relationships and she seeing that wishes to God own self and to moderate the gathering to gather up and to recognize the gift that God has given me the other I different safely unable to go theme older points in the first range is that you sound just as that I that if we got to verse five is the point they are in effect not see what this brings the back to what Daniel opened weights on how that we easily enter into relationships with all of the expectations to the other you know what's can I gain from this relationship how can be on that person shall need off and show me a pension you often see that in you know there is a lucky setting films music whatever you know what's cannot glean from the author that is like that the popular or dead that the common thing is when we thank all the talking and this is the correct is not and not in things if author focused when you think about the God is a unity God is the one and the same time God is three hundred and eighty three persons in the Godhead and they all the time focusing on each other actually or if about to be enough it had to be three in one because lots is focused on the inside you see even in the Godhead you see how Jesus Christ is pointing to his father all the time and you thought you would say not my will and the will of my pot heavenly father he was sentenced himself to his father 's will and then use the present of Holy Spirit he says that he testifies of Christ to all at the Pentagon had their own time pointing to each other and together they make up this unity God is one God if not the submission if you see in the God of this with the Indian perspective for example setting out my father 's will be done very different from the expectation that is very common in relationship and in addition and chapter five and you contend with me to the Ephesians chapter five and now there's a whole passage therefrom Jan and beginning in verse twenty one and then the whole rest of the chapter is basically talking about the relationship between the NY and how do you like and high in a sense of the relationship between Christ and his bride classic instance and there exists in the same thing that we think Westlife submitting to one another in the few of thoughts again if they get you that we can see even in the Godhead bodily sloth and he was a place that same lots in this human relationships and we had a comparison between husband and wife and chronicling the peace prize quite the check at end and attach many times in the chest also we see these struggles and distraught and basically the very same problem as they see also in relationships and marriages the foundational thing if the eye problem items wants to be seen by the ones to be hurts and base cabinets bring anything else that strive there is text in the Old Testament that I want to eighteen is in the click yapping and it is small the way the book but a few persons they are very profound first date and time accident the first of many times I'd use I if nurses for never a couple it's very common that you manually I would like the final schools then work at the European Bible school in LA for three years and nine late it we had been invited to like I waiting for student and not if the knife in her defeated young people finding each other a special when they happen and you know goal and a common aim they had had time to get it would cause to develop declined dynamics in life and then you see about getting ministry is beautiful in the first of I like TTT we can wake you know I think entity into this relationship at the chapter for and then there is nine to twelve in excess to amended in one because there did you want for their labor but all one will lift up his companion they dwelt to him and within those and when he falls for you have no one to help him out again if two lie down together they will keep warm but how can one be warm alone film I may be of a polymeric spy not a team can withstand him at three four quart if not quickly renting out three that looks from it was just before an verse nine to twelve and I like this mental picture of the ad threefold courts to imagine that people coordinate you have course and watch what you said that it's even the records and then we then why many relationships and why many manages the following parts because it is only one courts are only one court in the right way to pressure you know if you take a one quart and then you get pressure on that court and the reason why many relationships and marriages suffering because it is only two courts snow and each visit when you look at story relationships and marriages is a threefold quite that if the husband and wife and God centered course in the best relationship and now I can just say for myself that even you know in our relationship that you have been such that during you know if you are when you enter into relationship with another person there will be adjustments you come from two different backgrounds made from different countries from a friend you know family backgrounds and there will always be a adjustments unique you need to know the other person sometimes you need to understand the other person because the way that he or she reacted different from how you would react in the same vacation in so deep in your mind according to your background interpreted its in a different and so is not all of that in a misunderstanding may arrive it was so beautiful when there are enough things that he actually understand the person to stay in just so nice that you can have one source that can go together and Monty God loving Consulate in fact to give you with the latest thinking in understanding for the author and I would say that this is one of the greatest string letting it in our place is a bit of in one of the greatest things to know if there are things that are coming up and when I understand you're going to say that intimately got to got to get it we pray about this and many times after that session of prayer after we had in the United with God and told about it then we come out even stronger even while United then before that they rose you know that Courtney 's understanding always ever so this is a very when points and also not just for its identity there are many of you that are not yet in a relationship or something that except then now is than the time to unite within Meadville courts this may build thread in this threefold courts now is the time and am anything but that Daniel is referring to the advent of home it's an amazing book I'm so happy he did so to bed we should read this book together before he asked me to marry him it was a very good choice grab event beloved religions different days common and conditioning my and on page seventy one I want to thought me about the preparation when you think about this thing with you no relationships and benches how important is that you not to reduce me to quartz that he can be that glue the string you know