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Logo of Michigan Camp Meeting 2016: The Harvest is Great

1. Coaching- What Is It and Why Do It

Evelyn Kissinger JoAnn Rachor



  • June 12, 2016
    9:30 AM
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Welcome everybody glad you're here this is the cooking and coaching skills and we are we have a special presentation for you to help with the outreach that you have when you're doing health programs unlock revelation or you asked to have restriction months at your unlock revelation Yes we heard that a lot of people were asked to do that and there were there were some challenges that people were having in knowing how to make all this happen so we had to ask Madeline Hamlin Ham man would you come up here with me. As she did she was in charge with another lady to do the to do the refreshment table and we were very very impressed with what she and her friend did and ask her if she would come and share with us what. If you'll step right over here so you're right there if she would share with us some of the secrets and in doing the presentations of the need my. This is a flash like any won't work I'm. It does look like a microphone OK So Madeleine where is it that you live where do you live I met him Brooklyn Michigan and we go to the Jackson church it's not working like you're going to swallow it oh OK this is the recorders Oh OK so where do you live I live in Brooklyn Michigan go to the Jackson church OK and you have been a part of. Like cooking seminars and health programs in your community yes for about ten years and she has a she has quite the art. Of bringing the right people together to put together a very beautiful display and beautiful programs to present a very wonderful health message So tell us what you have on the table today what I have on the table today is just something very very simple our pastor gave us a budget of one thousand dollars that sounds like a lot of money but he has signed us to make refection and so every night and I knew yearly choked because I thought my goodness how am I going to do that. Anyway we just took items from our kitchen we have a potluck room and we have a lady who. Changes the tables every other month in so we just took items right out of that we didn't spend any money for decorations and Jan and Allan and I got together and we go up to very simple simple menu for thirty nights we wanted to go inexpensive in extent that inexpensive and easy easy easy we did not want you or I don't know if it's all that. But we did not want to utensils at all we didn't want to have people you know using knives forks and spoons so everything was finger foods everything was smaller portions because we had Vicky critiquing every thing. And so we made sure that everything was very healthy and we did buy some things like we bought that. Skinny pop people love the popcorn we bought packaged nuts and things like that so we were able to stay within our budget so everyone got a handout you have a hand out of this these when some recipes and so on the table every night what did you have zero zero every night OK No I was I didn't answer your question well OK Every night we had a fruit bowl first fruit bowl people could hold fruit. Full through yes no no just like you see there we had apples oranges a little tiny tangerines we had great some bananas and people love the bananas that was the thing they always wanted more than anything else we always had a tea of the day and I'm sorry forgot my teapot to bring to you but we got one of those vacuum pump teas where we made it ahead of time and people could just you know pump out their own tea then we had water and we had bought a lot of we had an few swatter Why does infused water well it's why where you put something in the water to make it have a little bit of a flavor so today we have mint in there for my garden so and the people love the mint but we will see tomorrow we'll have something else like we have lemons limes strawberry Berry you all know how to do that and then we had. Tea big Ziff they want to make their own T.V.. That's what we had every night OK and then each night you had a featured item and so on the hand out there is a one to twenty four that names what the item was for that particular night right in we used the king's burger because she said her son Anthony loves those They're really wonderful I'm not a real fan of homemade burgers but this burger is delicious and he served it we served it on wheat but unlike a slider button and that would be like a whole wheat roll yes with. Let us and tomato like a mini sandwich mini sandwich another favorite was garbanzo spread the men love that. OK And you would also serve those on just small dinner rolls and some people call them sliders Right OK OK so you advice to popcorn that was already popped and sometimes you would get things from Gordon's like hummus. Yes we had hummus and pita chips one night and sometimes we would duplicate what we had the week before we just couldn't come up with really thirty different things so we would have like two nights we have gone now and I think tonight we have the trail mix we had hummus a couple times OK And so you included some of the recipes that you enjoyed there yes and tonight you made cookies What were those whether they called JAMA and one made the cookies also a victory Griffin's cookie recipe that is it's in your cookbook. Cherry. Pie I'm going to refresh and then. And having this little five minute social time was amazing and having it where we didn't have so over where everything was individually apportioned out so the little cookies were in little wraps with a pretty ribbon you just go you pick up that little thing and put it on your plate so it was very fast but it really fostered this NG People really enjoyed it nobody took huge amounts because we were serving out of big serving bowls that was very. Like a berry cup. The cutlery was it correct which is really nice it was in the book up with a toothpick so everything simple simple simple simple. Really told about our creative guy. Any tips that you would give to these people when they're doing a table like this. Use what you have and if you don't have a lot of money ask people for donations we received a donation and I don't know how much it was but our pastor