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4. For Our Love

Tom Waters Alane Waters

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Conference

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  • June 19, 2017
    11:00 AM
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Father in heaven we are thankful that you are God our Father that we can come to you and when we do right now as we begin this last presentation together Miss marriage seminar we ask that you would bless us that your Holy Spirit would work in each 1 of our hearts Lord that we would be sensitive and surrendered to your world that we can turn our me focused just so automatically comes into an us focus through the grace and power the Holy Spirit in through your love and we thank you jesus name and. For our love that's what we're going to be talking about today what are we willing to do for our love. Because many times and you've heard us say this over and over again through this week many times we just slip I'm intentionally naturally into the ME focus what can she do. For our love works you know we're both ways so today we're going to be talking about how we can really grow our love speaking of growing. We were asked to do the mission conference marriage freed up a campus Sabo a year ago March and that was a real joy and as we. Where they're sharing that retreat and you know giving people encourage minister how we can make our marriages better I told my wife right in the middle of it I said I am experiencing another love of growth spurt that's good news isn't it. And it was and you weren't even surprised you know I mean before he ever said anything I knew it was happening and I was feeling it I was a part of it and it was so exciting to think that you know when we're in a venue like this and we have a lot of responsibility we have a term my husband he's term this he says I'm in needing mode you know that means I'm in my median box OK It's kind of like I'm at work right now so that's where I am but you know those other things can come later but to have an incredible visible physical emotional. Communication love growth spurt in the middle of your work that's exciting isn't it it's how we love this topic of marriage because God keeps showing us that we do not need to be stagnant we can continue to grow our love and that's what eternity is all about growing our love for him and we will never be stagnant so let's practice that love Growth Spur not only with the lore but in our marriages as well so yes I did I could identify it 1st testimony is the 3rd chapter and verse 12 and the Lord made you increase in a bound in love 1 toward the other who's going to do this well or does he want to do this can he do this will we let him do this. Good. Well quieter but there was an agreement there because there is a part that we play although it is a very small part to let the Lord who wants to make us increase and abound in our love towards 1 another in marriage there is a small part that we play that's very important that is that we are willing to surrender this old self that is so ugly and rears its head so that God can give us a better way where love abounds. So this presentation day is kind of like a culmination of what we've talked about but we're going to add to what we've been talking about all week and we're going to look at 4 areas of intimacy so we're going to be discussion discussing the topic of intimacy to day now we talked about it yesterday and so if you have your children here this 1 is OK for them to be an OK story and talk in adult terms and in a way they'll be fine so we're going to talk 1st about the intimacy we have in our communication then we're going to look at emotional intimacy in the marriage relationship physical intimacy in the marriage relationship and last but not least most important are spiritual intimacy in a relationship so the communication intimacy because communication or the lack thereof or ineffective communication is so destructive to the marriage it's been number 1 reason as we've said earlier that marriage is separate and break down and some of them that Lee and tragically end in divorce we need to develop communication intimacy you believe that. This is not happened by accident. And we're going to talk about our early marriage and although my wife said I was the best male communicator that she had ever known going into our marriage something went terribly wrong when the ME focus started popping up with things in the 1st few months of marriage that showed us that we needed help yes I remember 1 day having And this wasn't ever I mean this wasn't something happening regularly but it happened enough that was very disappointing discouraging actually in our relationship because we were in love and and actually I have to say I must have been totally naive but because we had no issues prior to marriage that we couldn't work through it because we were so in love I really thought. That what we were experiencing before we said I do was just going to continue to grow and blossom and we were just going to go through life. Blissful happily ever after he heard that term right and you know and you will live happily ever after don't put up your hands because we haven't always lived happily ever after and so this was 1 of these days it was a day we were off work Sunday and we were both home I don't remember what we got into a disagreement about but you know we're good at compound and we have a problem today women especially we bring up all the problems of the past and we add to the problem of the day and we can make a real big deal out of it well that was a weakness that I had and I don't remember what we were having a struggle with but anyway our communication was failing drastically and it went from bad to worse and my motions were all wrapped up and I I felt so frustrated and so hurt and so misunderstood and I thought OK. I went you know he went his way and I went my way we can find somewhere else in the house to go and get busy and hide and and just kind of avoiding each other I know you've done it