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3. When Facts & Feelings Collide

Wayne Blakely


As an earliteen, Wayne Blakely read God's Word and discovered that his "feelings" seemed to match the references to "homosexuality."  He didn't understand how that was possible.  He didn't ask to be this way.  The church was ignorant about helping him understand God's plan for him.  Angry and hurt, he left God's family and explored life as a gay man for nearly forty years.  Then he came face to face with God and encountered a lightning bold experience: He didn't know God.



  • January 1, 2015
    2:00 PM
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are and businesses in the GUI seems than crumbs in Phoenix Arizona and other resources like this is online at www. .us he is okay thank you and once again we want to welcome you to holy sexuality who want to talk about the issues that you deal with on a regular basis as a matter fact speaking from coming out ministries each one of my colleagues and I not only struggled with homosexuality but also with lusts with pornography addiction and so we want to talk about the things that we just aren't talking about in church culture in effect we have five Taylor Hinkle with us this morning this afternoon and he's going to give us his testimony about coming out a sexual sin as well so I hope that she will keep your ears open your and your minds open and if you have any questions we have a box in the back you can submit your questions to you can also use the telephone number on the screen to send in your questions as a text message and will compile them together and on Sabbath afternoon would have a powerful Q&A will would answer the questions that you asked so at this time would you bow your heads with me in prayer as we open up our afternoon session father thank you again for this opportunity to speak to young people and I remember Lord when I was twenty years old and walked out a church culture I couldn't get any answers Lord for the issues that are struggling with inside my heart not only that but I didn't feel safe to even go to anyone in the church and so I thank you Lord that I wasn't lost to you and that you still brought me back and you gave me another opportunity Lord to not only learn about your goodness but also to get the answers to those questions and were burning in my heart my desire Lord is that my friends my young friends you this morning and some of us not so young but more than you would still as you have poured out to me Lord we want to pour out to them allow your angels to come and sit with us and I pray Lord that you would remove every evil spirit that's in here and more that you would open up again the opportunity for the Holy Spirit to speak to each one of us to tailor and also through all Wayne as a speak to us today and I think you in Jesus name and one excited to talk to you this morning this afternoon Peter refine the work of the light no microphone letters Taylor Kinkel and I'm so excited to talk to you because there's nothing worse than my life than sexual addiction I've developed thanks from drug addiction to him all sorts of other things that are send in my life but there was nothing more grasping than the sin of pornography of masturbation of both of those things that doesn't get talked about very frequently and I want to let you know that there is hope and some excited to share this morning so I was raised in Adventist home very good Adventist home my mother is sitting here with us today you can interview her about it afterwards and there was issues in the home even though we were we went to church our whole lives I went to church go my whole life of an Adventist school my whole life and my dad was depressed bipolar which caused a little bit of conflict in the home your Sundays you'd be okay some moments you'd appreciate you other moments are joined to the worst person in the world and I was talking like a canopy of specific words that were used by all I know is I felt demeaned and belittled I could be yelled my down to be yelling at me one moment we walked in the church is an elder they're the kind of nice everyone else and in turn and shoot me out in front of everyone and so I I didn't find fulfillment through family and my brother and I didn't have the greatest relationship sometimes we had tension and that's the put a very light weight I very honestly note my brother got a hard for my dad and he would reciprocate it to me and is always looking for something to fulfill the desire that was missing in my heart for acceptance our number at the age of eight years all that my little church school it probably only had about twenty people in another time that a little boy he was in fifth grade brought a picture that was pornographic and showed it to me knows my first introduction to pornography I didn't know it wasn't some appalling I didn't understand it or anything like that and before I knew it was something that was riveting in my life by the age of ten it was kind of a commonplace in for seven years I struggled with looking at these thanks with the anxiety that goes along with knowing your living a life of paper hypocrisy of struggling with the joy I mean you enjoy it because you don't want to do it is just your your tour in urine a dichotomy and to medicate since I didn't have any peace in life ever never try to turn things on such a street racing drawings anything that could maybe bring me some satisfaction while music media trying to drown out my own thoughts like the new have to deal with the thought of who I was and where my life is going and that continued jaws about fifteen years old and I remember just the misery not feeling accepted struggling with the one thing I felt was the dirtiest thing that I couldn't talk about your people sure testimony is about alcohol you hear that your testimony about other things but I never heard some of shared testimony about struggling with pornography or anything like that but I remember when I was fifteen years old is driving from school or maybe I was sixteen by then I was listening to some rap music and all the sudden I remember just thinking how happy life one and so I turn off the music and I remember just talking to God it wasn't a formal prayer anything like that when it is said Lord if you have something better for my life I want to know it is I didn't know what it was I didn't know the steps of becoming