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But We're Just Friends

Alan Parker Nicole Parker

Conference

Recorded

  • December 20, 2007
    10:45 AM
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him one thing that we had enough enthusiasm is certainly the way to let us pass you'll is this and let you know a lot our relationships with young advice is not how to be friends part of the event is kind of relationship that has the leverage will be here this morning that you will die to representation as the colonies out and listen words and made it easier stayed in the humanness Jesus hello again I know I last presentation that people came in and I wasn't basically good and those who are testing on an make sure that very chairs in between the traffic together some of the chairs on the end are available for those who commit a little bit later thanks so much in way of getting you to be the other is an illustration that were just friend is one of a friend but if it don't fit an agent of wrath at with this presentation were talking about we're just friends now this is something I've heard so many times in fact the reason I started making a presentation actually writing a book and with three kids under the age of five at this rate you'll all be married and hunted down by the patient I am working on it the window when I finished my book on the satellite you know I have that I but we are just friends is something one of my friends writes me once an e-mail and wonderful friends just like a brother in Christ but I'll know not that again I wrote back to in the folder you think about her friendship inherent actions like wow I never thought anything like this you write like one thing that he has the experience I can write it I should be able to because you know I went through I like basically how I was sixteen I I think the way the world is thinking on how women drinking or smoking or sleeping around anything like that but I you know you get five hundred IU life well then you go and you know you can't see you try not to make out to latch but now you are Christian and things happen you have processing and even date I ever add minutes let alone Christian they were neither one actually but I meant well I wanted to follow God and I could figure out while my relationship being the end of domestic not just the one in which I didn't somebody that even my guy friends I just couldn't seem to make friends with a guy either we'd be really good friends and then something would happen in our friendship or else we do need help I disconnect they go their way I go my way ninety and I learned some great things after I turned sixteen that I also want to share with you today what an amazing but I learned when I went when I was sixteen I went to a school called walking I hope academy I do not dream you ever watched a part of the Academy the grade school through my life around I gave my life inhibits the department in my life I understood what Jesus would like not making a God that I can actually track you know before I go to church every week and all that you know going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than seventy upon the surface it can be something that was real in my heart and when I went to lunch of hot health and made things really my heart I learned some great principle of relationships that really revolutionized the way that related to type in the process at the far left socialist units are a lot of neat I think I went him that he wasn't playing with heart leave the broken relationship when you make friends with guys or e-mail for girl naked and I've forgotten to make friends a girl what is your motive and they can play with fire you know and the Christian one gave my life to Christ I really I really was determined not to mess with people 's heart I didn't want to mess up on my relationship but I still have a lot to learn about what playing with heart really is an opportunity talking about today sometimes we throw line for self are you really just friends all you had friends value only and I you know I want to hear that you like me so we talk about entirely different order or better yet where were his best friend Aaron Allen were best friends now he and he and I were dating so in silence of the best friends I wonder what it will really like adequately be learning at unity I break up with me but have you found a nurse that will entice Johnny out for Jonny diamond on the victim here anyway and I really just what some people that that question is a loaded question because the Final Fantasy that walked upright man work of righteousness and they get the truth in his heart will be based speaking the truth in your heart as well as talk about first see you guys and girls can be just friends and really becoming a friend how many of you think that maybe you guys and girls can be really just friends and not know not all hormones I you I think so too and that great that you really like anything you can ever be friends in the media that they begin I have lots of friends who were guys in fact to my closest friends are guys and my husband knows that I like that because he is likely that we will have a relationship where we trust each other I don't have the slightest worry about my husband that he will be unfaithful to me I trust him one hundred percent I know what you need me as I know that he had a friendship with a girl that he felt uncomfortable with it he would talk to me about it you say you have found things to be wanting to spend more time with me than I think appropriately so you benevolently go for a walk in his life that is a great thing that he wanted that with your future spouse that's part of why I'm presenting us because a lot of people feel right now I'm assuming most of you guys a single mother talking about here I'm focusing on what single people at DC keep their healthy friendships with the opposite sex but the same principle can apply the day after your wedding as the date for your wedding and