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Healing Hurting Hearts

Nicole Parker
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Are depression and anxiety sinful? What does the Bible say about addiction? And how does God heal hearts devastated by abuse? Is there such a thing as biblical counseling—or must we refer people to humanistic psychologists to solve emotional brokenness? We talk much about God’s design for physical health, but healthy bodies often only conceal shattered hearts. God’s greatest desire is not that we merely have healthy bodies, but that we be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). Discover the biblical tools the God of love uses to heal hearts broken by abuse, addiction, codependency, marital strife, and many other painful emotional battles. God wants to use you to set captives free!

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Nicole Parker

Wife, mother, and Biblical counselor

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  • August 8, 2014
    10:45 AM
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him out a word of prayer paying a higher head for the father in heaven we thank you so launched the gospel to heal everything that you are the one who is into every temptation that we face and you know how to help those who are tempted Lord I pray that you will speak to me that I will just be an empty vessel filled with your spirit that every person who comes here every person who listens to the seminar will be blessed and will be in touch with you at your spirit will speak each heart thank you so much more for your love I know that you don't know me my name is Nicole Parker and Mary to the most wonderful man in all the world just in case you guys don't know him to think of Alan Parker is back there made any we've been married for thirteen years now and we live in college to see he's a professor at Southern and on the biblical counselor although mostly on the stay-at-home homeschooling mom that in my spare time when I have it I tried to do what I can sit and work with a couple everywhere that I have an opportunity my mom and also here today to write under their Linda Crozier said that she could be here today to and I'm glad everyone and you could be here thank you so much for coming out on encouraged to be humming people want to know how to help in the bulk spread to people in their hearts and minds and not just help people to be healthy and their bodies in a weed of the cabinet are famous for our health message we have a tremendous message that makes such a difference between people longer healthier lives clearer mind and so many things but if we have a clear mind and we don't know how to deal with the emotional pain of living in a sinful world we still have far to go don't we enjoy one free over every way he wanted to be transformed by the renewing of our minds and he said that he binds up the brokenhearted process not an event right here read about Jesus going to a blind man and putting bandages on and sank back in three weeks right we tend to think of biblical healing events Jesus taught people and they sprang up and sign EL and had both an emotional healing and physical healing but it's often the exception and not the rule because God knows that if you find the thought process of healing in the process he binds our hearts to him that process of learning how to lean on Christ and let him be the center of our hearts our lives are identities is the process that makes us realize the gospel really works so often healing of the physical body when we are especially made a mess there are simple habit it's a process leaving that weight getting rid of cigarettes whatever these things are processes and emotional healing is also a process of what I'm sharing today I'm not saying this is what has worked for me now I'm free of everything every struggle every problem I'm saying this is what is working for me and what is working for the people that I share with this is how the couple works to set people free from the power of sin in so many ways you see we as the church have bought into what the world says about healing it says if you have a physical problem you should see a medical doctor right and there's something certainly very valid that when my husband with dealing with it difficult diagnosis we can just pray and expect God to make everything go away we had to do what we could to get physical healing for physical problems if you have a spiritual problem the world says you need to see a pastor and that's great right if you have any emotional or psychological problem our modern culture simply got to see a psychologist or counselor now there's something to that as well it their diameter what I call myself a counselor and I have a Masters in biblical counseling the biblical company is very different than traditional counseling and when a person that I'm going to counseling by myself and the counselor often allowed to hear what that means to get counseling more harm than good and I know some people are hesitant to go to a counselor because either they think well that's just a bunch of secular holiday while I need to pray or they say you don't account for less you have really serious issues maybe you're crazy enough mentality but am going to counseling but biblical process that we should get you all right where two or three are gathered we can pray more effectively and when we need counsel in the evenings in the Old Testament and Alex around themselves the counselors other people more than one mind is very helpful in being able to discern the will of God we all have blind spots as human beings both through inherited and cultivated tendencies toward evil we need one another we need others to help us in the best counselors are actually those who love us and now less well that's why as a church everyone of us should be Biblical counselors biblical counseling is something that helps people so much helping them understand how to apply the Gulf look at their life now when I say go to the counselor when you have a problem I do not mean you know biblical counseling it can solve everything there are organic mental illness issues for sure enough schizophrenia bipolar there are many diagnoses that have organic rate for organic influences in this situation when a person is depressed I don't automatically just that you come to me for depression all right what's going on in your heart spiritually that can be one of the things I examined but I'm also Wednesday having gone to the doctor have you had your B12 levels check your vitamin D how much sleep are you getting now going without sleep can make you depressed having a hormonal issue may make you depressed and depression may not be a spiritual issue it may be a physical health issue though I'm not discounting the power of medicine or the importance of having medical help with dealing with some issues but what I am saying is what typically happens even with organic mental illness issues if the spiritual problems exacerbate them the more you have a natural tendency towards say if you grew up not having any control of your world and you made about the child someday I will have control you may be a perfectionist now if you have an organic issued active that you may end up with excessive compulsive disorder but the spiritually she was already influential and well a person may have or may not have organic issues that are leading to some of their mental or emotional issues the spiritual aspect always needs to be examined were going to talk about that a little bit more as we go on here's how you can discern something about choosing a counselor if you do decide you need to go into counseling a secular counselor their typical approaches let me be God for you in other words the secular approach said let's just pretend God is in fair weather we believe you are not and I will do for you what God is supposed to do for you right now within style in secular counseling is unconditional positive regard so it's based on Carl Rogers theory that basically people have the answers deep within themselves and your job as a counselor is to help people take deep within themselves and find the answer so your questions in that basement how to make you feel for what you think you should do now that may do some