that it's going teaching to bind debtor countries of the following is outpatient Center one men and women are in the habit of prints one day before they contemplated marriage they should pray anybody else read it before for a time at least four times a day would suspect that if anticipated never do something that will influence and effects your life the induced welts in the world to come you want to live together with your lifelong friend for ever and ever how important it is to make a sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God creates his costs you are not the ones into cheese for himself or herself visual fuel the gods must make this choice for him or her to feel it is to make that choice for you you know I think it has to do which if we have really been that cruel goddess is unlocking father Felix everything good for us in Ithaca Bible you know you thief the parent is there maybe not even evil are in no way has a perfect even if translating into dissident children how much more independent father 's motion she wanted you could conceive children to such ethnic if you trust that you actually have a humor father that want the very best for your life then you know that if if you do not have him to choose for you it'll did it because he will choose the one that will match to most perfectly and that you can be the strongest together with Justin to glorify God the thing in fact the enemy know him when God if calling you on a sustained traditional and especially you know if you see to gather it was due to be sent to you not see life in a hostile myth can be taught to eat at those found in relationships is afraid of those begin difficult to get identity so much stronger and so the devil will try and distract you and you went back you'll bring people into your life that will start your emotions and actual cost to fall in love and delves and he will try to be expected those into that position dystonia emotions that will not be a string to you in your relationship with God and when seen it many times administrative or I guess in general using a tape that actually got quality Daniel 's brother against brother he and I don't underlying a family that except with mother if the underlying that is patented and it there possibly the youngest brother yesterday came and visited often he was dining tent meeting and he was really starting to like Matt I want to go the same path as you guide I would shield the commission school and I want to be a creature like that nine and he decided to go to write an administration forgot we decided teach you have a training course the devil saw that what they did for that go into five is not you know the company are good to go and he drifted away and now he is last conversation we had with him a kiss in a so the devil knows how to be able to destruct to outweigh any new beginning it's getting so punitive full and you know the love and it looks so nice that's an just be aware that God 's call has to come first and then thought he in his great map to our seat he also the one in mind industry meeting in back not going to okay Phillips admitted one more points from the fifth visions that he is slowly move on so you can go back to first raises thirteen at one more point they are and a sense in the end of verse seven it says that the end users all they think it is of importance Twitter talk about relationships and marriage if it and I thought it and really cute picture on Facebook from the public and that the computer betting that it can help these good enuresis at it and they are just picking on you that's an enough it's really cute picture that is posted on Facebook at April twenty all Koppel would like in their eighties or something and then the question looked at and they would like to live in you know holding hands and walking the path in life to get in and then the question was that and how calm that you are able to keep together for so long I've quite uncommon now they seem to keep together for sixty Encino account and you were able to get over someone and then they had some very wise words it is the fact that while it are tastefully cropped we didn't use a gesture asking when they were destroyed inward it or when they fell apart and I think that we are new things in society today and I didn't know if this is the right expression in English speaking out use the trash mentality this interesting English usage has to know something is like and things go wrong in all hourly something with it is that the way in August they must this mentality against regulated or decidedly copied to go on down down you get it one time companies that the way when you finish with a company that is not the same mentality kind of thing and then and so evening closes it's also when it comes he to relationships and to marry Chino it simply doesn't work sure well he didn't want that so just have fun trying you want it and they had brought that these words that law and viewers all things it never fails and him to put on probation for a relationship as a preparation for MMH you think you and I think it's also very crucial aspect that you know they are part of the war life will influence olds when we enter into lifelong commitment and so even for Joe thank you that amounted the relationship already now you can think about love and your resulting in your heart it is not so if you think it might get something if it is the study direction if it is worth it is a project completed finish it into your wedding I think that since she's already stopped to apply these principles in your life you really done but not doing this conference maybe you got this big and motivation you know that I want to start at devotional life I want to study pray interweave my Bible and study the morning he acted your widgets and that will prepare you also for no interviewing in the narrates life okay I think that if at times they will move on and I'll get that era were expecting a riot thanks again so we have these principles and prescriptive thirteen at severity mention are not just for the relationship of a marriage man and woman but can be applied in our relations even now in outpatients not to envy you don't not be puffed up or not let self rain out to endure it out all these principles have looked at so far the principles of love are a pliable in a very real way already before the relationship and marriage act so that so this is this is really a preparation enough if two people meet that have read and practiced first Corinthians thirteen when they meet each other that this could be a unity that is the last immunity does not Lawrence because of this love now of course as soon we also mentioned that from the moment that you say I do not a rosy path of course there are at times misunderstandings and there are difficulties that you have to work through it but the question is where to go if you have a common place to go and that being God and his truth and his