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Relationships Question and Answer

Alan Parker Nicole Parker

Conference

Recorded

  • December 21, 2007
    10:45 AM
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I want to thank you that you are present in the sooner you know that are now hot is nothing more important than serving you then and the benefits of the great relationship that you look to use it is not good for men and woman to be a long and will we know that although they a lot of single people yesterday you have a plan for their lives Wilson know that there are a lot of broken relationships breakups we have to deal with how do we handle greatness how do we handle our sexuality how do we handle it when we have an interest in someone else how do we handle the relationship that we just want to be reflect your glory in your image and some would be with us as we answer these questions happen to come from the word we pray these things in Jesus and all right are we undiscovered dive right answer take the first one how can you really get all over go that you really didn't care for it and that's even after you break eleven applies to about ninety percent of us so they could be avoided for the ago breakup sucks half break apps are like a divorce I mean it's it's not that you have the same necessarily emotional challenges that you have in a divorce but it it it's something we've feel like you're dying I know both of us have ever gone through breakups with we had else's I love my wife had Alcide I was miserable I didn't feel I can survive another day yes the reality time does heal but if you want to heal you have to let the wounds close over are you are you finding when you keep the wound open when you keep going back and right now the typical thing that we can revoke that has experienced all we broken up by the France now the only because we mean with the friendship right that was what helped us that was part of what held us together somehow elicit a range of it we think a little brother will just be friends the reality is if you're broken up with a person you need to get away from that person bottom line to get away from it and he will heal faster this kind of thing we can see that everyday it will make you miserable I will did Alice's seal will have a friendship that seems good but in the end it is just a Dragon test on a national topic yes you can easily get away from them altogether maybe you know you go school diversity feeling class every day is okay yet he remember you were here earlier we mentioned the circles of intimacy communication deeply will continue bonding you deeply if you don't want to stay close to the person you're communication in the outer level the playing of the highest walk him if he needs anyone that are on your I yell you walk into a room and hanging up and you or any other right that's not helpful generally you'll make your life you dramatically I avoid there I can talk when you can share about the weather you can talk about information in an opinion non- argument in talking about your feelings are reviewing doing okay and what is not helpful if you want to break the bond and heal don't get into the deeper mind being area notion needs and fears don't talk about the things with the mercenary nightlife share with this person and hope that the person will find out just how much earnings not helpful and I would add don't daydream about it at one of many who are known to shoot even arrogant I appreciate she was saying you know we broke up months ago but I'm feeling more and more drawn to him and I said no when I haven't been daydreaming in my thinking about this person and you know that the person you create in your imagination is remarkably agreeable to doing whatever you want your and my printer crop review real people are much harder to control that allows you when you created a great personality the private you fall in love with invariably young women I don't don't trust yourself you will make excuses to go back to the other person are limited down excuses I made like all give the book that I found that I that I borrowed from there once I went back to my ex-girlfriend found an excuse to go and visit the drop of the book you know I'm just dropping yeah right now I'm gay because I'm emotionally dependent on that of the person and you and she sits in the light of my ex open a day for three and half years she said to me I had this open wound and it's like you can't coming back and dragging your fingers through it I just needed to heal so you and you may think well you know what I find if I don't go back maybe this relationship will be gone forever the reality you do go back that relationship will be gone forever so work at all yet one more thing on this she might take you back and it's the wrong thing I had a relation is the technology evangelist she did take me back once was I when I niche that Google site went down and I bought these colorful flowers after she broke up with me what is Google cloud I filled up my truck of flowers I drove back I opened the truck she was mad she was that it was not the reaction I expected because she knew that I was using one finger would break the barriers but sure enough within a day she had changed their opinion she decided not to do it we spent another year dating Courtney anyway broke up again and was even harder the second time like this on the first breakup we would've been much better off him generally this is a rule if you break up it was a good idea below generally just break up and join it if you broke up he probably had good reason to break up if you want to go back you probably don't have good reason to have your following your heart wanted to go back probably a bad idea they is there anything wrong with oral sex that