a lot of people fall in this area he speaketh the truth in his heart will be saved I was just reading a website the other day that was about adultery and they sent one of the main things that people say but we're just friends they live themselves we have to speak the truth in our heart Ms. Ruffini taken to mean a lot of different things that I think one of the messages that God wants to get the correct is that we can lie even to ourselves and it's crucial that we not tell a lie for something remember we just had a friend once who in to see women's hunting and I I think hunting of the most disgusting thing the world by people who want a gift it has been good for me and for anyone younger than me and I knew you know he was never totally not my type though it seemed like he was starting to be interested in the liking one of you hang with me when we're going for a walk with a whole group of young people you know are doing a reading group the Vulgate he walked next to me in time while hello so that we can behind everybody else united and I started getting a signal but you know what I do speak the truth myself in my heart I mind you can never be interested in the anywhere I can never be interested in selling is taken I'm not depressed right now for their hard time I can know what I landing a see at United I was headed out for the farrago ordering and I thought I have to think of my and his mother and sister were there and know nothing along that well alien by any of you realize initially that they were there when the door I then and there honestly I didn't think that he would line up when I realized that he was alone in the house I should've gone out that door but I didn't think the treatment of my heart and mind and so when I knew now I lingered for another five minutes of thousands of well okay I dedicate Ellen Levine beanie reaches over to get me a hug goodbye and will keep you and you know what I will I know these centimeters like how can I possibly do all the Senegalese woman than thirty one oh five Wakefield had thirty five is not the betrayed them I felt in my heart I knew I knew I was doing the wrong thing I knew on the principle I myself come on and when you tie yourself to my candy that night if you make a mistake here knowing the voice of the Holy Spirit and you can do that when you're singling you can do that when you married in the result either way can be devastating Psalm fifty one percent that behold antivirus truth in the inward parts and in part that shalt make me to know wisdom truth in the or I want to be truth in the inward parts I think both of these vinyl type tell us strongly not only do we need to memorize them I looking at her heart the moment we had a patient patient way grandma promised better upgrade applications these Bible verses but it's also true that people will talk about life when they know something is true they will go on a camping that your life that I've heard from the mouth of the love and fear godly Christian young people were just different brother and sister she's a real festering cry when prayer partners gave way and landed out in fact that anything absolutely but these things you think I think that's only sometimes he may be having a little problem he likes me but I'll like him that way there we talked about it and I love you in a outgoing and friendly they did the right maybe it even made the mistake of saying it to yourself right now I will be just friends lately and hopefully everyone of you will be just friends with a lot of people what you're seeing now a very important because you're choosing your figuring out what kind of culinary Sunday my friendship with guys from when I was sixteen so I was twenty two I think when I first is coming in twenty three something like that between us here I didn't anybody amortize I like paradise you like me but I refuse to get into committed relationship with any of them because I realized that wasn't God 's plan for me and I was priceless some of my closest friends were guys are closing our friends who I think was to ever since those days back when I was sixteen seventeen we build friendships and we've been friends for a lifetime we always will be friends of those guys are almost like brothers to me the big difference when I say this is rather silly I don't mean that I will wrap my arm around him is that I have a new shoulder anything that I don't have any hormones third because you just like a brother to me when you hear people say she's just like a sister to me I cannot access each other a lot it do in the present is your brother or your sister is eliminated because somebody who's not your brother or not your system it's just that way I don't think he will and may not feel the same dynamic there are inside the aware humanity speaking the truth yourself I honestly has no such dealings or inclinations toward this person that may not be the same for them and you can lose precious friendship because of that I now have friends who I had before I was sixteen and many more I change the way that related to guide and when I get back all of a sudden these guys that were so important to me and it fully I was so important to them drop off the map I was not important anymore I wasn't flirting with them I wasn't now they have wrapped their arms around me whenever they felt like it I wasn't that kind of early morning Finland on to find girls who we can do little more hormone rush and I would ask Frank and brittle but that's the way that most guys girlfriend just seem to fall into three categories now I'm not being judgmental here I'm not and if you have a friend with a guy or girl you can never have a closed deep friendship with that person when you're not moving toward marriage I'm saying here the principle in general to people who become more and more incident not only physically admit I mean emotionally intimate anything like that when you're building closeness between you and makes you long for more closeness I do long for more closeness