so I'm not going to act like we're the only ones but I had this thought I know what I'm going to do I'm going to go downstairs to the garage and I'm going to get in the car and I'm going to go shopping I know I'll feel better if I go shopping there's nothing wrong with shopping but the problem was is I never said a thing to him about what I was going to do I decided OK if he's going to be like that I'm going to do my thing so I got in the car and our car was in the basement of the home so you could hear when the garage door open you could hear the automobile start but apparently heard none of it pre-sell phone days and I drove myself into town and I started shopping and I was going to drown my sorrows in shopping and I was absolutely miserable I felt totally guilty for acting like a child and huffing out of the house and doing my thing and being actually. Crude and rude to my husband and not saying anything about it but there was a part of my mind that. Had this picture he will miss me and then he's going to feel bad about this conversation that didn't go well and then he's going to come looking for me and I am not going to be anywhere around and he's going to feel worse and he's going to worry about me and I kind of like that idea that he might worry about me is I didn't think he really was we're you know paying the French attention or whatever. And I had this whole scenario happening in my head and I can tell you who is driving that that's called our adversary divide and conquer that's those kind of parts you know are from the devil then I have this other side of me this is me this is cool this is not the way you behave this is not mature Who do you think was putting those kind of thoughts in my head the 1 who wants to bring us together right so I was miserable 45 minutes later probably I'm on my way home and I am rehearsed see my confession and my repentance for acting so childish and I'm going to go to here and then tell him I'm so sorry about it and as I'm driving home all these good thoughts are in my head and then I have these other set of thoughts that come into my thinking and they were like this Well you know when you try then he's going to be there to see it right because he's feeling sick that you've left he doesn't know where you are is all worried about you and he's going to be standing outside looking because he knows you're gone somewhere looking for you to come back and I came wonderful imagination. I came around the corner he was an outside he wasn't in the garage you know I opened the door I shut the door and turned the car off I should honk the horn but I didn't. I came up there so that my presence would be known and he was nowhere to be found and. It really bothered me in all those good thoughts that the Lord was putting my head about saying Honey I'm sorry and I acted this way and I should have never done that somehow they got buried by the other thoughts and I went looking for him and I found him and I said something like Did you miss me. He said go ahead. I didn't know you were gone of God But now that bothered me. And our communication what I thought when I left home was at the bottom we found a new bottom to our communication and you can you can laugh and relate because you see. So I say stupidity how irrational the human mind can put their all irrational to say they often answer and if so who communication is so vitally important and I hope you captured through this illustration that we have 2 voices constantly speaking to us. Say in self which causes us to do irrational things. And then we have the Spirit of God into our heart that wants to reste door the relationship and to build communication and to bring harmony love in unity back into the relationship so yesterday we talked about mutuality and we began to understand that if we wanted to break. The cycle of malfunction which we also talked about this week that we're going to have to stop at some point stop going back to my default mode her default mode in looks like this if she would just understand where I'm coming from if she would just get the picture that I'm trying to portray we wouldn't have these breakdowns of communication why doesn't she get it. And she is saying the same thing her and her personality like he just understood. Why can't he just listen to what I'm trying to tell him and so we began because by God's grace we we were in love and we wanted to grow our love and so we began what we tried to encourage you through the week we began to really listen with understanding that means really listening to know what she's trying to say what she might not be saying right but get a sense of because mine my desire is to understand her which is very different than the ME focus which is my desire to get her to understand me now this is not complicated in theory. It is very complex in reality because I keep calling it the default mode our natural tendency is to want to be understood because come on everybody knows I'm right how many people do you know that go around saying. I don't think I'm right I don't think my opinion is any good I think everybody else is right we naturally go there and aware and we start to hear something that crosses us we naturally want to go interrupt or go and say it's not like that or and we began to realize we need to listen to understand and not be worried south as always worried. About the outcome for me. And I tell you when we switch our frame of mind under the inspiration of God That's what true Christians are wanting to be in the will of God when we when we let him work in us and our real desire is to be us it is an amazing thing and you can begin to have an understanding communication which will give you aha moments and say Oh is that what you're really like is that what you really know and in the begins to revolutionize our communication so the intimacy of communication there's many aspects of that we spent a whole presentation on communication but we're going to add some things we didn't talk about the other day that really spice our communication it's looking for opportunities to say