word the principles of his words you'll be able to work those differences so now it looks a little bit so far at some steps that you and I can take to prepare ourselves for our future partner becoming the one that you are looking for is looking for another words but we want to look now at what should we look for in the other because you know that's also of course a part of all of this we prepare ourselves but what should we be looking at in the other and for this ultimate go to Adventist home to some and that page forty five says the following because I wanted to see note tell you what I think you should be looking for but let's look at what your prophecy says we should be looking for and him before I read it if you're familiar with the Adventist doctrine that is the investigative judgment you heard about her that phrase notes in the book of Daniel talks of his prophecy but in the end of time you know Christ is is is going to know God can open the books and the investigation of every person before he comes again yummy this is really a pillar truth of Advent is an interesting thing as that that that truth of the investigative judgment is also a pliable in relationships and especially when it comes the preparation of marriage you want to investigate and make a right judgment and I'm before you make before you go into a marriage commitment as a Adventist home page forty five talks a little about this investigation what should or should investigation consists all that listen to what it says way every sentiments and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny this step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life and should not be taken hastily there comes that love is patient access while you may love do not love blindly examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious and rats let the questions be raised okay not now you should really pay attention because these are the questions that you want to be asking when you're looking at considering that person listen to these questions will this union helped me have a what will this union help me have annoyed in other words and finally unite myself with that person a second being bring me closer to God or not that's the question second question will it increase my love for God and will it increase my love forgot is that union going to spiritually Naresh and help me to move all in come closer to God and and then it says the following will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life but it is a three questions that that that Allen writes in this quote sheets the question of one will disunion help me have and what question number two will increase my love for God question number three will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life and of the third question would enlarge my sphere of usefulness of this life has a lot to do with if you're compatible for one another right again and if you take your life holding it out if is isn't one specific area very clearly and yet the person that you want to marry has no interest in that or has a very different direction you need to consider that and you really need to look very carefully whether or not that is the one that you should unite your life was a very free very very important questions will this union help me heavenward with increased my love for God will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life and he says the following if these reflections of those questions and answers of his questions present no drawback than in the fear of God move fall it is my great counsel if that doesn't present a drawback in the fear of God move fall if you can confidently through praying up slice of incoming president at least four times a day at if you can answer those questions with a positive yet this unionist to help me fall it yes this auto yes this union is going to help me have and what yes this unionism increase my love for God yes this union is going to at increase my enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life than in the fear of God who falling okay very good when I get to that right now so that you are just that one step at so what is that practically need critical thinking I kind of data 's questions was really practical meet in chapter six of this book after the snow it's entitled the great decision agonizes when it is not really recommend that both you and in this chapter the great decision to wipe clean lists some important questions that the three questions I just mention a kind of like more overall questions but then she gets more specific in the questions that's all I have a look at this as well that might answer little bit of your question she actually listed public questions for the man to ask a couple questions for the woman to ask again so I'm not on the net I go over a couple of these questions that for the men and then Sylvia will lead us through the questions for the women for the woman this is what it says for the man what are important questions for the men in the car it in this chapter the great decision one of the questions is will she bring happiness to the home will she bring happiness to the home and you know what lies in that question is shelf a happy spirit or depressed spirit I like like the woman that you want to know that men if you're going to have a happy home because the Bible says in Proverbs is better to be on the roof of the house there was a woman that is angry as an assassin Probert I I I remember the first the effect back in that amazing like something when I have someone that you can be happy with that is not a depressed none of the depressed spirit but of a such a spirit that will bring joy into the home okay will she bring happiness to the home another question another important question is listed and again these are my questions again questions from the book and some of the question in that chapter six the great decision is the following will she and Noble and refine me will she and Noble and refine me I know what is in that question it's as if we men are not refined of something out of them anyway we need some help obviously so you know what the other person alive can can bring something into your experience that you are you are more refined and noble okay God God knows when a man is like and what a woman is like and how they can basically bring into the other person that which is needed for them to be complete in the question not exactly right right of course this is not this is something that you know doesn't just happen in the marriage that she actually when you think about already when the relationship starts you know it is this person really again turned back to the question is a leading we haven't working out and this can be in so many aspects you can bring you can bring to send will you be drawn to a higher level of spirituality your first find and ennoble in your walk with God and other very fun question mentioned in this