the Bible have anything to say about it on the legal news with respect to suspect that there is something than fun to follow that are talking a oral thing I will say one way or the other I don't know but is this question of the ticket to possible questions one is there anything wrong with oral sex outside of marriage because you made me a big problem among people here but you have a lot of friends chances are good things while you know when I'm on this oral sex I'm still emergent that is alive people believe it to admire people believe that in general and not have sexual relations with that woman in the is anything wrong with oral sex outside of marriage absolutely do you want your futures about having oral sex with alleles right now thank you this is not a question and I are in marriage I like they remember what we talked about earlier marriage is about ministry if you want oral sex and your spouse does not want oral sex oral sex is forgotten by Scripture because Scripture says this is about letting the other person is not about trying to please myself think about trying to do something that makes both of us feel comfortable if you try for something that doesn't make you feel comfortable and sexually open and vulnerable if one of you feeling uncomfortable with its wrong it is an easy question now that I generally was okay sexually I would say the Bible predict anything that's not ministry never did anything that is unclean like anal sex oral sex whether they will say if there isn't okay administration and everything makes Christian right is masturbation good healthy or not how and what about a single man healthy able to remain pure without masturbation or watching pornography so lets this go to the Bible right is the first of all to province chapter five thousand eight you know you not to find anything in the Bible that specifically deals with masturbation this is a situation in Levitical law way of a man had to marry his brother says that if his brother died as his brothers wife if sorry if his brother die and he would have the confidence and if he spilled his seed as the Bible puts it that was considered wrong but in terms of masturbation enough in a fight anything specifically about masturbation but you will find principles that deal with this whole issue of pornography and sexual thoughts I get it that cycle includes the province chapter five verse three for the lips of a strange woman dropped as a honey column and her mouth is smoother than oil but another and is bitter as wormwood shop as a two inch sword of feet go down to death and his steps take hold on Hal on the gray that's what that would hell needs so what we find the first principle is there is a challenge when you are conceived with strange woman on the following event that the principle is strange woman will be fitness Wisconsin defensive Bible has two different woods was strange one word is this writer to show hospitality towards you like the men you minister to them then it has different Hebrew words and I forget the exact words for this kind of strange which is one you be afraid off they will steal from you they will take from you they will they will take you to suggest and this is where the Bible says be afraid of strange woman if you go on inverse are achievements eight remove the highway far from her and come not nigh the door of the house that's faulty about the Internet I know Solomon didn't know that the many many read it in today's version do not go near the websites that would cause you to to think about strange woman that's the revised pocket version and that might even be my space and looking at advertisements that make you think maybe I could just go back to know you have to guard your heart if you have weaknesses in this area be really yourself and admit where you need to watch out I had a friend who is a man who just simply does not go on the Internet unless his wife is right there with you and I don't even check my e-mail not that you into Internet pornography that I do not want to do anything that could possibly tempt me so this is an issue of purity and and for me the real issue behind masturbation is not the sexual act is what's happening in the mind are your following guiding the sexual act is is a normal bodily function that occurs in an intimate moment but as what's happening in our minds creates the impurity and so was fifteen a province of the five drink one is out of thine own system and running waters out of thine own well in other words go to your wife and he would did you graphically in the Bible was nineteen million and he is a loving hind and pleasant road that embrace satisfied vehicle times and be thou ravished always with the laugh then in verse twenty and why wilt thou my son be ravaged with a strange woman and embrace the bosom of a strange unit fiscal year we ought to focus our attention on who goddess called us to be with and listened on the school bus to be and that means that my wife is the focus of my fantasies as you know I I am not going to wait a strange woman occupied at sacred territory I'm not good at doing now I'll be honest with you when it comes to pornography and and we've dealt with several couples with this one guy started with pornography being it he stopped sleeping with his wife and he was going to ministry and then after you stop sleeping with his wife he eventually left his wife and moved in with a girlfriend found on the Internet pornography is a set and we needed treated as a send on you will not overcome pornography this is our experience in dealing with couples would must for every purpose you will not overcome pornography by yourself you need accountability so if you're struggling with pornography there are you have is a great book every man's Battle that you should read