a Christian or anything like that but remember going home and I didn't listen the music anymore actually decide to throw the CD away I thought young maybe if I give my life to God everything will be fine from her past is making appealed the church during that time I would go forward yet I would still go home and fall back into pornography I I didn't seem to have the victory there will one day I went over to my friends house and down we got drunk to the point where I was going to punch myself before had a bruise myself don't ask me why doesn't make sense but I remember going back and the last thing my friends told they would pay whatever you do don't drive home what indignity a problem to lose my moms car and entered she was in a Drive Hans I walked back to where my mom works which is the conference office and I walked back and I meet my mom and she gives me the car keys and chooses a letter to Glenn drive for us and I realized that when I had I could either admit that I was drunk when she had no idea that I was involved in a lifestyle or I can risk killing us in a car accident so I decided to go with the safer humanly speaking of the two options in such a moment I can drive them actually drunk right now and I was expecting my longest the yeller to get frustrated or whatever would be but there was nothing you should start the car keys back when over to the driver seat and started driving home I remember telling my mom sitting out I want a different life I just don't know how to do when I'm addicted to drugs addicted I've got friends obviously use of the things I'm into I don't know how to get out of it and I don't remember the whole conversation in detail but remember that evening my mom and I knelt down and she led me through how to give your life to God you double forgive your sins if you confess them first on one nine news is that a beautiful experience and even though I had a terrible day I recognize that I can still give my life to Christ than I thought at that moment that everything else would would fall off as well well I wasn't much later that I realized I was still falling in the pornography was still falling in a masturbation I would be praying and asking God to change my heart and struggling with this business you still about two weeks after that my mom got a letter from my dad that he left on the pillow the bad that said you know I wonder let you know that I've been in the fair I want to leave and am not interested in continuing a relationship and so my mom came down from the letter and immediately the thought came to my mind see what happens we follow God your God doesn't allow good things to happen given the thought became immediately after that was to recognize the misery you were in before you give your life to God and I recognize about forty like an unfolding weather verse was about time the thought came to my mind that I will be a father to the fatherless bring fulfillment of things that you don't have fulfillment and I began to pray and I pleaded with the Lord is the Lord I want to understand what it means to be a Christian I don't know how it's not okay that I'm struggling with pornography I want this out of my life you can deliver us from sin not just to console us in our suffering and what I am just pleading that your Jimmy victory I would go back tonight I decided that the same amount of time I would stand and looking up car parts and watching movies in the music I was listening to that I would spend that time studying the Bible about two hours of her glance that is pleading with the Lord in prayer agonizing the Bible and I still didn't have complete victory in this area and I remember talking on monthly mobile I don't understand it praying that the Lord would change my heart and praying that he would change my mind but there's still this desire for the things that are not of God and know she would should pray with me would have time together in one time that happened as I started dating a girl and for three months I had a look at pornography have been involved in any fact that I thought the Lord with sustained me which she had given victory but I chose to go back and I remember one day going on the computer and unwilling to look at anything but I was look at something in front of you understand what I mean insult you directly I recognize I'm looking at stop and like all men's public wrongs like were going to my girlfriend as an hate you I want to apologize I know you don't know about this was wrong against you I looked at things I shouldn't have that she was so upset that's not my wife just letting you know she was so upset it was decided on yet actually yelling as they seem it couldn't believe that I would get us think and for the first time in my life I saw the impact of my sin on someone else I started to think of men how can I ever do this over again you know Richter apart it tore up like I can never do this to her again and the thought came and how can you do to me how is it possible that we can can continue to do this the God even though we can't ever imagine doing it to a human we appreciate I pray that the Lord would help me to experience that the true victory that he had himself from that point on I don't know exactly what shift didn't like what does we don't know the science of salvation necessarily we can explain every detail but from that point on the Lord help me to recognize the weight of my sin and what it did to his heart and I began to spend more time in the Bible I recognize that I couldn't listen to the music that talk about women all these things and expect to not fall into pornography I understood that I can be watching on secular media because even the commercials come on the trigger your thoughts the something negative and source I said Lord you really do that for you not to watch television on your watch movies make only a weird person that's okay once convicted and pornography dolls worth it to me and so by God 's grace of LaGuardia to spend time with you and your word or margarita messages young people desire of ages great controversy and for the first time in my life I had complete victory from pornography are a number walking into my monitoring month I can't believe this is the the same way that I used to think that the idea look at a person and not have the crazy thoughts that I would before I do the mailing the work that God can do not only in the actions in other words you're