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1. Life Ready Kids

Chuck Hagele

Conference

Recorded

  • June 19, 2017
    8:00 AM
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I wanted you to think I was thinking. You're. Going to be and. Just. How things. Are So who's the roughest you. Want. To date and me. Knowing there is some he may need more here in Oz and. The Those presents. Me. You. HAVE A and sometimes Good morning everybody. I remember as a little kid that we were playing as my dad was working and my dad was chopping out a bunch of grass and limbs and a kind of a clearing a field area and little Chuckie that's what I was called and I was a little guy little Chuckie was there playing up probably pretending to help but probably getting in the way and I remember at that moment my dad said run and my dad went running by me and my dad said Ron and guess what I did. Know kind of sat there and then I was covered with the wasps and start all over and then guess what I did. And do my dad with the wasps coming after me you know what's interesting to me is that I remember at that point is that when I didn't know why the run I didn't run and then as soon as I was in pain I needed my dad I needed him really bad and what's interesting for me and possibly a thought that I want to get into our brains is that I want to think throughout this week about kids that are running that are in pain. Almost in ministry and are ALL be blunt with that most of my time I can do clean hand work you know you know what I'm talking about right my hands are hardly calloused at all and that's kind of embarrassing because somehow in my life I turned into an office boy and even my job at Project patches executive director I'm not the person that's with the kids all the time I travel to the youth ranch once a month I spend quite a bit of time at our family program and I spend quite a bit of time traveling around doing this sort of thing but my hands are kind of pristine and 1 night I was at our youth ranch on my monthly visit and my time there at the youth ranch is you know interacting with the kids as much as possible hanging out with the staff but it's really not this if they're not there it doesn't change a whole lot does that make sense typical administrator right and so I'm there and it's about 10 o'clock at night and I get a call from 1 of the staff that says and we've had a boy run away and that's rare rather unusual for a kid to run away a patch it just doesn't happen a whole lot and so what into the boys' dorm which is right there by the park when I was staying in and they said he broke a light bulb he cut on his arm and he raced out of the door and saw our night staff had put in the call and were recruiting staff to do dorm checks and start doing doing checks around the campus and we do 2 by 2 that's just a rule for staff safety and good safety so I'm Terry Gross 1 of the girls director and I were walking with our flashlight we had just passed the chapel patch it was pitch dark late at night. Fall they had a cold and so. We're walking in the dark and out robot you guys with flashlights aren't that useful sometimes right you can kind of see around but if it's really dark and someone's trying to hide they're really hard to find someone with and so we're walking and suddenly we hear footsteps coming toward us we can't quite see what it is we hear this crashes a plane a pane of glass hits a big tree and you know you instinctively turn and there's bits of glass flying all over and then this boy stumbles at our feet and collapses he's covered in blood and he's just going through this this I'm not even sure what we stop and we start responding to him physically for his physical needs that's what we're trained to do so your check and pulse are checking his breathing you're doing all those things you're using a calm voice and you're talking to him and we went through the process of getting him the help that he needed that night Mts responded and we kept him safe that night what was interesting for me as is that sort of experience when you go to bed after that. Sleep doesn't come that quickly does it you know and it spent a while getting the blood off my hands which is 1 of those things they say wear gloves all those kind of things but you just have to respond sometimes but I had done that and then I'm laying in bed and I just can't stop the thought processes coming through and this thought came through into my mind crystal clear hurting kids need someone that they can run to that won't run away every hurting kid need someone they can run to. That won't run away and so this week we're talking about really tough topics we're going to be talking about we're going to talking about some some video game addiction social media My guess is as we spend time together as parents we're in discover that there's probably other tough topics that we need to talk about but the key thing I want to stick keep in mind is that our goal is that when we're freaked out by what's going on in our kids' lives their friends' lives all this stuff our goal is to be the person that doesn't run away screaming that when we're scared we don't hide behind stuff when we're confused when we don't have the answers that we're not the ones that are hiding but we're the ones that they can come to and that they can through us you know find some freedom and most of them what that means is that for us we're going to be terrified so who are we going to be pointing them toward. The source of life the source of life John 1010 says the thief comes to steal kill and destroy but I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly you know we're talking about life robbers we're talking about so many different things this week and so my goal as we spend our time together is for us to be courageous why because we know someone who is you know so as parents maybe you're feeling a little trepidation why am I here what are we going to be learning what is this going to be all about my goal at least for a time together is that we're hopeful that we're strong together that we realize that there's gifts that God has provided that that can take us a long ways and so just doesn't overview for this week we're going to be talking about quite a few different things. I guess I don't have it on my slide today we're going to be talking at the top of the list today we're talking about life ready kids which is my favorite topic because for me I talk about lots of scary stuff but if we don't have the perspective of the good stuff. Then we really lack something that we need as as motivation for us as parents are and start talking about life or any kids tomorrow we're going to talk about communication how to talk to the kids that are really going to say. You probably know those kids right that don't say a whole lot so how do you communicate with kids that don't want to talk communications a huge powerful thing that I think will will lock some truth behind that when say we're only talking about pornography video mostly online pornography but it really translates into to other things as well as recovery and so really helping us understand why pornography has a has this poll with our boys and girls and some things that we can do for that Thursday is social media no Thursday's video games and then Friday social media and I think we're in a blast together a couple things that I just want us to keep in mind is that I'm here just to hang out with you guys and so keep in mind that. I've got this sign up sheet up here if you'd like to meet any time this week when we're together if you've got time that you'd like to ask questions run ideas by me maybe have some some different topics that you'd like to talk about or maybe need some coaching around some parenting issues I'd love to spend time with you my daily schedule is be here and then be available and so please fill that information out and I'd love to continue our learning process over this week so life ready kid Let's go out and begin for some of you that are freaking out about handouts if you turn over toward the back your hand out you'll see that there's a cheat sheet. I don't know if it's a daily cheat sheet Yeah actually after each section that we're going through there's a cheat sheet the other thing is at the very end of this presentation you'll see a code I've got a new 1 but you can type in a code onto your cell phone or go online and you can get all the slides all the handouts all the materials you don't have to copy anything if you don't want to we'll send it all to you so we'll keep it nice and simple so 1 of the things most parents send kids to project patch and project is the youth program that we've been in existence since 1984 our youth programs in the mountains of Idaho beautiful beautiful campus that's been flooding and so he put in your prayers right on the payout river so a beautiful campus there most parents send their kids your project pants because they want their kids to stop doing the stuff that's driving them crazy so when you think about it I want my kid to stop doing drugs I want them to stop skipping school I want them to stop being angry I want them to stop experimenting with marijuana I want them to stop this weird sexual type stuff that they're doing I want