that just reading that book is not to overcome the problem it is such an addictive thing that young lady can overcome is if somebody has accountability on your computer or on your access to to do anything that could even tempt you to with pornography has accountability systems of download things and what he wants the money and what you looking at and have your friends do that is making sense or not you will not accomplish this by yourself you need help just like an alcoholic she cannot overcome his alcoholic tendencies anything is what he admits he's an alcoholic this right and that comes from I chose thirty one this is a mystery yet the oldest one job thirty one but I philosophical covenant eyes that comes from Job thirty one was one I will make a covenant with my eyes not to luck on a woman automate I think it uses but I'll make a covenant with my eyes and neck covenant can only be successful if you have accountability if a company meets a thank you covenant eyes is a great piece of software that will help you do this or a mix are we adequate on that one out one nice thing about masturbation under the honest that the Temple uses the guilt of masturbation to deep grace Christian spirituality and I can we talk straight to the subject I mean I have seen young people who have been at the point of suicide because of the guilt of a masturbation that is the accuser speaking my God is a God of grace and love he knows what the issues Aussie knows the struggles and he has the power for you but he knows the struggles he knows the human heart is desperately wicked he knows the struggles we have with sexuality and my God of love is able to safely be at when the devil brings a new sports I can never do it this is impossible you're so low down your lower than a snake 's naval you have to remember our God is bigger than the devil and he is what is the excuse are often rather and we have yet paid awesome things written about the allegations Dennis stimulants that I listen narcotics thinking that things that make it harder for you to resistant patient by Lacey was has a lot of compassion you know she wrote back then this was back in the early nineteen hundreds she said I just feel for the youth of today because of the billboards that I can look at in the early nineteen hundreds I might radio you can be alike than cDNA using the 24-hour prayer session at those other realities we deal with incredible temptation that all around us God understands but I believe you also has the power don't do it a lot handed over to God get accountability can overcome these addictions one underway I'm on masturbation I slept when I the real problem with sexual things outside of the marital sex is if it's a self focused thing masturbation is all about me it's very needed a pleasure yourself if you know exactly how to do it and it makes marriage much more complicated I will how come they can't do it the way I know exactly what to do the masturbation makes your tendencies lean more toward effective and self focused thing that masturbation is a as a homosexual activist about pleasuring yourself apart from any one of the opposite sex many people knew fantasy to go along with it but that's merely causing it to become fornication and not to be lonely people it could you know sexually and yet one other thing you know another I know that I promise is I think of Psalm a hundred and one this three which says I will save no wicked thing before my nice and I saw just just God will help you with this I understand the tremendous struggles God will help you he's been defined some people together around you we need to be more open about these things instead of it becoming justice this private struggle of our hearts and we had this continual sense of failure come to set a school tomorrow to talk about righteousness by faith I think some of that will help him one of the things just on the masturbation issue just also want to think you can do for yourself assessment standards such as they look nothing on the Internet was not alone in its latest night and I'm lonely it makes makes some guidelines result of the magnet the really close it's very hard not to let them get together but if you just stay away from the situation for the Magnetek once you can deliver yourself from a lot of bad right now if you think you're in love and you feel in love but end up not being true but you still have feelings for that person how do you live that go painfully painfully you know obviously if something is not without you if you reached the point we realized I had feelings but this is not ordained of God with these the other person doesn't feel of the vein of I've had bills come up to me and said I believe that God wants you to marry me and I thought I got when God tells me the same thing we had a deal is I never said I cannot let you so when you win you have this kind of relationship these feelings for somebody else feelings did not go well have you found that there is no honor will switch proceedings of the worst thing you can do is to try and find somebody else to ought to take care of that pain in him I was so now someone feel this pain on missing it was is a bad idea for them and it's a bad idea for you so what you need to do is use the myth that that pain as we mentioned earlier wind yourself around God now one of the text cited yesterday is from Isaiah forty which says those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength they shall mount up with wings like eagles they shall run and not grow weary initial will cannot thank you know what the Hebrew wood for weights is not another word is not a synonym for the Hebrew word wages it's why it's why I whined about six yes what what you need to do when you're striving when you feel like you can walk you cancel