told us that somebody donated money for us so it costs about thirty three dollars a day to serve sixty people that's pretty good so you just need to go to same to look around. Get a healthy cookbook make sure that you are doing everything that is healthy and not serving huge portions drinks will satisfy a lot of. People on sometimes right from work so they are going to bed hungry many times but hot tea will fill them up and this a little snack This is sound like something helpful for you yes there's a question. Did you do it just before the seminar we did part of the time the way in Jackson they did a how Vicki did a house talk then they had a break and they we had the refreshments and then they had the evangelistic series when we first started though we did it at the beginning but then the pastor wanted to have people mingle so we did it between the kids talking the pastor stock. We don't encourage it late at night at the end of the meeting and I think that's what many of you were asked to do so we are going to be talking to the pastors even hungry when they come because we are started at seven o'clock and so there's just something small that will keep them from starving until they can get home and it's a nice social. Thank you Madeleine and each night when you come in please observe and she has a couple trays there to show you a sample of the sliders and. A couple of other features and. Let me finish the sentence I also want you to notice the box that the granola or the trail mix if somebody had a box making machine Have you ever heard of such a thing what is it called they did that by hand it is a machine that cuts out the horn and you can make these amazing boxes so one night she did actually make popcorn boxes and you'll notice are waters they have little wraps around the cellophane label it just makes you and I did that I've never done that before but I. And I wrapped it so when you passed by tonight you I want you to look at those water bottles and see how much nicer they looked in just a plain old awkward then water bottle. Or. When you decide on your menu to another tip is to make an offer to last for the whole six weeks make it all at one time have one person do it and have several people doing different things and then it doesn't fall on all of you to do it yourself very good tips OK thank you so much Madeleine. A Thank you next we're going to have a devotional with Vicki to start our coaching session. Good afternoon everyone hey Madeline made all those cookies she brought all this stuff she has a display table that she's putting up for us every single day this week this woman deserved a hotel room and she got one. Now that we're thankful for Madeleine. Thank you Evelyn let's powerhead we just are so thankful that you are a creative God that you've given us such a world of beauty in a way to make your message beautiful and to make an experience beautiful we know Father in heaven that people will decide the value of an event within thirty to forty seconds of walking through that door so we are grateful for everything beautiful that you've done there's so much ugliness in the world thank you that we can create a gracious environment in Jesus' name. I am so thankful that Evelyn and Joanne are teaching this class and I'm going to grateful to be a part of it I've just been through a coaching experience in Florida and it was a amazing experience what is coaching I think that's what the ladies are going to be covering today coaching is not like. Athletic coaching where you're you know screaming at people telling them to do more jumping jacks or anything like that coaching is not fair A-P. coaching is not being an expert Have you ever listened to say Have you ever been with someone and you were able to just open your heart to them and they were able to nurture you in a positive direction Have you ever had an experience like that in our busy overbusy world isn't that just an island every freshman so I want to share with you a quote and I believe it's a principle I have actually just. Just burnt the eyebrows of people sitting down to give advice as an expert after I've done a presentation but when you're in the expert role of doing a presentation you don't synch people's eyebrows when you sit down to speak with them personally and privately it's a whole different experience isn't it and we need to learn how to do that how many of you want to learn how to have a beautiful conversation that will draw people into a positive God filled frame of mind how many of you want to learn to do that better Oh absolutely So this is this is a I think it's something that we've lost over the years and this is our week to sort of regain that visiting ability and to step into the role of a helper. And this is from our high calling. In every human being Jesus discerned infinite possibilities the coach is a person who believes in you Jesus went from house to house and it was his meat and drink to inspire all with whom he came in contact hope and strength and what a beautiful commission that is for you and I because we. Out that information caresses and I'm just going to go to Chuckie Cheese and give it up that's what information without encouragement and hope hope is the heart of health isn't it without hope where would we be so he saw the men as they might be transfigured by His grace in the beauty of holiness the Lord our God looking upon them with hope he inspired hope meeting them with confidence he inspired trust revealing in himself man's true ideal he awakened for its attainment both desire and say so me sitting as an expert giving a pep talk and a list of things to do leaves me worn out and motivated but I need to learn as a coach how to help that person hear the voice of God speaking to them what is God saying to them and help them to learn to recognize his voice encouraging them forwards that make sense. The Savior went from house to house healing the sick comforting the mourners soothing the afflicted speaking peace to the disconsolate he took the little children in his arms and blessed them and spoke words of hope and comfort to weary mothers with understanding tenderness and gentleness he met every form of human whoa and affliction I like what Evelyn says she says everybody has a story who of us are willing to hear the story that that person that