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1. An Enduring Commitment

Tom Waters Alane Waters

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Conference

Recorded

  • June 19, 2017
    8:00 AM
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Father in heaven thank you so much for this. Wonderful opportunity we have this afternoon to hear about your plan for marriage I thank you for each person that is here and each couple that is represented whether their spouse is here or not Lord we know the devil has been very busy and he's out there trying to destroy us and just story our relationships and our marriages but our homes we know that you are stronger and more powerful and I just ask that as Tom and Elaine share that you would. Just so fill this room that your presence will be here in a powerful way that you will work miracles in the lives of those of us who are needing the in Father we just thank you so much for this opportunity to be here at Camp Meeting bring those that need to be here today and again we just thank you so much for loving us and that you're going to be coming soon to put in and all of this mess down here so thank you and Jesus name Amen so I'm just going to let them take over from now and. It's like you go all right so they told me at the Solve board but since whoever had over the birth were good to go right OK with the recording Well it's the life of the being here with you and for me it's an added joy. Because I went to school when this school was Cedar Lake Academy. So you can find his pictures out there in the archives of the class of 1994. And fortunately we had enough other things happening because when my wife saw that picture out there she said I want you to tell me what girlfriends you had while you were here or. Anything girlfriends and I said yes you are here for 2 years 2 to 3 year that would be $4.00 to $6.00 girls I should see their pictures of right and I said it wasn't like that I said was it more and he didn't answer that. But we have been busy ever sence so anyway maybe we'll have a chance to look through those pictures as well 3 thoughts today. It is in the light to be with you and we're looking forward to what God has in store for all of us 1 of the greatest blessings that we have as we minister in many places in the world is that what we share. Is a blessing to us as well as you because what we share are not just topics about marriage they are part of who we are they are what has helped us become more what and have a greater love and so we're not just sharing something for you we're sharing something for all of us today and today what we're going to be talking about is an enduring commitment is that a good place to start can you give a couple other things because we're going absolutely before we actually get in the topic of today. At the end of each day we're. Going to do a drawing OK And so when you came in you were asked to spit your names on paper and put it in a little box or something back there so we hope you did that if not we'll give you permission to slip back there and do that now if you were the person who wins the drawing today then tomorrow in the remainder please don't put your name in the box OK because we want to give somebody else an opportunity to take away something that's a little bit more memorable from the seminar and also at the end of each presentation maybe we'll do it today but for the rest of the week the last 10 to 15 minutes we are setting aside for a question and answer so there's also some papers on that intrigue table that you can write questions on and just make sure they get to us and we will answer them I mean we don't mind taking a hand you know 1 of these kind of questions but sometimes the questions are sensitive nature and you may not feel comfortable being the 1 to raise your hand and have the other 100 people turn around and see he asked a question so we try to be sensitive to that because we know this seminar is designed to to bring our marriages closer in love with 1 another and closer to the love creator Christ our Savior So we we will talk about some of the. More sensitive topics throughout the seminar not today so those of you brought your children you're fine you don't have to pay any but we will let you know when those topics are going to come up so anyway we're delighted that's just some housekeeping things and lastly my husband did bring ties OK here it is proof and he was getting ready to put it on and Gail said you have to wear that is it OK with you guys he doesn't have to wear it. Oh thank you I was so relieved we just came from our California family retreat we flew out yesterday from California and it was nearly a 100 degrees and my husband it was sabotage so he had his tie on and I started sweating just looking at him because his collar was going Where'd in the beads us what was coming down in the air conditioner could not keep up with the volume people packed into the auditorium so anyway I said Honey I thought it would be OK so I'll be cooler and he'll be more comfortable saying you do good together we appreciate that when we made our vows together as husband and wife did we do as a disposable contract No absolutely not we were making vows we were making a commitment that was to endure at least in 1 phrase of the volume we did and I don't not sure if that's changing but it was until there. Do Us Part of the last part right. We live in a society today where that commitment in many people's thinking and it's kind of scary because you know about the whole when we become changed. And what we behold today in much of the world is going downhill very quickly and there is an intentional agenda and I'm sure most of you know this if not all of you an intentional agenda to destroy a marriage that God's going to find it into say that not only doesn't marriage not matter but you know it doesn't even matter that we are made in the image of God anymore because we can just be whatever we want to be has no relevance I saw something recently that was shocking the person who decided they wanted to be a dog I don't know if you've ever seen them but they decided to be a dog and now they go around as a dog that's how they dress they have a special I mean this world is unraveling but our