not looking at pornography are not engaging in masturbation but now by God 's Grace United and think the same processor were thinking before to remind to send printed in chapter five or seventeen regard to the penny imagine Christ is a what a new creature all things have passed away behold all things have become new and by God 's grace my experience that even though I knew the prophecies of Daniel and Revelation I could tell you scientifically or archaeologically one the Bible is real when I saw that God could change my thought process I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we serve a God who is capable of anything this world through the God that I could trust the God that I can serve it was a beautiful experience nothing God can provide victory member sitting in my room known to share with you some of the hope that God gave me during this time Psalm one nineteen with a passage that I spent much time in solemn Chapter one nineteen in verse nine this is a beautiful passage for those of us who recognize that our lives have not been lives of purity and that doesn't just make sexual purity but all of us that sin and David asked this question Psalm one nineteen verse nine and he says how can a young man cleanse his way says vice hate taking he according to your word I understood that God not only could forgive me of my sin the first on one line says that he can cleanse us from all unrighteousness and that God can provide the complete cleansing immunizing completely impossible but God was able to provide freedom not wanting in your an idea of how long this thought there was two years where I felt I was going back and forth and if I could summarize it the best I could now I wanted young from pornography but I didn't want freedom from pornography if you did you know what I mean you want freedom from the stand and you know it's wrong but at the same time it's enjoyable and it wasn't until I I played why I don't even want to get rid of this humanly I want to keep it by your grace I wanted to be out of my life but that the Mozart and provide freedom I don't know where you're at if you're struggling honorably were all here for a purpose God can provide freedom on any circumstances regardless if you haven't seen freedom in six months to years but your whole life God can still provide a way out for the struggle that you're facing now remember having devotions one morning I came to Ephesians chapter three and I was pleading with the Lord to give you some hope that morning Ephesians chapter three in verse six and I'm just taking you through the process of what light early Christian experience looked like Ephesians chapter three verse six and Paul says this actually views in chapter three verse eight he said unto me who in last than the least of all the saints how many of you have ever felt like you the least of all the thing what you know my heart people other people know my experience for Paul said unto me the less than the least the Saints is this grace given that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ and to make all see what is the fellowship of the mystery which for the beginning of the ages has been hidden in God who created all things through Jesus Christ our member reading about morning and was the first time that the Bible actually touched my heart and anywhere that actually touch my emotions I began to cry and it's about how in the world can use someone like me who so defiled to ever do something for your glory but but God says by using someone who has been defiled I can show my power in their lives of what I can do through them in a blender this is hello I want through minute we serve a God who is able to accomplish anything regardless of the despair that you're going through regardless of what you seem for your whole life God is faithful to deliver knowledge is to deliver you but he is faithful to use you as a powerful testimony of what he can do it by God 's grace married to a woman who has Mike would like her to come up here self nonmarital woman who has a totally opposite experience and what I've had I cut a joke about this but she was raised in the middle of nowhere I was raised little the city about psychosexual diction never had a short with that worse damages losses and of Green Gables but that's not my job but it is just by God 's grace he can redeem the life and bring beautiful things out of it what you try to find satisfaction and with pornography looking for fulfillment looking for satisfaction addiction of any other type daunting give you a purer form of joy than what anything else to never offer I would encourage you be faithful she was faithful I was unfaithful but I got to redeem you whatever your story is whether you live the life of sexual purity praise the Lord maintain what he loved the life of sexual impurity price validity can change you anything can help you maintain so I encourage you be faithful you never know what God can do July you may feel like the worst but God promises that his grace is still sufficient was that powerful mind as I give you how I give me hope I'm not married forehead as I was going for a death sentence rang my at this time we're going to offset up Wayne and he's been to give us our afternoon presentation thank you so much to an area I met my summer at the Michigan cam meeting and and just to hear his story it just I just knew that I wanted you to hear that today so thank you again and will not be ready for when Blakely except for so much technology today I didn't forget pieces here and there that remote clip and so all right I am standing in front of you today not as him a standing in front of you today not as an educated person with a scholarly scholarly degree but with a personal testimony about what's possible through Jesus Christ we're pretty low in my life including twelve years of male prostitution but there is no low to low that Jesus cannot reach Jesus is so patient and so incredibly loving for the last five years I have been compelled to share what is possible and getting to know Jesus and I'm still learning and so again with the questions that you send in we learned so much through the Q&A so please don't don't hesitate to text in any question that you might have been burning in your heart for so very long and I would like to ask you at this time just bow your heads with me heavenly father again we ask for the presence of the Holy Spirit and we asked