God has put in your path are we willing to be right here right now leaving our own cares and burdens at the door and listen to someone's story it was his meat and drink to bring hope and strength. To all with whom you came in contact God's ministers are to learn Christ's method of laboring Amen that's your decision is that why you're here today that is our goal this week thank you. That was acts of the Apostles page three sixty four and three sixty five. Thank you let's pray Heavenly Father thank You for the gathering that we have here today I pray that you would open our eyes to how we can love and truly listen and help people where they are where you want them. Thank you for this opportunity thank you for the Holy Spirit that will. Go in rocker. And I are working on that with together and I mean you know Joanne I have many of you she is an expert and crockpot cooking you know that we haven't used the humid fire trick yet I was just going to ask Dr to Rose just told us to put a crockpot full of water into our bedrooms. Too as a humidifier in the winter and house to keep the respiratory system the Eucharist linings nice and moist so maybe you need to add that to your book I know so I'm going to step over here but she has a great little book this is a small book but it is full of gems of these you may freely eat and then fast cooking and a slow cooker so she's she's helped us out on MA in many ways but she decided to become a coach and would you tell us just a. Little bit about why you decided you wanted to be a coach well and the SO excited to be here today it was actually. Five years ago five years ago when we had a try and have the I have a session of coaching every day was anybody else here I know OK at least a couple people were here and when I went through that program I knew I knew that there was something there that I really wanted more of I could see the missing piece I've been teaching cooking classes for about forty years and I know that it's been helpful to people I mean I know that it has because people are talking but I know that also the majority have come and have you know thought well I need to do that I want to do that I should do that I have to do that my doctor says you know all those things but I would go home and just you know it just didn't happen and so there was more to it I would I knew there was more to it and then when I went to the lillies classes at oh that's what I'm looking for and and I just got to the Rose talked about social connectedness social connectedness how that women their likelihood of breast cancer was less with social connectedness and that's really what coaching is it's that connecting with people connecting not just standing up here and talking at you but you being involved you know one on one or in a small room and that you know what I want to do that we need lots of wisdom don't we and God gave Solomon we need a lot of tape we need a lot of pay. Thank you. God gave with two Solomon he prayed for it and God gave it and I think that's what our prayer will be as God will reveal to. More and more wisdom so what is coaching What would you say to somebody about poking Dicky just shared a little bit about it but you know what is coaching Anyway anyway it's about it's about building a relationship with people it's about people that are wanting to make changes in their lives and they they're motivated they're you know they're a sold on the idea but they're struggling maybe they're feeling kind of stuck Yes And so we are moving people from where they are so where they want to go. Yes with you. And Christian coaching is moving people from where they are where God wants and to me now isn't that what we all want we want to move forward so it's about moving forward instead of yeah stay the same or go in there actually solve was what in the past it's more movie people were it's huge you're thinking. That's the way Jesus really that you know he talked about what we could have what we could become and that's really what we want to do for each other it's a very supportive it's a very. Brain both doing way of thinking a brain boosting way of thinking it's not so much about solving problems it's about moving forward and finding people's full potential to help them to move forward and. In the Korengal message is about complete restoration. Representing our or being more like Jesus and that's where we want to go is an amen I want to go so coaching tell us about the relationship in coaching the supportive relationship Well you know you say that it just makes the. Give an example we have I have a small group going and we meet once a week and I think about reader. And she. Has been she has the there is the case of diabetes she's been wanting to lose weight she's had some surgeries and this really struggled she was over like three hundred fifty pounds at one point and so she knew what she needed to do but she was having such a hard time doing it and so we had one conversation she had told she had said to our group one time that she uses ensure you know a nutritional drink which is times in her hand comes in a can or a little bottle hers was in a plastic bottle but she said you know I use that and she says and I'm good with that I think that I need that and I didn't and I really didn't think she probably did and I as a dietician I kind of cringe at that and and and we really want to go no no no. And so and I did my time and I was so proud of myself for doing that. But I prayed about it I prayed for her because I really felt like that was you know getting in her way and improvement she she was losing weight and she was improving and and her neuropathy was getting a little bit better but not too much and so there was a better way yeah and so she texted me and said What do you think about my insurer do you think I should be drinking that nice why. I was waiting for and I thought and so I I said put on the coaching I did I put on my coaching had I said well that's a very interesting question I'd love to hear more about what you're thinking. I did that so this is something you can use in many conversations when you really want to. Well people what to do now is really about or listening yeah and so and so anyway then the next night we got together and she brought a she brought her container of insurance she says she put it