marriages don't have to unreliable with the world do you believe that and so we made a commitment. For better or for worse and all those things that was going to endure you know we also when we made when we said those wedding vows we made that commitment we also got a certificate right an official document right that our names are inscribed on and the pastor or whoever did the service that their name is on and do you know how many of you know where that marriage licenses marry certificate OK good ours are still hanging on the wall 37 years it hasn't faded out yet we try to put it in their accent but it's more than that document it's more than a piece of paper it is what we have committed to to love 1 another and before God so it has eternal value doesn't it it is in eternal contract because it was signed in sealed in heaven this earthly marriage here so for too many of us no matter how great your marriages or how how stressed your marriage may be for all of us we still find times that sometimes marriage can be challenging right for honest means anybody married more than 40 years can I see your hands 40 years OK Oh wonderful Yeah anybody passed the 50 mark good 60 marker of God OK we're going for 85 years minimum That's not next oh no no no I'm talking 30 that our goal because we just read something recently that says now is within that you know this new generation coming that they don't be surprise all these people living to 100 plus years old right so why I said with a how we can bump up our expectation of how long we get to live happily ever after so we're shooting for 85 or maybe more should the Lord linger that long but. All of us have times when our self gets in the way of that enduring commitment and our self is what helps to create the conflict that sometimes leads to misunderstanding and maybe pain and disappointment discouragement Yeah we call it the ME focus I wish we would have understood this when we got married I'm just interested in having said that how many of you have seen the program that we did on marriage. Marriage in God's hands on 3 A.B.N. I'm just interested there's a pyramid OK because I'm going to reference back in that program. We talk about. What we went through in our 1st year of marriage now when we fell in love we really fell in love we and we love each other through some of the hardest things in our 1st year of marriage we would have never dreamed we would go through it but we didn't understand that the reason we were going through it is because we were each in the focus Yes that's why it's quite. The media focus is something that we don't get educated about when we go into marriage most people don't get marriage counseling before they go into marriage and the media focus simply means that. I'm coming into this marriage knowing who I am or thinking I know who I am and believing in who I am and I've lived with who I am now I'm going to join my love my life with this wonderful woman or she saying this wonderful man hopefully absolutely OK. But what we don't realize is that after we say our vows and we get into the real life of the marriage we're going to find out that there's 2 means. That me and this is me and we will begin deciding which me we shall be. Oh well she thinks she's lived pretty good too right she I mean she's not living and different claims are silent the horrors. She is very confident the god has been leading her in ourselves in our marriage vows that the 2 shall become 1. We all know that part. Which 1 shall we be and then we begin to face difficulties and challenges and we have our default mode of operation and that's the way I always handle this don't you know I mean this is the way I've always done it and the older we are when we get married the more in a row we are when we face the challenges and she says but wait a minute honey we have never had this before and I know how we need to handle this would mean you know how to handle this and so what ends up happening is that to me these who have only known what it means to be my life must begin to blend together and we don't often do it right in ends up creating problems it ends up creating arguments fights misunderstandings and sadly the communication can begin very early in marriage to go into its corners. And sometimes nobody else knows it sometimes we don't even know we're doing it and pretty soon we find out that it's easier not to communicate about certain things and we hope that by the end of well by the end of today by the end of this week if you stay with us you will be fully convinced that living in the ME focus is you've lived in it too long or you've reverted back to too many times and that God can keep us living in the US focus the ME focus revolves around the world view I have of me and of all you guys can make me happy I can be happy doesn't work that way the US focus revolves around we are looking for 1 another's happiness in a blended life with Christ the 2 shall become 1. So this enduring commitment that we've all agreed to what we what we want to do this week in the seminar Mary Hart to Hart is we want to. Spoof OK Let's let's let's get some sparkle back into our relationships even if they're great they can be greater the next day and so wherever we find ourselves we know and in this kind of a group we have some who are very much in love and very have very little conflict and we also know that some of you are hanging on by a thread even though no 1 else in the room maybe even your family don't know that so by the end of this week we want to encourage you that no matter where we are in the relationship we can build it heart to heart truly heart to heart and let's see all the good that God wants to do in our relationships so that we can get the most from the relationship and then we have the most to give from our relationship to others you see Christ when He gave the privilege of marriage between a man and a woman he uses this relationship as husband and wife to be the relationship to demonstrate his love for us as his as his family as his bride even though we're sinners. So it is a tremendous honor and privilege and challenge that our relationships truly reflect that kind of Divine Love and the joy that his love brings in our lives so that when people. Come in contact