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4. The Video Game Antidote

Chuck Hagele




  • June 19, 2017
    11:00 AM
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Let's have a word of prayer will dive in Father we just thank you for this bright new day we just thank you for the possibilities that lie in store today possibilities to connect that all around us your work that your in our midst your spirit is working wonders setting people free giving courage where there was or sadness and darkness and most of all Father help us to be able to join you in that work today that we might find our freedom for ourselves and some of our anxieties and more than that that our kids might be able to be set free for a life of impacting your name. And for some of you that aren't that familiar with Project patch I just wanted to give you a little bit of context for where we're at just so you know that our area of the country's beautiful to this is the entryway to our program so Garden Valley Idaho is is in the mountains of Idaho a beautiful place we barely have cell phone coverage how many of you have ever like wished for barely having cell phone coverage but we have a beautiful beautiful place the rainbow is not always there are so many come to visit us that patch don't look for the Rainbow look for the rain. But it's a beautiful place that the old that we have you can't quite see it but a 100 acres of our property isn't a big deal and it's covered in Elk a lot of the year just an amazingly beautiful place that's our center building is our cafeteria This is a girls' storm that's our boys dorm what Tom Stanford did when he belts our place was he wanted to give a place that hurting kids felt dignity and sure you know not a place that felt like a jail with walls and fences and staff with arms crossed and so he tried to create a real strong relationship environment I've talked about the swings that we have we have 1 sitting right here there's actually a new 1 right there and on the boys' storm you can't quite see it there's a swing right there and there's a new 1 right there and so that's that shoulder to shoulder time this long area is a place where the kids and staff interact just playing out and this is actually taken from the don't court a place where they can go play basketball the vast ball have a have a good time with that today we're getting into video game addiction and. I don't know about you guys but there's probably the more parents I talk to video games and make up tend to be the 2 things that parents fight about the most you're not going out in that is a common you know that creates all sorts of battles and then video games create a equal amount about us so do piano lessons. Maybe 3 different things that create battles in homes the context that we're still talking about from yesterday is that these comes to steal kill and destroy and if you look at it Satan doesn't care how he gets people into zombie mode. We're talking about the whole brain in Gage man and he doesn't care how he does it in order for us to stop using certain parts of our brain and over emphasize other parts of the brain he doesn't care what kind of addiction we're the that makes sense and so when you've got a kid at this age this kid is 14 you can picture any of your kids down here this is 10 years old 2030 going up there at any of those ages our kids can really get trapped into habits and what I find interesting is that if you can get a 1415 year old to drop out of school you know and quit in school how does that impact the rest of their life time everything gets harder right 1 of our requirements for staff project patch the state licensing requirement is that you have to have a high school diploma or equivalency and we had this great guy named Jerry who want to come work for us as a part time 8 minutes guy and Jerry's retired but he wanted to work at Patch and so we had him come in and we do the interview times and we do a volunteer 4 days of volunteering so they get a view of what our program is and we get to see what they're doing so Gerri spent 4 days with us were ready to hire him until we discovered that he didn't have a high school diploma Jerry was at this point 67 years old and guess what he spent the next year doing getting his equivalency. And he'd study and study and study and each time he passed a test you'd come down and celebrate with the kids and then we threw him a big graduation party when he finished and he's working for patch now but if you think about that you know the impacts of these decisions and here have a huge effect we talked about it from a purity standpoint but just from a lifestyle how I live my life how I do relationships some of those habits get established so early so young in such day when we're thinking about video games what is it that's being robbed from our kids and I think we'll find principles that apply to all sorts of things. Internet video game risks I'm not 1 that's going to come in and do a whole bunch of the video game stuff there's a lot of other people speaking about the types of things that are going on in video games or I just want to give you kind of a highlight I think as a whole most of us understand that video games could be fun but also have a really dark shadow side and so just want to talk to that a little bit what they find this is through a couple different websites is that about 9 percent of the kids that are individual games are pathologically or clinically addicted What does pathologically or clinically addicted mean it means that if you tell him stop it they really can't for them to stop playing video games they're probably going to have some sort of withdrawal symptoms are going to have your inability possibly sleep loss prosody appetite issues they're going to have attention problems from that maybe even some headaches appetite problems in a number of issues so if you have someone that's been on cigarettes and you tell him to just stop How easy is that there's a lot going on right but here's the problem with videogames for some reason because US most of us as adults can start it just seems like an easy thing to quit and so when you say pathological You're or clinically addicted recognize that that means that about 9 percent of the kids would probably like to quit even can't. You can't quit 23 percent of the youth say they are addicted which is an interesting self disclosure and 44 percent say their friends are addicted ahead like that statistic which 1 do you think is right. You know and I honestly getting back to this is that when we have a kid that comes into Project patch that's been a smoker we're pretty sensitive to that you know realizing that they've had to come to our youth program they've had to quit smoking cold turkey. But we also understand that this kid's going to be going through some sort of struggles with that it's going to be they're going to have it's just going to be heart and so we get a little more sensitivity to that now when we get kids into our program we've got kids that are playing video games for yours that have definite addictions going on that are wrapped into that cycle of video games possibly playing hours and hours and hours a day they come to our program they have no electronic devices and for most of us we have a hard time being compassionate for those kids you know we have a hard time recognizing that there's something going on for even for some of you that have kids that aren't really individual games you take them backpacking for a weekend and you're like wow look at the beautiful lake and they're saying I wish I had my you know video game controller and it's like stop it you know that's what we want to say as parents right. But if they are clinically addicted or if they have some sort of compulsion at that level it's hard a good resource just I want to plug it in again it's plugged in dot com It's not perfect it's focus on the family's attempt at giving some perspective for parents on what's in media stuff and so there's movies music and video game reviews that they do and mostly what they're trying to identify is the themes inside those those things they're looking at any kind of sexual content any kind of drug and alcohol content any kind of homosexuality violence that sort of stuff and so when you look that up how many have you looked up like than before OK So a lot of you have seen it it's just it's a helpful resource that might not their ratings might not exactly coincide with your family's values does that make sense and so if you have a game like 1 of the dancing games that they say is a lot of fun your family might be different from that but as a whole it gives you insight it gives you kind of a peek behind without having to watch it here's the thing to be careful for is if you say to your kid you can't play this game because there's sexual things in it there's even incest in there there's homosexuality there's drunkenness there's a bunch of violence. There's even the scene in which this guy gets hung from has hair and gets chopped down. You can't watch that what's your kid going to say to you possibly especially if they're really and you know sharp kid. They'll probably say well I'm sorry can't read my Bible either then Honestly though if you throw it at them and in a way they'll throw it back at you and what we really prepares the parents of the Bible does have a lot of stuff in it that if it was just a book or a movie that your kids are going to watch that you probably won't be letting them watch it you know honestly but here's the thing is that the Bible shows the facts of that it