Born into a dysfunctional family, from a young age I had suicidal thoughts and engaged in self-destructing behaviour. Later, I was into drug and alcohol abuse and struggled with depression and panic attacks. My agnostic beliefs did not help me find meaning and purpose. Would life always feel pointless?

<p>Born into a dysfunctional family, from a young age I had suicidal thoughts and engaged in self-destructing behaviour. Later, I was into drug and alcohol abuse and struggled with depression and panic attacks. My agnostic beliefs did not help me find meaning and purpose. Would life always feel pointless?</p>

<p>Free sharing permitted under the Creative Commons <a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US)</a> license.</p>

Adverum Productions

Christopher Laubscher

Journeys Season 1

Should Christians Have Ecstatic Experiences?: Christopher’s Journey

Dan Millares

Searching for the Meaning of Life: Dan’s Journey

Cacyne Hernehult

Searching for True Love: Cacyne’s Journey

Maj Oblak

Can Faith Be Rational?: Maj’s Journey

Miikael Volkonski

I Would Never Become a Christian: Miikael’s Journey

Jan Haugg

Finding Hope for the Environment: Jan’s Journey

Conrad Whitaker

Beyond Rituals and Crucifixes: Conrad’s Journey

Samuel Jacobsen

Escape From New Age and the Paranormal: Samuel’s Journey

Grace Rose

Finding Peace at Last: A Miraculous Journey

Jonas Nygard

Hungry for More: Jonas’ Journey

Albert Jurgens

Learning to Trust the Bible: Albert’s Journey

Chris Berger

Existential U-turn: Chris’s Journey

I was into drug abuse, alcohol abuse. I even sold drugs to others. I was struggling with depression and panic attacks. Thankfully, I left all that behind and this is my journey. I was born into a dysfunctional family and there was a lot of abuse and fighting going on, mostly because of alcohol. I was a third child of an unhappy couple and they could never really take time for me. So most of the time I felt unwanted and like an extra from a young age, I had suicidal thoughts. I engaged in self-destructing behavior. At the age of 12, I first started smoking pot, and later in high school I went on to other drugs and even selling them to other people. My life was really a big mess and there was a lot of bad behavior. I had no sense of purpose in life. I felt I didn't belong anywhere. And when I was young, all the kids in my village went to Catholicism instructions. So I went to, this was a kind of a part of cultural Catholicism, but I never met any person that would have a deep, strong personal relationship with God. For me, religion was just a matter of culture. Later on, I went to study at a university and I was a double philosophy in English major. Soon I became a secretary of a philosophy association. And all the time with my colleagues, we were discussing these deep philosophical ideas and concepts. And even the teachers, the professors, they were publicly teaching us that there is no God, no creator. And I was firmly convinced about evolutionism and I was agnostic. I was also really vocal against people who believed in God. I just thought they're not educated, inferior, that these are only farmers with less intellectual capacity. And at that time, my university colleagues and I use psychedelic drugs mixed with a lot of alcohol. And at that point, my mental health just broke completely. I had to see several mental health specialists because I started having really serious panic attacks. I took medicine for depression, and at that time I was really at the end of my rope. There were some times that I thought I was never going to be normal again. I felt like I was living in a different kind of reality sometimes having difficult existential thoughts. I felt like I was fighting with somebody who tried to control my mind and my thoughts And those panic attacks that I had were particularly distressing. I ended up being taken to the emergency department several times. I had to stop my studies and I went home. So the next two years are really a blur. What I mainly did was just sleep, sleep and party. And I was 21. At that time, I was having paranormal experiences, often feeling bad. Somebody was watching me from behind or through windows and I felt like a constant presence. And sometimes at night I would wake up and I couldn't get up because I felt somebody was sitting on me pushing me down. So I, that time I just felt miserable. I had no will to live. I just, it felt pointless. Then something happened. I met a guy in a club and we really clicked and started dating. I met his family and friends and they were Christians and they were among the first vegetarians that I've met. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13 years old. So I really connected with them and I really like them. Okay, they're probably less educated since they believe in God, but they were kind and I would bring a bottle of wine to their house. They didn't say anything, just thank you. Later on I found out that they don't even drink alcohol. They were seven day Adventists and they uphold all God's 10 commandments. And I thought to myself, well, I'm a good person. I kind of keep the keep the tent commandments. I don't need a God for that. The strange thing was that whenever they started reading the Bible or talking about God, I would get a panic attack or a blurred vision. I said, this is really not for me. But I said, okay, they're really nice people, good people. They take care of me, and I really got to love them and like them. Then one day we're sitting in a restaurant with a business contact, and there was a lady who had deep faith in God, and she said, I could really see there is something in your life you are struggling with. Something's bothering you. Can I maybe pray for you? And I really didn't want her to pray for me, but I didn't wanna be rude. So I said, oh, okay, you can pray for me. And as soon as she started praying, I got this huge panic attack and I