on the table and she says I've already decided I mean we didn't get to talk about it should have already decided I'm given my case of ensure a way I said well why did you just decide to do that and so anyway it was it made me feel good that I could actually believe in her that you know that she could make that decision and also that you know gave her confidence. To have a hello you know this isn't a hello OK Oftentimes in these settings you've already done. The program. That where. The crime so she's in a class with yeah there are there are principles that we want to teach but when we're sitting on that one on one we we have the coaching has a mindset that we are part of. We are not the only link in the chain law has worked with this people up to this point we are a part of that and he is continuing we are not we are not the ones that get success for them reaching a goal we are not the ones that are that take the blame a poorer failure we are the coaches along the way we are the listeners and people who have experienced in their lives that will help them to make decisions but the truth is we believe what we hear ourselves say so our goal is to help the other person. Realize. Understand and verbalize. Where their next step is to break it down into. Reasonable understandable goals so they can actually be reached Yes you know. Think you know when they when they want to when they think about making changes and and they think that this is what successful change yes you know they make a decision and I know who I was thinking at one point in my life that you know you make a decision and then it's going to happen we just know what we need to do and we and we've got the right steps and we do it without any wiggles. But. Really what change. Would change is the learning process you know it's the downs and what we learn about ourselves that we didn't know before and so it's really. You know this is the way God. Wants to teach us about ourselves and about him and it's it's a beautiful book I'm coaching it's it just to me it's just the whole beautiful picture about the way God works and how did it impact your life in a personal way. Oh wow you know that was a good question. It really you know I guess it really connected with me in that. Again back to social connectedness I know that God put people in my life right at the right time I figured it out one time I figured out that by the age of when I got to be around thirty I was going to weigh five hundred pounds at the rate that I was going but God put me with people that that loved me accepted me and didn't try to tell me what you know to do but they were good examples of what to do and that was a really big help for me. And so. So I wanted to be able to give back what I had been given and I love doing cooking classes I love the people that I met but I could just feel like there was just something more that needed to happen here for me to really be able to give to them and the next OK Is there anything else on this it encourages discovery of self purpose strengths we have a day that we're going to spend on now and service when I understand my purpose and what God is calling me to do and then that really encourages me for service prepares me for service it draws out God given ability and. Transparency of saying you know every day I get up here I'm nervous kind of a thing and we are too. But we do it anyway just doing things even if there's a little bit of fear and. Hey whatever fear is a friend there is a friend years ago that fever was a friend yes and now I know that fear is a friend in what way I don't know but I can Oh OK I'm so when it's there embrace it yeah OK OK what coaching is not coaches is not being a consultant because what does a consultant do they diagnose problems and prescribe solution that's that's right and a coach it helps that is creates an environment where the individual generates their own solutions what's the difference between a mentor what is a mentor a mentor tries to guide somebody with with their own experience I've done it I'm the professional one and I can help you to do it right whereas a coach hell has the individual set. And reach their own personal goals. I'm this. List of Things To Do When I first started in ministry here and. One of these people that was not achieving success in their goals came in everyone happened to be there this was fifteen years ago and Evelyn sat down with this woman and said What do you know what to do that is not operational in your life right now and it was eight out of the ten things that I had given her as a To Do list. And that was very insightful her me that there's so much that we know but when we can hear ourselves say it and we can set a reasonable goal with someone else backing us up what a difference that makes. OK The difference between an educator have we done this one an educator or we are part of the education process and many of your health professionals and you're giving lectures let's not quit doing that we want to continue to give this information but that's not what a coach to us what as a coach to. We cracked We help people to recognize. Well it's what's come autonomy when you give somebody autonomy that means that they know what they need to do maybe they need some some suggestions but mostly we if we can just help them come up with those ideas it's giving them. The respect that we have confidence in them that they can they can make this decision of what they need and I think that is a huge part of being a coach is to understand this principle that everyone has free will everyone has a choice to say yes or no I wish I had. And a dollar for every why that came to me and said How do I change my husband you know how do I how do I get somebody else to do what I want them to do and I think when I learned that principle in my personal lie it was a it was learning God's character help me and grace that because God's character is he gives us a free choice and sometimes we go in the wrong direction but as he loved us still this he continued to woo us back and as he continued to help us grow and so it's it's allowing the other person the ability to have to say yes or to say no and I way to say it OK. People don't really mind changing as much as they hate being told to change. That's right and you guys close your ears but it's like