to just learning so that those that why listed as those that wine themselves about the Lord shall renew their strength and mount up with wings as eagles now if you feel you can find what is Italian Jew when if you can fly way upon the Lord e-mail fields apply right away but at least then you'll be able to run at it you can run what is it that you can do you can walk in right now you crawling but that even if you why just south of around God while your waiting for that pain to dissipate if you wind this up about you he will renew your strength and you'll fly again I honestly writes is talking to a married man for two hours on the signs that he says for just residence life isn't the jealous type I is him nothing wrong with talking on the phone with a married man for two hours if your management is not actually when you have asked the question he says were just friend is that we're just friends with money he's trying to not leave from the at any given the jealous type is neither huge red flag that has written all over it read like talking to them if you're asking the plaintiff is wrong but the unit I would ask is it wrong to talk to a single man for two hours on the phone it may be if you're not planning on getting into more of that relationship with this guy you're not planning to move toward marriage for them you're not interested in exploring that when you talk for two hours the weather is really talking about how you feel like eating any bonding bonding with somebody that you may want to marry in your not sure I is somewhat risky for two hours United may be that the deluxe calling a bonding was delivered to our things already married now you have the stamp of God that this is not a person you can marry therefore don't want within an infinite way around your even wrong to sleep in the same bed with a friend without having six well misleading I mean I can imagine that it might be some kind of extreme situation that would occur that would make this occur on the night I don't know what it would be that you don't get you may have to arrive at somebody's house of the o'clock and is team people and you end up having to ship is and everybody's in the same room I never might be okay yeah actually I think that's a situation like this one I have to tell you a story right after I was rented to him live in a foreign country with my boyfriend any answer for each and we can examine how different was unwavering and realizing you and and we came to the house where the people didn't speak what English and they just brought it and you get there and we get the English him at all they knew we were dropdead tired we just got there we had made your jet lag and all the rest of our missions you have any some relevant respect in this house and the people that they alienate communicating with your married higher conveniently and it opened the door and there was a bed and a fence and then I shut the door apparently did not realize we were not married to each other at least in our look at each other anything don't touch me him anyway on one side of an island on the other side of that and we did not even so much as touched a toenail and was so dad I was sleeping like ten seconds on the young in that situation I think that was simple I couldn't immediately be like where I would abound more of the plaintiff I could communicate with them in that situation okay and all other situations don't play with temptation yet it's it's it's you know I what's the problem I'm uniquely testing phase the quote I do how can you argue too updated in one four one four down the arrogant enough and how can an antiwoman want to the reality of like one that I never attempted to keep exhibit the guy is that the market once you sit on top of the sheets most of them in the order in the face 's question people say that it's best to wait until you're older to start courting but what if you started early what you do now that that's a great question it depends on your age I think the younger you are the more inclined I am to say either are you up to drastic options in front of you either you're going to have a really long courtship or it's just a matter of time until you have a breakup I getting married yeah I mean really young is just as for the difficulties I know some people who done it and and sometimes it works out but it's generally not I feel you don't have the emotional stability you don't have the financial stability yet and so ready why why do we date when we younger we don't generally date because you want to get married to that person on the right dream about all one down Madison Scott but is still saying that five guys latest and so when we do it is because we want to get intimate with the other person it's intimacy before commitment so my my view of it is you may have to look seriously at this relationship and sex am I just trying to get privileges with my friend privileges of intimacy or you know whether it's emotional over there its physical privileges of intimacy or am I really a need towards marriage and if you're not hanging towards marriage then I get out of it soon know what you can still keep your heart intact and to keep playing with his feelings I was disappointed dating when a person is really young in LA if you're dating and you so can you hold hands or anything like that well it is nothing like kindergarten dating out yeah he's my boyfriend 's deal is not really having any kind of physical intimacy or emotional intimacy isn't really dating and you are building physical and emotional intimacy realized the chance of your break up in almost one hundred percent if you're young and in your building to the glistening in the family and the next relationship if you have an extra relationship at that person had their to start at exactly where