these 1 liners not because we think in the have to think OK what shall I say and we go write it down and then we wait for the moment and we say Oh here let me see this is what I need to tell you today no that's not what we're talking we're talking about spontaneous responses in communication 1 liners that show a very deep level of intimacy and connectedness and example of that I'll say to my husband sometimes I just love being with you it is. With you it can be in the middle of a work day can be as we're traveling to an event it can be you know taking a walk together just when the thought comes express the thought that 1 line is a message of intimate communication that reaches his heart and makes us automatically gravity closer together and. Now that is something that she says to me quite a lot do I get tired of it. Now to me those are words of affirmation that's my number 1 love language and I don't get tired of it now she doesn't overuse it but I tell you I don't think she could overuse it but the other day I said something to her that was very deep and not something that she would be hearing on a regular basis but she she started to hear more and that is I said to her. I said that it is amazing that God allowed you to be my wife and you would have had to been there you have she was there. But it was the it was and it's the way he said it was so deep and it said to me. So much I like he was having a new insight to the specialness. That I brought into his life and that really was very very very impactive to me other things in him put it in the context of your home OK and who you are if you are not used to doing this it's OK you can start off with anything that's positive that communicates a message you know I'm in love with you I like being around you you know I'm happy when I'm with you those kind of things are good. I was going to say. Even thank you even though. My mom lives with us and my husband is very attentive to her I say to him and it's so special to me the way you treat mother or I appreciate the way you treat mother it's like you treat her like she's your own mother. That just expressing that to him How do you think that makes him feel great and like he wants to be more attentive to mother right so that's not why she's saying you know I'm not telling him or tell but I appreciate it or he says to me this this is really now you know I've done the nursing background I was cardiac rehab and I am all about natural laws the health of. The most 1 of the most violated laws of health that we do is lack of exercise or that we don't do is exercise so I know that I mean I would put all these patients are addition must exercise you must exercise you know it's so good for you but when life is a busy place and we get busy consuming and that's usually the 1st thing that we drop off and I'm guilty of that. But even though it can be my habit and I may be exercising for weeks at a time without missing a day in my husband sees me heading out to the exercise room the treadmill or sees me put you know my shoes I'm going for a walk he says Honey I like I think thank you for exercising he says it really means a lot that you take here yourself that you you want to have a healthy body that tells him I want to live a long time with him right I do so those things that happen routinely in the home when he shares out with me that is a motivation for me to get those shoes on the next day if I don't feel like it it's motivation for me to get over there and put that treadmill on and pump you know put the elevation up and run the speed out or whatever it is it really he has been a tremendous encouragement to me to be faithful and exercise even though I know I should yeah for me. I used to be a person that exercised when I had time or I was a person I thought I don't really need to do a lot of activities and I'm athletic but in 1903 I had a herniated disc and I won't tell you that whole story but that changed my whole outlook on exercise. And I started walking 4 miles a day and from that time on 1993 today exercise is something. I no longer say do I have time to fear dear and I'm so busy Yes I am busy but it is just again it's the frame of mind that we have in if our frame of mind towards each other is becoming more and more of that mutuality of wanting this is something I can do for our love you know whatever it is 1 of the things I love to say to my wife and I say this a lot there is nobody in the world that I would rather be with than you. And she knows that and I'm glad about that in the nice thing is that it's absolutely true that even makes a better right that had some people in all slight will help me think of some things I could say like now we're not going there. I want you to think about reality and if that reality doesn't look good I want you to do something about making it different because God wants to help you do that OK I'm not going to give you the lines you need to say about that person and if you go back to the 1st thing you wrote that list and hopefully you're adding to it as you let your mind go back to those early days before marriage you will have a good baseline of information on which to start making your communication more intimate just based on that list itself so you want to talk about emotional intimacy or love this is another important aspect of keeping our relationship growing in love and intimacy. We need emotional connection intimacy when we use the word in a messy we usually think of a particular act that happens you know every so often however that is in the framework of your your marriage but intimacy is about so many other things that make the act we usually think of so special without the these areas of intimacy developed in our relationship then the likelihood of having a miracle later in the day is getting pretty. So especially for women and men listen up emotional intimacy is extremely important I might want to say it's important for the guys to but usually we women get tagged with over the emotional being in the relationship but it is important you know Harriet Martians both of us