good for some people because many people do already know deep inside I need to talk to that person about the issue I have with them but many people also go to that kind of you may come out where that's one of my friends went to a counselor to get through the problem that he had been cheating on his wife and the counselor persuaded me know what all your heart that elected wife and children counseling up and always teaching to follow your heart in wise ways there are also people who go to a counselor and the counselor just get them into a system every week they have to come back and fill that gap about how much they hate everything their parents did and growing up and then every week they have to do that in the longer they go to that process the more desperately they need it because it felt cathartic I hope there and I was just surrendering to strengthen the rights viewed for an hour and I feel such relief now I've got to go back next week this is how people get to the point where they has to be in counseling for the rest of their life which is great if your account when you just want to secure income because you have just created a group of people who think they cannot live without you but it's practically let me be for you what only God can actually be for you the one who knows he deeply loves you unconditionally think that's just the way you are counselors cannot do that for others Christian counseling is often let me help you and if you like we can involve God I once did it's one of my assignments a survey of Christian counseling magazines versus biblical counseling magazines to see what the difference was it was very illuminating for me seek Christian counseling magazines and I am up everything that I found in those magazines are pretty much went like this we do everything that secular counseling does just as well as secular counseling does not even offer the optional gospel component if you want it or not to push it but it's right there and will give it to you if you want it now when I say that I'm making a generalization there are lots of people who call themselves Christian counselors to do more biblical counseling there are people who call themselves biblical counselors who probably do something more like what I'm calling Christian counseling but a typical Christian counselor had been through a Christian counseling program that also relies heavily on the Carl Rogers philosophy that we have to get people unconditional positive regard unconditional positive regard is one aspect of what God gives us keep that I have left you with an everlasting love God does regard us with unconditional positive regard but she tells us that you have a sin and the significantly cheated death and you need to get rid of that you need to confront it let me help you the gospel is not an optional part of biblical counseling it is the heart and soul of the biblical counselor is going to figure let's examine how the gospel applies to your situation biblical counseling then it a different category of counseling then secular counseling for even what's traditionally called Christian counseling and again Christian counselors make it from there your biblical counseling by family Christian counselor they may be doing what I would call biblical counseling son not saying these are hard and fast categories that nobody had called the Christian counselors getting any biblical principles but you want to be cautious to make sure that what they are offering you is actually the gospel is the thing that's going to cure you not me listening to you week after week what is biblical counseling then biblical counseling I would define as helping people apply the gospel to the difficult situations of daily life now when you think of biblical counseling that way what actually is an aspect of ministry that is not biblical counseling isn't preaching helping people apply the gospel to the difficult situations of daily life how about when you sit down your coworker to eat lunch they said I just had the most horrible morning with my husband I really wish I'd never married this man you offer that person a encouragement how you give them a boost toward living biblically don't you biblically hello we're going to help mentor biblical counseling for David Martin Christian counseling things a man to half he must be a real jerk and then wait and see if they find the answers within themselves for they say you now I now I need to pray more about it and then you can count on that help Olympic now you can use the listen to people 's unions them help them understand that you can't remember Jesus mingled with people as one who desired their good he ministered to their knees when their confidence and bade them followed me this is the pattern for biblical counseling as well anyone who is in ministry is doing biblical counseling in some way or another or else they're doing nonbiblical counseling time in Turkey should just reason right non- biblical counseling may come out of our mouths of biblical counseling may but we are going to counsel all of us counsel Christians non-Christians everyone councils a question if the Council biblical and if we are Christians of the really followers of Christ we must be biblical counselors if the calling of every Christian you want to read more about this topic I'll encourage you to read about instruments in the Redeemer 's hands by Paul Tripp or how people change was that David policymaking process the list of resources at the end I recommend that you can get more information on this the bottom line and every one of us is called to be a biblical counselor because biblical counseling of helping people apply the gospel in their lives that ministry why do we need biblical counseling the Council on health now that we had turned the countless Seventh-day Adventist about this one is going to mention a few the long-held page three forty four says the condition of the mind affects the health to a far greater degree than many realize grief anxiety discontent remorse guilt distrust all tend to break down the life forces and to invite the case and death sickness of the mind prevailed where testimony for the church volume five page four forty four nine tenths of the believer from which men suffer have their foundation here counseled on health page three forty nine said that you realize the power that the mind had over the body a great deal of the sickness which afflict humanity had its origin in the mind and can only be cured by restoring the mind to help you get that you can put people on their weight-loss programs and stop smoking programs and give them cooking schools and take the prophecy seminars but what's going on in their minds the brokenness that comes from broken hearts is going to hold them back from really being able to give themselves to the Lord fully counseled on health page three forty nine says a source six heart and discouraged minds need mild treatment and it is very tender sympathy that this class of minds can be healed if their mind can be directed to the burden bearer and they can have faith that he will have an interest in them the cure of their diseased bodies and minds will be sure so why do we need biblical counseling secular counseling in the science of the study of the mind psychology a lot of great stuff but psychology can help us understand much about how the mind works they cannot heal spiritual problems without Christ expected to do so is living as an atheist God is the one who heals a broken heart and find that their wounds remember that finding up as a process not an event at Psalm one forty seven verse three keep your heart with all vigilant for from it flow the springs of life Proverbs four twenty three everything in Scripture is focused on the hearts the heart is the place that everything flows from having healthy body is wonderful but it's powerless to transform us unless it's just a channel that our bodies can be used to reach her mind so God can speak to a and twelve to seventeen transformed by the renewal of your mind but I will when it speaks of the heart if it is a difficult thing to define it's talking about the well spring of your life the very depth of who you are of what you do of why you do it who you worship what the heart is about and that's what biblical counseling addresses