you finished it if you got it by holding infantry armor and each other in the two years related and express mitigate your NASCAR at work at holding and putting her arm around each other and go from there in every money get into another relationship are there because they've been strong feeling of white identity that I went last time there's no thrill left and just doing that you have planned for the event much fun when you can get an him by the time you get five or ten people down the road where you getting your physical entity exists emotional and even if you're building a party getting on your emotional intimate the and every money get closer emotional intimacy your breakup more people you really want that for yourself anytime you get somebody to write up whenever you get married you get married to the wildlife of your breakup that make sense that he was a friend to go through a lot of pain I know this is that because the emotions involved in a few zebra suspended or don't write you don't break up all their prolonged courtship marriage the reality is there's a lot of emotions as love feelings and how you speak to someone would through this because it's got to be hard to do on your own all one thing I talked to somebody who was very why it is I was very impressed with his approach he said he was governor both in college and they have a couple of years before they're going to be ready to get married to each other and they know that can be difficult to keep their intimacy the data can progress to date in case you haven't noticed the more emotionally intimate you are with someone the more you long to be physically intimate with them if you know that integrates with these not appropriate at this stage of the game don't get is that emotional and even though he and his girlfriend have an agreement may only speak to each other once a week on the phone if you have the self-control to do that maybe if not creative how about the breakup and wait until it finds actually gave him find out if the time for you to find about great if not the wanted go through that kind of a painful situation we have to continually discipline yourself not to get as close as you want to emotionally maybe you can do it more power to you all right advantages and disadvantages of marrying a non- adherence well reinvented maleic you're not to I guess some of some of the things to think about here's what I've written have you seen the advent of skies what do you guys in my church and I wouldn't be court date dating is available where my interface GUI seat him to the hilt five is small ventilation and way in is visiting your blog has replace your life done a few middle in the ponds are equal in what is the Bible say to you walk together except they be agreed we are very clear in our church with good reason I have counseled many couples that have difficult relationships because they do not believe the same there arguing over which Jewish people go to all or one is staying at home drinking beer the weightings are amiss because you got these two different families that don't have the same culture and Iraqi renal validity of alcohol at the ready when that's when children come along that's when it really comes out because how even arrays your kids and so people don't think about that she has lifetime to white people marry a non- evidence as they dated the money eight eight yard Federalist sought out saying unmarried anonymous they started dating in on and refine this life we find since the day what's what harm is there in the deck you gave them you love them you married and so if you stop updating that's where it begins that neo-Nazi evangelism dating if I take them they'll become an activist maybe for a while now it might happen but how if you like to be gracious to believe something you don't believe just because you love a person all right undecided about what has been what if your boyfriend or girlfriend is making you grace a certain way or act a certain way in order to measure up measure up to be a fairytale expectations that's a bad thing they but when you are having to believe a whole new belief system just because while my boyfriend or girlfriend the reasons I've been a believer that's not a good thing so don't date him if you don't plan on marrying him and Scripture is clear on this point you mentioned that you saved your first kiss for your wedding day is that like to think everybody should do a good and really good I had the leisure point out that this is not the first Monday year I think if anyone in the first minute we get each other we didn't have on the team before but when we were dating not when we were engaged over or any earlier engagement not nearly dedicate on the list until our wedding day is that the standard and everybody needs to do it not necessarily be made that standard for ourselves because both of us felt that Willie reached a tipping point we found another relationships when we hit a tipping point that was when things are getting things started rolling down the slippery slope must chose now rocketed to that for our ballots whereby now some people they know marketing that can actually coming yesterday I just decided that that the line of an amazing I'm not a mechanic until my wedding and she just started dating from the iPod for a couple weeks later that the husband not defending going well we actually never talked about that and or and and so on we only practice but even if it's okay and and things are just some different than before well young lady that's okay for her and in relationship there is a difference in every every relationship you need I can't claim were free you can say anything he needed to figure out where that line is for you where you start getting into something more intense than you ready for