them to stop this stuff how many of you relate to it when you think about your kids you have a bunch of stop doing it right yeah I remember 1 of the things that we keep working on is stop picking your nose and wiping it on the poster of the car. Such a simple request but that's 1 of the things I would love for my kids to stop doing most of us can think of the STOP DOING IT stuff and honestly just because a kid stops doing negative things does that mean that they're doing well not really is it so when kids parents send their kids to pass most of the time that they're wanting them to stop doing stuff but what we're really excited about is how can we get kids in gauging the positive stuff you know not just decrease the negative behaviors but honestly at the end of the day what we're dreaming of is the positive the positive stuff to increase and so that's our goal is to take you to talk about the positive stuff. And 1 of the thoughts that I have as a key start of this is that things that make us feel safe may actually make our kids more vulnerable things that make us feel safe as parents may actually make our kids more vulnerable let me give an example how many of you have ever used the word stranger danger or that concept of stranger danger. What is our goal in talking about stranger danger keep them safe OK so I want to keep my kids safe and so I want to make them fearful of strangers because strangers are going to hurt you that's that's the concept as as we have it kind of an interesting thing isn't it do you realize that who is it that hurts most of our kids. People that know him right people that they know and like people that you as a parent trust and so what's interesting is that yeah occasionally there are strangers that her kids that they don't know but that's that's a small small piece of it most kids are harmed by people that you trust and love OK so a stranger danger teaches kids to be fearful of who other people and fully trusting of who everybody they know tricky people if you realize tricky people is a skill that most of our kids need to learn but it's a really really hard thing to learn tricky people out of the people that that you'd like the people you care for that might be asking you to do something that breaks a personal boundary or break something that scriptural or does something against Adam mom's rules or just makes you feel feel you yucky tricky people now I don't know about you guys but what's easier to teach stranger danger or tricky people. Stranger Danger much easier isn't it OK so here's another question for you how many of you have ever worked in some form of sales. How many of you did your livelihood depend on you talking to strangers. Huge Amounts right how many of you have ever been invited into doing something called evangelism let's hopefully it's all of us right what does the vandalism involve meeting and building reporter with 2 strangers isn't it interesting to me that stranger danger is something that we push into our kids but then our adult lives our church our relationships depend on us being able to build report and interact with strangers kind of strange isn't it but here's the thing is can you turn that off. I mean at 1 point can you say oh I'm fine being with strangers now and I'm ready to be with strangers he had that doesn't quite work that way because you know what nagging behind people when they're knocking on the doors is is this person going to harm me or is this going to person horribly but in the meantime there's someone in their living room that probably is harming them that they don't feel safe talking about so here's another thing that I find interesting is that most of us as parents like our kids to do what we tell them to do right I don't know about you but my barky voice comes out sometimes when I tell my kids to do something really simple and they do Waddle and so I want my kids to do what when I say I don't want them to talk back anyone feel that way hate the talking back OK So as an adult how many of you have had to use negotiation as a key adult skill. Negotiation huge part of being an adult right how many of you have had to use negotiation at church you know to navigate the pot like drama I don't know what it is but there's something about negotiation that's huge but at what point do kids turn that on from just obey to I can start having my thoughts it's interesting isn't it as a parent if we want our kids to be able to negotiate who's going to teach them how are they going to learn and is it going to make us feel more vulnerable to have them learning that skill So some interesting thoughts that we're saying but life isn't easy as let me give you a rule simple thing that I've seen parents this is documented proof that seems to work for parents all the time ready so if you have 2 kids and they're fighting you need 2 things actually you need a total of 4 things to completely bring everything down to calm this you ready for what it is so 2 kids fighting what do you need to i Pads and 2 snacks. 2 i Pads and 2 snacks What happens if you give the kids i Pad in the snack. It's so call. I was at camp my bit in which is that in the camp out of. The a conference this last week and the room has about they have about 90 staff there that were in the training that I was doing and we're talking about conflict and kids and we're talking about this and I like how many of you would like your camp director whenever there's any problems with you guys as a staff to disable planets yes take some i Pad time and want to just eat a popsicle you know and the staff where they can yes that most of you as adults if you're in the workplace and you're in conflict the snack and me time would be great wouldn't it. But that doesn't have a positive long term that actually creates the cycle of conflict never solves conflict conflict becomes something that kids understand can't be dealt with and so what I'm trying to say is is that there's a lot of stuff that makes us feel more comfortable that's WAY easier to teach that makes us feel like we're doing OK but I'm about to smash some of those down as as we spend our time together we're called to do difficult things we're not called to simple conversations with their kids were not called for a ban dating we're called to do something much deeper than that here's a statistic that just came out welcome home the percentage of 18 to 34 year olds living with parents and other family members hits a 75 year high 39.5 percent 39.5 percent what I love about the statistic is that the 1st time I saw this this is a newer version of it so I got it from a different source but the 1st time I saw it the article had to do with real estate and the real estate people were so exciting sighted because it meant there's pent up demand. You know some of these days these kids are going to move out there's a lot of things going on to make this statistic true our country culturally is changing some and so the understanding of single family dwellings is changing a little bit but as a whole there's a lot of kids that are still living at home why do you think a kid in their early twenty's might still be living at home college debt huge amount of debt once the anyone know what Andrews is per year 34 that's a lot of money right college debt is a huge problem what else yeah lack of life skills. Or so so there's some fear of if I go out of my going to be able to do it paying bills doing some of those things what else. Job opportunities so lack of jobs or or high paying enough jobs like they want. OK yes so interacting with strangers being responsible Yeah there's a lot of a lot of navigating that they have to do that would be uncomfortable. Laziness lack of motivation. You know and there's a good point to that what someone told me my wife and I just celebrated our 23rd anniversary this last week so this is long ago advice but they said 1 of the most dangerous things you can do right when you get married is is expect to have the quality and the lifestyle level that your parents have when you're starting out there are saying you can't do that you haven't had enough years you haven't had time to accumulate stuff you need to realize that you're starting starting down there. How many people want to start down there. You know and what I what I struggle with is that some of the colleges have some pretty nice dorms right health clubs that it's pretty comfortable you know and so you leave college and you can afford some of those things anymore that's tough and maybe down a mom can so what I have to say there's a lot going on but in a sense there is there's even a little bit more going on. I want to talk about this slide at 1st so imagine I've got a box right here that's full of. Spiders I'm afraid of spiders. All of them just so you know even the little. And so it's full of spiders it's got some bear traps in here even though it doesn't look like it there's a bear trap of a sick man is going to while bit there is needles and there are dirty rusty needles there's razor blades there's blue and says not and. So you're grossed out right there is awful stuff in here how would I reach my hand into it if I was told I had to do reach into it. With the other glove I'd be really cautious right I tried to put it off and try to procrastinate