Learn how modern dating apps have transformed our current culture and how it has impacted the church.

<p>Learn how modern dating apps have transformed our current culture and how it has impacted the church.</p>

<p>Free sharing permitted under the Creative Commons <a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US)</a> license.</p>

Freedom Health Ministries

Singleness, Dating, and Relationships in the Church

Gabriel Arruda

The Jezebel Spirit & Modern Dating

So we're going to be doing a series on singleness, dating and courtship in the church.

We're also going to be doing a three-part series on dating apps versus godly dating.

And there are many people who are single because they're making serious errors in their personal and dating lives.

And we're going to cover these things in these talks and we're going to cover 1 big 1 in this talk.

1 of the serious errors that causes people to be single probably much longer than they need to be.

And the last part of this series is going to be how to pray in a way that makes you actually truly ready to meet your special person.

There's a form of prayer that is what I call smart prayer.

It's a prayer that truly prepares you for the reality of marriage and not the fantasy of marriage.

And the more ready you are for the reality, the sooner God's probably gonna bring it to you.

So the title of this message is the Jezebel Spirit and Modern Dating in the Church.

So what is the Jezebel Spirit And how is it affecting dating in the world and in the church?

And we're going to find the answer to this question in this message And I was shocked as I started researching this topic God brought it to my mind and I started delving into it and as I looked into it, I realized it is in most of the churches in Protestant Western culture, even the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

And I was even shocked when I realized it was even in the history of my own life.

This has been a personal journey for me as well.

And so in Christian circles there's a term that has been trending the last few years called the Jezebel spirit.

I was fascinated by this concept So I started researching into it and it's used in many different ways it's not a theological term like sin or righteousness that Theologians are concerned with defining or that churches are trying to develop an official statement on so there's no official consensus on it but there's a lot of common features in how it's used.

And so it's often used to refer to a demon spirit that specializes in certain things that Jezebel, the Bible character, was known for.

And we're gonna get into that, We're gonna see all this.

And 1 thing that's really clear is this spirit runs rampant in the world.

But as I studied the topic, I realized the truest manifestation of the Jezebel spirit is in the church.

And we're gonna see why that is in a minute.

Of course, the best definitions of Bible concepts come from the Bible itself.

You have to understand first and foremost, some context.

Who was Jezebel And what does it have to do with Christians and modern dating in the Christian Church today?

But before we could see what this modern day spirit is, we first have to learn who the Old Testament character was.

Well Jezebel was the daughter of of Ethbal, who was king of the Zidonians.

And the Zidonians of course were pagan neighbors to Israel.

And the Zidonians were very dedicated worshippers of the deity Baal.

Baal was a cruel false god whose worship very often included very lewd sexual practices.

Baal was a very disturbing idol in antiquity.

Now the Bible never says the spirit of Jezebel or the Jezebel spirit, but because we see her mentioned in the book of Revelation in the prophetic context being attributed to a future power, we can understand that this Old Testament woman represents a spirit that actually manifests itself throughout history.

So there's a greater context to this than just the local historical figure of Jezebel.

And we're gonna look at a New Testament verse right now that's going to show us this.

It says, Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication and to eat things sacrificed unto idols." There's a lot in that verse there.

We've just learned a lot about the Old Testament character of Jezebel and the New Testament antitype.

First of all, something to notice, it says, thou sufferest.

All unholy control in your life, all unholy control in the church is allowed and it stops when you don't allow it anymore.

That's 1 thing this verse brings out, thou sufferest that woman Jezebel.

Now, Also notice it says she calls herself a prophet.

Jezebel, the true Jezebel spirit, always operates within a religious context.

And this is the difference between the Jezebel spirit and the other evil spirits, The Jezebel spirit always wears a religious garb.

Now all the Bible prophets were called by God, but we see this 1, this woman, calls herself a prophet.

So evidence that this is a church thing is further established by the fact that you look, and this is written to the church of Thyatira, and the history of the 7 churches teaches us that prophetically we know this to be the Roman Catholic Church of the Middle Ages, or the Antichrist power.

And really, as you look at it, you could even say that the Old Testament Jezebel prefigures the woman of Revelation 17, the great whore of Revelation 17.