we wives we want our husbands to think it was their idea kind of you know and when you get when you ask the right questions you draw all of this out and that's the beauty of the hotel is by asking the right questions which is one of the days we're spending on that is when you ask the right questions people start to think in a different way and can come up with different solutions on their own which is really really powerful. How about therapy are we doing therapy when we coach I'm getting therapy and I don't know I'm not giving therapy but it sure feels like and it's important to know when we are out of our league we will come across people who need a therapist and we are not the therapist we are a coach we are a friend we are listening ear we are a person who who respects the autonomy of the other and has empathy for the other and. A lot can be accomplished by just having those types of conversations and also realizing when it when you're out of your league and it's time to help them to find the therapist that they need to continue their growth. Seeking the why what does this mean in the coaching said of the why question yeah I think this is one of the areas that. Is probably the probably where we. Reasons we don't succeed the most when we want to make change because when we say I need to lose weight or I need to start exercising or I need to have worship daily and so we decide we set I mean how many times have you written down how you're going to do it you know a list of all these different things that you're going to do. But. Seeking the why this is the purpose the motivation the incentive when we know why something is really important to us. And that has had people have asked me that question since I've gone through this training they will ask me those why questions why are you doing this why do you want to. And when you know it just sounds so simple but it makes such an impact in my in my mind and so that's when we need to first really focus on that really spend some time there why is this important to you yes and there are questions leading questions to help people understand what's the motivation behind it because I've got to see the light I've got to see the hope that's out there and so what we're reaching is this what we call the A Pitney the aha moment oh yes this is where I can go this is the hope that I have and we call it they call it a generative moment and that just means you get this wow alike. To go off and you get you get you see the vision and you say this is where I want to go and then we create those steps to go in that direction. So having the mindset of a coach a mindset is what we call a being skill it's just the way you are if that. Is to be calm and you're not trying to change people you're allowing an environment for change be open to conversation. Yeah I think that these being skills we're just going to hit a couple of them but it's. It's how we are with people that's going to make more difference then what we do and we're going to talk about some very practical skills how to do really good questions how to do reflections listening skills we're going to talk about those things those are the the doing skills but if we don't have the being skills then we can ask all the great questions in the world but it's not going to be the support that the other person needs. To jump up and do this she does I was told ahead of time I could do this. So have you ever when someone is talking to you you're thinking of what you're going to say while they're talking or am I the only one in the room. OK how does it feel when you know what's happening to you what is that what do you feel like when you're trying to be heard and you know that that person is getting their own Rolodex ready for whatever they're going to spit out at you it doesn't feel very good does it so that's part of the you know leaving your own stuff at the door and really listening and you have to be non-threatening you have to be confident in what you believe as a Christian and who you are and that God has appointed you can have this conversation to be able to do that. So during conversation. It is a prayerful time it's a prayerful time to as you are listening that you are opening your communication with God and asking the Holy Spirit to help you to be attentive to be loving to be open to have this the giving the person the autonomy or the free will to make those choices. The ones you can tell if somebody feels warm toward you or not and are they out to change me you know are they going to you know blast me with ten things to do to have quiet body language so the autonomy is that everybody has a choice we don't change people how do people change. God changes people so growth happens when a person feels like they are in a position where they have a choice. Empathy is a is an important skill to have it's a very important being skill and. What we're what we're talking about here is just just a kind of this is something that you want to have every time with the person but there's a little bit of a difference here that what we're what we're wanting to just kind of shine a light on is that you know yes it's understanding showing respect having compassion we know those words but in the next slide we'll just show you know kind of what it is and what it isn't and so sympathy is not really empathy and that what we're talking about sympathy is quite often where. You know somebody will be abal be telling me about her how she stub their toe and how terrible it was and oh yeah I will and I know that that's just I get let me tell you about when I stub my toe and oh man. You hear this all the time somebody says you know I. I got a cold Well I got a worst call Yeah you know and yeah you know that whatever. It is I can trump that yeah and I'm going into my own experience because of what she said yeah and we as a cause do that don't we when somebody starts talking about what they've been going through then you know it triggers of course it does it triggers an experience in our minds and if you you know I just challenge you. You focus that you focus back on the feelings of the other person and they say we have like me you are neurons and actually start to understand how the other person is feeling and it's not just about me and my feeling Yeah so it's not simply it's not pity Oh you