to build more closeness and that is a wonderful daughter named process that leads toward marriage and United very good him go to our process or when you realize that you're building a relationship again class will pull apart a little bit more than that you know everything I do that online sky girlfriends itself as a rule I need three categories and long term not to intense friendship you may have intense knowledge are going to drive times and he dies or whenever the nearly of how you cried you pray together but long-term is not going to this person everything gushing your garden decked out to them or temporary close friendship that phase when we move on some people they built a really intense friendship I have a lot of intense friendships that ended because either the eyelids are likely need I would start liking him or one of its electing somebody else and all of a sudden when the hormone Thursday when someone else with hungrily interested in any time to get on her way and we've been laying out we weren't that interested in being around each other anymore because we found the video or marriage marriage is great and wonderful I love it I'm so glad I married the man I married to give my best friend and I'm even more in love with men now than I was I married him if that's even possible and that's really hard but it's true he's so wonderful he's such a part of my life is great but you don't remarry everybody that you love so if you were in your opposite sex friendly you want to stay friends with them I would recommend you follow in good guidelines is it wrong to be more than a friend a daughter named more than just friends friendship .org names this wonderful friendship and I have been I have so don't think you know I had for the company want to think I feel so bad for you what to do in my book him overly guilty blog about what you considerably younger than me and I think near that older sister for some count what came out of interested in astronomy while and I was wrong because you look blankly lie I pray and I knew I should and shouldn't be younger thinner community interested in her one one hundred new pursue a relationship with her anatomy is wrong to be interested in her cot asserting that you're interested I'd be more worried if you were interested the problem is when you start pursuing things when you know it is not the right time we talked about last session about people who can't control himself they want what they want when they want right now children have the notable tendencies all three hundred and four -year-old Byron went in a less than one euro they can call me insane on this one issue whatever they want they want him out right now yesterday I went my pacifier I wanted him out yesterday I went he now yesterday and you know what that is immaturity nothing evil about it is immature indefinitely children and when we grow up we should be able to wait for that now is messy with an opposite sex friends backfilled to intent to be too strong when you're not ready to marry each other then something called the magnets and magnet principle makes two people get closer and closer to each other and tell a campaign to stop maybe no one that happened to you you would be wise to pull the magnet farther apart we'll talk about that is not wrong to be more than just friends but just know that you may appreciate the opposite she has a lot of characteristics I like having my future wife is great on just wait until it's the right time to find out and then pursue it when something him here we want to talk now okay I have a handout where is our handouts and out right back there I got to go through everyone you get to take this home with you that you can go through this happy little and severe wall W W Batten but everyone and when you have a friend with the lead on union wondering is this okay or not you can go through the life that you have annual sales identify missing that nevertheless been listening to go through the characteristic of a healthy friendship with a person of the opposite sex and more and more specifically whether your friendship when this person is really just for the past with all the great news criteria that doesn't mean okay find your deference everything is cool it sometimes like we mentioned earlier some people are interested in a person cannot say I'm I'm space-time with Josie is not known step I think I would joke and I think wow does a great guy but now nothing whatever happened between us and Joe on the other negative thinking yes I'm cultivating my future wife but I love it that way I had a friend who was younger than me and we went said Academy together nearly went to college together and not uniting you in the past when we were kids but in the alluring young and mature him he was actually alright guy I was actually closer friends of his younger sister but then suddenly one day he came in and let me know that he was interested in more than friendship with me and I was just blown away but you've got to be kidding me alone now I'd like to unite I defendant down I haven't listened to the signal but he would never be interested in me because we been friends forever I thought I can redefine him something that happened thirty years after their first thing on your list for something that really the first person you want to tell if an opposite effect friend that person obviously hold a special place in your heart sharing that experience is built behind when we look for someone to share with often a conscious or unconscious goal filling out when you have something happen to you now you get the high Baghdad and take it right back in class you know you on the site I just wish I could call Joanna Young the normal tendency right that he wanted to call and opposite sex friends in wanting to shut share with this person because you have a bond with them and likely want to build a bond with them it's better if you change something that's intensely close to your heart if you're not trying to build word