need that I can remember shortly after we got married. Lot of memories coming back here in fact when we've been walking in the morning as I said through the center. Yes very quickly there used to be railroad tracks that went out here into ed more and. You know well I told my wife that 1 time I walked in DAD more wasn't always supposed to but don't tell anybody. But we've been walking on that new bike path well it's new to new to me and it's been a real joy but many memories coming back here and 1 of the memories is that I have 2 of my dearest friends now we we were kind of called The 3 Musketeers back in our senior year. 1 of them is dead now and Jeff unfortunately died when he was 28 years old but before he died I want to take my wife to be with him a special gathering for many of our friends and some of his relatives and I was so excited about taking her and introducing my new bride to the family and some of the friends that you know we had gone to school together and so forth and it was exciting we got there I knew nothing about you know that she had any allergies or anything and we got there and it was in the middle of a season and there were he feels around just farm and his house and now we're sitting there she hadn't been there more than. $1520.00 minutes at the most here's here's the scenario. I know him he's my husband and I know Jeff because he's saying in our wedding so I met him you know over the course of our wedding weekend Other than that I know no 1. And he knows everyone so I'm coming into this situation a little bit intimidated in security wanting to make of course a good impression right and not only was it you know just still it with his family in the family farmhouse it wasn't just him but it was some of their classmates from here right from this school maybe some of them so girlfriends I don't know but there were going to be several of the old classmates there as well so I'm coming into this a little bit insecure for sure and so I'm really wanting to be close to him. And they were expecting as they had this big you know all these chairs out in the yard surrounded by hate eels So I I never thought about allergies because I lived in suburbia there are no hay fields in Chicago and so it was totally our my radar had been around hay fields for years and we got out there in all the semi star do and. You know I thought right there how many people know what that is ration Yeah oh well you got a lot of friends here he didn't know what it was he says. She says I'm scratching my throat. I said Now you scratch your throat like this. What are you doing I'm scratching the inside of my throat I said who scratches the inside of the thought I did. So we're trying to have a very discreet conversation amongst all of these people. And then sneezing in. In not. I sneeze usually you know you sneeze 2 or 3 times clear the dust you're good to go he. Said to her so. Just control yourself. I was trying to. And. I didn't realize I had forgotten as a child I was extremely allergic to certain grasses so I'm actually you know looking back now I was heading for a political crisis. And he's worried about how am I going how is he how are we going to look amongst his friends as a how am I going to know how is he going to look at thing on the bank good impression and here is why his brand new bride like acting like. Like this. Well we got you know just brought me a box of tissues and find I just had to leave him go into the house because I hardly breathe out there and I couldn't control myself my eyes are watering and there actually is I'm doing this. Now didn't help never swelling and I really was getting to have a distorted you know look. And he's out there visiting with his friends and having a good time and I'm in the house hold Lee miserable and I am starting to get upset with him because I'm left out but I actually had to leave and of course going in the house I thought I would get some relief but it's a farmhouse in heavier conditions all the windows are open so it didn't help a lot anyway we were there we survived the 2 day weekend and I didn't spend any more time outside I spent most of the time in the room sneezing digging my eyes in the morning they would match that I'd had to peel them apart. Anyway emotionally that was devastating for I felt like a failure a fool let him down and you know I think at 1st he was embarrassed then he got frustrated but I have to say by the grace of God before we left so that we can He had turned to can. Thank the Lord. But you heard that the me focus there is the default again it's like this is not turning out right for my friends knowing you I know but I'm saying that they get the wrong impression it's really not like this she doesn't have big eyes that are swollen shut but she doesn't have this big red no is this is now this is not the picture that I wanted to have for my friends but that self and then just a little frustration because she went through every Kleenex in the house toilet paper. But then you know like I say you guys are clueless bench really I started becoming compassionate for it very understanding and you know sometimes we miss it at the Freddie and this is this illustration is to help us see soon as something starts to go right we need to tune in to emotional intimacy right at that point in knowing I was coming back to Michigan and I wasn't sure many hayfields would be around here I brought allergy medicine I know works for hay field it's in my purse I haven't let go of it since I've been here praise the Lord I haven't needed it but back then I didn't understand and they didn't have a lot of options back in that day is a lot about the old days right now so there's a there's a reference here and I am going to stay home page 106 that behooves each of us to take on board in our thoughts and heart about our relationship especially in the context of intimacy in a relationship be determined never to grieve or injure your spouse hear it maybe explanation explanation point yeah so if we keep that in the forefront of our thoughts be determined never to injure or