it I wouldn't do it with much excitement and I do it with a lot of a lot of trepidation What if I was to tell you that this is filled with all the good things. Chocolate cash keys to fast cars. Opportunities all the good stuff how would you reach into it yeah you do it eagerly right you do it with excitement you do it with anticipation and so here's the question that I have for us as a group is which box would bet better represent the future that our kids are being launched into is it scary full of razor blades and bear traps or is a full of richness experience life. It could be either way right but which is it which is it for you that changes how we have this conversation because if our future for our kids is full of broken this if we believe that their chance of getting divorced is higher than the chance of being married if we believe that their likelihood of having a career or a fulfilling career is really low if we feel like that they are going into a broken church in that they don't have the opportunity to have vibrant church like like we did if all the good stuff is in the past. What's that going to look like as as we push them toward the future we're going to prevent right we're going to slow that process down or we're going to procrastinate it us as parents are going to try to prevent our kids from experiencing pain rather than. Encouraging them to to pursue life and that's a really key question I speak for a lot of audiences most of the audiences are within the something administers but bomb invited to speak with other audiences as well and what I find is that within our church there's a huge fear of the future there's a huge dread of the future and part of that of facts possibly even how these numbers of our kids launching out of our homes does because if we dread the future then what are our kids going to do you know I'm not I'm not saying being Pollyanna and all these kind of things but but really what we what we push our future for what the beliefs are about the future what how we believe that God will work in our lives in the future impacts a huge deal about how we approach it going back to a slide what I'm really challenging us to do is is get this concept in and he Stanley wrote a bunch of books but 1 of the concepts I love about Andy Stanley is that he teach of this concept of there's a big difference between good kids and great adults good kids vs great adults how many of you remember someone that was maybe really good at being a kid but they by the time that they reached doll hood they just never they never launched anyone know someone like that that their high school years were the top of their game. But as soon as they got into a bigger world they just lack the skill set to navigate it they could be really comfortable that at this level but they they just never could get it get higher than that people that are good kids but not necessarily great adults when someone thinks about a good kid especially traditionally what do you think of the traits of a good kid obedient polite hardworking. Spiritual. Let's let's break that down by spiritual what to be mean love the Lord all just be born with the a lot of parents mean spiritual in the way are spiritual right. Having the same spiritual thoughts as as we have right which which I think is what we want we want them to do we want to raise them in the Lord writer but in a sense we don't want that we don't want them questioning but we want to be following the right following the spiritual things that we're teaching. What else do we want for good kids. Integrity. What punctuality you know to be honest these are really great things that I think we all dream of them but in a really basic way and we want kids that are just call me quiet drama free. We want them to brush their teeth when we ask them to brush their teeth we want them to be waking up when we want them to we want them to not make a mess there's times that our lives are chaotic that we just don't want them to add to the chaos we just want to sleep. We're tired we're tired and I don't mean that as a negative but a lot of times when we get down to the end of the day we just are tired and we just want things to be simple you know and we're looking for our kids to be simple great adults you know some of the lists that we have from good kids I think translations are great at all what makes someone a great adult integrity. Conviction self-starter they are empathy that's great ability to feel with other people what else. You know why because they are so they know. You want someone that they can engage they can engage with with asking questions isn't that huge of that how many of you when you think about your kids even taking this media stream and we'll talk about that throughout this week that we want them questioning ability to question stuff to be able to thoughtfully engage with stuff there's a triathlete that I follow on Twitter and so this is a triathlete this is not a math person right and he had read a statistic and he said I don't know you know I'm not the 1 that can tell you whether the statistic is true or false but shouldn't it be an even number that's all he had written and then he showed the statistic down below and it said it had the total number of marriages in the US and last year and it was an odd number. OK think about that or so you know is the total number of people married that's what it was the total number of people married in the last year in the U.S. and his like Shouldn't that be an even number. Because here's the thing is that there's people that do statistics but you know you're totally right are they asking questions of what are they engage in with are they just taking answers for granted or are they engage in it and so as we look at this stuff what I'm looking at is the great adult skills the self starting the ability to do stuff the billeted to make choices the bill they need to put off. Stuff for the next day the bill that he Due to do not necessarily exert themselves all the time is debility to let someone else lead and shine there's lots and lots of adult skills and so let's let's dig into those there's the launch process you'll see it every single day we're going to talk about this constantly I love talking about it just because we need to get our brains around it so imagine on this very bottom you have got birth all the way to adult when does someone reach adulthood when does someone become an adult do you remember your day that you discovered you're an adult. So if you're waiting. Even as a parent you're like What am I what. I don't know about you guys but the day that I've had to sit in there was kind of a scary thing I'm into the adult tent I can't meeting or what happened here. What's interesting is our and by our I'm talking about traditional Caucasian United States doesn't have rites of passage to adulthood in the way that some other cultures have and when you look at the Jewish culture whether they have an age 12. Barmitzvah it's a transition where you sit in worship changes who you spend your time with changes it's a transition from youth to adulthood right when you look at the Spanish. They have the cute kids in the era I never took Spanish but can see there's a 15 year old rite of passage for the girls and when you look at some of the Native American there's transitions that they made different cultures did a lot to celebrate in our country we've got 16 you can drive a car 17 you can go to our it in movies and. 18 you can go fight. $21.00 you can drink I've come from the state of Washington which is embarrassing Li They do marijuana at age 21 now it's a legal recreational thing Wow So if you look at what our country does is that we have these things that happen at these stages where you're allowed to hurt yourself a little bit more right. Here allowed to do a little bit more damage but it's really not a transition it's really not a transition developmentally wise is that there's different the brain development and what I mean by brain development I mean brain integration the whole brain is there but when a baby is born and we'll talk about it throughout the week is that when a baby is born their brain is completely there but it's really not functioning together so when they see their what do they think that's going to be delicious I want to put that in my mouth that's going to be yummy because they don't really they're not at that process of walking that they're not of the coordination but the brain fully integrates and what they say for us guys is it could be our late twenty's you know 2528 some of those years and you just heard the math a couple minutes ago I was married at 22 years old God was good. That is that I had my executive function fully developed with my wife and my wife helped me with some of the things most girls are their brains integrated by about 25. By about 25 and what that means is that we teach with kids is is that for a kid to get from impulse to really thinking it through is is a lot of times about 10 seconds about 10 seconds for us adults it could be about 3 seconds how many of you have done stupid in less than 3 seconds. You see it in traffic right when someone swerves and someone you know how long does that take not long not long but 10 seconds in the life of a kid is an eternity for that brain integration so I'm not saying when that adulthood is what I will say is that statistically to our days they're saying that there's a prolonged adolescence is that people are pushing off some of the stages of adulthood later and later into life and so you've got birth and at the very bottom you've got not responsible at the very top you've got fully responsible so when the child is bored they're not responsible but our goal is to launch them into fully responsible what does a baby do for the very 1st time at about 4 months that all the parents are like rude this is awesome my baby is a genius what. I heard roll over roll over you know I was talking at that like I said I was just with the college high school kids and 1 of the kids like walk and pick up really had a 4 month old walking you know surprise their young calculus. 