doesn't glorify it. The Bible's purposes is that it gives you a glimpse into human life and human life is gross by God's beauty can change those things but it's not glorifying it the difference is the video games are glorifying those things you know they're increasing the activity in those things rather than decreasing that to be in those things no one's going to read the Bible and say I want to be more you know violent or whatever that's not the direction it takes I want to I want to have multiple wives that's not what the bible is going to you know encourage you and do so and as a helpful resource part of what pressing on this seminar though is that there are games that are are totally out of touch inappropriate from so many different realms and I think as parents we kind of know what those are but when you look at a video game addiction it doesn't necessarily have to be a violent or an inappropriate game for people to get into the point that it's a life and relationship interfering and in a way that's that's a simple way of looking at addiction is this becoming life interfering as in my life style my life future and as it interfering with my relationships the that makes sense as a rule is a way of looking at addiction. So what makes video games addictive this is where I should have you put your heads down so you don't look at anyone but has anyone ever been to a casino how good they're some honesty at Michigan can't. What is the purpose of a casino. To take all your money right the goal the reason for having it casino why people bell that is to take your money. It's an engineer space to take your money it's not that they just designed as and we like those colors it's an engineering space and so for some of you that are pretending that you've never been to a casino that's a picture of 1. But honestly that's an unusual casino because that 1 has a straight walkway down the center most casinos well ever been to a grocery store and tried to tried to find the milk. Where do you have to go as a convenient no in grocery stores have engineered there are multiple basements so you have to wander through everything to get there right and then the other thing that you need typically And when you're going to quickly grocery shopping you need like 1 or 2 things right do they'll put those comedians leave together now because they make you wander on purpose they know which things people buy at the same time and they spread them apart so that you impulse buy but a engineered environment to cause you to spend money as is a casino here's the interesting thing is that what do you not see in the casino clock you don't see a clock you don't see outside here's another thing it's an engineered environment take your money what do you not see in a casino you don't see money interesting isn't it what do you see instead of money at a casino chips Why do you think they use chips instead of money disconnect because people will spend more when they're putting chips down than if they were putting cash down they've actually learned that people spend more if they use a swiping mechanism right I'm going to get bonus points and so the people are swiping stuff now and here's the advantage of swiping stuff is that if you swipe What information are they getting everything right and so they know what you're doing when you're doing you know when you quit when you start again they control all that stuff and it's engineer environment to do what take your money take your money it's a highly engineered environment what I'd like us to think about is that video games are an engineer environment to keep you playing. It's a highly engineered environment for that is probably the most sophisticated that I've ever explored way more sophisticated than even like something that we're used to is a book how many of you have finished reading a chapter of a book and it said go to bed put the book down. Or do they do something like And then the door started to creak open. They're like oh I can't go to bed now I need to read a little bit more that's how authors try to keep you engaged right authors try to keep your reading but video games are designed in lots of interesting ways just just keep that engagement so honestly when you tell your kids turn it off realize that the game is designed by nature to make that next to I was an active to make that really difficult does that make sense so the game's purpose is counter your countering your purpose so originally I'm a child of the eighty's and so when I was starting to. Seen video games it was at like pizza parlors Do you remember that when you had video games where you had centipede you had Pac-Man you had. Donkey Kong you know those sorts of video games do you remember the goal for those high score 3 initials or member that your 3 initials at the top were a really big deal and he got really frustrated if anyone ever clogged the machine. And your way of playing next remember you put your quarter on the machine at the bottom of the screen that was like the sign of I've got next in line. Some of your like I don't remember that sorry guys I'm not that old. But that was a world of video games high score does play a role but most of the video games kids are playing right now score is not even that big of a deal that's just not 1 of the things that they're into most of the kids just aren't doing the 3 initials and some of those. Beating the game is is an interesting concept is that I think about some of the games that the kids are playing now are more like a book they're more like a movie and they're working their way through that story line and so their ideas I'm 1 of finished that story so there's almost like chapters to it and as they finish 1 thing they get another they get another and then they finish that that game sometimes they'll go back and play it as a different character sometimes they'll play it again but a lot of times they move on to another game and wait for the sequel to come out and so beating the game is more like a novel more like a movie that they're experiencing roleplaying is a big part of a lot of the games now you're not necessarily being yourself but you have an avatar you have a character that you do you've developed I'm especially the multiplayer online games is that each person has a role in the character and that's that's who they assume it's kind of interesting Asia tends to lead the North America when it comes to some of the video game addiction type stuff and what you're seeing in some of the Asian countries is people are starting to change their visit your human physicality to match their avatars. You know where if you've ever played like the we remember the we with the movements all that stuff in those cases most people are trying to make their avatars look like them but you're starting to see the opposite is I'd like to look more like my my avatar so huge amounts of role playing in which some of the Wizard some of this some of that there are a cult type things that start coming into play especially in a lot of the roleplaying but that that that ideas is really big and it really kind of spills out you start seeing at least in the Portland Oregon area the cars play which is dressing up as the characters for movies and video games they have big comic con type type things and that's really popular you see people doing. Forget what it's called where they do all these fake battles in the parks and some of those kind of things that it's all this this role playing in that case it's moved from video games into real life role playing is a big deal and think about it from a especially with your teens is that your teen years it will study it tomorrow a little bit deeper your teen years are about who am I you know am I comfortable being me and they spend a lot of time focused on you know experimenting with different roles Another 1 is discovery what we find is that over time they've they've done these tests of looking at the circumference of how far kids are able to play from the house and did you realize from the 1970 S. It's strong dramatically because parents are feeling afraid Ironically there's been a book kind of a crazy book but it's kind of fun to read is called Free Range Kids anyone's read Free Range Kids The question is why do we free our chickens but cage our kids and so that's kind of what it's exploring but they took a look at it and what they discovered is that violent crime toward kids is lower now than it was in the $1970.00 S. statistically. Isn't that crazy to think about does it feel that way no it doesn't feel that way because now we're so connected and you know there's more people now but statistically violent crimes lower but kids range of play has gotten smaller and so for a lot of kids that idea of I want to have discovery I want to have exploration they can't do that in real life you know those parents that are afraid of letting their kids wander and so because of that their place of wandering discoveries online and if you haven't seen some of these worlds that are online they are some amazing places that have been created online really interesting lands landscapes places to climb things to do and so these these kids are free to explore and that's a fun thing it's an attractive thing for kids Ironically when we do our family experience we have people the whole family get together and talk through their values things that each 1 of them value and nearly every family experience you have a boy or girl that is I want to have discovery 1 of the families that we're dealing with a while back they were a great family of Scholastics except for 1 boy who