green your spouse. We will we will avoid new knee pitfalls in the area a motion of intimacy you know not working. Number 3 we want to talk about physical intimacy and again this will be fine because we're going to highlight what that really means in the broader picture of daily life when we're thinking and this is 1 of the things that I pray for almost daily and that is that I will be sensitive to the needs of my wife inspiration says do all that you can actually says do all that lies within your power to make her life happy. This is not indulgence it means a sensitivity to the awareness of what I can do to contribute to the happiness of my wife and having the mindset that is again that that framework of mind in the US focus it really makes a huge difference God answers those prayers now have something very interesting with my wife Carrie I've been doing this informal survey all all over the world. So you listen to what what she does and I'm going to ask and see if anybody else tunes into this lady's Maybe it works with men too but anyway sometimes Well what we're often on airplanes flying and I will just you know I have my arm around my wife and pull her over to me. And show go what were you thinking so what do you mean she said you had some very specific thoughts than a sense of how do you know that she said I could tell through your touch. She was right and I don't let him off the hook he has to answer the question what were you thinking as he tries to divert with you know these other questions and I bring it right back to him so I just want to know when that happened what was the line of thought that went through you know from here to here or however goes through what we think any tells me and I already know what I did hear it right here that's that intimacy communication through the intimacy of touch so I became aware of this very early in our married life and I have tried to fake her out numerous times. I can't tell you how many times I I have I've tried to do too so you know we don't have that conversation I told her what I was thinking and I will come back you know a little while later and I will do your different trigger different trip an hour at home and I'll be trying to just do a test OK so I'm trying to do just to tell us she goes. I said How do you know the difference I'm touching you with the same pressure. She said or thought he even has tried. To recall which bingo moves across the next person they get in the exact order with the exact pressure of the exact part of America just just to see and I can always tell the difference she's never missed so that's a challenge to a guy right someday gotta be able to pay for no you don't have to always be on it OK. So that's an example of physical intimacy right has nothing to do with what we think of as intimacy it's just simply an expression of the closeness we feel but physical intimacy isn't just limited to touch or physical contact OK to be physically intimate because truly the definition is looking for ways in a physical or tangible way to make the other person's life happier and better. Is that a fair definition in a broad sense and if we pay more attention to this in our day to day time together however much that maybe we will see the other aspects of our relationship growing more intimate let me give you a couple of examples. There are many Well there's a lot here and having 2 of those OK 1 of the things my husband does is when my mom and I are going to go shopping or for going to run in the 30 miles to town to get our mail. He will go out to the garage he will bring the car up if it's winter time it will turn on the heat it see. If the car more and then help my mom and I out to the car then he will go to the gate to the mile from the house he'll open the gate so I don't have to get out of the car and he'll give me a goodbye wish his way whatever we drive off he shuts the gate that is physical intimacy is saying to me I love you I want to make your life easier right now I want to do something special for you and I want to it's all spontaneous from his heart that is a big wow for me and I never expect it and some days I'll even say honey don't worry about it's OK I don't mind getting up when the no no I want to go he'll sometimes arrive with us and sometimes know I need the extra exercise that right down the 8 or you know he'll By the time we get mother in the car he has time hit Haiti but anyway that's a huge message so much so he even likes me calm on the way home there's a certain part and I get to the certain place and in the road on the way home I'm on I'm at this place he says I'm a chip the gate he walks out starts Wednesday walks out to the gate as it opened their greedy be the big smile is huge to draw our hearts together it's an act of physical. Care and concern to be in hand to demonstrate his love and enhance our relationship you know 1 of the things that. I started doing many years ago when actual were still home when we would have the blessing wherever we were I would give my wife a kiss off anybodies eaten with us we've eaten some of you you know been here. After we have a blessing I give my wife a kiss now only she really knows what all that me. Wherever we are in the world that KISS is a simple appreciation of all she does for me all that she does for our family and she knows that it means more than that too but that's a simple. But. That's not doesn't cost anything but it's meaningful so we're hoping that as you see these different kinds of intimacy that are taken in the broader day that you will come through with things that will through the day bring to the intimate connection in these various ways. To our who are consumed with what we what our agenda is or what our what we have to get accomplished or what project we need to get to the finish line or the demands of our job or occupation or whatever and we set aside our relationship and I think that 1 of the difficulties we had the beginning of our marriage and it's not really it's not a problem now but we still think differently and that is I could be at work in think