4 months old the baby rolls over for the very 1st time how does a baby roll over before that. Sounds like a bad joke doesn't it the parents fully responsible the baby can't even hold their own head up think about that for a minute who has to hold the baby's head up. The parent does but there is a time in which the kid is fully Lard's and the parents no longer holding the head up no longer rolling the kid over because that's transitioned for the kid becoming responsible for those things I remember when when I was in China adopting our oldest Carra and she was 8 months old and we had just gotten her and she's in my arms and she's holding on to my my shoulder at little 8 month old and 1 of the 1st tasks I had to do as a dad was cross the road in China. I was freaked out and whose responsibility is it to get her across the road all mine right and watching all these things but what I find interesting is that God put something into a parent's heart that parents just talk to their kids even before the parent the child can really do much other than drool parents just talk you know get a look both ways watch out of cars coming they just kind of verbalised of the cars they're in my arms we made it we made it across but the transition that we started at that point was had 8 months arm was teaching her how to cross the road so when you were at the 4 year old at the curb and you say is that clear and the kid says yes what do you do and you better be looking at your kids not that smart you know so you look both ways and the cross I did this last week or walk into a school function and there's the dad that told this kid look both ways before you cross the road. And I teased him a little bit like you should add 1 key phrase look both ways and if it's clear across the road because honestly our kids especially the young ones are at that point I look both ways I cross the road because their brains are necessary gauge they might be obedient but their brains aren't engaged there's a time that we start with in which the parent line is higher than the kid line so the parent is more responsible than the child that's a time of teaching and discipline and by discipline I don't mean this is certainly the idea of punishment what I mean is that the kid lack self discipline how many of you have kids that have played piano. How did that practice time go for you. Go practice the piano. Kids that lack discipline when they go to practice the piano they'll play all their favorite stuff they'll do Waddle they'll just fiddle with the notes right and so what the piano teacher asked to do and my kids piano teacher is the same thing is that you need to do this and they need to do this and then you need to do this and what she does is she shows that to us as parents because 8 and 9 year olds just don't practice as well as as you'd expect and so we have that our kids lack self discipline so as parents we have to introduce the discipline does that make sense and so how do you for us we have a morning routine of the evening routine when they get home from school there are certain routines of how they do their backpacks and all that stuff because our kids lack that self-discipline So we heard it. Have you noticed so there comes an amazing time when you've got a teenager maybe a little older kid that sits down at the piano to starts playing because they love to play. That's a transition isn't it from no longer you're doing the discipline to them transitioning to owning it themselves doing it because they love it and that's what we're shooting for is that at this point the parent has to press it but over time they take over and in this launch the relationship as a parent changes as the kid becomes more responsible than you for that item so think about backpacks and a 1st grader who's responsible for making sure the lunch is packed and the kid has a backpack or a 1st grader probably the parent right because your kid if you have a 1st grader and he asked them to pack their lunch what would they put in it. What would I put in it even as a 40 some year old I put cookies that's not that's really a bad idea but they probably want put in their lunch or they'd they'd put it in a toy or they'd put in whatever they're playing with or they'll put in all their favorite stuff right and they'll forget it and so a parent has a little bit more responsibility but when you've got a 5th grader who's responsible for getting their lunch in their backpack and getting in school it changes right because their capacity and capability changes and as a parent you have to change and they have to change with your kids love it if you took on the responsibility for all the hard things in their life maybe maybe not laundry and probably some of the negative stuff but But what we have to do is we have to constantly hand it off constantly hand it off what we're doing is giving our kids the responsibility and the outcome. The responsibility and outcome and that sounds WAY easier than it is the problem that we run into is there's days that our kid feels like an adult there's days or kid feels like a kid and they're transitioning back and forth it's hard to see exactly where this axis but this is a goal it's a launch it's a launch I'm going to give you some examples of launches that don't go as well. Let me sorry I missed the key for this key idea as the child goes in not necessarily age and maturity 1 of the key things that you start seeing develop in them is that their motivation goes from being externally motivated transitioning to being internally motivated external motivation is fear or reward right and so if you've got a little child let's go to the primary tent. You could give out ribbons and those kids would learn scripture like crazy right. That's just how they work with the youth tent is that going to work what sort of response are you going to have from you if you give lots of external rewards to youth or learning something like scripture that starts feeling yucky to them doesn't it that concept starts feeling kind of hypocritical I why would I learn it for cash or reward or something like that they start feeling they start feeling cheapened by that so if you walk into your teenage into your room your teenager's room and they've cleaned it all on their own without any prompting you're thinking your mind Hallelujah Chorus right this is wonderful but as a parent if you say it's about time that your room looked horrible What is it that you're trying to kiss up for what is it that you want but what's your teen going to hear what is it that you want. Yeah. Well what what's interesting is if you are saying what do you want what you've taken is that you've taken an internal motivation and you've made it seem like they're trying to do it to win something. To get a prize or to butter you up or to soften you down this is that make sense and what they will do is that they won't clean the room again for a while because they'll show you that they're not hypocritical or they'll show you I'm going to prove to you that you know that my my motives are pure they want good motives they want to be working from a good motive so if you have a team that's moving toward an internal motivation any given external reason for it it cheapens it in that might actually diminish them doing it we made this mistake at Patch. Probably more than once but 1 of the big times was we had this teen that was dysregulation that means he was at that point of hurting himself or hurting someone else you know just he was fired up you could tell and our goal was to just really kind of get him away from the other kids and get him to the safe room and so it's a walk from the school over to the safer not a long ways but we're walking with the kid and things are going well he is really doing a great job of just kind of taking deep breaths he's doing a good job keeping perspective and he's doing it out of his own choice OK So pretty amazing moment right dysregulation a kid that's angry that typically lashes out that's walking and 1 of our therapist of all people said wow this sure is easy. Guess what happened at that point. He went nuts I'll show you right and so the key thing that we're looking at is that we're trying to get internal reasons for our kids doing stuff we're trying to fire that up we're trying to get that lit up for our kids because honestly the external doesn't last that long part of the reason that the drug