Bob discovery and so for every 1 of the family if you would say you have a perfect rainy Sunday what do you want to do read and watch movies what this boy want to do splash in the potholes so you go off and explore and they just did not get him you know they didn't understand him and honestly despoil was really into video games because that was something that they got and he'd revert to discovery online relationships a lot of the games now have especially the multiplayer online games they have headphones that they're playing with they're talking to friends and you might say you know what are they real friends well they don't necessarily have full disclosure about each other they might not know ages they might not know all these kind of things but they spent significant time together accomplishing. They show a lot of trust for each other they show a lot of teamwork they have a lot of dependents and so some of these groups that have been playing the games together have been doing it for years of being together and Washington can't meeting and a dad that interrupted 1 of my talks about this this section and what he shared was staggering and his wife stared at him saying I can't believe you're talking in public because he was really quiet guy and what he shared is that he connected with those college roommates over playing a World of Warcraft game is that that was how they said you know were we moved away from each other luscious how some guy time and so they started playing World of Warcraft together and that sucked him into that video game and those guys started playing he'd play with those guys he'd play with other people but what started off as a relationship ended up getting really really messy and what he said was that when his boys hit preteen age and they started to try to learn the game so they could build a relationship with their dad that's when he quit because he realized that they wanted him and their only way to get into him at that point was through a video game in any and he decided to break that but relationships you know there's a hunger for relationships and honestly for us guys relationships and finding deep friendships can be really really hard and so this video game world offers that we had a boy that came into our youth ranch that was our 1st guy that I just distinctly remember story because he said I didn't get to say goodbye to my friends which is a common thing for kids coming to a program the parents don't announce you're going to pass because a lot of times the kids would run away or do something stupid about it and so this boy was like the typical kids his parents grabbed him brought them to patch and he said I didn't get say goodbye to my friends and so we started you know so what are your friends like and what he started to talk to me about was video games and like No Tell me about your friends and your video games and what was the reality is he had no friends that were in this world you know the physical world all of it was was a video game brands but they were significant to. You know it and realizing that it was really morning those kids and here's what makes it hard about those relationships is if you are trying to break free from a game and maybe even get some sleep and your friends are going on adventure and they're going to go conquer something together and they need you what are they going to do yeah they're going to pressure you they're going to call you up they're going to text you they're going to do stuff or you know honestly most kids feel really scared about missing out you know and so all their friends are doing something and they're missing out on that and that leaves them feeling feeling really vulnerable so this relationship side to me I see that I would describe this false relationship in a way because I don't think it's a true deep relationship but that false relationship is going to continue to grow and gain. Especially as the virtual side continues to grow so I mentioned earlier beating the game also there's games with no end. Craft when it's Minecraft and when you turn it off and as a parent you're likely. Minecraft explode I mean it's 1 of those things that there's no end in sight it just keeps going and going and going as a bell goes it's just it just keeps going and so what's interesting to me is that as you look at this list. There's huge insight into our kids depending on what games they're compulsively or addictively play and so sometimes sitting down to say you know you seem to really be enjoying this game a lot can you tell me about it you know or going online and figuring out is it a game with a lot of discovery is it a game with a lot of role play is it a game in which you are beating it you know or is it the snow and thing where you're just continually or maybe a combination of those having that insight gives you a little clue into what your kids hungry for. Does that make sense and so they're going to the substitution but what you're going to work on is OK maybe they need a little bit more discovery or maybe there's a way that I can really focus on getting you know real world relationships getting him in a class getting him in the camp getting him into something that would would fuel that. Physiological there's a lot of things going on a physical logic I can't even say that word that's why I don't talk about this stuff much physiologically and dopamine in. Your brain is awesome but it's really not that smart and so if something flashes on the screen and terrifies you your brain is going to go into the same terrorist sponsor the same. Release of endorphins and adrenaline and all those sorts of things as if it was real life and so if I jumped at you with a knife and that would scare you right I hope so. But in the video game with a knife is coming slashing at the person they're going to have their brains going to think this is real and the brain is going to release stuff I'm a little afraid about the dopamine studies to be honest is because dopamine is a totally understood yet for some of you if you ate a really good meal and let out a really good Burr there would be dopamine released. Hug beautiful music a smile of a friend you know those are dopamine releases typically done at an appropriate level of dopamine what's interesting with these engineered environments is that they've learned how to provide it in pretty intense dosages and that's the concern about it but at same time be careful because we just don't know quite enough about it go up I mean is it necessarily bad but dopamine dependence or dopamine chasing if that makes any sense that's that's the type of stuff that I'm concerned about and physiologically what they're showing from the from brain development is that if you have a bunch of adrenaline flowing all the time that may actually suppress frontal lobe development and so when you look at some of the books 1 of the books that I think is a recommended reading list is Change Your Brain Change Your Life before 25 So Dr Daniel Amen wrote the Change Your Brain Change Your Life Book This is a teen version from a guy named Jesse Payne who is a son in law just he's done training with Patch fantastic stuff but what they're doing is spec scans and showing that that for kids that have had trauma that's a lot of adrenaline released and for kids that are in the video game trauma same thing happens there from a lobe is just stimulated and they just aren't getting the element that they need so there are some scientific things lots of scientific things that are saying this is scary you know this is not a good thing so if anything aboard the violent games avoid any kind of slashing scare type game just because I think brain wise those those are are really really problematic any questions on this before we move on yes please. You know. What I'd look at on the no end games is break it down a little bit more for that to be that they're doing. Minecraft is 1 that is hard for me to understand because different kids play or for different reasons you know for some of them they just love building things. And that's their challenge they just love that activity but there's almost a rhythmic nature of how they start building that brings them the soothing and so I'd probably at that point just observe how they're playing it and look for that and then look for chances for just doing the real world building stuff R C buying an R.C. airplane a building in flying it together something that is that same gut but has an impact does that make sense something that they can look at and say wow so chance to do woodworking hands on carving depending on the age of the kid kids love being in workshops you know my daughters my son does love if I'm trying to build something to love being down there and so that's the push that that I would recommend some of the other know when games. Candyland crush. I'm not sure what the point here you guys are not ging each other please be kind to each other I can't meaning I don't know you know if a kid that's probably more an adult can of why people get into that some of that just a boredom a T.D. M. It's just an impulse I don't comfortable I don't know what to do right now or I've got a minute so they just start playing it and it fills that time so it's a time filler and so in those kind of situations I think that those other time fellers like you know what I what I've seen parents that are doing some neat work with their kids that struggle with these time filler type things is that they all fail their house purposely with little activities handheld activities Rubik's Cubes little puzzles little things that require