for the covering of the blood of Jesus over this room and over the hearts the precious hearts of the people in this room more that they would know that Jesus loves them so deeply that there is nothing that they have done that Jesus cannot redeem them from we thank you and praise you Jesus amen this is a relatively short presentation I'd like to invite you to take full advantage of the handouts available I believe it's you I see web work if you are impressed this afternoon is much more information in the handout and and I have a few with me so if you'd like to come up afterwards and a big happy to give you one as some of you may have heard my testimony for those of you who I I was born to a mother who was adamant that he was going to have only a baby girl and upon my arrival I was rejected and abused within the first two years of my life had broken my arm in two different places at the age of twenty years old I was adopted by Hansen an uncle but Satan had only begun his work and Jesus never gives up with his Satan 's sole purpose is to overthrow God painting God as being unfair and unjust you might have the most normal childhood but is likely that Satan has been tirelessly trying to convince you of one line or another is like me with that I am unwanted when is it most at mentation advantageous for Satan to gain control of our lives isn't from the very beginning Satan like to meet from birth she told me the only way that I was going to be approved and accepted would be if I was that little girl that my mother wanted I'm reminded in Psalm fifty one five says behold I was shaped in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me I believe it's vital that we help little ones engaging in intimate relationship with Jesus right from the very beginning I'd like to ask you a question is it ever too late to engage in intimate relationship with Jesus I spent the majority of my life desperately seeking love praise God I finally found so exactly how you must see sad truth she had thought her presence every evening she could ask any question that she wanted how did the serpent managed to get through to her the truth would set her free but when did she choose instead was that her feelings without an intimate relationship with Jesus were in the very same danger in the New Testament Paul was speaking to religion leadership that opposed him and his counsel to them also pointed back to original sin referenced in second Corinthians eleven three Paul makes this observation but I am afraid just as Eve was deceived by the serpents coming your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ we are all uniquely made your temptations might be different from my temptations Satan has a custom plan but so does God Satan yells Jesus whispers all these depictions initially feel good to the one who suffers from its effects Satan has empty lines each of these behaviors have consequences on or about you but I can identify with more than one that is that is depicted lust pride gossip pornography being gluttonous adultery homosexuality or perhaps premarital sex from God 's point of view all these are previous and ugly sins however there are some incredibly this writer by the freedom from every one of them our God is so patient so loving so forgiving you won't call you to bear more than you can bear with your strength so let's take a look at this in process something that is very important first remember is that temptation is not sent but what are you doing with your temptations have you ever thought about this in process but stick a look it starts with a disturbance the Prince of darkness is at work with all kinds of sensual allurements and distractions we must walk so closely with God and cling to him and remember stay clear don't even go near the tree enticements once we get close to what the enemy is offering contemplating our feelings rather than God 's facts were on the slippery slope it's important for us to put safeguards in place for example an accountability partner also focus on reaching out to God through prayer and power of his word remember that his words hidden in your heart is the key to overcoming sin conception at this point Satan has a grasp on you he's convinced you that your feelings are stronger and more important than truth without divine intervention you are likely to follow follow follow through with the plan of the enemy of God from experience I can tell you this is pretty convincing now is got to draft Satan and your feelings are now holding you captive your mind and your class are becoming 's ear with his life and you might begin to adopt laws that make you feel justified you're in danger exchanging God 's truth for the life that are being offered you on your behalf praying that I'm praying hopefully prior to being preyed on your behalf praying that your heart will not become hard and you can hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit my parents pray for me for nearly forty years prayers are heard and prayers are answered sin has a price and has to be destroyed Jesus paid the price for sin so that we might be so that we might be able to ask for forgiveness and receive it and start a with him but today is rapidly approaching where decisions have to be made and no one will find that they will respond to the will of God in their hearts life is so very short but it doesn't have to end this way are you challenged by the meaning of the word love today you hear messages even in our churches today campuses and and universities that are reshaping got sure love for love that appeals to your flesh have you adopted these worldviews have you bought into the idea that sin is that that love actually means mission second Timothy three sixteen says all Scripture is given by inspiration of God and his Prophet a friend for reproof for correction for instruction in righteousness God lets you more than I have words for you matter you belong your love for you and I it's not important that we accept what's going on around us we don't answer to others we answer to our father who knows our hearts who gave you as our very breath of life these don't be consumed by the lies rapidly circulating under Satan 's rule the Prince of darkness don't be conformed to this world but by the trans- but be transformed by the renewing of your hearts to have strong feelings I lived by my for many years they were my truth I guarded them and I defended them in