chapter is she an economist the guy important questions like but how does she use her money if you are in a relationship with someone that bicycles most like every day I identified using the money and frivolous ways and is always out of money I don't think that this could be solved when you say I did now you know not to be like a really careful out to spend your money as well so so that's a very important question for a man to ask PC an economist and I married an amazing economist by the way and she's probably Marvin Thomas that I have in place but you can you can meet each other in this and help each other another question for the man here at issue patients not a sheet if she is not patient with you during your courtship it's usually not I get better in marriage is never usually goes the other way because you have the romance that kind of covers up things that have been nice Hollywood's of the hot honeymoon rather a Hollywood movie I got myself out of that one and then but then when the real-life sinks and what happens then is like you know if they're still patients there and yell at him I would like to just add to this the good way to know if their patients is to do mission work together in if you're you're you're considering either be with any experiment may be already in a relationship work or maybe it's still a friendship level but you considering that person you if you can gap to do mission work as a team to gather you can see what that person is really like because in mission work patients tested right you know that for those of you living in mission work of wonderful way to get to know each other on a friendship level as you are considering a relationship to a deeper relationship with that person yesterday for some of the questions that are mentioned in that chapter of course you can even add questions to that as well but we got to go for the questions after the women which are a lot more by the way I don't know why okay so you at fifteen minutes flat on the other unattainable and they felt and nine is from the same chapter and now these are some of the question was looking at how accurate not important he acted that that rock crying he has transforming power is still of course is important to consider the points because relations in life can leave scars and somehow you need to take that into consideration also I was digging the points and how you can deal with things think it's that important point to also pick incarceration rate goes on to say in his life healer is the lot which he expresses Glenn Noble elevated character or a prisoner in notional on this when the novelty of marriage is offered with enough may still and I think this is the important point that has custody of Elizabeth in her many times like you see is that a relationship starts with them basic gold they emotionally account the Spock kind of thing in our lady just all many Japan is battling feelings need you'll so much for that person and then it goes into physical touches any physical contact and somehow you always emotionally bound with that person and you get lines T look at some of the things that you should look at well the thing is that at the very lasting foundation because it seemed like it was the Romans is very light on sure you'll keep together for preferring this will be old fine that your intimate to get a free tendency not sometimes in statements and how can you know when you get old and wrinkled and the pretty anymore and when things get drafted in all the sites not laughing foundation is not something that is substantially you know keep things together and you mention something here likes here are not noble elevated if it is not a just and not just emotional and so there is a temptation that is much more stable and that is much more relaxing and I think they should expect it which would talk about it no that the foundational principles of God and that you have commented that you have a definite and that you have a common goal that you have common values that have common fatty the things they are laughing values and they are something that will keep you to gather for effort and of course that has meaning mean that feelings are not faring you know the public feelings and the butterflies and everything sure that will come naturally didn't really have to work so much for that in this different stations need to be firm and it needs to be solid in fact it the valley is in the say in the principles sediment that needs to be in at the cornerstone and then he goes on to say here that he had see the traits of character that will make me happy can I find a cheap he and joy in his affection so that some a evident to me you know how it if you if you can together and if you can feel it with that person if you just feel that to get a beam to get over that person gets it John I you he you have to be the person you want to start with that person and it had he indicates he is traits of character and then you said over the allowance to preserve my individuality on my judgment and conscience be surrounded to the control of my hostage we talked about how it is important to submit that that that make yourself one to another and a few of the law it is an important aspect that a lot brings back here and also look acting on the questions to ask before relationship tree is important is that makes to blends the same time you need to preserve and to respect and to value the individuality which other and if there is one that happened to controlling spirit that he wants to control you could be in all tables you to be a different person kind of thing in all life is controlling spirit that should be at risk after because God has all given us different individuality personality that will that God wants it refine and develop and is not the meaning that we should just told his ministers also address another personality and the well adopt or or or Bob thinking that personality got in the school are different unique personality and talents am and then he goes on to say this right practically anything if it's not from modern or disassemble their character does it recognize its obligations to her mindful of your wishes and happiness a figure expected on race mother will manifest respect in the kind intention twice is what again in the beginning when you're in all and often everything you think that sure are known hall promulgate again forever our love for you North American Frederick then after a while have to many years that means the date you should confirm how how each each week is my one and one lady person that you think to get away for a long time to give some indications of if you will treat you and if you will you know be faithful to you they think we looking for cocaine and you look at those bad fifteen often it is a very fabric identity that is mentioned in mothers name was that that that that is adding a especially in light of extreme cases either positive or negative