an away from it because it here and even welcomed a little bit farther below but it can be okay on your claimant without an island is recommend that you find something that you feel are compatible with Christian I know many people who have had a wonderful pure relationships in their chosen to kids while they were dating or engaged I just made it physically and mentally should be proportionate to the commitment in your relationship intimacy without commitment spells trouble it always spells trouble physical intimacy like that you are married by commitment and violation of the Bible and physical ethnicity of a lesser source when you are proportionate commitment is not there is a kind of emotional use of one another and that McAuliffe wanted to be sure that what you doing with one another is in the highest sort of Christian purity you know you don't move your body is the temple of God we often use that for help but really the Bible uses it within the context of sexual purity chapter six benefits first eighteen in chapter six verse eighteen flee fornication flea is another word for run fast every sin that a man do it is without the body but he that committed fornication Senate against his own body what know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you would you have of God and you are not your own for your board with the price therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit which I got and always everything you see everything with the Holy Spirit is this appropriate and the problem is once you get the hormone rush going your not thinking straight so you get to seven points the relationship anything will be okay will be a check as you like the thrill like all months but just as a point where your brain is not screwed on straight and said on thinking that point that you can think rationally step back and let the Holy Spirit be in charge of your relationship and you might remember the story I told about why went into the house that they die who now I realize how I'm all alone in the house with him his mom and sister are here I should have gone out right away is the same principle when you know you're in a situation of Holy Spirit that doubts don't sit around wondering infusion of the Holy Spirit on one one last thing that I would mention first Corinthians chapter seven verse one of when and before Alan I started dating he given a teddy bear is a smart man yet hold the teddy bear you know you had a teddy bear and we named it Corey after first Corinthians seven wanted it good for a man not to touch a woman I would even when we don't lie when he went back to Africa we were attracted to each other interested in each other but I said no I want physical intimacy to mess up our mind and make an cloud our judgment though I shook his hand he went away to Africa and lunch later we started dating and when we came when I flew to Africa four months later out four months after we started dating I than his girlfriend performance I hugged him for like half an hour and airport I'm telling you everybody else darted left and other security people are thin and ramekin additive like a commercialism and when the Navy now because they had no much love for each other already by that time we did speak about it afterwards and said webinar covenanted faith no prolonged and intense hiking that we didn't define how long prolonged war I leave you him you want to talk to certain young ladies how do you approach this I had a friend who would walk up to people and say hi my name is George how do you like me so far as a you know you begin with you begin with courtesy and its crew your character will be demonstrated in the fact that you none flirts when you fluent you attract a system kind of person a fluid FC Utrecht if you want to attract a quality person then you will be a gentleman and I you you are going to say and this is what happened with that I see she wasn't even sure that I liked her in the beginning I was very clear series since it has been seeing it works I know what happened with us is that I was I you know I was opening the eye was showing I was being courteous I was being a gentleman I was not pleased you mean on time with her and she felt comfortable I is she said I can trust this was because he's not try to make a move you know what guys think as soon as you try to make a move HIV 's whose outside the things that you want and are not stupid they think I find this an animated figure out how this guy is making moves and miss you want to pick up a stupid woman so someone's Asma Bell picked up and they can see through it so you want a quality woman you are treated with respect now takes it was circumstances we we ended up going to the same potluck she wanted free food I wanted free fruit is clearly designed products should know anyone it was with South African conflict and so deciding unitedly because he wasn't learned anything I thought this guy after playing around is not given EDI is not my anatomy not joking with me and I felt comfortable with him so I said sure on the South African public with you briefly thinking sheathing with that behind me we had another friend hypocrite she got swallowed up in the crap and then the two of us with a long and people with you we were married so they would come up to me and say hi Alan I have met your wife yet and I'm like oh I have neither that this is all I had met my wife right in the Soviet Union of a it we we had time we interacted with them we went out if and when it was no pressure but later on had a rainbow will looking for me and added they can looking eventually found me and she said something that let me know that maybe they could do something for a now I is myself I thought this was so funny silly people thought that we were married I suggest we know