campaigns. Can excuse me that the drug campaigns have failed so miserably is that most drugs and sex prevention is done on external motivation fear of S.T.D. fear pregnancy fear of frying your brain fear of retardation that sort of thing right that's not a long term motivator if you're out of work place and you were fearful of your boss and the response how long would you be a great employee there. It's not a lasting motivator what we want is we want the internal And really when we talk about pornography on Wednesday that's our goal is that we're not keeping kids away from porn based on fear of what God would think or because of anything other than God's got a model that that's rich there's lots of maternal reasons to stay just stay away from it all right let's keep moving along. This is a failed launch what we call a failed launch this is a case in which the parent retains all the decision making all the consequences withhold consequences from their kid and and just kind of takes care of things what does that called Any idea when you hear this term for parents all the time helicopter. Why would a parent do this if you could keep your child from hurting fear Yeah fear if I could prevent my child from getting hurt shown into I do it fear is a big 1 huge amount of fear out there. Hear this comment all the time at playgrounds Now be careful while you hear that when parents are away from their phones and paying attention. But but be careful be careful be careful is a term we hear all the time 1 of the things I find interesting is that there's a series of books let me see if I have think I skipped a slide here there's. Maybe I didn't save it you know here it is. There's a series of books how many of you have seen the What to Expect When You're Expecting books really make sense of the topics the books the idea behind it is that there's a lot of parents that are going through this for the 1st time they feel awkward their body is changing. Lots and lots going on so they they wanted to give a book Come on what to expect what's interesting now this is taking a Barnes and Noble my local Barnes and Noble and there's even more than that but that's a whole series of books now and what they help with is that they guide moms and dads on what they should be doing as the baby is developing right so what food should mom be eating in the idea. Nutritious food most likely all the foods that she doesn't like to eat that make her sick right that's what she should be eating during pregnancy how much water should she be drinking a lot a lot of water how much water does she want to be drinking why. She has to throw up or she has to use the restroom all the time right and so there's this dynamic going on where you have to drink lots of water and we have to eat all the foods that you don't want to eat and you should be eating the foods that you really are craving right and so food problems should be have a nigger in your life no. You should be getting along with your spouse all the time and he should be saying soothing words to the baby the baby should be listening to certain music not other music and he should be getting a lot of sleep but here's where the problem comes in how much water you drinking. Too much water so your house your sleep going. How's your tiredness How's your debility How's your relationship with your spouse it's hard right. This is why our family adopted whole 3 of her kids. But what's crazy about these books is that there's parents that have so many things that they should be doing that they intend to be doing but by the time their baby is born they've fallen short you know honestly there are so many things going on they look at their journal 1 of these is the journal where you're journaling all the things that you're supposed to be doing and they say that there's weeks missing in their journal there's all sorts of things going on in the back of their mind when they're in a Cradle Roll in their kids throwing things on another kid part of them are thinking maybe that's because I didn't have enough or I didn't sleep enough or that I didn't do it right that I didn't do it right kind of a sad commentary isn't it what I find funny and some of your reading the things this book over here says what to expect before you're expecting. Have no idea what's in that book what to expect or where you expect anyone to read that 1 seems like a ridiculous book title. But here's the thing is that the parents are up there and if the parent is feeling all this fear keeping track of everything is the kid going to launch is the kid going to grow and in responsibility I find interesting there is a are our kids are from China and there is a story of a girl from Tronto that went back to China to be with another Chinese adoptive kid and that girl from China came to Tronto and they kind of did a home switch for a couple weeks and look young woman and she is probably 14 years old she got to China she watched the other girl from China chopping away with this massive knife and she was 14 years old and her parents did not let her use knives right and some of you like Yeah that's right kids not that smart you know they'll lose their fingers I don't know what it is but but at that point is that that you know who knows what they can do that girl from trauma was able to get on public transit she could do a lot of things at school that the Chinese girl can do and part of it was just what the parents let them do right and what their environment was like and what we have to say is that at this model while it makes sense that the parent manages a lot of what we've seen is that kids are put in a HUGE amounts of danger. Let me give an example this is we've got kids that. Parents are like I don't need to talk about pornography or those kind of things because my kids only influence is that a Christian school pathfinders and our home doesn't have internet or phones so we're fine you know we don't need to deal with that we have created an environment in which which my kid is protected where we find is that at least for these kids is that that kid is someplace in a kid hands on a screen and that screen has an image on it and. That kid has no capacity of what to do with it no idea how to approach it and and at that point the parent can't be there to protect them and the likelihood of that kid talking to the parent about what they just saw on the screen is what. Yeah probably Dad or Mom don't know about sex. Or they think if I tell dad or mom that they're just going to restrict my life even more you know so those kids are major hugely vulnerable by that what you find out is in colleges in the United States right now is that the entrance rate for males is about the same but the graduation rates for girls is skyrocketing the boys are doing doing the dropout rate for freshman boys is is astronomical part of that is video games video games is that there's boys that get to college and no 1 is telling them to turn it off the parents not there to turn it off and make them study it so what happens the kid can't turn it off who owns them at that point the video game owns them and so while it makes sense that a parent would provide that protection what we have to say is the results that we've seen in kids is that the kids are unable to to handle it they are unable to do it but once again I'll tell you as the push on parents is really hard right now there is a study that looked at baby fading as a member but I think as baby faced the little baby fell down the well is that there's a. Baby Jessica thank you baby Jessica fell down the well anyone remember that you know what they did was that they took all the records that they could find about other parents response to to baby Jessica's parents and so what did other people say to baby Jessica's parents at that point when that happened and that was I think mid eighty's as a sound right and what they found out is that there was an outpouring of love and compassion toward babies just because parents there is a huge amount of support for them there's a huge amount of care people empathize with them they really connect about it. What they find nowadays is that if anything bad happens to a kid the words that come out at the parents are barbed and painful. 