physical healing and emotional healing work on exactly the same principles this is the thing that will be more helpful to you than anything else you here today if you can think of it this way physical healing and emotional healing work on the very same principles take for example last year I sprained my ankle very badly to I had this huge one that looked like I had half an egg underneath the skin on my ankle it was very very bad and I was on crutches for several weeks when I went to the emergency room to check this out they thought it was broken so we did x-ray event after a long time waiting in evaluating everything else they came back and they said it's sprained it actually would be better if it were broken at this point because the tissue damage is so huge that it can be more difficult to heal than if it were just a break a bone instead of all the tissue ripped apart but what do you think the doctors told me to do work in a lamp here are ankle now and cut out all the infection Burnett amputate your leg not when and where they coming at it with a spring rest they often put ice on its dinner break right many emotional wounds that people go through can be dealt with very similar to the brain for example grief when someone has died or when a relationship is been damaged beyond repair in the process of grief that goes on and you have to kind of take the prey sure off yourself how many people because it's not a physical one but an emotional one makes himself to be able to function just as well and if they weren't grieving but what happens if I had hopped up in the emergency room at that time but now I know it's not broken I know I'm just a walk on it and keep walking on it eventually my spring will get better because I prayed I'd still be limping when I and I probably have a much more severely damaged ankle then I did many people handle grief the same way and the central part of why when someone has been abused as a child and had never been allowed to grieve through the process to go through what is that they actually lost that they go through life crippled continually trying to walk on it sprained ankle continuing over reacting to situations in everyone to pitch with her every time that happened she just blows up but take her out of leadership in the church what she needs is to be able to grieve biblically to get off of that that's sprained ankle to be able to process look I went through something I lost something I need to let go I need to allow the Lord to heal me and I talk more about that later on now what if on the other hand I have broken the ankle but what we've done to the broken ankle we would if they like it would've made sure that it was in the right position right we don't want the bones to heal together wrong with it as stabilized and then largely done the same thing right they'd off of it not pressured it when a person is dealing with depression for example this is one one situation in which depression temp us to think I'm biblically when a person is depressed to become his hand so depressed eating to help them make sure that this is set correctly what caught near depression are you thinking biblically well I just look at my whole lifetime of failure nobody loves me are that twenty one now because a lot of them Jesus Christ gave his life for them this person is not either living in full surrender to him if so then I live for not failure if not then they need to come into surrender to him and then they are living as a success is a precious treasure of God you cannot be useless unlovable and worthless you are priceless in the eyes of God now if I take another example one time when I was a seventeen I was playing softball and I ran up on this pilot boards and jump down on the other side onto the board because the softball is under their one I landed there with a neat little nail sticking straight up out of that board and everybody cringes right I landed on a crime check can still hear the sound of that mail going into my foot I couldn't get my foot off the mail but I can reach the softball field identity figure on the softball answer back into the field and then I managed to get my foot off that mail Weldon am gone so far into my foot but it brings the top of my foot but it didn't go through and as I was on the Academy at the time and that morning I had to get the class I had to get to work and I ignored that foot mostly I was afraid people would think I was trying to get attention if I talked about how badly it hurt some of the guys would volunteer to go get medicine for me here to help me walk and I was just afraid people would be thinking I'm trying to get attention for myself here so I just made the best I could progress through classes through work within a couple of days that wounds where the male had gone and keeled over but there was a raging infection in spite of my foot and within a few days I was in so much pain I literally cannot stop the tears coming out my I went to the doctor Doctor Sidwell would like you got an infection there is a lamp the one hundred but you can get deep enough to really get it out daily from Orlando biotics I went home taking my pills hoping for the best ascending to get better surely I'm getting a better deal over again the infection didn't go away eventually when I ran out of Orlando bionic the pain became so intense I couldn't take it any longer and by the time I got to the doctor he took one look at me and said we need to get you into the hospital neither blues affect into the hospital I went on IVR bionics for a couple of days but even that didn't fully kill the infection I got her eighth ball the next year than a year after that I have been going to the hospital for appendicitis and finally the clinics geared my foot what was wrong with my approach to this infection I covered it up I pretended it wasn't fair I didn't take it seriously and why did I ever pay any attention to it initially because it hurt white I actually get help eventually because it hurts if it hadn't hurt I wouldn't have done anything about it and I would've lost my foot or perhaps died right but because it hurts the pain saved my life when a person is going through intense emotional pain there is a reason for it the reason may be unresolved pain from the past that they need to grieve through the reason may be present within a living and self focus but there's a reason for that pain now some pains are just going to be there all of our life you lead your father you wish your mother you love that person so deeply they are gone and it takes forever that maybe something like arthritis kind of pain it's going to be there with you and its purpose is to make you long for heaven but other kinds of pain may be paying that God is using to cut here is something that needs to be transformed by the renewing of your mind there's something you need to admit to yourself that you lost there something you need to allow me into your hearts in a deeper way that you can overcome the planned when he allows pain physical healing and emotional healing work on exactly the same principle for healing emotional pain help them understand what kind of pain they are actually dealing with then you know how to treat back pain and usually hear the combination of things right it's not going to be Jets I'm going through depression because I have a hormonal imbalance that hormonal imbalances tempting them to thinking on biblical ways what hurts hearts and put things into three separate categories there things that are committed against their sin that we can mix and then there are things that are just the result of living in a sinful world the woman who is in pain because her husband 's is leaving her because he's addicted to porn rehab neighbor woman or something like that she is in tremendous pain and its ascendancy being committed against her she married not had anything to do with the situation that sin if they keep talking her pain in right sin we commit maybe there's a guy who is struggling with his own addiction to pornography and is unwilling to admit to himself about the law that he suffered as a child and therefore he has been uncontrollable drive towards him because he's handling things on biblically he's not find victory that God wants them to have and of course it's not just passive