meeting up at the rally now he won't I felt like a step on a chair that has anyone seen my husband and I let him figure out a exactly one year later to the day we were married or anyways the young and I will say I spent a lot of time handing it over to God and I am looking at my communication with her you making sure that this is representative of the Christian subcode by good Christian Prince principles used courtesy Don try making the eye I can yell for some people flirting is just a way of life is to understand that because there was a time in my life when I arrive my guy friends that I can't so disgusted with personally flirting can worth learn that you'd like you can do what I I will laugh like he didn't like Pokémon you are always learning if you are probably thinking guys of the evening off with Van Fleet in their hair whatever it was I was always learning I was a terrible flirt know the horrible realization for me great I did learn to overcome the bad habit of a way of relating to guide for that when when I naturally not only do you not see me as a flirt but I was attracted to him by his character by the new life and as I was initially the thing that made me feel most comfortable around him what a guy is flirting with me he's trying not trying to get anything out of me no-frills no pixies just there in nine becomes appointed time window if you're serious about someone you speak to the parents and another thing you notice anything to do her parents were devastated I was in Africa in the night I was on the other side of the ocean how do I go about this and so I did the very African thing and I often find cows and you know why often you there was as I was stubborn it was always good to thought that I had I had to pick up the phone and call and you I think it's appropriate to mix to make parents not when you are interested in these it looks easy for a guy if you're interested in that order to make them know of your interest I believe that's a very bubbly it's the spirit of prophecy or I may have another question yet if your friend is in a bad relationship have you help them without turning them against you well your bid friend loves to lose and you have to be that conscience of you have a duty to express your opinion but there is a certain white pics what is your opinion according to Ephesians chapter four we should tell the truth in love so how do you go about setting through the web like to think about this with any person I have a bridge that that connects me with an article of a bridge of trust at truth I can only send other along the truth across that bridge of trust between how strong that bridges so I cannot listen ready while I have a strong bridge of trust between you name I can send all that being been heavy on the real truth and now handled are you following me that if I don't have a strong bridge of trust with that of the person I tried coming with with major truth I know that alienate them from socialist leftists is how well do I know this person if I know them well I've got a bridge of trust I am going to be honest with them because if I'm not some way down the line gods that hold me accountable signed an assent I'm missing something like this you know Jane I have to be honest with you I feel uncomfortable with the way your relationship with Jack is progressing I feel very uncomfortable and Carol three ways that I feel uncomfortable I like to be specific I don't like to draw character judgments I like to deal with you should you know what I'm talking she makes a character judgments but I can't afford to protect addresses why because of your relationship are you better be loyal of disloyalty within the health of the UW oil so I don't want to spark their loyalty what you need he's the nicest guy is not how you take care with twenty other people have how do not die so soon I don't want either one of coolest defensiveness and and if I broke character judgments that was defensiveness but if I say we do it this way you can say you are trustworthy which the character judgment or even say I've noticed that he told you live on several occasions another times you tell me think that maybe he's lying being you getting to the issues and use their words instead of your rod because they've expressed that the fee they see the red flags but I hate them with green to say it's okay and so you have to you have to just remind them of the very things that sets up hope yet that you can tell me about it it seemed it is used in this you've expressed caution about this and you express the course and about that question about that it seems to me that you're seeing red flags but I I'm not sure why you're not reacting to the use alternate eventually you're concerned about his anger problem and I'm wondering why you're still interested in marrying him when you don't see that being resolved right so you get the idea how to go about it without without drawing judgments or do we have any other questions or think we covered the ones that come in any other questions from the floor okay we've got one of the back the one you are long-distance relationships can be an incredible blazing as we had one already one of the reasons why the incredible racing is that it's really easy to keep first Corinthians seven this one when you have a whole host and they can also store your view of the other person because you have time likely you are on MSN you don't miss in general my have you communicating you have time to think about what you say you're not reacting reflexively and so you can take a picture that the other person wants to hear you also don't have to deal with the irritating habits not that I heading that way I mean you do not in that environment we have to deal with it so when we long-distance relationship for a