with us as couples they see something different in our relationship and they see in the run of the mill relationships out there so it's not just about ourselves it's about spreading the gospel through the the influence of a happy marriage so we want to encourage us all and that in this discussion today in enduring commitment we've written a book called for better or for worse Well we crossed the worst we all know what the worst site is so we put it best Ok so for better or for best this book is in the A.B.C. and there's an entire chapter on this topic in enduring commitment so because it's already in written form that we're going to diverge a little bit because we want to go right back to the beginning before we were married and we're going to take off from there and before we're going put before we launch into the beginning. New beginning for all of the fear of what we wanted to do just off of what my wife said if there's some 1 here or some couple here who is feeling like your last thread my wife said that because everywhere we do this everywhere in the world there's at least 1 situation in the audience whether that's you know hundreds and hundreds of people or 20. That is feeling at least like their marriages on the last thread almost hopeless if there's someone here and you don't have to be hopeless OK but if there's someone or some couple here we are not the kind of speaker and this is nothing against other speakers but we call it hit and run they just do their message and then they're gone OK we want to be here for you and if you want to talk to us privately and I can assure you it is private nothing will ever be shared with anybody else we are who we are happy to do that OK we're happy to set up time that we can meet face to face and then again doesn't have to be because your marriage is on its last thing later and when it can maybe just want to get acquainted and get to know us that's fine but we're open to that and want to offer that to you. So what we want to do to launch a sin to work where we want to take the rest of this time today's each of you were given a card or a piece of paper does everybody have 1 OK. If there's a yes thank you for Gail which if it's going to bring some around there's a futile ration hands remember you don't have a larger and larger piece of paper sorry we'll get some help there OK thank you we need 1 per person I'm also 1 for person of married couples OK OK 1 time we got several people have physical exercise especially for each individual of the couple carry that will be a very practical exercise. That will be a new starting point for what can be a blessing through this week and obviously you have the paper so I hope we have something right with the pin a pencil. Some kind of a right I need to know how in the right word we're in trouble because we don't have anything to write way oh they have pins all they have is half of all there are thank you thank you for having a couple person opinions here. Looks like they have an OK. This is a very important part of what we're going to be doing and what's going to happen from here on through the week. And so we don't mind taking a couple of moments here for this to get into your hands OK think you've got just about everybody covered so we're going to play what you are going to do for the next 2 minutes on your card OK on your sheet of paper what we want you to do is to go back in time in your mind to what it was about your spouse that attracted you in that you fell in love with so for all of us ladies that means we want to go back in time and on our paper start writing down those qualities about our husband that we admired so much that we fell in love with that man that was so powerful that it made us want to say yes I do want to be your wife so ladies that's what you start to do you can put as many on there as you can in 2 minutes OK husbands. And you're going to find out that we're in this this part of the message we're going to be talking about how we adore. Our wife and what it was OK so you have this this time to write down what it was that attracted you what you adored about your wife what you loved about your wife what wife to be sorry why you could marry can't jump the gun there and so this is all pre wedding day all right so we're going to give you 2 minutes to write these things down carry your husband's not here that's fine if your wife's not here just write write it down because the still going to be great for you to do this. Activity together and the time is going it's what you loved about your spouse to be that you wanted to connect your life with them come on in everybody's doing their assignment of writing down what they what attracted them to their wife or husband to be what they loved about each other before the wedding day so if you don't have a piece of paper. Around a time where out of time. Go on later you can do 1 thing and then do the assignment so how many of you got at least 10 things on your list to see your hands parents are OK if you care that's good very good 3 says that's only 2 minutes. And 1st for all we did this exercise at home and you really you really go back you have to really remember all the preceding we had to go back 37 years to remember the good writers very good how many go at least 5 to 7 to see your hands all the majority of the right there on now this isn't an exhaustive list by any means we hope it is an exhaustive list because we know what you could have experience the same thing we did when we started to do this and I actually gave myself the 2 minute timer I didn't but I did my 1st and we did it I did it in 2 minutes and in 2 minutes of time as I reflected I started having some really nice thoughts come back in my eye thinking in not that I don't have nice thoughts all the time but if they were special thoughts OK that have been built on for years then I kept saying to my husband if you don't see that it's not yet I'm going to get to is oh it takes 2 minutes this is you have I want to be able to relax when I do it so anyway he did his list but he forgot about the timer and I came in the office I don't know maybe 1520 minutes I said did you get it done he says oh yeah I'm just finishing up I said finishing up how long did you take you to solve I don't know