marriage with someone else to share that with the same sex friends if you don't have any friends who are like that you know this is one of my problems when I was younger I hope you like what you know I don't have a whole lot of good friends who are girls and frankly all the girls I know wanted to talk about close and I and you have lame stuff and is not interested in talking about guys were fun they wanted to climb trees and lengthy e-mail is something unreal though I know I wanted hanging out with guys and why you know once I hit that thirteen fourteen fifteen -year-old threshold there was more than just climbing trees to it and I needed to cultivate in different now it was hard for me to find some good girlfriends where I was at that time in my life as a girl that I was around her just how shallow they went talk about movies whether they wanted to talk about .info eight hundred and twenty five more about movies and parenting magazines that have a good morning to you you just let you build friendship bonds with them in the things that this is one of the greatest gifts that you have of your singleness realize you know when you're walking to the grocery store thinking and I will like nothing like this while there fell in love is an American letter walking has been a grocery store are wishing they were single yeah I never once wish I was single and unmarried my husband and I wish I didn't have the leak had and I love my guess is that while you know you I resonate like to does the alone with my husband he was a great daily I never wanted to go back but I know most people who get married and thinking about anything I'll appreciate what you have to give rejoice in it I will keep you in and won a grand slam to get the most you can is pulled in opposite sex friendship I think that friendship in our present day before I would think the and when I was sixteen when I was spending time with Eisner cultivating my life intimate relationships the guy my friendship with girls just kind of a shallow because whenever there was a baby on my heart I look for the guy that was currently most interested in there were usually in a federal backup plan and if I can get you talk with me I felt so much better than having a girl I mean if the bond building we want to build on but you teach yourself when he friendships with other women and believe it or not many friendships with other men you're going to need those friends for the rest of your life you need to build a network and you cheat yourself if every time something bad happens to you or something that happened to you the person you go to the person you are currently most hormonally interested in your friendship itself feature the topic of conversation between you you conversation I remember you know I have friends in new and time is just a nice guy have a nice girl you no conversation they would come up not conversation I appreciate your friendship the latch you just need to let me now I know why I do without you here to talk to any government and had a conversation like that when this conversation is just the person or had a blinking sign caution caution him to an weather to build a bond with you there wanting to be sure of where you are in your bond with them wanting affirmation she means a lot to me now I need to know that I mean a lot to her Karen I felt that conversation many times and not usually as much about affirming the other person and their friendship and it is about I just need a little bit affirmation of this person like me that they care about and that they think I'm worthwhile and it can be a note or something like that now my favorite all loads in all conversations like this are you going on now Mary now known the ideas that you are contacting you know your friend but just don't realize caution caution when a person is trying to talk with you about your friendship especially when you're French of features in the main topic of conversation over and over problem unless he wanted in the first name of work if you find yourself wanting to talk without other people around like my friend who wanted to walk alone with me even though air walking with a whole group of people he wanted to walk alone with me again is nothing evil about this it's a natural step toward building bonds of the person before you marry somebody hated talk about things like the one children he wanted of the mission field when you want to be ten years from now you need to talk about here you talk about working for you before you Mary and I know or will they may group him the idea that an ordinary person will follow the logically you need a step where your building is not on talking a conversation that unlimited you need to have but if you start in when you're saying you know where only but I just want to be alone with her I just want to talk along with her about the something often it'll make you I describe as an atheist then there you know when you do it there's nothing evil about talking along with a personalized table everybody else gets up and leaves and you're still there but if you find yourself regularly doing this with someone realized that they needed building bond with you that is looking more toward a lifetime partner you find yourself wanting to text your friends just see how long every time you are happy together on a class ego blown or e-mail your understanding Union leaders but drive around the other person and have it going today that their hair you know you know you know what it's like you make sure that when you're singing by high-fiving standard-setting five five five and some people in granted some people are more effective than others some cultures are more techie than others I had a guy tell me yesterday how I just felt so creeped out because this guy that was my friend you know he can't align to give me a hug around my shoulders will not be the guy that he was talking about news Spanish of business culture and you just as his personality you he wasn't interested in the other guy