some sort of manipulation if you've seen those maze globe type things you know where you turn and follow the path they're not necessarily like pages spinners but they're things that engage in Gauge activity and mind and make it a little easier for the kids do instead of turning to the phone they have something else to do. That would be great all 1 for 1 but I don't have 1 and mediately I'm sorry. I'm sorry yeah books are resources on some of the specific things of this screen I don't I don't have but I'll hunt for 1 or you can write 1. OK Let's move on with this here's some of the key things that I that we see from kids is that there's a huge loss of time kids will start playing in time just disappears and so a lot of the kids that are in the video game addiction just report a sense of loss of control of time they don't know everything's running behind that that makes sense but at the same time they're wasting a bunch of time when they account for what they did in the day they have a hard time really feeling like they accomplished anything and so that's really that loss of impact what's frustrating about video games is that they're unrelenting and so if a kid accomplishes something what does a video game do. Raises the bar right makes it harder raises it so they really don't have the satisfaction of I did something and they really have nothing to point at it you know and for a kid that's really great at videogames or someone else that's even better and so the push is constantly there what you hear now is that there's a lot of kids that play video games I've also spent time on You Tube watching video games if any of your kids do that yeah so they're watching video games not just playing but they're watching someone else play and try to learn from that and all those kind of things but it's a unrelenting thing where it just feels like like you haven't accomplished much I mean binge watching Netflix you know a lot of people do that that's similar where you it's like ice dispense how much time doing what and you just feel you feel kind of gross from it so brain system really quick there's a lot of people that believe the video games are the best thing for brains they think that more classes should be taught in video game mode a lot of those sorts of things video games involve pretty much all the parts of the brain when you see people playing video games when they're doing the scans with their brains all of it's lighting up which gives the appearance of it being a full brain activity and so they're doing some of the physical stuff they're using a ton of memory some of these video games are doing some emotions with that there is a lot of feeling down and then they're using a lot of logical problem solving but here's the push that I really challenge people with this is especially when people say that videogames increase creativity I'm not buying it for me to be successful in a video game if the video game creator made it so that I have to go this way and then I have to go this way and this way twice and then this way once and this way for me to win what is my brain doing to figure that out trial and error of logic right in my showing creativity when I figured out. What it actually at the end of the day is that you're conforming to the pattern of the video game maker it's a complete warming brain activity rather than a creative brain activity and that doesn't mean that conforming activities are wrong for you to play a piece of music that's written out what kind of activity is that in a sense it's a conforming activity but it's even different than the video game because you do have to have a chance to take it into other places and you're blind does different things with that those that make sense. But it is it's in a sense a conforming activity and we do conforming activities map is what a conforming activity but yours The thing is that most people that are playing video games think that they're being creative or think that they're being problem solving and aren't recognizing that the only way that they're going to succeed in that game is to alter their brain to the game makers requirements and kids say oh what about what about Minecraft you know that's total creative Are there things that are rewarded in my craft and things that aren't rewarded Yeah there's plenty of things that are rewarded in mind craft and that keeps us into that mind set that yet this is not this is Don't kid yourself that this is this is creative creativity what you're doing is a conforming activity and as long as we recognize that there is room for that but we can't kid ourselves kid ourselves about it loss of connection what's interesting even in the relationship based video games is that those have a sense that I'm fulfilling relationship needs but in reality the relationships are built around me getting further in the game they're there and they have teamwork but the teamwork is even based on I have my needs and so that's why I'm involved with it in a sense as a consumer friendship. Which is which is a pattern we actually don't want to see repeated in our kids we don't want them using people are connecting with people just for that the other thing that we see is that kids get into video game addiction I said relationship interfering is that they find that they start losing their friends meeting their friends lost spending less time with their friends that's 1 of the warning signs we see is when kids just start disconnecting or every time that they have a conversation all they want to talk about is their game and really they don't want of a conversation about the game they want to have a telling about their game have you ever noticed that with with good somebody or games. They don't want to you know they just want to kind of vomit out but your game information and that tends to be a relationship disconnect or it's not that those kids you know are bad kids or anything it's just that that's they become uncomfortable or in relationships they try to turn it off have you ever seen kids playing video games where it gets to the Talk to your the narrator part and they just skip subscripts it's good because they want to get to the action and that tends to be how they are in real life relationships mom needs to just quit talking you know or dad just needs to so I can get on with my game mealtimes need to get shorter you know those sorts of things happen so signs of video game addiction it's not the number of hours that they're playing this is really important because there's times that people tell me you know my kids addicted to video games because they played 6 hours this last Sunday OK So that mean you're addicted to books maybe I don't know maybe you are because there's times that you get sucked into something right and you just play a puzzle how many of you have ever had a puzzle started and you just can't stop the puzzle that doesn't mean you're addicted to puzzles it just means that you had a day that maybe you played a lot of puzzling it could get life and relationship interfering but it doesn't necessarily mean that So ours is not necessarily the coop or do they lie about how much or how long they play that's much more interesting to me so if you have a kid that says you know I played video games for about an hour today. But if you really looked at it they played for 3 that would be that to be a significant thing that gives me a warning sign that the skids just not aware of their time or they're trying to minimize it you know and both of those things are signs of maybe a compulsion or addiction do they try to stop and can't we hear about kids that are just so tired and they just want to go to bed and so they've been playing video games and they go to they turn it off they go to bed and they're replaying it in their minds and then they just feel like they have a solved and if I can't sleep I might as well go back and play you know or they they have a game that they realize has got caught of out of control in that they try to put it off but they just can't that's where a lot once again the multiplayer online games get really hard because people are reaching back out to them you know and getting back into it does it feed into other behavioral issues of a couple of these kind of tied together but what we see for a lot of kids in video game addiction is that it starts morphing into this pattern of. Built play video games they meant to study that afternoon but they're going to play video games before they study so they start playing the game they have some fights are about with the parents about chores about different things there was a fight about turning it off coming to supper they do that they sit through worship and really you know that arms crossed at the end that it's nighttime comes I'm a stud I'm going to bed they're playing their game late into the night and then they have a really hard time sleeping what we find is that a lot of teenagers don't have what we call Sleep Hygiene sleep hygiene is that routine that goes into to falling asleep well and for most of us we know that the especially the modern tv's and screens emit a kind of light that wakes us up. That makes it stimulates us and makes it hard to go to sleep and so if you've had that light within an hour trying to go to sleep it makes it hard to fall asleep and so these kids have been highly stimulated to the point that they're going to sleep they have a hard time sleeping restlessness possibly just dreaming about the games. The next morning because they play so late into the night their day starts off with a fight you know dad or mom is get up get