maybe 15 or 20 minutes so I got a lot more things but I can't read them all so I should share that because we want you not to stop with the 2 minutes here OK we why we want you to take it on from here and go back in don't feel time pressure but finish it out OK so. This is the part of excited about I get to share a little bit of my list OK. I don't get here I was going to give you the reason OK. After you get your complete list so maybe you have 457 things a few he had 10 Things are ready talk about them share why did you put that he seriously why he put these on the list I shared with him I tell you that just really strengthens the love and the bond OK so we're going to give you a little little window into our lives pre-marriage and we're going to take it from there over the next 37 years in the next 40 minutes and prosperity and the rest of the days of the week as the days go get a little pictures of our life OK very 1st time I met my wife was in the department of Radiology right here in the hospital which is a hospital outside of Chicago and. I didn't know this at the time but she was a new hire at the hospital she was in intensive care nurse that had been hired on to be the nurse recruiter the 1st nurse recruiter for him to the hospital she comes walking in to the back recesses of radiology which means you have to go through lots of doors to get to get to that place and I was the evening supervisor at the time and when she came in to that door I can remember exactly everything about that moment if you asked me because she was heading up the new employee handbook to get acquainted with the employees of the hospital if you were to ask me anything about the new employee handbook today I couldn't tell you 1 thing if I was on a witness stand. Sworn to a no. But I can remember when she walked in that door I was attracted. And I'm still attracted to insult it was. I was very attracted to her 1st time we met I found out over the time before we got married that she was full of life and energy she was 5 vacations I loved that she was so happy in her disposition I had known Unfortunately I've known other girls and they were moody so moody so many times unpredictable and I'm sure that not and all were not moody but she was not moody and after 37 years of marriage she's not a moody person I love that she was self-possessed I found out she is not driven by peer pressure that was encouraging to me because of you know where I've been in my own by she was fun to be with she was who she was not who she was trying to make me think she was she had an uplifting and refining influence on me she was very affectionate and romantic still is gets better all the time we're actually on our long term 2nd honeymoon all the children out of the home our baby just turned 31 this weekend her case other they're gone now her mother lives with us but. As I say to people she's deaf so anyway it's nothing like that seriously very hard to hear him like you know that that's a benefit on the other end of the spectrum. Very. Very honest and open communication I love that I still do deeply caring and 1 of the things that was very meaningful to me from the very beginning she was very affirming to me Do you know men who like to be affirmed. I have never met a man that doesn't appreciate being appreciated. Like the quietness. She was spiritually motivated and principle she was organized and efficient. Very creative. The list could go on it does I have it behind every whole list because I didn't do the 2 minute thing and I can't read them all so again as we share think about your relationship and again we're giving context to what we're sharing here because we want you to give context to 1 another as you share your lists together so the 1st thing that not the 1st thing I noticed because obviously the 1st time I met him all I know is that he was just another face I was given the book to OK it was a little bit intimidating to go through 3 or 4 doors to find human beings in a department you know nursing units you get off the elevator and you see everybody right there but it was a little bit odd because being the new hire be in the new nurse recruiter I assumed I would do all of the nursing unit so I could meet all the nurses in the hospital but they gave me all the ancillary departments so X. ray being 1 of them I had to go through the recessed doors there but he was very happy I mean the 1st time I saw him he had a big smile on his face I didn't know it was because of me but anyway. I thought he was excited to get employed handbooks I knew his benefits you know so anyway he's happy and energetic I like that that he was very interject he can happy all the time we knew each other until we got engaged in him and after I mean we still are happy I mean as we got to know each other more and more it was who he was happy to energetic he was very spiritual and I really like that because that was important to me I'd been through other relationships and I did want to be the spiritual leader of the home and that caused me to step away but when I saw his leadership not to impress me because that was his desire and who he was that was very attractive his commitment to God He had his own experience. Now this is why. And I met him he did have a little bit different reputation from previous years there that I became aware of through other people talking but that wasn't the person that I knew so that shows you that doesn't matter where we come from God's grace is sufficient to change any of us. And then he was a great communicator for me I love that I did not have to initiate the conversations I didn't have to try to think up and ask you know 20 questions to find out what was upstairs in that matter because he shared so openly and honestly and freely and that was extremely attractive and meaningful for me he was exposed also honest not only of who he was now in his relationship with God and how he felt about me but more importantly or just as importantly he was honest about where he had been and what he had done and didn't try to hide anything from me that is extremely secure in for any young lady going into marriage to know that they have the man they're going to unite their life with is honest and I believe most men want to go into marriage