things that were committed against him they're causing him to send it to those simple choices now right he may have more pressure on him because the sins committed against him but ultimately he's in charge now right teaches us to surrender to Christ or his overcoming the power his chosen instead of Christ then there are things that are just the result of living a sinful world knew about the mother who is watching her daughter die of cancer not the mother sin not the daughter since the result of living a sinful world sometimes these actors all interact and it can be difficult to figure out what's really at the root of this year but we have to establish in our minds what can we change what are we incapable of changing but the things that were incapable of changing into a category where we surrender them to God and live in peace with them but the things that we are capable of changing into the category of we need to actively work on these things with Christ and will find ourselves putting our energy into the right things instead of the wrong thing spending all of our time grieving over something we're powerless to change instead of actively letting the Lord work on the things that he wants to use sanctify us and transform us into this image when a person is struggling with offender committed against them in mites at the time of volunteers from enactment in illustration for me you look like a good volunteer he's okay let's say that I was a sinner I have a sword here and I take that sword and I guess you in the arm is hurting now they are hurting now whose fault is it mine right ever be clear on that she hurts from my thin now let's use this in a spiritual situation if I'd sinned against her sheep herding but what about if she now run something in the near she grabbed some dirt off the ground she read that in her wedding and she begins copying it to fester out there now that she's hurting its first it's don't mind to write but it's hers because she is participating in this process okay thank you what happens when someone sins against us is that we live under the powerful temptation to sin in response to see when the physical body the open issue we have what's called the immune system all the wonderful white blood cells they go an assault whatever it is that going wrong and they may be able to take care of it all by themselves right so if I her arm with my sword I constantly base she refuses to allow herself to participate in the thin process will heal and over time national hurt to go through a lot of pain may be but eventually shall have her there and went on the outcome belongs that you won't believe what happened to me this person I trust that came along and dashed me with a sword she can roll up her sleeping chickens that you know what I went through that want to thank you how the Lord healed me you knew can be free to seek on you that even our wounds as sometimes our most powerful tools to help heal others who are wounded the same way God can use our pain the problem is when we commit sin in response AC this is the chronic problem of sinful humanity this is why secular counseling so seldom actually help the situation because we're natural thinners we don't like letting our immune system work we don't like letting the gospel work to set us free from that sin only hurts us we want to read minutes we want to hurt them back we want to cause someone else to suffer because we suffered unjustly our sinful responses are the cause of the majority of our pain because when I say when I step on that mail that words with a very temporary wound right if he had gotten infected if the same situation had encrypted because infection symbolizes sin in the emotional healing process infection crept in I could appeal to every quickly write I would flip for two or three days I would've been fine after that might not even remember it all these years later but because infection came and everything changed him why abuse and neglect and other things like that so dramatically affect people because they trigger the process of emotional damage caused by sin the response when needed take the secular counseling approach supposed acts and a person comes to a random secular doctor and said I've got the sword went in my arm the doctor examined that they dwelt looks like you got a wound let's just keep checking on behind that that might help a significant infected right if the person does not laugh into developed it may be fine let's take a Christian approach the person comes to the Christian counselor and said I got the sword wounds and it looks like it's infected I'm hurting a lot the Christian counselors as well it looks pretty painful let's hope it doesn't get infected if it does let me know so then over time let's say with both of those this way and get infected the secular counselors getting go well looks like that's infected let's cut it open and glanced it went that Atlanta blends these is our right we got we drained all that talk about to come back next week and lengthy how it's doing it back to default it may help it probably will help a lot with the pain right but you haven't put antibiotic into it you haven't started assisting in the process of healing now the Christian counselor may come along and do the same thing they well looks like you've got an infection they are like length and hope for the best we can offer in a bionic if you would like it's but we all leave that up to you well done mate help and you may get painful in open of pain you go well I think I really need something anything anything that will a Christian counselor gives you an optional gospel that may or may not be powerful depending on what they believe the cement or the biblical counselor when you come to the biblical counseling staff topics award winners and it's hurting even if you know it's festering debacle counselor said organ have to lance that and here you need command biotic work and have to deal with that intensely but if we get with it well you should be over it within a few weeks maybe a few months it's a very bad wound on its been infected for a very long time right so it options one until you're likely to keep coming back to the doctor to get Atlanta every week indefinitely right especially if you don't have an immune system because member we sinners tend to suppress our immune system that's who we are we take the sugar of the devil all the time we do everything we can to suppress the gospel I don't have to forgive him don't you know what he did to me everything I said I don't have to forget I don't have to let go I have right we clean since then as it are very lifeblood so what happens when your random center this got been infected wound and there are company counselor if you know what we tell you the secret of counseling when people computer counseling they don't actually want to get rid of their wounds they don't actually want to be healed what they wanted for the pain to go away they may want to be healed for what they wanted for the pain to stop if you can help the pain stop or at least come down to manageable level they don't need the gospel they are actually very happy with their sinful patterns it feels great to be able to live in unforgiveness to be able to say I'm too depressed to go out and do anything I have a health issue and so I just have to sit home and watch TV all day you don't understand right we think we want healing but what we actually want is freedom from pain but God had higher plan for us and that when you counsel people guaranteed they would like you to help and not be in pain anymore and if you can help get rid of their pain they don't want to deal with their sin you have to confront them biblically I know here's what really matters Jesus wants you to come to him for healing and freedom you see rain is not the enemy biblically sin is the enemy right chain in the toolbar uses to transform human beings into advantage from the very beginning God and want pain into lemonade stand the garden of Amy trust me if all were great and they said I got a better idea what we tried it our own way that God said I'm so sorry you did that here in a half to half pain and artwork now to help you understand why thing was a bad idea so that someday you will be able to say man we don't like the world we have to have