poor thing. Isn't that yeah that kind of input the is mirroring that and we go back to the other side having compassion putting yourself in their shoes and not using your own experience and trying to drum up coaching is about being curious about how the other person feels what's going on in their head so that you can be a reflector of that so they can better see themselves and. It's like shining a light you know when you're able to make those reflections when you're able to really. Stop you know not be thinking about yourself but thinking about them and just being able to say well you know this is it sounds like this is what's happening for you and you know and just being able to put yourself in their place but not make yourself the subject of the conversation OK so now we're going to do a little demonstration. Of a coaching model and we hope it's a good one I'm. Doing here you will find that as you practice as you go away with some of these thoughts it improves relationships everywhere it improves how you communicate with the grocery store person or that family member or coworker and it really has taught me how to be more selfless in my conversations with people and also not to try to fix people that buy that that takes their power away from them God didn't do that so it's really about boundary about respecting boundaries and unification skills everywhere not just in health setting where people are asking you to help them in their quest to lose fifty pounds or whatever it is. OK maybe you can hit the panic button and turn on the lights. Since we're in that mode right now. So what we're going to do is just have a couple minutes here just showing you the real simple. Conversation and really it's not coaching it's more how to listen and so actually and your hand out you see that this is your homework. So listen to yes and so they think later what you're going to do is you're going to ask somebody. What was one of their highlights from being it can meeting something that they really enjoyed it can. And then you're going to. Rather than say oh yeah that reminds me of the class I went to you know you're going to just listen to them and you're going to. Do these reflections with them so that they can feel heard and when we were standing in line out getting lunch today this is exactly what Joanne did with someone standing there she asked these questions and it's something similar to what we're doing here so Evelyn tell me what were your highlights were. At at Camp meeting so far well can't we has really been a great experience. It's. Yet meeting has really been a great experience I can't tell you specifically about you know as speaker and maybe what was said but I know what the Holy Spirit's been saying to me. It reminded me of when I read in Genesis twelve to be a blessing to other people you know how so so you are the idea about being a blessing was something that was really resonating with you from the message Yes And and that God is calling us to do something that's kind of unique for each of our personalities Wow something unique tell me more about what you feel like for your personality Well you know it always feels like the God calling me to do something more than I can actually do. You know he asked me to do something really. There's usually there's somebody out there better than that so now you're feeling got to challenge the way sure you're going to do it well I would still like. Just like you know the next thing that comes that is like. Why how do you think. And so is that an eye for years and things that it just makes me almost. Once one way in a stance. It's kind of a fearful thing to step down isn't a are. But in another it's like well thought. You know I want to be mammals in the Bible and other people but I know that. You know I'm really the one that's going to do it you just got you know which are put in the water. And that's the end and that's exciting I can't wait to see how it's going to you're going to put your foot in the lottery after that's money well. I guess when I heard John you know just say it out you know I'm really afraid to be up here I'm going take my shoes off to go that's comfortable. It was an affirmation to me that it's OK to have shaky and to feel like oh my goodness we have a coaching seminar and I don't even know anything. You know you just you just don't know how God is going to use you and just a step or even when but I know that I can trust. From that because the way he's led I look around and I go you know it's something and he got me through that one and they didn't fire me. And looks like it's really been a life changing experience for you just in those messages how you can be a blessing even more of a blessing than when you already are a God wants to grow you and stretch you well it's an affirmation I know that it seems like and in the messages I've been hearing the Holy Spirit I don't know if they're actually saying it or just the Holy Spirit is impressing me because it's something that I need right now. You know. What I'm going to cry. But when when somebody listens. And you can express your heart. It helps you to clarify. What's going on inside and she could have asked me and I could have said and we often just jumping. And go well you know I felt this way feel that way. And so that's the difference it's zipping up and actually caring what the other person is going to said there's so many times we can jump in and go Well you know my We've got all kinds of examples that we could throw in there and and and all kinds of advice you know and I find myself even though I've been in this for a lot of years and I've I was doing coaching before it was called coaching. But still I find myself leaving a conversation going you certainly blew that one. You know it was all about you know I wasn't I was I didn't have the focus on the other person so it's practice and they say when you do something for ten thousand hours you become an expert. Is that good news or bad news. Or not. I'm well when I heard that I thought it is great news because the more times you do something the more hours I spend in Bible school the more hours I do what God is called. The more it becomes a part of me. And that. So it may feel a little awkward at first to go. Knowing or. Sounds like I. But it feels good. And so we're going to have