you want but this other guy wasn't comfortable with that because he wasn't culturally there is no line the wonderful warm Spanish culture and their many other cultures that cultivate in our familiarity and passion online doesn't talk about how you know you can even be friends with a person and that the opposite effect that you want to lie down reclining upon and and and this is a way of honestly play with people aren't sometimes you play with hormones to get a high and that it in a premarital sex I'm really existing about premarital sex dealing intimacy without commitment and stealing a hormonal highs without a commitment into a mania lets lesser form itself when the same thing as getting high off of somebody all formally when you're not really wanting to have a lifelong relationship with them is stealing from you and their future South and from your future stuff Doctor Hart people playfully like that for no good reason I'm not saying don't ever hug your friends as they just find a balance there are your conversations about that like that happening classroom they did include your feeling I don't mean you can never talk about your feelings about getting into more than just friendship but you know you have a friend who never had friends like this he every time you run into them as like a cloud of them understood down today please have lunch with me I know what's wrong everything is going wrong today will not allow an easier time with you this is the a possible of a possible dependency when you find a person really needs to be with you and you can just talk about feelings in a extent needed to build bonds with people the lanky build a bona fide claim of two magnets close to you are able to talk to me I'd like in a fairly frequently on anything not like to do it myself because interest in any really interested in and the like well okay so how do you than you wanted to just let him know you're not interested all okay fella how you certain that you won't because the time we stayed up until like midnight hockey and we are other like three hours of while he and he don't want to build lines of the pregnancy don't want to give them the message that he may be interested in more than friendship with them gone and a lot of time getting into the main how do you get out of it when I was ordering the data expression called devils rabbit any of you ever called orders is not a Democrat is rather like a dragon and every time you cut off one head sprouts Paris the exiled conversations are like that I have used the Internet and find if I recall Gloria went like this I think the person you believe in the Bible that you know an interesting question I want to read this version Bible I sent you my phone version of the Bible and you know it is their idea I believe that King James version the one thing that the Bible to go really when you know there's an interesting story I read about you name any of this conversation will go on eternally so when you have a conversation on emotional pain I face now and I'll figure out what he does want to rest the idea for an Academy who was always helping everybody that she could never get her school work done because everybody wants to talk to her about so they don't unburden their hearts they heard that either the girls anybody remember their hydrogen is such a great listener as you can get any school work done some people know how to debate you and keep you listening to them I just if you want to talk to me about it then I guess no I will be there for me for him will he just know when you only want to build a bond with something healthy way I don't build advice trying to talk forever about their feelings and their needs and addressing you ever find your eyes lingering on your friend especially when I not looking and then there and met everybody and you're probably had that experience right anybody not have a greater a cafeteria see anything like you and I you know the guy I got visual and had to be united I think and like Martin Luther said you can't stop the birds from flying over your head but you can stop them from making a net in your hair you need to yourself or them and that is why like that but you have to keep looking and as if there's something to be said for the instantaneous birthday I am using Joseph was able to flee from potted first wife it was because he had male lifestyle of running when when you thought one was looking at the wrong way he looked away you know that because otherwise how can you I wasn't being plantation had e-mailed lifestyle achieving things you know my husband I love my husband I think I united and become inactive throat one time it was he she came to talk to him about the high seas is cheesy with the chaplain because the girls seem to be chaplain at New Orleans that you like you know I know what you are neither faster you said that I could not endure him he is about I say our know how all while they may hear a very mentally and as his property developer plays an aquifer while it seemed that he doesn't remember it I because what she's wearing and then right here and started right here and is not interested that I never look to Kathy was a minister and us and I need a neck shirts in a sheet of running I was expecting to get I share this with Adam at the other later and I panel the fashion the other day and I said well you know the some girls they expect you think they get what they expect from God because they weren't and that I give a round of applause and I think you know the truth there are so many godly guys who were looking for a woman to team them and women again on the night was the front to talk about the flow that later but if we just don't really realize no there are times that I realized when I was fifteen or sixteen I would put on its highest short I had because I need a guy like that and I'm just the real being brutally honest I'm ashamed of myself now but at the time I felt well enough the short assurance they like and don't then I noticed that my