about him all day long and still do all my work even in the mind boggling for me now I mean you know now in I.C.U. Obviously I'm very focused but I would have little flashes of him and and I'm already in my mind preparing a my thoughts for when we're back together and. I just again we talked about the cycle malfunction the 1st Miss is misconception I had a misconception I assume because that's how I thought I assumed that the he thought so 1 day I asked him shortly into our marriage if you think about me today. And I paused. That's called failure right there. I paused because all I wanted to do was be honest and I said you know twice. If she said I've been thinking about you all day I said did you get any work done. She said. You know I can work and think about you at the same time I said doesn't happen that way for me. You know when I'm doing what I need to do in radiology and I can't be making mistakes Well I wasn't making mistakes you know but I assume that if you're thinking about me or make a mistake you could be making the space. OK but I've come to understand long ago that women can do many things. That men can't do. Multi-track thinking but we talk about this because it's healthy for us to begin in the day to have the communication intimacy so we're connecting through our conversations our kaki Our Sherri expressions of. Expressions of appreciation we're doing that through the day and then the emotional intimacy we're looking for ways to. To emotionally be close to the other and you have to put in the context of your relationship right because you can't do what we do you have to do what you would do and if you say well we don't do anything we'll gotta give you something you can do and he'll continue to grow it and put it within your framework your personalities but as we do this during the day and then we bring in the physical intimacy in the Acts of Love and Service and thoughtfulness and maybe touch in there we're preparing ourselves for the intimacy the ultimate intimacy OK but what so often happens is the woman's mind is thinking in shall I even say for me daydreaming about how I see the things rolling out and what I I create this romantic evening together and this grand scenario and then when it doesn't happen. And then the day is in gone and now the intimacy he's ready for the intimacy it's hard for me to make that shift. So men listen up because I don't stand alone in this this is very much a woman. So we're trying to help improve and support and encourage our marriages it's the little things of an inspiration says it's the little things are often in the attention still attention is often done during the day they are the bring the combination of some of us have is. In so again you can't just ignore all of this and expect that you know the marriage is going to be beautiful because of intimacy in the way we generally think of it it's all of this in combination that makes it beautiful pictures and Song of Solomon Chapter 1 Verse 2 says let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for the love is better than wine. Now that capsule It's the broad picture of intimacy and that's a picture of. Mutual. So what are we willing to do for our. Now what is she willing to do what am I willing to do. And we again leave the spiritual for the last spiritual intimacy is the most important aspect which is why again we leave it for the last keeping the spiritual help. The spiritual happiness as the highest priority for our. What are we willing to do spiritually for. So think about what you're doing we talk to so many couples and they say we go to church every week that's good but that's only a couple hours or 3 out of an entire week and it usually isn't a lot to do to help you connect spiritually on the deeper level it's a good sermon and a study of the left and right and the Sabbath school lesson is good and how we should say this out of school as in the participate in the class but a lot of times the Sabbath school lesson name not be practically a political to our relationship right it may be on evangelism it may be on who knows what the life of Joe and there are certainly lessons in any 1 of those Quarterly's we can draw out and plug into our relationship but we just want to encourage every couple here to not just use that that's a general worldwide format to to continue Bible study as a worldwide church to have unity in the diversity of cultures OK It's kind of like a connection point we're all learning in saying the same thing but we need to connect here as a husband and wife. So we encourage you in your devotional life as a husband wife to pick something that's particularly meaningful to your relationship if you know that there's areas in your relationship that you are struggling with that you keep you know falling to the bottom on are starting on that spiral on at that point let that be the topic that you start to study about through Scripture and inspiration find that topic read about it discuss it how does it fit into our family and what does it look like practically And now what are we going to do about it to make that part of our lives as a couple and that was really. Accelerate your spiritual intimacy in your relationship you know those of you that were here yesterday we talked about the book desire of ages and in that was such a huge blessing to us spiritually but bonding our spiritual intimacy and and I said yesterday that I've never lost track of my wife's spiritual help from that time forward so as a result of that great experience together we make time. Every morning for part of our spiritual growth outside of our you know our personal her time in connection with the Lord we make time as a couple and we pray together and we read together. And that is a bonding time for us that is very new chili spiritually edifying in growing for us in our in our spiritual intimacy and we would encourage you to do that praying we mentioned also that we pray in the evening out loud together before we close the day that is another blessing that we would encourage you to do you know it's very interesting 