up you're going to be late school get up on their way to school they get to school they're tired at school I don't know about you guys but if I lose sleep what do you do what if you knew me I become really herbal any of you also become irritable when you lose sleep are kids are the same thing as they've got a kid at school that has a flop or all their irritable falling asleep in class not being able to turn into Simon having some friendship issues having a part time connecting their day doesn't go well at school they get home what do they want to do they want to feel better and so the cycle starts again and they start playing the video game of the day the cycle starts start going over and over what we find is that some of the kids have got the point that they can't sleep and they can sleep during the day but not at night yes please so you are skipping school to get a sleep so you can play at night. Yeah that's that's not uncommon for kids that are really into it and you might not even know that they're skipping school it's really it's really a problem so it feeds into other behavioral issues are lying there's times that it really gets into cheating is that there's a sense of entitlement from some of these these games is that these games make the kids feel that they're really smart. That they're the smartest kids ever and so they feel like I don't need to turn in homework I say all these rules for these other kids don't apply to me and so they they justify cheating you know and really it surprises me now I was at Subway a while back you know getting a breakfast sandwich and you know you have that chit chat with the person making a sandwich and what she said to me is I've got a big paper due today I'm not sure if I'm going to do it or buy it. Really why are you telling me. But that really was that that I don't know want to do it or buy it but the sense of cheating and some of the stuff with the kids is really different now and the kids that feel highly entitled highly intelligent will start doing some other stuff like that cheating copying papers going online to find the easy easy answers so they can keep playing. Destructive life patterns thoughts what I was talking about with the sleep with the lack of sleep with mealtimes with all those kind of things that that gets out of you and honestly with Project patch 1 of the more helpful things we do is that we have a daily schedule for those kids you know there's a time that they go to bed with lights out there's meal times that are predictable they have to drink a certain amount of water every day we're not health not that patch but we're really predictable and so with that simple life pattern change a lot of kids find a lot of clarity and what we try to help them do is be able to take that simple life pattern back when they go home again. And they get up and do something else upon what we find is that those kids they get into video games that they've loved going waterskiing on a Sunday at the lake and they get that we're going to go to like oh I can't today because I've got homework to do OK but what do they spend all day doing playing the video game their friends that say it was let's go play basketball and they don't go they have activities going on in their life just get smaller and smaller and to me that's just kind of a sadness because there's fun that they want to have but they just can't hold themselves to it. So. Transitioning you feel like I've given you enough and prayed for mation to depress you a little bit you're welcome it's raining outside I was depressed you but I want to give you some some tools now because honestly there's antidotes to it once again the antidote that we're speaking about is the relationship I'm I got this email today that I just thought was brilliant from format options I mentioned him yesterday in our in our conversation Matt is the. Founder of of a organization called porn free radio it's a it's a porn related web podcast that comes out every single week for for people that are wanted to quit progress but he had this this quote from a guy named John Hari and it said the opposite of addiction is not sobriety the opposite of addiction is connection so that you catch up the opposite of addiction is not sobriety the opposite of addiction is connection and really that's what we're looking at today is is how can we reconnect our kids not from their video game world but we want to connect them into the human world and for that we really have some tools that I want to just explore they're not perfect but they're just kind of getting our brain going to help us with our kids this works for almost everything that you're dealing with behavioral issues it applies for some of the progress the stuff that we've done a metal pipe tomorrow for some of the social media but Henry Cloud in his book necessary endings really started looking from the Bible perspective he identified 3 primary types of people the wise the foolish and what he said was the evil we're not going to study the evil today because hopefully her kids aren't that evil but with the wise and foolish will take a look at the wise are ones that take in words and don't procrastinate change they take in words and they don't procrastinate change so if you talk to someone that's wise and say you know it really seems like you're doing this and I'm really concerned about that the wise person might not enjoy that conversation. But they'll take in the wisdom from it maybe they'll ask some other friends of theirs but they'll get the wisdom that the church seek after information that leads to wisdom and built make that change as quickly as possible I'd like to pretend at least that I'm wise and fluffy said Chuck you know when you're giving your seminars you do this and it's really distracting and I think you do a better job if you didn't do that do you think I'd enjoy that conversations do you think you'd enjoy it no but I'd hope that I would take as much wisdom from that and the next time I'm speaking that I make those adjustments so the wise people learn from words the foolish people imagine a foolish person they're usually highly intelligent so don't get intelligence and foolishness mixed up OK They're very intelligent but what they have an ability to do is take imagine this imaginary racket tennis racket and whenever you bring a concern to them they whack it away and blame someone else. So if you say something you say they blame it on dad they blame it on Mom they hit back at you and they're so intelligent that it kind of makes sense you know why didn't you do the school probably Well you know the teacher then explained it that well and the teacher said Oh OK I can see that happening right but what happened just that they take any personal responsibility now they just deflect it and what you find is that a year later you could be having the exact same conversation. Maybe the minute details change but it's that same conversation that's always someone else's fault it's always your fault as always some sort of situation things fall and so the foolish do not respond to wisdom or they do this they show a great amount of remorse Oh I can't believe I did that you're so right and there you go into this big pity remorse thing but they never change they procrastinate actions steps that would be lead to change so tons of remorse but no change and so let the foolish people words don't work with the wise words work here's the problem is that most of us are wise and so we love words right we'd much rather have someone come to us with words and share their concerns with us it might not be fun but it would cause us to make change and so if we love words what are we going to use with our kids if they're foolish What do words do nothing and so with foolish people words are ineffective and so what Henry quote is saying is stop using words you can give the basics really short comments of what the problem is but after that they have to learn through consequences and so it's either natural consequences or you're going to start learning through logical logical or natural consequences wife has to be their teacher yes guys. Yep same quieten Townsend as boundaries Yeah both of those guys and 1 of the books I recommended 1 of the parents yesterday boundaries for teens super useful book by Henry Cotton John Townsend by Henry clouds book necessary endings is more of a leadership ministry book I'd recommend if you're in a kind of church leadership position take a good look at the book really good resource so foolish people they have to start learning through boundaries and here's the thing let's just pretend you're a boss of a company and you have a foolish team member that keeps deflecting criticism and what would you end up doing. The fire Well hopefully you're 1st going to see if you can you can let life teach them but here's the thing as as as their you don't give them your most important job you won't put your company on their shoulders at this point right you take away some freedom some trust and you're hoping that through the walls getting tighter that they're going to maybe get a couple bruises that will teach if you're not being harsh but you're using another tool teach them consequences natural logical will get through those in just a minute here's the 2 things though and this is really basic but I think it's a good reminder is we have the choice most of the time and behavior to do 2 things affirmations are consequences if we see someone do a behavior that's good that we want repeated That's when we use affirmations if we see a behavior that we want to stop then we start using