pain and hard work we'd really like to get out of this planet and to live with you and we want to live by the law of love instead of a lot selfishness the law of sin that has been driving us to corruption here in this world the pain is not our enemy sin is our enemy in pain is God 's tool to transform it into advantage God wants to use our pain to help us to overcome sin immediately fix my computer when we think that painted the enemy when were hurting people are hurting always tend to think that pain is their problem so what happens when your random Bible study comes to church with you and says how I'm so glad to find this church where people actually care about me you been so nice to me I really appreciate it you know here's what I'm going through and then they start and they start spilling their chain on you right what's going to happen when you start telling them here's what you need to do to get rid of that pain but it typically say I want that right the meantime to have to give up all these oily sugary food that I live I can't drink pop all the time you tell them you lose the things that I want to lose weight you don't understand how much I need my sugar and oil ones that pop right but our culture and the world of practical life had already taught them scientifically you don't get anything here in a diet agency and you get it with a very miserable overweight uncomfortable life between here and there do you want that so natural law teaches them you keep eating that way you keep feeling this way you've got a boost in the right direction when you do biblical counseling the pain is invisible the problems are invisible largely in vain how could a process of helping people come to the point where they realize they need healing they need to be transformed not by new listening to the amount of time because the world the counseling model had told him the thing that will make you feel better the company listens to you week after week it makes you feel better networks wonderfully the people who go back to that secular doctor every week and he went to the wound wow it feels so much better and they a few tell them you need to stop going to that Doctor where they can save you you don't know how much it hurts until I go to him and he releases all that garbage from my wound I have to go to that Doctor they feel this is the thing that will help them and until you help them understand know the gospel will work you need an antibiotic when the antibiotic starts working to boost your immune system get all within our minds and knowledge that we need to go to God right Romans tells us that every person has a law accusing or executing within themselves all that have a grain of truth would benefit held at some but the wrong way love is the right way the problem is we live in a world that said you don't have to live by the law unselfishness you have rights and you and hurt you can go back to the doctor of the time and get him to make you feel better if your pain is the cat down to manageable level you don't need the gospel do you see the deadly thing about counseling out in the world is that sometimes the painkiller takes care of the pain know the antidepressants may take care of the depression that they don't need to deal with the spiritual issue that was exacerbating everything else I'm not saying antidepressants are evil or dangerous or bad they can be but an entity president can also be helpful it can boost the person up to the point where they are capable of facing the chaos and disaster they've made in their lives they should be handled very carefully but it's not the enemy the painkiller is not the problem the problem is that when we remove the pain instead of dealing with accounting it we may end up taking with headache for the person doesn't pay attention to the brain cancer now why do we need emotional healing I've been going over some of it I think it's it's making more sense hopefully but I wanted to crystallize this why do we need to emotional healing does God really care about whether we have emotional healing he absolutely dies because God defines himself a first in first John four as love in other words God is a relational God and he's made us in his image as relational beings right so we live in a world where kids law is being disobeyed all the time what is God 's law what two principles underlie everything else in God 's law love for God 's love for man love the Lord your God with all your heart soul mind and strength and your neighbor as yourself the whole law of God then is relational right my door any of the pain of people are going to come to you for counseling about is relational pain pain and can't buy broken relationships our relationships are the most significant things in our world which is an evident all by itself that we are created in the image of a relational God that we are not just evolved beings trampling on each other try to read the highest place we went for something deeper something richer something more meaningful because within this written a relational law God has told us you must love me with all your heart soul mind and strength you must love your neighbor as yourself if you do not your breaking relational law and your life will continue unraveling until you allow me to start changing it and how many of you ever had a sweater that gets a snag and it starts unraveling seen happen before and it just spreads right what happens when you put pressure on that sweater it unraveled a lot faster government if it was just a tiny little hole in mice I might be able to connect it under something I together hope for the best maybe it's not to show up to much but when you have a big snag and it starts spreading what happens you know I've got to do something about that when people break relational law the damage begins to spread the more pressure you put on their lives the more the damage spreads until the whole gets big enough they pay attention sin brings relational brokenness it brings relational disaster it is the very nature of sin to destroy relationships because then is the transgression of a relational law right now gone first love your neighbor as yourself if all of you then is the transgression of that relational log then then it is relational broken right and it results from relational broken of the five I actually can't find less looking desperately for some other I don't make me feel like a worthwhile I cannot help that I cannot stop myself from doing that because I'm like a drowning person grasping for something anything we cannot swim we have to have Christ holding us up at our lifejacket or we will desperately grab anything floating past so gone defined himself as a relational God he defined himself as lot he is the one thing we need the one thing that can make a secure in the knowledge we are deeply unconditionally loved by somebody who knows that for very debt everything bad enough and he says you are priceless all of that sin is just irrelevant to what you're worth to me internalizing that is the secret of overcoming sin that belief in the love of God because what Lucifer 's original sin that he stopped leaving the God of love he made an accusation he says there is no such thing as unconditional love and God is not unconditionally loving and when he severed by unbelief the first sin he inevitably committed the second then pride if I can say God is not fat than I am being unable to stand in judgment of him pride in unbelief of the cyclic part of everything problem everything problem is rooted in pride and unbelief and when you repent this is a problem when people comes in advance so sorry keep going back and drinking I don't know what to do about it you can nowadays listen cycle difference rooted in pride and unbelief all we have to do now is track it back to the pride and belief help this person to repent of the real problems the real center causing the first since it had been written simply different friends that they observe is he going on safari went back and drink again of the thyroid back and drank again but they're still living with the on not work anything nobody left me what is driving them to drink and they're not repenting of those red Sands that made them to keep going back to the first sentence so went on to find himself at last he is everything