1 of our staff members her grandson was killed in a car accident. And little guy 4 years old I think and driving home at night in Garden Valley with her daughter in law and they were coming along and the van had hit a rock and roll over and the little boy was killed and mom had responded to his needs but then she was. I think unconscious for quite a while after that and what was interesting is that when she came out of her consciousness and whatever and she started getting the news stories and it's all online she started reading the comments and the calm and said they should take the rest of her kids away she should have died instead of him I mean just painful painful stuff 1 after another pages full of pain against her and the reason everyone was Madame is that he wasn't in his car seat his car seat wasn't buckled when that happened and what she wrote in an op ed piece that ended up being taken up by USA Today in some different places was her perspective on what had happened and what she had shared was that you know just 4 miles earlier they had stopped and click to back and he was a little Houdini at some trips they would actually zip tie him in to his car seat but they worried about that because they were on a river on the way to guard valleys a river so you know he's had a safe thing to be doing is that tell your kid and so they had all their kids in the car and it was kind of a family responsibility of let's just keep this kid in the car they had done this simple and they had done rewards they had done lots of stuff and they had stopped for Miles earlier 4 miles later he had passed away but the pain against parents is real all tell you that for some of you in this room that have kids that have left the church you know what I'm talking about. You should have or you could of her or what were it was your home life if you had done better worships if you had done you know the list goes on and the parents feel the weight the level of judgment against parents is is painful and what I have to say is that God as a father represented himself as the father of 2 sons 1 is the prodigal son that we know of right in the story the kid that went off and did the fleshly stuff the other son of this bitter son that's just there because of obligation not out of love so when we talk about kids and getting kids you know that and having kids that are rebellious and kids that are non connected understand that voice that's giving you judgments not God's voice the voice that gives you understanding and hope and an answer in a method to work in your kid's life that's God's voice that's God's voice but please don't please don't don't let fear take over Don't let fear take over and so our goal for this week is is for some of the stuff that I'm doing is having you calm down give your kids some responsibility give them some outcome let them feel some risk let them feel some pain another 1 that we feel happens quite a bit is the parent that's just less available we see this from addiction parents that are in and out of jail parents that are released narcissistic living their life those are situations that we see in which the parents just less available we see in these sorts of situations kids that can do lots of stuff at a really young age we have story after story of our project patch of kids that were neglected that can make their own food can get themselves to school who taught these kids how to cook when their parents were strung out on drugs they taught themselves right itself the food was Bert who ate it they did so life teaches these kids life teaches painfully I'll just say that wife involves lots of scars right these kids have a belt trust with their parents. And they lack ability to connect with other adults their teen relationships are huge but that they lack ability to connect with other with other adults and they're really resistant to kind of any kind of emotional help. They're really emotionally dysregulation they flare up really easy or they get depressed sad really easy and so what I have to say is that most of us probably this is our line more than that 1st 1 but our goal is to raise raise the kids line up and also you know really help parents realize that I need to step up my game and be a little more teaching maybe a little bit more involved with our kids so this launch patterns really key because if we don't get this launch pattern down most of the other stuff that we're teaching just doesn't make sense what we're doing is we're launching kids to Success Real quickly I was a little guy and I hated the teeter totter because I'd get up on the teeter totter my big heavy your brothers would do why don't they and they'd sit there and just let me struggle or they'd get off and I had to whack my bottom down right. Because imbalance causes frustration what I found is that if I could move the Falcon far enough I can use my finger to raise and lift it right that I can raise bigger things if I can move that Falcone what I have discovered over and over with families in this is that every kid has to carry life wife is heavy life is hard life doesn't make sense so whether you're from the inner city or even Wherever You Are Life is there is temptations as hard as but the family is the fall come for a lot of the kids is if the family's thriving they can lift more if the family is dysfunctional it everything becomes a little harder and so if a family is dysfunctional we find that impacts the kids' school performance the relationships it impacts how they can work everything just gets a little bit harder when you look at fractions a kid that's having family divorce happening at the same time that the learning fractions how. Do they do with math at that point you know majority of kids really struggle there are some kids the hyper focus on school when the family's going through through problems but majority kids have a hard time dealing with it same with you for work if you've had something bad happen at home how is your work performance for that day distracted harder and so what we have to say is is that the family Kiana make everything harder for the kids or in Honestly the families thriving it just makes life easier makes life ways here in the other thing that we have to say is that the straight of the parent relationship constrains how much that family can move in the positive direction you know for kids that feel secure that's just makes it hard for them to move forward I describe this on a regular basis imagine you're hiking in the woods and you see this this. Creek that you have to get across and there's this this fallen tree over it if you're going to go across that tree what would you do to step up it give it a couple balances right feel that it's secure and then you've crossed the thing right for kids that feel like that that tree is not secure what are they going to do keep testing it right keep testing and testing take a step testing a little bit more test and test and test it they don't cross and the reason I say this is that your family for some kids when they feel insecure about their out of bounds relationship when they feel insecure about the the maybe it's a performance based house or some of those kind of things they just keep testing and testing and sometimes they discover that it breaks you know and so they say they don't move they don't move forward you know a couple things that will will share over the week is that perfectionism is a huge future destroyer what I find interesting is that a lot of the teaching I do in Idaho the 2 groups of people that show up are something administers Latter day Saints kind of interesting isn't it and what they have in common is that both have a tendency for perfectionism. And by that I mean a fear based perfectionism these kids that I am an adult I feel like I I should be doing better feeling this constant nagging that I'm not doing I'm not doing well enough. Not fully satisfied always afraid when they turn in a project that nagging feeling like I could have done I should have done better in a sense that leads to a ton of procrastination it leads to a lot of not as much action it means that there's a lot of good stuff going on with life that's just never completed or just that sense that I have to have it perfect and so a lot of hidden as well we also see a project patches from some of the most perfectionistic homes typically has a lot of the sexual sin in the family a lot of really dangerous gross things happening through those homes there's a verse that I love Matthew excuse me Romans $838.00. Romans 838 I'm just going to read it here in the dark for I am convinced that neither death nor life neither angels nor demons neither the present or the future nor any powers neither height nor depth nor anything in all of creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. For any of you that struggle with perfectionism did you hear that list nothing you do right nothing out there to separate you from the love of God It's not our performance brace not none of that stuff and what I want to say is that most of us respond pretty quickly if our child is cutting on their arm. If their child is doing drugs we become concerned really fast and what I have to say is that is that more and more realize that if your child is showing perfectionistic tendencies that's a time for getting the help that child needs and will got we've got some ideas for that we can talk about it more as as we spend some time together but be very careful for that it goes into addiction it goes into failed relationships it goes into a disconnect from from who God really wants him to be and missed opportunities for ministry huge amounts of that's a profession is a huge destroyer people pleasing is another 1 that we see over and over and over is that that kids that feel this is Sessa need to keep everyone happy tend to tend to feel lots of poison in the life and tend to be taken advantage of a lot so if I am this personality with you guys. And I am this personality with you guys that works out pretty good intel were in the same room right and as long as I can keep it together. But if I have to keep my personality like this way some of the time in this way what eventually does that require me to be 2 different people in 1 body and what's a good psychiatric term for that. That's not a good