consequences and so if you're getting ready for dinner your kids are playing a quick little video game and say hey it's time to set the table and you see a kid set down the controller turn off the game and run to set the table which do use consequences affirmations affirmations Yeah add to the never happened and that's a struggle isn't it but here's the thing is that often parents will say the dumbest things at this point it's about time you turned off that stupid game. OK You know that's just not motivating as a and so what you want to do use at that point is an affirmation and you're totally right there are times that they just are doing no behaviors that you want to that you want to. There's just nothing to or for a boss but here's the crazy question that I just want to get into our brains you've got this X. right that we've talked about all week long and which you've got a child from no responsibility going up to full responsibility you've got a parent at this point does everything at some point they can't do it all and what we're pressing for today is for these kids at 18 years old to own their own on which. Right because if they don't own the off switch and you can't on the off switch then who owns it the video game owns it and I talk to teens about this and kids about it is like do you want to be owned you know or do you own the off switch can you turn it off and so when we're looking for affirmations we're trying to raise kids that can turn it off right we want to raise kids that can give precedence to the real world so people in the room are more important than electronic people outside of the room does that make sense what else do you see yourself wanting to affirm as far as appropriate video game use so when you're seeing them make good choices about video game selection that's something that you'd love to have her yeah that's a good 1 what else would you like to for as a what sort of behaviors do you want to see your kids doing Morse more of when it comes to video games. Management that's a big 1 isn't it so if you say you can play for 30 minutes you'd love to see them turn it off after 30 minutes without without about 15 yeah even 5. Yeah that's a really good 1 so you want to see them be able to manage their time online anything else ya please. 1 that's a great thing is that you don't need the behavior for computer use so so let's just say your family's got I've seen families use tokens you know in which they have a token for. Video game time so every day made they might have a 15 minute or 30 minute use of media so they can either do whatever you know depending on the age of the kid if you see them playing outside of that token time that be a consequence but when you see them really responding well to that and not sneaking time that that be an affirmation So those those kind of go together don't they versus they're just turning it off Yeah great question let's just throw it out there so the question is how do you parents deal with that end of that 30 minutes when they're like I'm almost done almost I'm almost done can you give me another minute how do you guys handle that. If please so 5 minutes before and. So you're giving them that that instead of tacking on to the end of 30 minutes that that last 5 minutes is a wrap up time OK Anything else yes please yeah that's the tough part is you start forgetting we use we use our kitchen timer for all those things because our kids are young enough that when the beeping stop start that's time to turn it off and honestly that the good times that we have permit is when the beeping goes off and we don't and they're coming into the room and putting it away does that make sense and so that's that's that thing with our older kids that they'll actually set the timer and they said it accurately and do it and handle that process themselves that that's what we're for being asleep that's good so their plight notice and possibly taking So if they've gone long the next day shorter and that's works great that drives us crazy as parents are trying to track like they do how many minutes but especially And here's the manipulative kids out if you have that Hey Dad can I play video games. And they've asked Mom and Mom said no. That's not a good and honestly for that we come down hard on that in our family because we don't want to deal with that triangulation Yes please yeah and I think that's a reasonable I think really getting to the point that that you have expectations I like the idea of warnings for kids that are younger but realizing that your online game you know I'm sorry at the end but that's that's the 30 minutes to 30 minutes to 45 depending on the age of the kid but yeah I agree with you that that's life we can't as adults we can't we we have time constraints yes please in the back. Yeah and so having a timer having something that they can see you're trying to raise awareness right you're trying to get them understanding time and how time lapses. Is really useful so here's the point that I'm making is that there's a lot of stuff we can affirm right for me 1 of the things that we affirm is we've just got to we system we bought it it's a relationship rich environment for that our kids are really close in age our little boys got some struggles and so when we're watching when they're taking turns playing that's something that we have for when they're helping our little guy with some of the stuff when they're letting you know when they're playing games that he enjoys those are things that were for me when they are stopping their game to give me I contact you know when I'm asking them something that's something that I'm approaching those are the types of behavior that showed maturity in being able to handle the the game play when they lead to arguments when it leads to whining when it leads to eye rolling when the fruit of it is dark it's going to involve them playing with us and that's that's how blunt we are so you've got affirmations consequences we'll talk about that just a little bit as we go through but affirmations are a superpower for parents obviously if you're out here on the let's just say you're in a lunch line and he say to a kid Wow you're wearing a red shirt and they're wearing a red shirt What are they going to do. Now wear it again if you're see them at all on the campus and they're wearing a red shirt What are they going to do show it to you have you done any kind of comment about anything as far as the quality of Red Shirt whether you like it or not. You haven't done any kind of judgment right you just acknowledge that and there's power simply in the good knowledge and stuff and so affirmations are a huge power what we say is that your goal is to encourage repeating behavior this is your tool to try to get them to do something again that's that's the purpose behind it and so when you're giving an affirmation of hey you shared or you stopped when I asked you to that's that's what you're trying to do occur don't use empty phrases like good job and so if you've just turned in a big project at work and your boss says Good job how would you feel kind of good right here's the problem is would you know what to repeat if they say you know you really made a clear case for this you have held the case is your numbers were crystal clear you explained all the numbers really well and your conclusion was just really accessible made made it easy to read and made it really easy for me to share this was an easy project to prove you have something to work on right and so what we try to do is don't just do that try to describe it try to describe what they did so that they can repeat it again so when you say you did a good job playing video games today you might want to say hey that was really awesome how how when I asked you to set the table you just jumped at it you know and came and helped I really really appreciate that so that's the process you do and you know please and that's the real good point and we always have to be true always has to be true and you want to avoid stuff that is puffery that makes sense you want it you want to be true and for that I think we'll get into that because the process is really what you're trying to affirm is a process that they're going through not necessarily an outcome so on the basketball court a project patch you see a kid just playing basketball and he takes a hard foul you see him grit up his fists turn around like he's going to go after that kid and suddenly do. And walk back and start playing again what is that a moment to do. Wow you got hit hard I saw that you got mad the make sense or you get mad and you figured out you know you figured out how you can be mad without hurting someone how do you do that you know so we work into a question and we work into a conversation and so a lot of times we a pull that us hard or you'll comment later and so it's a process and you're saying what you saw and you're talking less and going into questions that make sense how all that goes together and so the affirmations is he's right is that if you just give a quick little You're awesome you're awesome you're awesome that doesn't work but when you're going into the internal motivation of why they did something that was appropriate it leads to a conversation that leads to them doing it again. External to internal right is that you don't have an internal motivation for doing that you're trying to internalize their respect for people so in that all line world we're trying to get them to give precedence to the people around them right and so for me I try to you know if my phone rings at the dinner table I do have