a chance to talk about that in a minute so what did you notice about the conversation but did you know it's. Yes. She never took her eyes off of. I never do now that I'm yes or. She mirrored bat. Yeah and sometimes that feels artificial in the beginning and you think really am I just posed to say what they say. But it feels. If you're the person listening oh they really heard those words. No interruption is. A sincere listener. She didn't talk about herself. No not no yawn. She had enthusiasm and really acted like she was interested in what I had. At the end she wrapped up the conversation and what it said and made a summary of what the experience very good. See another what do you do if the other person doesn't really talk I think as we go through our coaching experience you're going to see how to draw people out so that's part of this whole piece that we're talking about how do you draw out of there people. Cheerfulness. Who did most of the talking. It's really me. How is this different than a typical conversation. Just focusing on that one person. Being selfless it is a selfless at isn't it because there's a lot of things I'm sure that could have gone through her mind that she could have gone oh yeah and I felt that way before too you know if we express a feeling and somebody comes back oh yeah I know exactly what you feel I felt that too and we really don't know how somebody else will in that situation so there was an open ended question well what was the highlight for you can't meeting so what are we going to do with this. They're going to practice they are but I think we're going to talk about intentional listening for just a second so she paid full attention she wasn't thinking about their next words she helped the other two to feel understood she helped me to feel understood she had the other Discerner thoughts in action and how the other believe a coach helps the other believe we were talking so much about change we're talking about conversation but intentional listening and you saw that model so there are different ways to listen. Yet and so it is them some examples here this is on your hand out yes the like and listen attentively you're you know you're maybe not reading that something that when you are reading that you're picking out those but not just you know just going to read that you weren't point he thought or maybe you just think. Yes you're what you're saying there are can you tell me more about that and so these are just simple the book had two questions. What do you think. You know it's oh there are questions that start out and we'll be talking more about. What. Or what not you know and they're open ended questions where they can tell you more about it and then mirroring their energy and being engaged with them. And then you know like the last one says do you mean and so we're not assuming that we know what they mean but we're asking them is this what you're saying this is what I hear you saying we will be elaborating on this is the week goes by silence is also a very effective part of a listening conversation it affirms that we want to hear what's going on and what else is good about silence silence gives the person time to think. We are going to. You know we believe in what we say more than anybody else what we say in our head we believe the most yes absolutely and so if we will give people. If Eales uncomfortable to be silent when there is silence in that conversation we think we want to you know it's just we want to belittle and feels awkward but if we just give silence that's really that other person thinking in their own heads and that's a that's a very important who will talk more about silence as well so what Joanne was doing was reflecting she was reflecting and keeping the conversation going it helps the other the see themselves more clearly and and I said things that surprised me during this because we didn't practice this one and so because she was listening so intently I kind of blocked us out and I really was just talking about something from my heart. She was curious she would paraphrase some of the things that I said bring out ideas to support change that is another part of coaching and trusting your intuition your prayerful intuition to help move people forward so we're going to get we're going to talk more every day we're going to talk more about reflections we have something here yes reflections are like you know a simple request in is just saying well what I heard you say is so and so and those are very effective but they're really just kind of like the tip of the iceberg so this overhead is bringing Now complex where we're not just kind of think that what we heard them say but we're also looking. We're looking at Russian on their face we're listening to the tone of voice we're thinking about what we know about this person and so we are really you know maybe saying that something to them that they didn't actually say but they'll say yeah. Or maybe they'll say no that's not what I was saying either way it's fine because then it gets them to clarify all the more what they're thinking about very good so yes. Yes that would have been that would have been an appropriate response yes that would have been an appropriate response. Well we weren't really working out a problem we were just doing a conversation and that's where we're starting we're getting to some of the other things later in the week but today we're learning how to listen and to reflect and so that's what's coming up next is that we're going to give you an opportunity to do this so you're going to get in groups of two or three and you asked the question who was a highlight I have here yeah what is the highlight of Kant meeting for you so let's go back so we want you to use these reflections just like you heard and it's on your hand out she ever is actually engaging and paying attention to the other person and so. You can have we're going to have a coach. A LEARNING person as speaker and if someone wants to observe and the observer is there to help each other out if you want to or just to watch what's going on but you can restate what the person said Say tell me more sounds lie and as as you heard. Joanne to summarize what she had heard so get into small groups and we're going to ask why am I doing why it is a highlight of Kant meeting for