honestly and most women do as well but all of us sometimes have things from our past that we may be humiliated by embarrassed by sickened by ashamed of but we need to be honest about. You know what we've done he was extremely handsome and fit my still think he is after 37 years and in a way home when there anyone there to hear they want to know that Apple addict active I kept my my siblings were 2 older brothers so growing up I played all the sports I was the bow on the basketball team I was on the football team in the baseball team so I was always on the winning team because you have to have you know I went I was always on the Often it's in football OK that means so I want no matter which brother 1 I won with that brother and the same thing and for has all 3 of you knowing we have we have a team you know and so anyway that was fun to know that he enjoyed sports he was very confident later I learned maybe sometimes a little bit too much but anyway that was a very impressive. High achiever and he had direction in life I really that drew me also how he related to his mother and his father when they come to visit and I would see him interact with them in the Sabbath school or wherever I could I always knew when his parents were coming because he was excited about it he wasn't ashamed of mom and dad in his twenty's he was very warm embrace and he said next to his mother they say he had a special bond to his parents and I particularly paid attention to how he treated his mother how he spoke of it to his mother and how he. I'm going to use the word adored his mother he really loved his mother and father but the mother because we know that as a man treats his mother so will the wife. Step into that role not the mothers role but it will it will go to the wife and I really appreciate that about him he was extremely Carrie and always look for the underdog look for the lonely person look for the person who didn't fit into the group or the clear core all those things he was sensitive to other people and that was so much a part of who I was that when I saw that in a guy that was very attractive to me and I'm not going to read anymore I will say he loved children and that was a good thing too but anyway these things all drew my heart to him. And it brought it started I started falling in love with him for who he was as I saw him and as I knew him as a friend and as we were together in the adult Sabbath school I started falling in love with him and I had no clue that he had any interest in me so I prayed person like this Lord help me not to love him in the wrong way take this love that is growing in my heart away because it's not appropriate because obviously he's not interested in me but Lord if you know that there's something there then you have to grow that love while here we are 37 years later God grew that love. And you just reminded me of something and if you get the book you read this but we have talked to so many couples who said yes yes I know it's forced to be an enduring commitment but there's nothing left. There is no more long I don't have anything for this man in some cases or for this woman and we've always been able to say yes there is something. Or what. You made a vow before God. To love each other until death do us part you know people take in mortgage contract so seriously although not as seriously today understand but it seems like that's an understood contract there's some accountability for that and here we make a commitment before God in our friends and our family there we've done. For the rest of our lives until death do us part there is something left in if there's somebody here today that feels like there's nothing left there is something left in God that can read the mind and love back into that relationship we have seen it I don't want to exaggerate but scores of times not things we've read from other stories but experiences we have had the privilege of being involved in it is not too late. It is not too late so now we want to talk about the dictionary definitions of Adore and admired because if you will take these 2 words adore your wife and admire your husband and if in just this week this is we have fun with this just in this week if you will take those cards or those papers you've written on if you will take time quietly to write a few more things that you didn't get time to write like I did take extra time and put your thought into it God will take you back to that place in this week you can see love grow I was going to say love rekindled But for many of you your love but you see love Graw I am amazed at how love grows Sometimes we say to each other I don't know how we could love each other any more. There's nobody in the world that I'd rather be with than this girl right here she knows that and so this week if you will take these these thoughts and begin to apply what you've written down to what you will write down and you begin to live that out now wait for him or her to live it or you live it out to them so here's here's the thing here's the definition for a door to love deeply to get butterflies when I see her and yet be myself do you think you can still get butterflies after 37 years of marriage what you think. Richard here that's C'mon guys what do you think oh OK I thought I was going to get a verbal theoretical but it can still happen it does happen OK Absolutely not necessarily every day I am hunched into a story but I need stuff on my thoughts so anyway rather that's our little signal and if I'm going somewhere off it she might be concerned she steps on my toes and now you all know that she doesn't mean I don't smash it but they can see what I do here so I have to be sure I will get on the track to think of a new coat silent code language I hate. Our K. to like their remind each and to regard with the most esteem to honor man how much do we honor our wife Karen. And to have respect and admiration Now we picked these 2 words intentionally because. They're words that we know but words we don't often use especially in this relationship we think that I really admired that person may have this talent or that talent we need to bring those words in what they mean in the depth of their meaning into this relationship and so we understand that truly the only adoration