at his mother 's name was something you know about like that but she did the values that she puts into her child and then it goes than to say it will evict Haitians with money tight or will he be critical of the bearing and the tutorial and I think that speaks for itself actually and of course we could add them of the questions to date and and and you can read for yourself I would recommend that you get this book and was a really good book anything just you know read more in the conflict there about some of these councils that we we didn't like the thought is given to us I think it's also important to just a mention also that yes sure you know the most important I argued special values you know that you have to get her that she is not positive the common aim in life that you that you have a common hate that you had common principles it is like the nation and in time is also important that you have come interesting hobbies in common that of course made it like it is outdated like our main hobby to were forgotten we do not think that I like the main hobby and I think it is a very crucial point about to get I did also that you have other hobbies like resembling relations I did put that epicenter for you know everybody are in thing that they are elicited we both laugh out they both love nature you know and in and out to explore and experience nature and just taking that the season to be active NT to climb and ski into body to run into we do all these activities together and that Daniels blood exports made anyway just get fortnight and him enough to get together and I think again I don't predict that benefited if they do that next level to me and eleven requirement of course I want to do I forgot I went to be to get it with one that also wants to work regarding got to express that I also seem to give me so much with nations wanted to have one victory appreciates the same in all it is a bad experience nothing is important to hacking is a hobby than some interesting company truly finds you to get her young so maybe this is just a few minutes left but I'll give a few those minutes to close off thanks for taking testator 's will do the carting electronic close off with a little illustration here because when you when you are considering the person you want to share your life with as you considering some of the things that would let that here some of these questions and you enter into that relationship what's can happen is that you can bring different characteristics into that relationship now I just made some cards here with different could you hold us from our suite a couple of cards that we have here what was his family 's on-air I doesn't matter the the data suggest again then they spend it with a near monopoly critical critical nothing held back one of it with an active and exit okay affectionate so you get appointees are all characteristics okay so if we take these cars Peter shuffled them shuffled them a little bit so that we so that I don't open get all the balance sheet of the good ones though right this is just an illustration to understand now there'll shuffled together K then he does give me half of them right that half of them here so this is how works with the relationship you know I have always characteristics and Sylvia has all these characteristics can see what I have here on social and I'm messy and cleaned that was really go together yup so I'm floral underinclusive ungenerous but so I have these cards again now I sometimes is just an illustration but what happens is now she has her cards so we come from that different backgrounds different experiences and with all kind of developed through choices these characteristics right now when we come together in a relationship what can happen is for some to put out my best cards right no I really clean what you have what you have sent you a really affectionate right how would you know if latex will have it out I'm iron sorrel and sorrow affectionate likes showing up I did a good good good and so we have these cards that we know about each other we're learning about each other well see I'm running like a price I can arrest ungenerous twenty eight I know Michael K this disprove it and approve a day I felt we had all these cards on on practical genes okay I'm inclusive you might put the cake so what happens is the sum of the cards you going to lay in the LP to play during the relationship now we get married and have some cars that I want to show really yet but in the married life I'm not good to be able to hide these cards in our selves can be find a firefight to find out that I'm actually messy which is not cheap but in this illustration it is as you get to find out that well if I had to social but your that was quite good one but one I'm even contemplated you find out uncompensated what I find out about you safely superficial critical something it now that that's an illustration but it so that comes out right that comes out and so this is the thing this is the thing you want to know the cards of your partner before you get married a man you want the cards to be on the table will have a seven open relationship and you spread them out and you know what you do this is so great you take all those cards and you spread them out like this this and needs and you look at them together he seen a lot and you admit you know you're very open I know what from a background yeah I haven't really learned to be tidy this is just the reality you know that that this is what I'm struggling with enough and as you can say while you're I'm struggling with this or that as so as you have all these cards laid out you know what to do then you make a new stack of cards for your relationship is a you know what what I want to bring into our marriage I want us to be affectionate okay I want us to be so-and-so and you form your stack of cards and and that you bring into the relationship of this takes preparation this takes a commitment to God because God helps you to form that stack of cards examined that all right with less close with what to pray together showing and a father we want to thank you for this seminar that would be neat to have one thank you for what we've been able to look at in your word some powerful principles of love principles that we can already practice now through your help and that we want to bring into our future relationship with that person that you have in mind for us Lord help us to develop these attributes of love so that we may be the person that that we are looking for that we may actually be that one may we also run ask the right questions about the person we consider and Lord mainly rural and you will this media was brought as I assume there is a website dedicated to spreading God 's word to research and audio and much more if you would like to know more about our universe is more certain if please visit www. .net verse .org


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