the book councils to the church Christian author Ellen White writes strength of character consists of two things power of will and power of self-control many youth and it might add adults as well make mistakes strong uncontrolled passion for strength of character but the truth is that he who is mastered by his passions is a weak man the real greatness and nobility of the man is measured by the power of the feelings that he subdues not by the power of the feelings that subdue him is there a way out you have an idea of how an sweet intimacy with God began here's an example whom hey and had no man a rat in and him a I believe were being taken now many in and outside the church have become immune and known to the warnings and invitations that Jesus offers that Jesus doesn't give a second angel called out in a distinctive voice that is shared in the writings of God 's messenger on white if you don't hurt read her but you're missing out on such an incredible blessing she was also appointed and anointed to share God 's distinct light and clarity to us she writes said the angel nothing less than the whole armor of righteousness can enable a man to overcome the powers of darkness and to retain the victory over them Satan has taken full position of the churches as a body the sayings and doings of men are dwelt upon instead of the plane cutting truths of the Word of God the Spirit and friendship of the world identity with God when the truth in its simplicity and strength as in Jesus is brought to bear against the spirit of the world it at once awakens the spirit of persecution many who profess to be Christians have not known God the national heart has not been changed in the carnal mind remains at enmity with God they are Satan 's faithful server servants notwithstanding have assumed another name Satan has woven a web around you trying to make you think there's no way of escape but Satan is alive you have all the power of God at your beck and call temptations of the fire that you but you've been set free by the blood of Jesus your needs are identified in your temptations any long I'm not a gay Christian I'm a new creation and Jesus Christ the armor of God is yours when you are on the battlefield of the lines of the enemy so suit up with the armor of God the breastplate of righteousness this is to accept more and more of his righteousness and your life choose his holiness surround yourself with hit with his truth remember God 's message is a truth and love message is promised you peace and joy claimant it belongs to you but on the shield of faith remember favorite places your feelings feelings are what Satan tries to use to convince you that the truth is his and it's a counterfeit where the helmet of salvation remember faith replaces your feelings your identity and Jesus is where you belong today submit your will to him don't late let Satan penetrate your brain with allies that you once believe that this new life and faith and trust in Jesus he's not so much keep the sword of the Spirit in your hand and in your heart David writes to tell us God 's Word in our hearts is there so that when we will not sin against God commit his word to your memory replace old habits with new righteous ones God well-equipped you develop intimacy with him spend time building that relationship you need help you sense the danger of the lies Satan has inflicted upon you you see the great controversy a little precious book that my colleague called the first aid quick check this something that I thought you quite frequently it is powerful and has beautiful things to say here's a quote through through the right exercise of the will an entire change may be made in your life by yielding up your will to Christ you align yourself with the power that is about all principalities and powers will have strength from above hold you steadfast and thus through constant surrender to God you will be enabled to live the even the life of faith you have a secret that you've been keeping you trap my friends it's not a secret your father loves you he died for you so that you could claim his blood and that you like me can have victory over sin David writes in Psalm nineteen twelve keep your servant from willful sense maybe not roll over me ask you this this afternoon to just bow your head with me once more closer eyes from nothing about the father your father your heavenly father who loves you so so much who hung on the cross shedding blood so that you might have freedom the freedom he purchased for you to RC place that has become instrumental in the changing appliance on the power of the love of Jesus can do that heavenly father you see each and every heart in this room you know Lord what clings to our flash but Lord we call upon you to set us free we ask for the Holy Spirit to convict our hearts that freedom is possible that we can surrender to you Lord and that we can develop intimacy that you intend for us to have Lord help us to stop blaming you for what's wrong in our lives and blame that on the enemy and to claim that she's in the joy and the freedom in the blood that you have provided for us as every head is now and as you have been listening to two presentations today what is it whether they be in this room or in another room in your sensing God 's call on your heart and make you want to surrender something to him I asked if you would please raise your hand is there something that is attached to you or that you are attached to that you want to get one my colleagues see your hands my colleagues are available at the rear of this room as you exit and we will pray with you and we want you to stick with us throughout the remaining presentations throughout CYC that you will come to us that you'll let us pray with you then you will let us share with you the freedom that is possible through Jesus Christ heavenly father you see every hand you know every heart that is warming to surrender to you Lord I ask that you send your piece your forgiveness your joy your message of freedom and the promise that we can be a new creation and Jesus and I thank you and I praise you Jesus and I will dismiss it wasn't included in Key West twenty fourteen in Phoenix Arizona USC supporting the teeth of the Seventh-day Adventist just seeks a spine and I question if so when Christians download other resources like this visit us online at www. USC led the


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