you or what have you learned what has been a highlight of can't meaning for you so maybe it's something projecting into the future or maybe it's something that you have experienced. Over the weekend so we're just giving you a few short minutes here to have a conversation so everybody has Find yourself a partner I would like to say to is that you're going to you know so though you'll be asked what was the highlight of can mean for you today and just take like thirty seconds so that you give the person your partner opportunity to make those reflections to make those comments don't talk for very long just for like maybe thirty seconds and then let's give them a chance to Reese reflect back and we'll give you meds we'll give you a signal when the time when it's almost time for you to stop and to switch partners. We're going to do a little now. Are you ready are you listening. I'm interrupting. OK thank you thank you thank you for wrapping up your conversation obviously you're good listeners but it's unclear that prior year. What was it like to have someone listen you know it was I and nice in what way you could take your feelings out and somebody actually. Yes And your story is so awesome and it was so great to share it and somebody finally. Really listen I think that's precious precious OK yes. You're on comparable with someone listening. And what do you think HA's is that and I'm. You feel like it's a judgment. That we don't want to interrogate people right. And then the other point that she brought out that was. Is that you know friendship situation there is going to be given sharing of stories so let's remember that this is in the context of a kind of a coaching situation where you're actually investing in someone so that they can achieve a specific goal that they have come to you about so that's the that's the setting but I think we could all. Do you know is it uncomfortable for you to listen to another people are asking questions about your life but you feel comfortable on the other side asking and listening. I see what you say well you actually have that actually sounds like a very good quality that you're very very interested in the other person and that is a point that we're trying to make today is to generate that Syria acidy an interest in the other. So you have that I think I think you really have to watch understand body language you know that eye contact and if you sense because people are I remember many times now that I'm going to talk about me but I remember exactly relating to what you're saying feeling uncomfortable feeling thing about the time thinking about you know is what I have to say really all that great you know like you. You know but feeling kind of an easy and so I appreciate what you're saying and so that's why we really do have to be sensitive to somebody and really try to you know if we feel that they're feeling uncomfortable you know we just back off and you know think of something else to say that would make them were always doing were always wanting to go to the positive level of where is that God is calling us what is our future and how can we move forward that's exactly point. Where you began what you're doing yeah. So we don't want the twenty questions as part of coaching coaching is not just asking the twenty questions the Find out how your friend you know what's been going on in the last three months then they really do feel people do feel interrogated when you ask too many questions and so and so and what are handouts are going to say and maybe this one does say I can't remember but anyway like if you can do at least two reflections every time you ask a question you know even just something simple like. Tell me more about that you know just something just something soft and yeah yeah so I understand what your own comfort level is is an understanding about yourself as well giving reflections did that feel comfortable you get reply maybe it's going to take some practice. So our time is wrapping up right now so. Look at your hand out and your homework is that when you are to ask somebody and and just try to use these reflections and then tomorrow tell us how it went for you and using these reflections something that I would like to mention right now is that we have an amazing display in the back John Rocker has put together an amazing display each day is going to be different he is a nurse and he does neural science neural. Surgery at or just hospital and he's very interested in helping people to stay healthy so he has done this at that have an adult battlecry Tabernacle Church and there's two ways to do it one is on a slide projector thing and it gives the same information as on the billboards so you can use either method and this is something you set up in the for your or somewhere in your church people who read and understand and learn by passing by and picking up a handout if you want more information there's a sign up sheet and you sign. On there and put on what more information you want whether it's the handouts whether you want to talk to John or whether you want to do this in your church and he's willing to even come to your church maybe and help you with setting something up so every day he's going to be featuring today is on heart disease and please note our beautiful display for hospitality and we will see you tomorrow morning I think yes he's my brother in the or rather not I have a good one. Let's close with prayer Heavenly Father we are here to learn something that might be a little bit and and. We're learning some new discoveries about ourselves and others and I pray that you will help us to know how to use this in an effective way to actually listen and learn and be curious about other people to draw them to closer to you to help them to better understand themselves and what you would have them to do in their lives I pray for each one this year each one this year that's come to hear your voice and I pray that we hear your voice and. For us while we are here thank you for this time to give. Cheesus. This media was brought to you by audio force a website dedicated to spreading God's word through freely sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse if you would like to listen to more sermons lead to visit W.W.W. audio verse or.


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