didn't know what to do, where to go. I just sit there and as soon as she finished, I went to the restroom and I didn't have any medication with me. So I said, well, God, if you exist, you can make this panic attack, go away. And for the first time in my life, it went away in a second. I had struggled with this for years, and I would have to go to emergencies and I would be awake all night long and take medication for this. But at this moment it just went away and it was amazing. It was a pure miracle. And I said at that point, wow, God, this was really you, you exist. And that time I decided I'm going to read the Bible and study God's word. I talked to a pastor and I explained to her, I said, look, every time you guys start talking about the Bible, I get this anxiety and a panic attack. She said, I believe there is a deep spiritual battle going on in this world. In your case, it's really obvious. So at that time, I left many things behind. I stopped smoking, drinking, using drugs. I also was really having to music, rock music. So I left that behind and started listening to Christian music, and I started reading the Bible and praying regularly. I know people were praying for me. Also, I have to say that within six months, the harassment during nighttime stopped. I was a normal person for the first time in my life, and everybody could notice that my family and even my friend, since he left church, everybody was praying for him. So through this transformation, he also regained his faith and returned to the church. And from then on, my panic attacks felt like non-existent. My depression went away and I felt really good. This doesn't mean that I never have struggles, but God always promises us he'll be right there with us to take us through them. So he started giving me this miracles and signs, and I started writing them in my notebook. So it's really good to remember them. And one of this most important miracle that God gave me was this perfect, amazing peace. And still, until today, my favorite Bible verse is My peace I give to you not as the world gives. And this kind of piece that I cannot describe this, this security I've never had before. This was the first time in my life, and I was 23 at that time. And just because of this feeling of peace, I said, this cannot be anything else than God. This is a miracle. And then one day I said, I don't know why I'm not baptized. And at that point, we were living together. So my pastor said, you know, guys, this is not really according to God's will in the Bible. We should change something. So we said, what should we do? And he proposed and we got married and after two weeks we got baptized in a beautiful mountain lake together. So I testified publicly that I wanted to be a follower of Jesus. By the way, when I got back on my feet again, I started studying again. And God has been gracious. He really helped me. I was able to finish my bachelor's last year, and currently I am doing my master's in management. God really showed us that life can be meaningful. So after some time we've decided that we wanna give back to God at least a little bit of what he did for us. So first we went to Thailand for short trial, and then we went to work in Mongolia. We spent three years there. We learned Mongolian language, really integrated into the culture. And after some time living in the countryside, we moved to Lambat and we worked for a humanitarian organization called Ara Mongolia. And also we worked for the Mongolian mission there. And we had many, many faith building experiences in Mongolia, miracles that showed us that God is so real and so loving. We lived on very little and but the thing is, the more we gave to others, the more we received back time and time again. We would give a person, you need a sum of money and we would get the same amount or even more back. Also, I needed some things because money was always short. Also, for example, a backpack. I didn't tell anybody about this. I just said, God, you know exactly what I need. You can provide. I trust you. And it was just a miracle. After miracle, after miracle, I started getting those things. And for example, I was on a bus, there was a Mongolian salesman, and he said, I want you to have this backpack for promotion, and I still have this backpack today. So when we got back, I thought to myself, what can I do here to help people? So for the past two and a half years, I've been managing a humanitarian organization and looking back, I just stand in awe at the way God has transformed my life. I was a really unhappy person, but God freed me from the things that haunted my life and made it miserable. He healed me completely and gave my life true meaning and purpose. And above all, he really gave me this peace that I've never had before. Today I am absolutely convinced not only that God exists, but he is immeasurably good, so merciful and so kind. And this is my wish for everyone to believe and experience as he promises in the Bible. I know the thoughts that I thank towards you says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil. To give you a future and a hope.

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Journeys Season 1

Finding Peace at Last: A Miraculous Journey

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Other Teachings in Series

Should Christians Have Ecstatic Experiences?: Christopher’s Journey

Searching for the Meaning of Life: Dan’s Journey

Searching for True Love: Cacyne’s Journey

Can Faith Be Rational?: Maj’s Journey

I Would Never Become a Christian: Miikael’s Journey

Finding Hope for the Environment: Jan’s Journey

Beyond Rituals and Crucifixes: Conrad’s Journey

Escape From New Age and the Paranormal: Samuel’s Journey

Finding Peace at Last: A Miraculous Journey

Hungry for More: Jonas’ Journey

Learning to Trust the Bible: Albert’s Journey

Existential U-turn: Chris’s Journey

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