that should be given is to God OK So we're we want to be sensitive and no 1 misunderstand that this relationship here supersedes God doesn't in any way but we disappear the word love love love love love love love so much that we have a very. Generic understanding of the word OK so we intentionally pick the word adore for the man to the wife now I adore my husband as well and a man and he had Myers me as well so they're not just gender exclusive but in the proper understanding of a husband's love for his wife it is OK for him to adore his wife and man and I am not DAWE not indulge in adore and I know and as our lives continue is we get older and our and our lives continue to grow I see more more of the proper adoration not the adoration toward God but that that love the word adore that love Enos coming forth from him that really. Just. Sometimes is unbelievable how how much it is and what it means to me so. That's why we picked that word and then for us as ladies we want to look at the word in my ear. Now again admiring is something we tend to abide by or that dress or that person with their talent but there's things in our husbands personality their character that we can Meyer and communicate to them so we're going to define this word in my ear means we will regard our husband with respect and warm approval there's a difference between I approve of you and more approval and. When I admire my husband with Norm approval it's not even what I say it's the whole package of what I'm communicating or the aura I will look on him with pleasure Can you imagine ladies you remember before you were married you couldn't wait to see him right and you couldn't wait to look into his eyes and you just I could melt your heart right it can still be that way and to look on him with pleasure in our early marriage something happened in my brain and some of these things got left behind and sometimes the way I looked on him was far from being pleasurable it was more of looking on him with frustration and. Criticism for any number of things so we need to make that shift to look on her husband pleasure to delight in him and appreciate him he isn't going to see things the way I do in every situation he's going to do the things I do he's not going to do the things I do my way he's going to do those same things in his personality in his way but we can't appreciate our husband to esteem him and to recognize his true value and worth. Every home page 1 of 3 very beautifully. God has ordained. That there should be a perfect love in the harmony in this relationship perfect. How can imperfect people well just like being imperfect people we can receive what we lack from a perfect savior right that salvation is going to be because of anything we have to offer it's the same in the marriage and it goes on and says the Wife is to respect and reverence her husband that's a loss in much of the world the society today and the husband is to love and cherish the wife you know our default mode and that's that's what that's the phrase that I coined the default the default mode is that we find out in the ME focus that we go back to what I want what you will do for me what I need that's the default mode that we slip into and it is up a set of what I just read there. Because I want her to do what I want but there's an amazing thing in God's economy is full of this there's an amazing thing when we do what God puts in our heart by faith towards the 1 that we vow to love and cherish God will energize us in those choices and what we give him and I know situations as I'm thinking right now where 1 of the other spouse has sought to do that has begun to do that and it's like it's repel. But I tell you we won't give up the blessing that we are intended to give to the other person will at least come back upon us and blessing but it will often in our experience over 28 years of ministry most of the time that change will begin to break down the barriers and love grow Yeah our relationships were never designed to be stagnant if we are not growing in our love We are not we are not stationary we are slowly slipping things like this we take each other for granted I know what he thinks he can do his thing and in mine people go if they start little decisions and over time their bigger decisions and over time they become bigger decisions until unfortunately in some situations they live under the same roof but they don't live in love. God wants us to live in love he says it in perfect love and harmony and none of us in this room no matter how great our relationship is at this very moment has hit this this point that means that every single day we have the privilege to grow that love into more completeness in him and more love and harmony with each other also the other thing about these little cards that you did this here today is to get our minds channeling back to the positive. Both men and women because it's weak it's depraved human nature it's always easy to think about the things we don't like we don't appreciate you know versus the things that we do it's always easier to be a little more negative than it is positive and so here is another 1 of those powerful 1 sentence principles that we oftentimes read over when we're doing our devotions or we read over when it's even maybe in the Sabbath school lesson for the week and we don't take time to contemplate it and we certainly don't take any time to apply it to our lives so today we want you to apply the 1 my husband shared in Adventist home page 1 o 3 and this 1 from the friend found in the book ministry of healing page $360.00 let all that includes everybody in the room at all seek to discover the excellence seize rather than the defects that's what the whole exercise and that card was about because before you were married you were not writing a list of everything you couldn't stand about that person or you wouldn't have got or you wouldn't got married you were letting your mind channel in the excellent sees that you loved that drew your heart and we need to spin our time and energy going back and developing that kind of mind. Discipline. To discover the excellence is because I can tell you that if we were to write a list today it would have more than 20 things on it because we only allowed