we need only by love is love awakens right so we can never actually learned to love God with all our heart soul mind and strength until we begin that process of believing that he is the one who loves us unconditionally his level awaken love in our minds and then guess what we start believing he loved me he loved me like I knowing how rotten I am then the sweater begins to come back together see what I'm talking about sin is relational broken as it wreaks havoc in our relationships with God and with others it unravels everything righteousness then is the reversal of sin isn't it righteousness is the healing the relationship that bringing back together God I'm doing that unraveling transforming by the renewing of our minds that the process not an event it's a process a lifelong process in the Bible called sanctification when we make that turn we decided to look into Jesus the author and finisher of our faith because faith is the beginning of where everything that happens on delete of the beginning of where everything that happens from Lucifer 's end thieves sent to every sin since then everything starts with maybe God is really good maybe God doesn't really love me maybe this whole world is a mess and I'm just back in chaos unbelief will be up to pride I think I can find something that will make me feel loved I'll find a relationship that will make me happy in love I will find a work that will make me feel like I'm worth something finally and then we wonder why we get addicted so God 's law is relational most of the brokenness that we experience in this world is also relational even the fine-grained which is something that necessarily going to be gone until Jesus comes but it still if there is a brokenness to remind us of our need for the one relationship that will never fail us how does abuse can't sin now only defined in this way as relational brokenness breaking relationship with God the initial thin elite solider stands right when I can't love God with all my heart soul mind and strength and I decide not to then I am powerless to love my neighbor as myself I can either love myself nor can I love anyone else because I severed from the fountain of all love right so people try together world leaders got allowed yourself to does not accept yourself that's actually not true that's right to say I am God I can give myself enough love we know how bad we are and we know that we cannot possibly make are so good in our very depth we know that when God says all your badness is irrelevant that's when we start have hope I meant when I talked to a woman who had been a prostitute for many years she'd been in massage therapist prostitute a whole bunch of other exciting things she told me her whole life story all the drug all the alcohol all the terrible relationships at the end of it all she said so that's my story and said so that's just got a new stepsister he did it's just been insane and actually kind of irrelevant to who you are in God I thought that you were my child I dined for you you are worth everything to me I was willing to give up ruling the entire universe for you and she came back to me weeks later she said I was maybe when you told me that when I told you everything that I've done and he said no what extra food since she realized him if that were gone blank receipt abuse strikes at the heart of our ability to believe it this is what's wrong with it this is what's dangerous about abuse it wreck our picture of who God is a person who is an abuse of the child has a powerful temptation before them to believe God abandoned me why went anywhere when I prayed and nothing good happens why didn't he rescue me maybe he doesn't love me maybe I'm worth nothing maybe he doesn't exist whatever life it upheld that person they're all rooted in doubt about the character of God in in in the end everything is about the character of God if you really love because it is really one of everything else that can work out and if he's really not love that our universe is in big trouble of Newsmax or picture of who God is it put the temptation before us a powerful temptation not to believe in the love of God for me and if only by love and love awakening I can't believe that he luckily how can I let him back I therefore severed from the ability to believe in the love of God the ability to love him I'm therefore caught trapped in sin and until I can believe nothing else good can happen to all of us are trapped in unbelief all of us struggle with this unbelief and doubt about the character of God can he really be that good when he's not this is the everlasting battle within right until Jesus comes will be tempted to unbelief and its resulting thin pride God gives us a cycle of humility and faith you notice how often those good together the ability and faith are the cycle that he'll able to live by the law when I come to the point where I can believe that God is a God of love then I can start believing in what God says about me because if you thought the record picture of who we are if not love who can love me if my father or my mother first the committee who will take me off we need the word of God to give us the power to believe there is somebody who love me you see God put the family together for the purpose of teaching us about my ballad 's whole purpose he intended to perfect parents that have perfect babies and even of those babies were growing up and didn't even know that they had been created they would be learning about love from day one right there be nursed and taken care of and protected in law business parents would never do anything wrong for the perfect baby they grow up to be like their perfect parents loving a God who is perfectly loving but something happened at a mini sense and there's never been a perfect parent every parents to some degree were at their child's picture of who God is profoundly direct my children's picture of who God is to every person that all of us participate in the process of sitting against people and all of us are called to participate in the process of redemption healing people bringing righteousness everywhere we go just as the Lord that he he comes to us with healing in his wings right the sun of righteousness this is how it works in our hearts in our life abuse when the picture of who God is in the picture of who we are and it makes a harder for us to obey God 's law but if every person to some degree has a picture of God Rick that's actually good news is meant God must have a plan for healing people from the effects of abuse seventy not well enough but won't work for anyone I be getting if our parents treated as wonderful even if our parents WordPerfect which identify perfectly even of our plans weren't perfect what about our pastors what about our Sabbath school teachers for the teacher to tell those that were worth nothing who purposely is ninja unjust US what about our friends who betray all of us listened against all of us have messages flying out from here and there and everywhere telling us here not lot your worthless and the Gospel has to undo that damage on how the plan to undo the emotional damage that people go through from abuse neglect every kind of trauma that we go through in this world we defined as counselors this is a messy process honestly it's a messy process learning how to believe because the process of overcoming sin abuse it like it makes our lives until mine field when you deal with them he has been abused you'll find they have trigger things sometimes that are unresolved like you know you're walking through the beautiful grassy field with your friends everything is gray where having a wonderful conversation or maybe had a great time at the cookout in the backyard you know roasting hotdogs into the bonfire and then something happened maybe your kid tripped over something in the yell fire you are so stupid whatever it is a trigger trigger hit and the person they reactions that trigger is not in proportion to the actual situation you see when our reaction to a situation is not proportionate to the actual situation were dealing with it very often because there's a trigger event is minefield has a trip wire underneath the line very just under the ground but deep under the ground of the wire that goes back to their childhood or something