guy friends in common wrap their arms around my waist a little more often when I'm wearing something like that and I like that attention I was robbing them girls because it's like with you guys are really predict a feast of food in front and they can have it yeah I now at least I we didn't have any idea when a guy wears short shorts on and landed right him to him however everybody is different for everyone some people have sometimes taken the layer and the less information than another area we regard one another the only if we truly love will try to hire down anyway these guys lingering on your friend especially when they're not looking do you look for numeric when they come into a room do other people think of you as a couple like TV about each other and how do you feel about when he gave you enjoy entire memory in grade school with a girl who I remain in deadly crash on this bargain and I honestly nice you in the love and her friends grand Dragon playground Monday when dragging and hurting Morgan and you and is trying to get away in that novel well not a huge one and then he is and when someone does something to a much lesser degree in a woman more mature we enjoy it even though we try not to ask where we want to be honest that I felt that at the bottom line don't lie to yourself do you sometimes think about even if he would never mention outside your friend looks outward attractiveness if your friend with the same thing you are what you feel the urge to spend as much time together hormones do great things for French enhancement don't think and the person may have a land of personality identify honestly he was fourteen and I was sixteen and I made them purely because he was the cutest guy in the school and he was also the most self-centered guys the school is only I would have been nominated by conversation within a given girl because he was cute I would endure and yet it's a remarkable how dumb we conveniently didn't think about it do you like being seen with your friend that he or she seemed to enjoy it maybe not just because of your attraction to them I hear popularity not make it good for my interest in the theme of this person I know that not right as it is not right he is a person to try and hand thrown image that selfishness and using a friends if you or your friend were to get married to someone else would your friendship have to change the intensity or direction of growth now I've had friends who just they somehow seem to have no remaining eighty nine best friend Monday and then as soon as they were interested in somebody else I was brought by Papageno because somebody else in the government little bit more do you ever wonder if your friend finds attractive the thirteen influence what you choose to wear how you do your hair etc. now I think that it's a good thing to wear things that are attractive on you that you know the right colors that are flattering things like that obviously one of way things that are you know skintight formfitting thing like that and enhance your appearance a little too much but just like I shared earlier on the girl wearing something to attract I didn't know she is not consciously wanted to say let me just see if I can be of plenty of possible I want to make all you guys think of me the wrong way that's not a conscious thought sometimes I was I was astounded when one of my eye when my lifeguard teacher talk to me one day IFC identified I was sixteen remember I was just right before I decided to change radically the way that related to guide and she said to me when issues in the cold if you keep asking the latest draft and advise you not to be a virgin she blew me away I had no idea I was so I really wanted it when I was praying every day that God help me he began out trying to have devotions every day on but I was defrauding a guy by the way that I draft by the way tonight by the way that I can use with them all the time flirtation intermediates if the landlord of any government for Iraqi but it was even little was robbing me of my friendships with guys because I discovered later on all these guys they look down on me when my friends when he and he saw my application I watched the title and he will die to live me cry you will be Christlike in her come and you never really think okay so weird in a immediate he is related to who I was who I seem to be on the outside but you know I'm gone through hard my life I always thought if I could just be popular I could have left the guys like me I don't want to grow like me I have a great life and then when I when I finally had lots of friends I finally popular had the right of the right friends and all that I found it was so inside I went back to my room and then describe the party right and eleven non-smoking drinking doing drugs party does the movie watching does not party and went back home and ride empty I thought this would be everything and nothing I don't want it anymore all of those things just made they were robbing me that I finished less than their non- threaded the regard number thirteen future Shlomo Mentos note that second picture fragment given you some and I don't know how I'd handle it without you I know there's nothing evil about having an amino memento here and there but Mark and he gives you a few cherishing everything looking at taking it out and looking at it I raise the sleep every night with the a letter from a guy who was just my brother but every night I slept with his letter and I wanted all like that heart for like a year later at an event that made my mother found out that the money made out okay I don't blame whether he had a lot been warmly on the Bible think that your friend and then before you were waiting to figure prominently and in your mind especially when you feel down or lonely especially when you're down you think about mental info really like me he really value my friendship she really think that wonderful activism in the indicated dependency is not healthy would you be shocked if your friends