thing for us to have a split personality is it and what I find is that a lot of our kids are trained to be OK I'm this way to please this person and I'm trying to please this person I'm trying to please this person and that can get really get really fouled up Dr Meg Meeker tells a story about a dad that came into her practice and was really frustrated because his 1415 year old daughter was doing all this horrible stuff he just said he said 4 months ago she was obedient she'd do what I asked she'd show up at time for curfew she was doing her her grades were good she was involved with the earth youth group she was respectful at home everything was going great she do exactly what we needed her to do. And now since she's got that boyfriend in your life she's started to experiment drugs and alcohol she's not studying she's not coming home she's angry she's doing all this horrible stuff what changed in her. Why did she change and what Dr Meg Meeker said is that she didn't change her authority changed Did you catch that her authority changed and so earlier she was doing everything to please him now she's doing the same things to please the negative influence and so what we have to say for kids is that people pleasing Yeah it's really easy for us as parents when when our kids are acting that way but what we have to recognize is that what might be easy now while actually become harder will her kids more at risk does that mean our kids talk back and say no and argue maybe sometimes maybe sometimes and we have to find a balance of when that's OK and how to do it and how to train our kids into that but yeah people pleasing is a huge problem so the best ways for kids to learn in this is the technique we talk about all the time is if you can learn from seeing someone else's crash that's fantastic. And so if you can observe someone else destroying their life and say wow I'm not going to do that and actually change your life based on it that is a huge achievement for kids and so we really press kids that way of observing 2nd best is to listen to advice from the wise this is a little more painful and so this involves maybe some confrontation and so if my kid is doing something that's that's unhealthy I have to go talk to them but if I talk to them and say you know it really seems like you're doing this and that it's you're playing games in a way that doesn't look like you having fun anymore but but it's getting compulsive if my kid response to that that's fantastic right but we find as a lot of kids tend to learn from personal experience they have to feel the pain themselves we've got these kids that are you 3 and that if you say. Don't touch that will burn you what do they do. They touch it and what's going on in their brains is that that's for other idiots right I can touch it and all be fine so when you tell those kids don't do marijuana because it's going to hurt your brain what did they think not my brain I'll be fine when they see pictures of people with meth mouth and heroin problems what do they think not me I'll be fine and what do they discover when they get burned Yeah me here's the problem that we find is that the same thinking at least our kids have what I call exceptional thinking that exceptional thinking that they are outside of all the rules is consistent with these kids when you say Jesus Christ loves you Jesus died for you Jesus forgives every single sin Jesus no matter what you did Jesus will will cleanse the from that what does this kid think. Not me not me and so spiritually these kids are really hard to to get to but what we have to say is it just takes time and process and time and process and consistent messaging and any time that we can help them you know actually connect with that we're talking a little bit earlier about some clay stuff we'll bring that in a little bit more but anytime you can get a kid to actually see something touch something I'm get in contact with with something that's more than just a feeling or emotion the way that they could be symbolize it or see it there's huge power of that are we doing on time I have no idea. Oh right we're doing great so here's a couple things is that caught top practiced cut top practice for kids to learn something they just need to catch it and what I love is that kids are way smarter than we think that they are the more that we can have them just catch on in observe and. Internalize the better and so what I love is is that having your kids along with you to do adult stuff having them along with you when you do interpersonal things having them with you 1st stuff allows them to get that insight just just catch it catch on what it's like if you have people in your church that are wise people having your kids around them having together time for me I want to share right now but the key for my my my 8th grade year I was ready to just do some really stupid things with my life and I spent a summer in pick up trucks with church members milling lawns you know and that was a summer in which I was never preached but I caught a lot I caught a lot of really good stuff i'm kids have to be taught and so that idea is that there is a time for coaching and discipline right realizing that our kids might and I'm pointing to here because I have the X. over here but there's that 1st phase in which they have to be tossed off they just don't assume that they know how to do things for emotional stuff or interpersonal stuff or asking questions this stuff isn't natural they have to be taught it and then it just takes practice lots and lots of practice how many of you have learned a new skill recently anyone learned something new what was a. Soapmaking OK Fantastic any other new skills here yeah. Knitting you know I've been trying to learn how to play the mandolin which is a lot of fun to try to do what I what I am saying is that for adults a lot of us quit learning how to do stuff and what I have to say is a key ability to do with your kids is learn something with your kids practice doing something new with your kids to me this is 1 of the most powerful things about summer camps and Pathfinders summer camps and Pathfinders when your kids are learning new activities and learning new skills they're open to adult interaction in a really really powerful way and we'll talk about it more with communication but what I have to say is get in comfortable with doing things wrong practicing it that sort of stuff so cut tot practice caught top practice repeating that over and over and over as is a life skill so this is from the National Association of Colleges and Employers they get together every single year and come up with a list of things that they'd like the colleges to be teaching kids so that they'll be more productive when they come out as employees so can you picture what that is so it's a survey every single year all these employers take it and the colleges look at and say OK if we do these things our kids are hired will and so let's take a look at this list leadership 80 percent ability to work in a team 78 percent communication skills written ones problem solving skills communication skills that are verbal strong worth that work ethic an initiative analytical and quantitate qualitative and quantitative skills flexibility adaptability technical skills interpersonal skills computer skills detail oriented organizational ability friendly outgoing personality strategic planning skills creativity tactfulness entrepreneurial skills are risk takers how many of these skills that employers are longing for are actually things that you could have your 7 year old working on I mean seriously by the time your kid is 12 how many of these skills are within their their grasp. Yeah there are some like annotate analytical and qualitative skills or come or that might be more technical if you if you take a look at it but the majority of this list is something that actually comes from the home isn't it Colleges can't actually teach most of these if the kid is resistant to it isn't it interesting to think about is that some of the stuff that we take for granted remember when we take talked about our kids and their futures if our kids are being raised learning these things just through our our relationships caught top practice caught top practice there are a leg up right what I've been telling kids over and over and this is teenagers if you have this 1 skill your marketability is going to grow exponentially over the next 20 years it's the ability to be non stimulated the Belletti to be bored think about that the Bellotti for you not to look for a distraction and to be able to actually do deep thinking pretty amazing isn't it for an employer to know that you're doing your task without checking your emails. Pretty awesome to think about so you know 1 of the things I'm I'm not going to go through all of them here but I'll just go through a quick 1 of how we teach a bunch of these life skills and. A lot of these are on our blog if you search our blog for life or any kids you'll see a lot of topics that I try to write on that just kind of help us as parents understand some of the themes that might be going on a lot of this I took from decisive the book by cheap chip and Dan Heath who are our great authors really interesting stuff but what he says is that