else they went through maybe they were told by their boss at work that they didn't do things well and in some way of helping them in the very depth of their identity in their workaholics and everything in them their identity and weapon accomplishment then you accomplish nothing your failure to be a tripwire and when this person steps on it who the reaction is not at all proportionate to the actual situation maybe somebody uses the word to describe them like the word idiot and that was something that they were called the child it sticks with them you can call them something out but don't call him an idiot because there's a tripwire the ghost of that and when I led that explodes with all the power of all the things they haven't forgiven from their childhood onward do you see what God wants sometimes for the things to be exploded and when it exploded me realize well there's something I need to forget we track that wire back to where it came from and disabled and then guess what we don't have to blow up constantly we don't have to continually guard that that wounded arm you know what it's like when you have a wounded arm remember that we go back to that that illustration of the sword cut in the arm and everything that happens you know we're just would try to make sure none I don't don't shake at hand I can't I can't deal with that when and what does the Lord do he comes to us and sadly take a look at that arm out and I actually didn't find it easy to understand if you are if you did anything to him he said he may need surgery on that actually without a visa and he is not actually very much about counseling often feel surgery without anesthesia nobody likes that nobody wants it but all that need it and the Lord has promised to never give us more pain than we can actually handle and that pain that he does allow us to go through will be for the purpose of setting up free for that then when Sunday comes along my patient campanile we can reach out and I sure because my army field in fact let me show you what God has done for me this is what God wants to do in our hearts and our minds and why he allows those tripwires to hit unsure than talking about that some of you are thinking of the tripwires in your I wonder why I overreact to events into that millionaire and the beautiful thing about our God he never stopped sanctifying he keep on reminding us morning by morning as we go to him and we cannot live everything Lord what is it today you want to work on he said you know the way you talk to your daughter yesterday you know the way you talk to your boss that the way you talked about that other person who will have been talking about my boss that way for years yet but today you are ready to deal with that today I convicted you he gives us what we need to hear when you are ready to hear it and he never gives us more than we can handle but he generally doesn't let us just like without any pressure at all because he loved us you know Donovan gave you the two pound weights workout with the gym because none of your actually pass that when beginning the fifty pound weight with a late lunch I like that Japan was a really nice eighties of actually working toward the eighty pound one so work on a bit deeper now because he wants us to be transformed the more we see what Jesus is like the Morgan want to be like that to it's just leaving to see what he's like how beautiful he is so what is our central fan problem every day in some way we buy the lives of autonomy and self-sufficiency worship the creation rather than its creator this is from instruments in the Redeemer 's hands page twenty seven we see that the pride pride works in our minds to make us believe we actually aren't that bad we can actually handle everything on our own without God Satan said God is not to you have and then of course he followed with you are not who God says but these are lies damn lies and ultimately the accusations against the character of God that he is really not loving that he's really not good everything is about the nature of God God is really good he said he is and we can grasp that my face all the blessings of heaven unfolds for us Satan said he shall not surely die that's how we got here the first place right by exalting ourselves he said and thought that you shall not eat of every tree of the garden is in good receipt there he shall be as gods think of what you can be if you sever belief in God and lunch on your own everything is centered in pride and belief if the devil can get you to not believe that God is love or if he can get you to redefine what love is that God loves you it you do enough in your perfect enough that they went what is then instruments as Redeemer 's hands the fourteenth affinity ultimate disease the grand psychosis rebellion of the inborn tendency to get into the lives of autonomy and self-sufficiency and self focus think like I have the right to do what I want I don't need to depend on our submit to anyone I am all I need myself and the center of my world I'll do whatever brings me happy I know these ring true for mind because were sinners we have that systemic infection flowing through our bloodstream popping up in infected wounds here they are anytime it the devil has an opportunity and the Lord said when we get it out on the length that went into my spirit and I will keep on transforming your by the renewing of your mind see what we look to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith everything good comes about the devil does everything he can to get us to fear off on the two sides love me or God won't take care of me category that we can't describe these as Bond ever love me he will lead you to depression who love me month take care of me going to lead you to anxiety take care of me you have to step in and do what only God can really do right under the control my environment to make sure nothing bad happens to the people I love I'm going to ongoing too I'm going to be shall be of God right now when I put these two broad categories of depression and anxiety up there I don't get me think that you might call depression anxiety but don't relate to those terms but things like bulimia idolatrous relationships of fantasy pornography self-mutilation posttraumatic stress disorder feeling worthless or feeling unlovable all of these I would put in the category of the depression the category of God doesn't love me if God doesn't love me and I'm going to escape to one or many things and probably your addictions will just take turns making movies for a while then you get the movie being in the music for a while and you get over the music being been at the codependent relationship and codependency is just another word for idolatry anxiety can be a word that describes a huge family of issues a few of them would be things like anorexia control issues legalistic perfectionism phobias anxiety attacks fear of abandonment postherpetic stress disorder also fits here as different manifestations of the symptoms show different areas of unbelief about God obsessive-compulsive disorder believing we can burn longer work all of these things yet you can maybe start seeing how most of these things could fit in either category in some ways they're kind of blend of its partly unbelief and partly pride mostly pride a little bit of unbelief mostly I believe little bit of pride in and talking about this this is a cycle every sin in the cycle of the two factor I really pride back in with my life now one thing that we're going to find particularly crops up if you're dealing with counseling people very often is guilt versus shame we live in a world where those two words are often used interchangeably but I'm using them to describe two distinct experiences in the human life dealt in the message from God okay and Shane is a message from the double guilt and shame field very similar they aren't sent by defilement and it goes to the core of who we are but guilt and shame often opposite effect in our lives you could consider and that when conviction of thing comes to you you respond in faith it will begin a new respondent can't believe it will be shame media computing the money try to distinguish between the two here health is a message from God that says then is standing between us let's get rid of it so we can be close