are in a committed relationship with someone other than year without talking to you about it first leave sometimes they are giving purposely to be noticed by your friends know what I mean you find yourself laughing louder when they're in the round or maybe suddenly the cloud and over him now hard day yet anyway to get the attention of their harmful you mention things that somebody else then hoping that that person will face your friends down my face Murphy then again there in the defend your friendship to others to each other in your online by pointing out that you are your friend are not interested each other you can start again and really happy with that all happy with that nap I was really happy with my best friend with a guide to insult one day he came called me up and they are thinking about and identified out and break up with him if I like you better we know this language and my brother became my friends it has either lines I felt about my monthly I like him he liked me and we were just learning in the communicative part if you are in a committed relationship with someone else does your significant others think your you this is something that also implies you married you know what I sometimes has a really good idea of where their spouses heart is and if you want to guard your hearts that you can someday be the kind about that your spouse can trust for the rest of their lives focus on the never never be in any way and trustworthy if you are in a committed relationship with them without you ever hide aspects of your friendship and your boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife or think things like differently never let Jeff know that I thought that about Douglas and have you ever thought well he or she were available and mighty interesting that's not the way things are the fallen chapter eight verse four says the women of Jerusalem promise me never to awaken love before it is ready there is a time tested principle you can apply to all of your relationship intimacy without commitment spell trouble if you are building to closer friendship with somebody who is not here now not your boyfriend or girlfriend and you know in your heart now this is an impersonation of days this is not a person I should consider marrying and don't build intimacy beyond what healthy notes those questions I can either just a sampling of things ways for you to be honest with yourself now to talk about the circle that intimacy this is something that I think you can need to relate to that question a lot of people asked me as well but I know I have a friend with a made opposite sex and I realized that means many questions while you know we probably are little closer than we should be and now we definitely don't like each other but what you want when it is messed up our friendship and use my keeping encircled and intimacy share with you here are ways you can measure the depth and intensity of the Internet if your friendship on a marriage relationship is getting a lot like the heart of these but unless intense relationship should stay in the outer layers the outer layer of casual reading time even that forty thousand mines and geology like the right casual greetings that outermost level of communication is information and it was really hot before we got yeah I was home to ravioli we has been having really hot weather these days somehow information on the next one is opinion so what do you think that George Bush is the president of neo- people have varying opinions there's nothing wrong with sharing your opinions of people thinking of really intense and sharing your opinion but these are the things that build healthy friendship and actually help you to build your communication skills so that someday he will have a higher quality merit there are some great books you can read about how to communicate more effectively I would recommend particularly like the language of love and the five love languages they have to terrific principles on how to really open up and communicate listen to other people as well as sharing yourself and other all-important but zero three start getting into the bonding thing emotions when you share emotions of other people and this circle can be when they could just be shaded gradually darker as you get closer to the middle emotions are very start building on you can share your opinions and information everything people without really bonding with neither popular people on the subway about the we start talking out your emotions now I feel you can share all the way from I kind of feel tired him feel the press today whatever all the way to the business circles which I meant to call you gave needs and fears on when you share your deep needs and fears that somebody know that you are building strong intimacy with that person if you don't want to build strong and sniffing the next person you should not be sharing your deepest needs and fears with them those are things that should be reserved for relationship commitment between a diamond girl generally if somebody comes to you when you have somebody and I had people who comes me out within a couple of hours this may not I've been struggling with something I want to share with you I just have anybody else I think optimally you really understand literacy to pour out there got any now because the counselor I'm used to that but I also realize is that he is a young man comes to share with me I'm married and people understanding us she's married she's not available she is very happy with her husband I think that's very clear to everybody you know that but I still know I should not get myself in a situation alone with any single or married man the sharing of these needs and fears alone with me that is not a boundary want to cross whether you're single or you're married you do not want to cross that boundary I would invite my husband to be with I would tell that person you know you need to talk my husband instead of talking to me when a person shares with new