a bunch of staff at work or a but I'm really careful not to take other calls Does that make sense and even my staff calls I'm careful about who I'm taking them from and it's just because my family at that moment has to know that they're the most important as that's the tension that we're doing and then avoid labels labels can be really dangerous you're smart is 1 that actually works opposite for kids you're really smart. It sounds complimentary doesn't it but it actually might decrease our kid's ability to really try stuff Carol the works book mindset talks about growth mindset versus fixed mindset if you're a teacher you should be reading the book if you're any kind of savvy school teacher interaction with kids you should be reading it if your kids are showing perfectionistic tendencies you should be reading the book it's for educators but it's fantastic mind set by Carole the work she's a Stanford psychologist but what she's looking at is that labels tend to put a ceiling on stuff where a growth mindset says I can always improve somewhat Let me give you an example label that I've given myself as for a long time a strike you're not good with names you can't learn names so guess what I do when someone introduced themselves I would even try I would even pay attention to it obviously I design out and so what I've realized is I'm still not natural at names but I can improve right and so each 1 of us has areas probably that we've got fixed mindset growth mindset for pictures this is a good example is that you're really good artist that actually decreases the kids' experimentation with with learning how to be an artist seems weird doesn't it but if you tell a kid Wow your looks like you have a lot of fun drawing can you tell me why you chose those shapes that's the process Oh it looks like you experimented with shading can you tell me how you did that and they'll start explaining the picture you chose lots of bright colors or you choose to show some dark colors that process gets them experimenting more if they say you're a good artist then they feel fear of what with pictures not good for math kids you're really good at math because you did that really fast. What happens when the math problems about fast does that mean they're not good at math. You really stuck with that when you worked on that math problem you tried different things to solve it and you checked your answer you know it really looks like you're working hard on your map and it's showing the that's sound like a response that would increase the activities that you want right and so when you're doing affirmations on video games look like you really want to keep playing you want to finish that level but you really responded I told you it's time to stop that's the affirmation that that helps and once again that's what we're shooting for is not kids that need us to turn it off what kids that can turn off themselves so natural consequences are the easiest thing for us parents I love natural consequences so if you've got a kid that is if wintertime and it's cold outside and drizzly and rainy which I guess you guys it's windy and freezing sorry they go outside with no call no shoes do you have to as a parent that night sneak into the room with a cotton swab full of germs and brush them with their nose to teach them not to do that again. It's just natural right the consequence you don't have to do anything as a parent take no creativity it just it just happens and so for a kid that is playing in traffic do you have to drive the car into them I hope not that's a good example of just being too harsh natural consequences don't take any parent guidance but they really can't be too harsh the other thing that we find out about natural consequences is that there are great teacher but there's times that there's too much of a gap between when they do the behavior when they pay for it so sexuality we talked about that yesterday so for a kid that's engaged in for not pornography masturbation and just the pursuit of orgasm for those P.M.O. kids at that point are they going to be feeling the negative consequences of it probably not too much but years from then when they're trying to be in a covenant relationship and faithfulness and enter into God's model of sexuality is that going to interfere. It's going to be a huge problem but here's the thing is that time has so far been been between them that they might not be able to make that connection or the correction and so for electronic stuff I find that other than letting batteries run out it's hard to find no logical I mean natural consequences that really help our kids I'm sure there are some out there. Poor grades tends to be a natural consequence for some of these things but as a parent that's hard to do because you know for kids failing out of school in the 8th grade that's that's nuts not necessarily their choice does that make sense that's something we want to prevent so natural consequences are fantastic for us parents but in a lot of times they just don't tend to work in the ways that we need to do logical consequences this is where parents have to be creative where you have to find some sort of thing that'll teach them and what you're trying to do is not punish them punishment is trying to inflict pain right I want you to feel the same kind of pain or fear frustration that I felt discipline is that process of saying I want you to learn I want you to improve I don't want this to be a part of your life and so you're trying to get them to start making connections and so what you have to do is is you have to think about something and it can easily become punishment I don't know about you guys but I've discovered that taking cell phones away from kids really irritates them. Right no no cell phone for a week. K. that can be fine but if that's your only discipline that you use it starts lacking the connection to actually teaching them something so several quite a few years ago these these kids were on a river in Idaho a raging white water river it's beautiful river but right in our campus right there some kid stole a canoe to run away so a group of boys did that they got down the river a little ways crashed the canoe into a rock and then there was a big ravine back up of the road and when the staff you know got to them they the staff had a pickup truck and the boys were. Damaged the bottom it probably took them 20 minutes for them to scramble up just to the pickup truck and so when they get there the staff took them back got them dry clothes all those kind of things and then took them back to the river to go get the canoe and so the boys hauled that canoe all the way up the hillside and then they were ready to put it into the truck and the staff said you know how the how the canoe get down here you know it didn't come in the truck and so the in a way it's a natural consequence but in ways that logical consequences you'll carry it back you know so those boys carried it back about 5 miles and it was a you know it was a tough thing for them to do but that's the kind of ways if I do this I have to repair I have to make there's consequences things and so I have to I have to go through the work of it yes please yours is the only house that has problems with. You're right. Just you know that's the that's the pain about it is that here's the thing is that we talked about the brain or early days is that when our little split this parent's house are thinking going it's not and so at that point we tend to be telling our kids you're going to do this or you're going to the asses and we don't even remember what we told them right and so what we have to say is that that this has to come in a calm brain. And for some reason for us as parents we really want to get to that winning point where I feel like I am in control again and so we end up rushing into discipline and what I say often as you know I just I can't respond right now in a way that's going to help you feel in your ear I'm feeling frustrated or I'm just really really confused about how I can help you learn and so I'm going to take some time I'm on to go think about it for an hour or I'm want to I'm going to talk with some friends on 1 talk with Mom about it you know that sort of thing Mom and I always talk about this 1 but that's the thing that I'm saying is I'm going to take some time and I want you to take some time you know and we're not going to talk right now because neither of us are going to help the situation go get the brain from the low back down there might be some tools that we can use we actually for a family experience teach them tools about discipline and coming up with it but you're trying to reengage the brain when you meet together often the kids going to have a solution to 2 or 3 things you might say I'm going to work on 2 or 3 things you work on a couple things they're going to come up with some pretty harsh things and you can start amending those but I say time is really in your favor use it it's rare that you have to discipline instantaneously there are times with our kids that they're doing a safety type thing that we need to get them back safe but typically we're just trying to get that brain going you know or let's take a walk let's go do something back there and then what will come over here yes please. We do have to be careful with our words don't we Yeah and that is the point that as parents we can get so frustrated that we will say stuff like I wanted to do someone do that we're not going to go on our vacation because of you. Who is suffering then you know and so yeah you're good good point I think I was coming right