Jezebel killed the prophets of God and God's people.

It says in Revelation 17, she was drunk with the blood of the saints and the martyrs.

Jezebel decked herself with jewels and fine arraignment.

Revelation 17 woman, decked with gold and jewels and fine arraignment.

They both operate in a religious setting.

They both had an illicit relationship with kings, and they both had manipulative control over the kings.

In Revelation 17, it says the woman sits on the beast, which means she's the 1 in control.

And 2 Kings 9 tells us that Jezebel was into witchcraft.

In Revelation 18, it says Babylon has sorceries.

God condemns her for her sorceries, Revelation 18.23.

And so we see that the woman of Revelation 17 is an end-time global manifestation of the Old Testament Jezebel.

And notice 1 of the things that she did in this passage.

It says that she was to teach and to seduce my servants.

It said that she called herself a prophet.

So that key word that we're looking at is seduce.

The Jezebel spirit is a spirit of seduction.

Seduction, which you could also call manipulation and control.

She seduces my servants to commit fornication.

So this verse actually confirms our suspicions that the Old Testament Jezebel was a very promiscuous woman.

And this is a spiritual verse, this Revelation passage, and the fornication here is to be understood spiritually, but it's capitalizing on the literal events of this Old Testament character.

You know, there's no anti-type without type, right?

And so the Old Testament Jezebel was a promiscuous woman.

And not just that, not only did she seduce them into fornication, but to eat things sacrificed to idols.

The Old Testament Jezebel was a woman who used her influence to bring people into idolatry.

The Jezebel spirit will make you an idolater.

We're going to look at more verses as well, but from here right now, we could even ask the question, so what's the modern day manifestation of the Jezebel spirit?

And so what is this Jezebel spirit and what does it have to do with dating in the church?

Now remember the key things we just looked at.

Swipe Right, Part 1

Alright, the title of this talk is called Swipe Right, Part 1.

And if you know what it means, then you know that I am going to talk about dating apps.

So we're talking about apps such as Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Litmatch, just to name a few.

And for those of you who are really out of the loop, a dating app is an app on your phone that people use to get dates in their town, in their community.

And I just want to give you a fair warning, the material that we're going to go over is a bit raw.

What we're going to talk about and what's going on out there isn't good.

And we're going to talk about some things that are a bit edgy and because we're going to talk about modern online dating and You know online dating has been a thing for a while as early as the late 1990s but it really picked up in the early 2000s with dating sites such as Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, and started modestly grew over time, but in 2012 it took a turn.

Because that's when the first smartphone dating app came on the scene, and that was Tinder.

And phone dating app usage since then has grown tremendously, and it really soared during the pandemic.

This is a worldwide phenomenon The top 5 countries with the most dating app downloads as of this is all the way back to 2016 Number 1 was Russia number 2 Brazil Number 3 China United States was only number 4 and then Turkey of all places and then Mexico being number 6 but you have others on the list India, Vietnam, Japan, Indonesia.

The most popular dating app currently as of 2024 is Tinder with over 6.1 million downloads in June of 2024.

And the close second and third would be Bumble and Litmatch.

They're not too far behind, but there's dozens of these dating apps and it is changing how people are getting together.

Now let me share with you a graph that's comparing how people met their partner in 1930 compared to how they're meeting in 2024.

All right, top 3 ways people met their partner, 1930.

22.2% met through school right below that is friends 18.8% and then below that is neighbors church bar restaurant so forth But those are the top 3 right there 2024 listen to this number 1 online 60.7% so just as much as family, school and neighbors combined from 1930.

That's how huge of an influence this online dating network is.

Below that, well below that is friends coming at a mere 13.8% and then co-workers at a 8.4%.

And since 2017, the number 1 new way people are meeting is online.

And the dating app Hinge, for instance, sets up a date every 2 seconds.

Number 1 is to convince anyone who's using these dating apps to stop.

And you're going to see why as I go through this presentation.

Now, some of you might be saying, are there really any Seventh-day Adventists on these dating apps?

Number 2, affirm anyone who's decided not to use them and their decision not to use them to affirm them in that decision.

Maybe you said no to dating apps, but maybe you got tempted.