life that even if you are not sharing with any of these needs and fears sometimes you need a stop to it before they share because even though you're not building upon the density sharing your ideas needs and fears build your bond with them and then sharing their unique needs and fears build their bond with you and when you see them in a way of hiding on next week or next Monday when I walk past casually but that may not be the way that they feel anymore they just poured their hearts out to you they built a bond with him vulnerable with you the responsibility and give them in life mean a lot to them now if you reject them as they proceeded I think I already had a leaky talking to a friend that they show them she doesn't value me and think I'm really worthwhile because I poured out my soul and he doesn't even care a person is vulnerable and easily emotionally influences the person is most likely to share the things that you if a person is coming to talk with you about the things you need to back away now some of you may not be in relationships or situations where you have that happening a lot the administrative is especially crucial not only for guys were going to be passed during certain you know when an organ the counselor of anything like that but just young I'm a worker needed to go and get a model citizen and it's actually really struggling with an addiction and I think where my heart making you listen to me you need to be careful if the person opposite sex person don't say I married she's married we would never don't do that to yourself that you know what I would love to talk to you and I really care what's going on in your life but I've made a principal for myself and I'm not going to have these conversations one with somebody who I'm not going to even consider his life partner whatever you have to do to get out of that situation say I really care about what's going on in your life and I want to be there for you I think what's the best thing for you is patently good to be there with long-term recall a friend of mine is really good about talking about these things let me call my spouse a letter to bring your staff if nothing else works make sure that that person brings their staff into the circle because that's not you break the intimacy is the marriage is about two people who have a deep intimacy and if you don't want to know that intimacy with this person bring at least the third person into the conversation if you find a good church now Saturday night getting are you singling out of a crowd and talking to you now I just really wanted talking about something in my friend over at my girlfriend over what I was out of it and I invited a bunch of people to come to the meeting and was one of the guys that came it soon became evident case because he asked me out and said oh no I don't did Apple anticandida properties in northern attending the beginning of profit and revenue is much more interested in other things and prophecy and he wanted to go walk home with new money anyways take me out for coffee while our complicated now I have a copy of the mediocrity on about how you walk on with me he is taking shape unfortunately I anticipated so I talked to like for my other guy friends and think I I think that guys like me can you easily and talking with me salute and sell him him him my father died at an all live happily with me they surrounded as they talked with him involved in a conversation when they left for the evening that you will want backyard churchmen afterwards and they were great when you have good friends make use of them and they're going I really need to go to the casserole in the oven after I make it you call somebody if they will be out in your meet my friends are here Georgia and if we know now that he's a really nice guy and eighty nine involved other people who are the same fact that this person who we are talking to who wants to build intimacy with you whatever you do not allow your conversations to go that the it's just like tonight and forever you have to manage electromagnets get closer and closer to a chapter you may do something foolish they don't do it just for the writer apartment in personal and talk to I will barely say your something you may close girlfriend Samantha talked about that because I suddenly feel like that's something that you can share with them we know how to pray together prayer wonderful thing will talk a lot about that heavy talking a lot about this lately the other the teacher that's talking he's been really compassionate I think they can introduce you to him because I think he could really help you with that whatever you don't have taken on because the beginning you will be opened or crack pipe and one that would never happen to me and it will take you farther than you think this all right I only have just finished here I did my share one last thing on intimacy without commitment spells trouble here are a few things that I didn't want to warn you of intimacy without commitment may mean flirting in a mean being overly affectionate meaning sharing secrets are having little ritual now everything walked past each other you do a little walk it hit each other with little rituals like that are bond building and so once again it's not just talking about intimate things that can build your barn but sometimes just having little secret to share think that you talk about owning the person that you do only with this personality wants together every day that kind of thing all right I think we finished for those who were here last time that the announcement if you have any questions when you have you can bring your questions write a piece of paper that money thing on your regulatory tomorrow in our final session any questions you have think the wood is green or you would like more him him why you seem to .org and can also find great witnessing media on your burgers now the Lord and in the video .com will you and you and a

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