ourselves to write what was pre-marriage OK Now after 37 years practicing this discovery in the excellent seas we could write pages. And that's what God designed us to do so what we're going to do now is we're going to look at how husbands adore in wives and my hair in the context of those definitions so there's 2 references that I could share many but there's 2 that I want to highlight today that have become very meaningful to me fusions 525 which is Husbands love your wife even as Christ loved the church and did what he gave himself for it now I love this verse because I thought I understood this when we got married. Only laughed because of my foolishness of thinking and how little I understood about myself wish this I had that text to memorize before I said I do care and I was in love with this girl and after he got married he quoted it to me and then the rest of the verse about what the wives are supposed to do well that's. 22 accounts for 25 wives submit and you heard me but I didn't understand it I didn't have the capacity to love her except when the sun was shining and everything was going right and that just isn't how marriage works and so I wasn't loving her as Christ loved the church and I wasn't giving I was taking. And that's not how God works God wants to change us and he has been changing me over the years to understand that love and now my wife feels very loved. Not just in human love but in terms of Christ working in me that kind of love because that's the only way it works and 1st Peter 37 this is a beautiful text for men who are married it says give them armor unto your wife and they look a lot of something some of you guys might be thing is that that's in the Bible. That we've missed it give her unto your wife thought that you suppose the. It's supposed to be for me to put under me and respect me I'm I'm noble. That should be happening if we're being those things but this says give honor to your wife and it is a beautiful thing where we will do that in the grace of God Another definition of honor is to is Steen as priceless and precious and I'm and when he expresses his love for me that is how I feel priceless and precious in his eyes and that grows my love in response the more we love the more we give our love the greater the love is that comes back to us and it's a never ending getting better all the time cycle so I'm just going to share with you for lack of time we could do many but for the lack of time we have 1 way that I know that my husband has switched from the past and over the last years has that love is growing that adoring is growing when ever we communicated by phone if we weren't together if I were to call him and usually in our wives we have a good sometimes we don't always pick the most convenient time to call our husbands and he may be busy or consumed or whatever and he picks up the phone in the past and say yeah hello think about it man how do you answer the phone when your wife calls you what kind of response do you have but now for years no matter what when I call him what time a day it is a 1st separated how busy he is this is the kind of response he gives me when I call him hello my love. With that inflection is voice it is forever imbedded in my mind now it's not every single time and he likes to switch it up a bit but it's every bit as in dearie and loving as love my life yeah how's the love of my life. I can't tell you how much that means to me but I'm sure as you think about your relationship to your husband here it would do something to grow your love for him if you had that kind of greeting Now I know he's busy I know he's got things on his place I know that sometimes he's under time pressures and other things but he is learning that regardless of how focused he may be it's not a reason not to greet me with love greet me with with friendliness right so that's 1 of the things we have a whole list but we'll go on to some other things 1 of the things that I've come to recognize in honoring my wife and giving to my wife OK as Christ loved the church air gave sometimes because we've been married 37 years we recognize things in in each other we recognize how we handle certain situations and 1 of the things that the Lord is brought to me to to really honor my wife and and lead us not term patient but deliver us from evil. Is that when we are in a situation that I recognize may not be stressful for me sometimes it is but when I particularly become sensitive to the Holy Spirit that my wife is under pressure and that she is stressed right now and that her mind is very focused on what needs to happen I used to just just barge right into that space I mean we got great communication let's just say whatever's on my mind and I do tend to be a person just says things pretty straight So yes you do to so I've learned more in the morning or ever or every time I say I've learned I correct myself or the Holy Spirit corrects me I am learning and it's happening more successfully that when I recognize that 1st by the spirit that I don't just charge in there like a bull in a china cabinet and I I just don't see anything in it is so beautiful because it has a virtue needless agitation needless misunderstanding and sometimes now she recognizes it later she recognizes the situation and knows that I would have in the past just said it anyway it's my wife right and that's a little thing but it's made it's a little thing but it's very big It's very big it's that sensitivity to 1 another and where we're coming from another thing that. You know in this this line of husbands giving honor to their wives my has been nice and doing lots of things and. For me and for our family and for where we live and I went to town 1 day with my mother and when I came back my husband was so excited had the big grin on his face and he says I have a surprise for you now how he did a surprise for me isn't that exciting so I said What is it he said you have to come and you have to figure it out it's going to be a little test for you see if you could can tell what surprise I did for you and so as we were coming into the garage with the car the 1st thing I noticed was the garage floor had been swept out we live on 8 miles of gravel so you can imagine 2 or 3 times in the garage you know it's going to be dusty so he's very good at keeping the garage orderly very good but due to business you know I hadn't been swept up for a little while and the 1st thing I noticed he called it the garage test and he said I have done 7 things in the grid you can tell me how many I did I DID YOU OK I said I have a quiz for your ideas for fun but 7 things see how many you could guess. And I had fun looking around and it meant a lot to him and I didn't get all 7. 