Maybe in a moment of weakness, You've thought, you know, it's been years.

I'm really not meeting anyone in the traditional way.

So maybe well I want to share with you and I just want to affirm with you that you have made a wise decision and not using these Dating apps and I share this information to dissuade anyone who's tempted to do so don't do it Now the number 1 obvious reason for a Seventh-day Adventist young adult or young person to not use these is because very few of them allow you to filter for religion.

And to my knowledge I'm not aware of any of them that allow you to filter for SDA, Seventh-day Adventist.

So if you're using these apps, essentially you're saying I'm open to dating non-Aventists, which if you're a committed Seventh-day Adventist, 9.5 times out of 10, this is going to result in disaster.

Yeah, there's a few instances where we've all seen it work out, but Let's face it.

That's that's a not norm and it's a really it's a really risky thing to do Well, what about Christian dating sites?

You know, there there's secular ones and there's Christian ones.

But I just want to say at this point, I still submit and I maintain my position firmly that the best dating app is the Holy Spirit.

Friends, God had no problems bringing people together before dating apps, amen?

And the fact is, the fact is, marriage rates have gone down since dating apps, not up, okay?

So if they're so fantastic, why are less people getting married?

And I know there's more to the why people aren't getting married issue than the dating apps, but let's face it, you'd think that they would offset, if they're so wonderful, they would offset the modern phenomenons causing people to get married less and less.

Well, I was listening to a show by a therapist I like Dr.

John Deloney and he had a meal with a friend who was recently divorced and he was out dating again and you know John for like a moment wanted to live vicariously through him and he said with some giddy excitement, dude, so what's it like being out there dating again?

And you're like, wow, that's exciting, man.

The friend sitting across from him quietly wiped his face leaned in and said, dude John, however hard things get with your wife, work it out.

I'm telling you whatever you and your wife are going through, work it out.

Things have changed bro, it's crazy out there.

He was kind of excited for his friend and his friend's like, you don't want to be out there in this current dating scene.

Well, what's so crazy about the dating market right now?

Well, we're gonna get into some data here.

And there are several problems I wanna share.

And we're gonna look at data that's going to show you why these dating apps are absolutely destroying what was already a broken system.

So modern dating was already a mess, right?

But you know it was like a broken-down car.

But dating apps are like the dynamite that blew up the already broken-down car.

And reason number 1 is because the great disparity between women versus men on these dating apps.

Men far outnumber women on these dating apps.

Anywhere from 2 to 1, in some cases 4 to 1.

For instance, Bumble has a user rate of 67.4% male to only 32.6% female.

Way more guys are using this than women are.

And this disparity, plus based on the fact of the way men and women are has created a perfect storm of issues.

And so some of the stats are likes, you know, you give people likes on these dating apps, similar to how we do like on Facebook and Instagram.

Research suggests that women could receive an average of get this 92.1 likes a day a day while men receive an average of only 7 matches.

And this is when the app decides you and someone else are compatible.

Women on Tinder have a higher match rate of 10% compared to men, which is 0.6%.

So women have 20 times more matches than men do.

On Tinder, The average man, get this, has to swipe right 200 times for 1 coffee date.

And just so you know, what I mean by swipe right is when someone's profile comes up on the dating app, swipe right means yes, I want to go on a date with this person.

So just for those of you who don't know about that.

So the average guy has a swipe right 200 times to actually sit down to have coffee with 1 girl.

And get this, not only does he have to do that, but 4 out of 5 of those will ghost him.

And again for those of you who are not familiar with the millennial terminology, ghost is when someone just drops off communication with you.

They just stop responding to you completely.

Swipe Right, Part 2

All right, we're meeting here to discuss Swipe Right Part 2.

So we spoke about why these apps are a disaster, especially for young men in the previous 1.

And if you heard the previous message and you're a woman sitting there, you are probably thinking, oh my goodness, where have these dating apps been my whole life?

I haven't seen a lot of good male options in the church and 92.1 likes a day, 100 messages a week, over 100 matches a week.

It kind of seems like the best thing to happen to women ever.

This is not the romance novel dream it appears to be.

We're going to see why these apps are also really bad for women.