shame is a message from the devil that you are so simple God doesn't want to be close to you you see the difference between us to they feel very similar this oppressive darkness a conviction that have opposite effect in your life one driving to God when driving away from God you can tell whether guilt or shame that the effect in your life I effect upon you that make you want to go to Christ or make you feel like there's no hope for you you can't come to him guilt says it is bad shame that you are bad guilt says there is hope Shane says there is no hope for someone like you guilt said the defilement can be washed away or even the defilement that didn't fit when a person has been abused particularly sexually there's a sense of defilement that pertains to the very heart person feel I am forever broken I am forever not as good as others but the gospel says that defilement of meaning that you say that you said nothing may come into a person or another work that happens to a person can defile him but only what comes from within person and then you get the list of sessions worth something to you cannot defile you no matter how defiled you may feel it's just a lie of the devil only your own willing participation in the same process can defile you and that anything that you participated in can be washed away by the blood of Jesus is not beautiful people who've been abused need to hear that central truth and even people who participated in the thin process shame however says the defilement of the permanent stain not even Jesus blood can remove it one of the biggest difficulties of faith and counseling a person who is been abused is that they have been told that they are defiled the life by whatever happened to them the Devil has told them you are permanently defiled but what do you do with the defilement that you didn't even participate in you can't repent of it can you did nothing you can do to bring yourself to the point where you feel clean some children who have been abused will compulsively wash their hands constantly or take that people who enter things like that failed they may get into obsessive-compulsive rituals to try to deal with their shame what they need to know though is that they aren't actually defiled according to Scripture and that will set them free like nothing else can Jesus said you can't be defiled by anything that happened to you and anything that actually tells you anything around participation in sin to the course abuse does tempt us to send the response anything you participated in Geneva washed away by the blood of Jesus guilt says repentance and confession are the only way out but Shane said you must atone for your sins or you can never be cleansed usually go back and forth between those two benefit shame and guilt well say you know first he better do something maybe you can do it not you can do enough maybe you'll feel better than when you can't do enough nevermind there's no hope for somebody like me this is true potential particularly sexual shame sexual shame I just want to mention to you when you deal with a person who had participated in sexual sin or a type actual sin committed against them what happens if it's like a braid of sex and love and shame all braided together their mind you know when I make Brad I bring together three stands stranded that when it rises and I think it when I bring it out of the oven it's not three strength anymore is it right it's all one but God is able to help people separate those out in the process helping a person understand sex is not evil is evil shame is evil but sex is good and pure helping people discern and see that God has not condemned them for their longing for someone else to love them or for sex is not evil that will be a process helping a person deal with that and what is addiction biblically it is an attempt to find love or work in someone or something other than God it's a choice to worship someone or something other than God it is the inevitable effect the cycle of unbelief and try and bottom-line addiction is idolatry finding something in this thing instead of in God whether the person or thing whatever it is that we flee to instead of God it inevitably is really self disguise nobody gets it interdependent relationship because they really love the other person it's always because they love what the other person did for them or done them yet you need me but he makes me feel like I'm actually the person who saved him we always like either be God to somebody else I am the one who loved him and Steve Downie when him and nobody else that will want to be God for our there are two categories of men biblically in Jeremiah two thirteen and that my people is committed to evils they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters and huge amounts of Stern 's broken cisterns that can hold no water when we forsake the fountain of living water depth unbelief we can't believe they got a street that is inevitably will heal out broken cisterns will try to find something else to be what only God can really be for instruments in the Redeemer 's hands page sixty seven said Senate much more than doing the wrong thing it begins with loving worshiping and serving a wrong thing when you have some income to say I feel so terrible about this problem with porn and masturbation or thinking lustful thoughts whatever it is that they're struggling with help them understand it loving worshiping and serving the wrong thing that leads you to that it's a belief that God withhold good guests that leads people to sexual addiction is holding something back from me I want happiness this would make me happy when happiness is more important to me than holiness community whatever I think is can make me happy for the real problem is my mindset not by action people repent of their actions so earnestly but they have to change the mindset and therefore they keep going right back to the same thing like a dog going back to write me answer the Redeemer 's hands page sixty eight to get on with it whatever rules the heart will exercise inapplicable influence over the person 's life and behavior and page seventy one it brings out the biggest issues of the human struggle are not issues of pain and suffering remember those other things that are going to bring people to you but the issue of worship is the one that you need to help them confront because what rulers our hearts will control the way we respond to those suffering and blessing how much are we worth in the eyes of God the picture of the Hope diamond is worth an estimated two hundred and two hundred and fifty million dollars you know why worth that much now what that means opinion but that my mouth LB scary you would be breaking the next but does somebody out there they would pay two hundred and fifty million dollars for it because that is estimated to be worth that much how much are we worth in the eyes of God the life of the son of God there is no price in the universe that can even thought what you are worth what I am worth this is the root of finding healing and freedom from our addictions for abuse from whatever it is we've been through when we believe the love that the father has for all good things come as a result that's when we start loving him with all of our heart mind and strength actually begin loving others as ourselves that's when we realized how much God loves how much are we love to see everyone has these two great figures in their minds for love and for worse we can't escape from those we can only choose what we're going to find them in whatever you find your sense of love and worth and will be the thing you base your identity on and you will worship it you'll worship God or your worship whatever you put in his place as the thing that is the foundation of your identity and work in a week we talked about how rates in the first sense are the things that people observe versus the things that are actually going on under the surface now if I if I see dandelions all over my yard line in a Congress rate much by going out and picking them know now is not bad to get rid of those dandelions because what happened in two weeks if I leave all of the lines all over instead of having twenty on twenty thousand dandelions right when a per

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