back here. You know that's that's the good example is you prepared him at the time he didn't respect it but he had resources when he needed it or he had information with. You and that's you know this from a speaking point as I do talk a lot to parents but I love talking to teens too just because I think there's times that teens just need new Some of us not judging them realizing that this is a new environment that they're dealing with honestly for us as parents we probably would have been addicted to some of this stuff too because it's designed that way you know it's designed to be that way and so so it's not unusual for them struggle but there are resources to help them through you know we've got a couple more questions and then I've got to keep lying a good question so technology as a reward versus schedule activity. I think as a whole kids benefit the most when it's a predictable environment I think kids like having something that they can plan on and so we've seen a lot of success around that idea as kids get older I do like to see them starting to have a little bit more input into when and how or what and so we talked about the token system that's useful as kids start getting older to be able to say I choose to watch a video game or I I mean I choose to play video game or I choose to watch the sports thing or this T.V. thing right they can make a little bit more choice around what they're doing which I think helps us get to this point where they are owning the results of it. So that aspect works I do think that there's times that it's just farmed have grace. You know in so surprising your kids with with something that they enjoy doing I don't think the problem is hey you know I really appreciate how you worked in the yard all day with me you know you just showed a lot of a lot of work you're probably tired want to go play for 30 minutes I'll give you an extra 30 minutes you know that sort of thing is just realizing that our IT can be a fun and healthy thing or it can be a mess so logical consequences this is hard what I will say once again Time time time is probably the best thing that you have talking with your friends creating conversations around it you know if anything you've got a room for people here that that you know hopefully you've connected with some people here that are raising kids similar ages to you. Use that time if you're at the junior tent waiting to pick up your kids make connections with parents because a lot of times they'll have perspective that's just really helpful. Create feedback loops this is something I actually teach kids to do as much as possible this is a experience that I was getting my master's at Boise State University in business and so I travel 4 days a week an hour half each way from Garden Valley to to Boise State and so afternoons I drive a LAN or noon and I do my I was a graduate assistant so I worked in the M.I.F. Department with the computer students and then I'd go to class from about 6 until almost 10 o'clock and then I'd get in the car and drive back up to 2 idea to Garden Valley so that's a that's a lot of driving right guess what's on the radio in Idaho at night talk radio political talk radio and when I discovered for me is that I could leave class happy connected I love class I love the people and when I got home I was a jerk to my wife. Honestly I was mean to her. And I couldn't figure out how the person that got in the car happy that got out of the car being a jerk and what I realize for me and I'm not going to judge you but for me political talk radio no matter what the spectrum is doesn't have a fruit of kindness in my life and that took way too long for me to discover I mean honestly it took me way too long to discover that it's so I replace that with different things listening to music I listen to audio books that that point pod casts weren't going but I've replaced that sort of thing with positive things so now when I travel I'm really careful with what I listen to at home I do books on tape I've audible some subscription I fill my mind with things that have proof of me having positive connection what I ask kids to do is when they sit down to play a video game write down how long they plan on playing and how they hope to feel when they're done I'm going to play for 30 minutes I hope to feel relaxed when I'm done or I hope to have this experience as I play that that makes sense this is my intention and then when they quit playing is just really quickly write down how do you now feel did you accomplish that you know most of us as adults would probably benefit from the same thing right I'm going to sit down and watch netflix for 30 minutes how do I expect hope to feel when I'm done with my expectations I meet that and what the reason I ask is that a lot of kids are art are in this video game world and they're not necessarily they have these hopes and desires but they're not sensitive enough to realize is this the best way of reaching those I hope to accomplish something I hope to finish this level I hope to whatever did you did you get it you know there's an interesting verse. If you just Chapter 4 I'm going to read a bunch of it to you but I think it's just to me it's hopefully gets our brains going a little bit if you Chapter 4 versal 17 reading out of the end I be assessed so I tell you this and insist upon it in the Lord that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do in the futility of their thinking they are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts having lost all sensitivity they have given themselves over to since you out since reality so as their S. to indulge in every kind of impurity with their continual lust for more you however did not come to know Christ that way surely you heard him when you were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus you were taught with regard to your former way of life that put off your old self which is being corrupt by the sinful desires to be made new in the attitude of your minds so as to put on the new self created to be like God in the righteousness and holiness Did you catch that battle that's going on the corrupted that idea of our minds just being that indulging mode compared to that new creation mode that idea instead of being on a downward slide in our life that we're actually climbing something you know and so for parents I recognize that you're in a battle for your kids in so many different ways but I invite you to use the tools that bring wife powerful relationships. A god that isn't. Condemning them but is actually saving them you know a god that understands that as human beings we have this crop to desires that take us down but a god that doesn't leave us is that you know and honestly when we started this thing we're talking about kids that are addicted right their brains are wired into these these things and to recognize that God is in the renewal of the mind business you know there's no mind that he can't that he can't impose that way but there are times that we really have to get to the point that we're stopping the other negative stuff that's coming in so for you parents this is a area of a lot of wisdom a lot of patients I will tell you that that simply saying I'm not going to let my kid play video games is not going to be the answer as a scare thing to finish the day with is that gee realize that college statistics right now is that there's same statistics of boys and girls going to college is there ever has been but the number of boys that are completing college has as plummeted while the girls of as actually increased I've talked to college deans from admin schools non adamant US universities anyone that I can find that way and what they're saying is that that college boys are being decimated by video games and a lot of it is because mom's not making them turn it off you know so what can we do in this world in which the reality is that there's some good from video games there's a lot of negative but our kids need you regardless if you have a device or not they need a lot of. You know they need to know how to turn it off so that's my perfect you guys are going to go out and close up your day was a video game that is out tomorrow is disconnected in the connected world and so the social media will talk about some phone use and take a bunch of questions also let me pray for you and we'll end our and our time together Father we just thank you for all the blessings this morning heavy topic and realizing that we feel so inadequate because we're coming against something that's designed to trap our kids. That we're coming up against something that has way more resources and time and. But at the same time Father you have all the resources you have all the power you have all the mighty You have. The power to set free and supposedly we trust you and your resources we pray for your wisdom and your guidance Father we pray for patience we pray that the fruit of of your spirit might be reflected in our lives so that our kids my desired in ways that the video games can never provide must all Father I just ask for moments of connection for connection between parents and kids and more than that just parents and parents here being able to connect and be a support to 1 another but this battle will be fought in isolation but we just praise you for that for providing more than we need state your name even in. This media was brought to you by audio from a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio or if you would like to listen to more sermon Please Visit W W W audio verse or.


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