most people have no ability to really make good decisions and so what we end up doing is having narrow framing so that means I either I'm going to do this or that So if your kid comes to go and says I want to go to this party and if I don't go to the party of what my life is ruined. What are they doing there doing narrow framing right. If I don't get an A on this paper what's going to happen. I'm going to die or my friend you know it's a very early narrow framing and honestly as adults we do narrow framing all the time we scope the question into either A or B. and we really don't see much else confirmation bias that means that have you ever noticed that when you buy a new car you start seeing that car everywhere you go. That's confirmation bias and what we find is that a lot of kids if especially our kids that are doing marijuana tend to have I'm doing marijuana and they start looking for all the statistics that confirm that right and if they've got a paper that says that it's hurting their frontal lobe the development of the cause and effect thinking what do they do with that paper. I'm not going to read that 1 they just look for stuff that fits their bias short term emotion and so that means that buying stuff or committing to stuff with a whole bunch of emotion of volved how many of you have ever bought a timeshare. Wow OK Some of you know like I'm not going to raise my hands I was going to say something I'm tired shares are sold because of short term emotion they get you on vacation they get you fed they they really speak some positive things to you it feels great and then they sell you a timeshare over confidence over confidence that's what makes an 18 year old decide that they want to be a dentist and go off and pay how much money to become a dentist only to discover that they have a phobia of teeth and right. Overconfidence and what chip and Dan Heath say is that there are some skills that people can learn is that what he talks about is this ability to widen your options and so helping kids so if the kids only have 2 options OK I'm going to start talking when you have 4 options or what would be a 3rd if 1 of those options wasn't available what would you do you know do what. It's not a choice if you don't have options Exactly and so sometimes you might say hey if if if if a choice I'm not going to this story of if that's not a choice what would be another choice you could add to it widen your options reality test your assumptions this is really important because what you're doing is is that. So imagine a kid that wants to become a dentist 18 years old how would you reality test that calling a church member that's a dentist and having them go hang out for a week or 2 you know just observing in the practice what would their experience be like you know seeing that so it's not just a mission trip in which they got to pull a tooth right which That's an experience too but reality tested in what would it be like at home day after T M attain distance before buying They say the worst place to buy a car is up the car a lot. Right because you have so much emotion into it that's why they want to keep you in the office and so attaining distance and so what we say for kids sometimes if they're trying to decide if I'm going to do this without you know how is it that we can and some distance and time into the decision making those are huge gifts for their kids and then prepared to be wrong what would be a good sign that maybe you made a wrong decision or what would be some things to look for that would let you know that you need to make an adjustment you know those are key things that imagine gates that you have to process through that just keep you thinking keep you thinking and that's the type of thought some were trying to engage our kids and to so that they're just not saying I make decisions based off what feels good or my gut but they're actually using a set of tools for making decisions and so here's the question for you is that if you don't do this stuff. How do your kids learn right so when you're making a decision here's the other wild thing about it is that when you're making a decision and your kids watching you make a decision what can they observe they can see you thinking right maybe but you have to open that up for them especially for older kids and saying you know this is what I really want to do and this is what I'm thinking of these are some options that I'm considering and really talking that process through with them open up open up the veil Yes please. Yeah yeah. Yeah. And I love that I love that what she just said for some of you that might not have heard it as a Is that what you're saying is that you're in a sense you're committing it to the Lord and when it's not working out you're OK with that you're OK with things failing you're OK with understanding that I made that decision with the best information I had them and I learned something I learned something project passions had a fundraiser and it was demoralising it was a country cross concert so we had some some people singing some gospel music and some bluegrass and it was a beautiful violin. And guitar concert that hardly anyone showed up there demoralizing is just so frustrating. But you know what I'm thankful for this is that a board member wanted to do a concert she planned the concert she funded the concert she did it and we're 1 year ahead now for next year we learn stuff and now we can make adjustments where if we were doing it the other way of waiting for it to be perfect we'd still be waiting right we worked through a fast learning curve and we said OK that's some good stuff that some bad stuff we'll try it this way and so yeah that's fantastic is being able to learn from stuff of winning Well that's 1 thing that we have to say is that if you are training your kids in this life or any kid stuff they will win a lot and really teaching them how to win well as is probably 1 of the most important things how to be gracious how to understand that everything's a team sport. That they don't become all all hottie and and proud through through the through success and if you think about it success is probably 1 of the most dangerous things we can experience isn't that. Success that is a God Phantom did that's that's done with a weak character can really cause a lot of the problems you know another 1 that we say is losing without being a loser getting back to that is that what you find out is that some of the most successful people have gone through a lot of mistakes I had a meal with the Canadian team basketball coach and he also is a Portland blazer coach former head coach and I think he is I don't know where he moved to right now but he's big basketball player and a couple of his teammates that had played in the N.B.A. at the same time that Jordan was playing and so we're eating imagine me and these big guys right and I asked a question why is it that some guys can miss a shot and get up and next day take other shots and why some guys miss a shot and they go into a slump and he said a lot of asked to do it just the civility of losing well without letting it define you without letting it define you OK Thank you. So lots of information at today's family experiences our blog that I try to keep up our blog and podcast what I will say is that. Some of you haven't taken pictures slides if you go to this this if you have phones with texting ability and need to type in M.I. camp to the number 4 for 2 to 2 I know it sounds like a ridiculous number right here it says tech safe but actually right here right Ed And my camp you'll get all the materials that we're doing at this camp meeting all the slides all the book stuff as well as other resources and so with that. We'll see you tomorrow yes M.-I camp to 44222 Yes Yeah and so right up here is I have a sign up all you have to do is write your name preferred time that you'd like to meet write your cell phone if you could or e-mail just live an ability to get a hold of you and if you are interested in texting or calling me let me just give you my cell phone number so you can get ahold of me if it's kid related we can talk here but I'm going to push you toward our admissions department as we get further down that process but if you need a text get ahold me during camp meeting 360. 690. 5539 so 360-690-5539 I'd love to talk to you about what's going on in your family's grandkids church any of those kind of things but let me pray with you and we'll let you get on it today. Father we just thank you for. For life father you've given us the responsibility of kids. And in that moment Father we just feel inadequate it's heavy we feel fear we're not sure how to respond but father would thank you for the reminder that you're with us every single step of the way that fear is not our path but instead father through boldness through you that we can really call our kids and to life father just pray for each parent that's here during this care meeting we just ask for a basic types of connection and we just want to praise you David in this media was brought to you by audio 1st a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse if you would like to listen to more sermons lead to visit W W W audio verse or.

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