4 out of 4 out of 7 but he had a good dog I mean before I ever knew I was an under test mode the 1st thing I says Why use up the Gracenote you know and then 1 of the ones I missed is that he moved the ladder from where he had been sitting for the last 2 months to where it really belonged. My eyes had put it in a new place right had been there for 2 months I didn't know it went on this wall and so that wall but anyway we had the grandchildren there earlier I noticed the trikes in the middle try Sickles or put away but in the way we want to give you that side of it does call it fun Have fun in your marriage you know it's outside of just what we tend to think in the marriage you know that can really be fun it's in all kind of ways so that's a little bit for the min and we're going to talk a little bit about our roles as wives to admire a husband there's 2 verses many verses in scripture but these 2 stick out to me and have really helped me to become a more gob me and loving and respectful wife to my husband both found in Proverbs Chapter 31 the 1st 1 I want to share is 1st 12 contemplate this lives she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life think about it good it not evil that's all inclusive isn't it that's the words we speak the attitudes we have even how we allow our our brains to process all having a lot of process yes all has to fall under the category of good and not evil. For me it backed it all the way back up to how I allowed my thoughts to no longer run in the channel that my human nature wanted to let them run in but to call myself accountable to those thoughts and make sure that what circulated in my brain about my husband was only good and not evil and that was huge to really. Explode our love of marriage and the 2nd verse that the heart of her husband this is verse 11 some kind of go in reverse the heart of her husband that safely trust in her we have no ill in mind for him but he can trust us he can trust us to be honest he can trust us to be forthright you can trust us to spend the money right without in now doing stuff on the side never telling them and not being accountable all these areas it's again it's all an all inclusive in the life and it means husbands for me 1 of the aspects of trusting safely and my wife she used to say to me says something like this honey that woman has eyes for you and I would say something on a rare occasion rare occasion I'd say no she doesn't. You're just insecure now we had to grow through that because I found out something very early in our marriage when I was responding like that that my wife intuitive and maybe it's just the Holy Spirit but my wife has never been wrong in 37 years of marriage where she has had an intuitive thought like that she said my boss after we got married is a man that cannot be trusted he's immoral that was the word you used. I thought you were going to say this last time I said that she said Well and I and I also what I remember is I'm very uncomfortable being around him and I say he's my boss 6 months later the whole scandal came out and she was completely right and I mean from then on every time she gets those intuitions So now whenever she gives me a caution. We I do not counsel with women alone OK I do not count so women on the phone I'm not saying I never talk to a woman but she counsels the women I counsel the couples or we counsel the couples together and you can swim and I counsel the men just to be wiser serpent's harmlessness DOS because when your wife recognizes something and she shares that with you don't just write her off if she is trying to be choosing to be this kind of woman you can safely trust in her and women see it coming and men are clueless we just counsel the couple for a devastating situation because her she said to my wife my husband I'm afraid he's going down the wrong track he's getting too friendly with this woman and and then we ended up in a 4 way conversation he said no no no no she's just in secure well he ended up being unfaithful to her within the months because she was spot on and he said no it was nothing so men we need to simply trust and wives and that's giving honor to them. Again there's many more things we can use the time we need to move on but there's many more things we can share but we encourage you to fill out those cards and then talk about them. And that's the best part that's the best par and then what you're going to do to grow it and find your 2 favorite verses on on wise in your 2 favorite verses on husbands and go from there and let that be something that stimulates your love growth in your marriage is we are going to have a micro now we're going to show that OK we're sure this OK so we're going to do something that we do a lot that we've never done it this way with the P.A. thing we're going to close with singing a song and the very end of that we're going to have prayer in there we're going to do the drawing so Father in heaven we're thankful we're thankful for bringing us together with the 1 that stands beside us a father may we not lose the commitment to you or to the enduring commitment maybe allow the Holy Spirit to influence and change the direction of our thoughts if they're going the wrong direction if our love is growing may continue to grow stronger as we're willing to take the simple exercise of adoring and admiring the 1 that you've given us to help our minds to go back and relive and rebuild off of the blessings of what brought us together and make our marriages a little bit more representation. Of your relationship to your people Jesus. This media was brought to you by audio 1st a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about your person or if you would like to listen to more sermon leave to visit W W W dot. Org.

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