Now in this talk we're gonna hear some edgy material, even more than the last, but it's just what's happening and our people need to be warned lest they get tempted to start using these apps.

And I'm going to say some things out loud in this talk that are probably going to sound, to be honest, really worldly about men and women and physical appearance.

But in my opinion, I think it's all stuff that we just know is true.

And so we're just going to be very open and honest about this.

Now, I do want to give a little caveat before I get started.

You know, you can find people today who are happily married, who connected using dating apps.

It's not a 100% evil thing, but I just wanna say the odds are not in your favor.

You're much more likely to have a bad experience, put it that way.

And I know some people make comments like, well, I met so and so and they got married and they met on dating apps.

Yeah, it happens, but the odds are not in your favor.

Why are these dating apps generally very bad for women?

It's giving average women unrealistic over-inflated views of themselves.

So women who frequently use these apps are becoming more arrogant and entitled.

These apps, essentially they're giving women a bigger head than they need.

We don't have hard data on this, but based on the trends we see on the apps, which is pretty well documented now because people blab about everything online.

So we could get a decent pulse about what's happening with both the male and female population.

And they're pretty much telling us what's happening.

And if you just think about it, it makes sense.

If you have hundreds of guys messaging you every week That's gonna do something to your mind.

That's gonna do something to your personality and honestly It's just not healthy for anyone to be overwhelmed by romantic options.

It goes to your head and you know, we could see before and after Pictures of people who became famous, you know before they were this nice normal humble person and after they got weird and entitled and that's somewhat what's happening with women on these dating apps and What this potentially means the reason why this is so bad.

Well, it's bad to have an overinflated view of yourself But it can ruin their chances of being content with the right guy for them That's why this is so bad.

It could ruin their chances of being content with the right guy for them.

And so I'm gonna say something out loud here that's gonna sound really worldly, but we just know it's true, please bear with me.

For the vast majority of people, we date and marry, quote unquote, within your league.

People date and marry within their league.

So average looking people usually end up with other average looking people.

More attractive people usually end up with other more attractive people.

This is just a rule, an unwritten rule law of life.

And an average-looking woman should expect to land an average-looking guy, and that's okay.

I mean, this isn't who can land the hottest spouse competition, you know?

This is who can be blessed with the spouse that you can glorify God the most with.

Who can find the spouse who will provide you the most fulfillment?

You know, that's, you could find so much happiness in someone who is not, doesn't have to look like a model, you know?

But what seems to be happening is that the women who are using these apps who are average or slightly above average looking, they get it in their heads that they're some sort of runway model.

And it's because they have all these men chasing them and competing for them on these apps.

And so that raises their expectations in their mind.

And these women are expecting to marry and land guys that are actually just not real options for them.

All the while overlooking men that would really have made them happy.

Problem number 2, it's leading women to be used for sex.

Now remember, 80 to 95% of women are going for the top 20% or even in the case of Tinder, the top 5% of men.

So these guys are getting a lot of attention.

What does that mean they're getting more choosy?

Series

Singleness, Dating, and Relationships in the Church

Swipe Right, Part 1

Transcript

Description

Parent Series

Sponsor

Recorded

Personal Relationships with Significant Others

56m

Dane Griffin: SWYC 2005 Practical Christianity Seminar

Practical Christianity Seminar, Part 2

56m

How to Know God’s Will For Your Life

31m

Love Connection: Separating Facts from Fiction in Relationships

Separating Facts from Fiction in Relationships 2

40m

How to Find a Life Partner Who Will Increase Your Usefulness In Service

1h 21m

MTYC 2010 Breakout Seminar - Relationship

Unequally Yoked Together

55m

How to Know God's Will for My Life

How to Know God’s Will for My Life

41m

Cosmic Conflict

4. Martian Men and Venusian Women

1h 5m

Cycle of Evangelism

Adventist for such a Time as This!

52m

Phil Mills: Dating and Courtship for a Happy Marriage

Preparing for Courtship

57m

God's Love Stories (Noon Meetings)

11. Part 2 - Jesus and the Wedding

26m

Dating Isn't For Cowards

Dating Isn’t For Cowards- Part 1

41m

Sound Doctrine