1 of the ways that that I have kept track of my wife and having her spiritual interest as a priority in my life is I ask you 3 questions and these questions are not infrequent they might not be once a week but maybe not even There's a month where they're you know at least they're out there and they're very important questions and I begin with this question how my doing. Now the very 1st time I asked that question to her I had a bit of trepidation you can understand why. And her response the very 1st time I asked it was something like this do you really want to know. Yes I was committed and she answered and it wasn't a scary as a Hard as it could be. But it was an open time it was a meaningful time and through the years I've never stopped asking that question which is then followed by after she shares how I'm doing which is followed by. How are we doing. As a couple. It's an opportunity we go on long walks sometimes where we live our nearest neighbors a mile and we love the quietness there and we'll go on walks I mean 68 mile long walks OK you know a lot of good talking communications so I'll say how are we doing as a couple and it's an opportunity that she opens her heart and we share together and then my last question is always How are you doing spiritually and it's not just all about me he shares how he in your brain and absolutely how are we doing I share but he shares his viewpoint this is so important because it keeps this track in together otherwise we default to making assumptions about the other person and we don't validate those assumptions and then we find out that among ways apart not intentionally but by default so that's very important and then how am I doing when we talk about that how he's doing spiritually it's so important to really key he taps and encourage 1 another because everything we face in this world is designed by the adversary to disconnect us from the most important power and relationship we can happen that's with Christ and His power to live in our hearts and so. It's not getting any easier in society it's getting more challenging and we need to keep this in the forefront of our thought so it's still the spiritual intimacy is involving the communication in the sea it's involving the emotional intimacy it's involved in the physical intimacy that has maybe we're sitting together we're holding hands as we walk or whatever we're together and then it's bringing it to our spiritual walk are our lives together and 1 of the things that the Lord his I say still teach me and I share it with many women and it's not just something women need to know it's something men need to know but we will always find something in the other that we don't like OK there's always weaknesses I have them and he has them but that cannot be our focus OK but so often that becomes a focus and love is is squashed by we by. Negative focus and complaining about those things but 1 of the things that's been very helpful to me and for all of us is that we need to love our spouse exactly as they are today that's the spiritual intimacy I am so thankful my husband loves me today as I in not that he wants me to stay that way but he accepts me and he helps to nurture me closer to the Lord so often women will say but I can't love my husband he's not the spiritual leader I can't trust my husband he's not taking time for God. God doesn't qualify his love for us by how much we've 80 how much time we spend with him or how much we have grown in our character in his likeness he loves us exactly as we are this very. In if we can love 1 another as we are this very movement then we can continue to love and that love will help to. Into a fuller and richer experience spiritually in every other aspect because it creates an atmosphere of growth promotes growth if it frees us to grow the Libyans to chooses fulfill you my joy that you may be like minded having the same way of. Being of 1 accord and of 1 mind. Is that good counsel. It's God's will for us. That brings joy into the marriage in it brings joy to our Father in heaven. The author of marriage the. Love what are you willing to do for your mom in closing I'm going to share a song this is going to be for my wife so she's going to sit down and I'm going to sing the song to her and for every cup of the chair I'd like you to. Feel free to hold hands to put your arms around each other poem and close I will be here. Tomorrow morning you wake up and the sun does not. Run I mean. If in the dark we lose sun love hold my hand and have no he. Does or I'm. High with it. When you feel like the 4th is. When you need to speak your mind. Will is certain I would be here. When the light would turn to cry are you. Trying will be together. I will be. Tomorrow morning you view way. And the view which are. As sure as seasons are made for change out of life times are may review. So. I will be here. Priority our old earth. Channels were older. Will hold you and I will be. To watch you have. To tell you War 2 are to meet. Routine. Will be true. To the crawled. Into the water. On the beam. Just to see these are made for change of life Times on May 4th Peter's. Sofa. Or. The elite meet me via the. Because I will. And we stand together as we close in prayer. Father in heaven thank you for always being here for us for our marriage. With Father I pray for every Bandit's married in this room today. The words of the song was sung right deeply into each of. That we will be here yes and the day that we know them and it's it's almost a miracle to stay in marriages with all the things that work against us the Father we just asked that as we commit to you that we will be all that we can be and that we will be the blessing where we can be in our marriages as husbands. I pray for each wife here who was faithful most to cooperate with your will will be done she is a snake in. This media was brought to you by audio verse a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse or if you would like to listen to more servant leader Visit W W W audio Verse dot org.

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