significant period of our courtship but when she came out I make sure that we went on a camping trip with some friends so that she could really see me the way I was I went out with a call porting she took me out I had given up hope for you in the states he kicked me out of the van it had a work with the people she wanted to see what I was made up of so you go to find ways to get past that is another thing with long distance to help me find out who she really wants I said I want to give me three and out to a close you know life and one close friend and I want to speak with the and asked them what you really like Tilden felt like you're some people who know me well I can tell them what to say I told my friend I told my in my family each time whatever you want and so I get I e-mailed I talked I chatted to the film because I knew that the idealistic distortion along this relationship can be so much with you can build a sand castle on that person and it's not reality yet when when my best friend my best friend Christine is now Christy Neil Christine Hy Christina met my needs nine I was configuring him out of their something intriguing about them I really like Juliet you will get to know him and you tell me what you think that she did she went hot temper our since he came back and dreaming I mean three thirty nine A I think if you marrying him you'll do well and Christina never proved even remotely and I felt like I I I took on the money I know I knew what critical was intelligent when asked the right questions and was not revived by the all right so you get that long-distance relationships can work because you have to work at one of the commitments I made was that I would think is really serious about marriage ending August twenty eight she was twenty six so one of the commitments we made was that we would spend an hour late every night communicating because and and we use really getting cellulite may delete ask real questions not just the soppy sentimentalist in front of the fire that SF without it was some of that but you know we we communicated about issues so we can really get to know each other and we didn't have that though Oman hies off passing each other to sometimes distract the comments of Camelot wellness is the good years year to you all are aware of the dangers yet the problem is pretending with long-distance it's very easy for me to paint him to be who I want him to be at it very easy for him to pretend to be good he knows I want and so went with your people are ready to pretend that anything that is after a relationship but otherwise long distance can be great of you to do you know all the world knows you can't drop me a Puerto Rican ruling will affect the world 's five hundred and eight and is so you know what you deal with is one that really is yet is the equation question is what you do when you've got a lot of of Unocal to a lot of physical effect that's just the way you counter is and you you like to be a fiction and other people are faced with unit doesn't necessarily mean anything sexual so I would say a lot depends on what's happening to you the challenge in more affectionate calluses is that you are all waiting for the other person the heart suddenly got a horrible phone not so you're just giving them the regular little known I kiss on the cheek and everything else and as within their hearts racing I remember I had a young lady from Argentina that I was kind of intrigued by and that she cannot give me a kiss on the cheek my heart flip-flops I'm not well developed for the know for me to him so he let away was fascinated on a high note we can do that we need your hot and the sample of anything that's got more to it is more singular is something going on it is being affectionate wrong about the dangers of affection because it's connected to home as he is what ways have you back I moved to join your singleness I think anybody who's being single is a is going to gather the question that we're dealing with is what about a single and in you you want to get back to the stage of enjoying a singleness I think what if you single this be honest you will have times of loneliness was Adam loving was the perfect is that he was put the money I think about that for him and God allowed that loneliness for a reason God gave them the gift of longing he thought about that loneliness is a gift from God so it sometimes I said you know my loneliness is my opportunity to recognize I can you can listen to satisfy my deepest longing I have to rely on God I know it was long enough striking to God for me I is where we can culture for a while in my in many ways in my mind I just became a Puerto Rican has living with the Catholic Church without speaking the language at the people at the good from the Spanish speaking I is bordering the region that is my initial night I mean I need I'm sort of forgot and it was a great culture when I came back to the state the first one I went to church and his lady greeted me at the door again yet taken from the envelope I can accept the guide it was immediately I also see how she likes them and the normative theology God don't even work in a different culture there's nothing evil about the Puerto Rican culture and the other cults and affectionate but the question we have to ask is why are we doing what were doing and my eating a hot dog for monthly because I'm lonely like that by that loneliness by getting affection from an opposite sex person is not my goal is not what God wants me to do God wants us to to wait until we have the right person to get our hormone derived from the right person the right place at the right time with a commitment before God folks we going to have a free-for-all in the front chair as we do not have to be in position but I really appreciated the questions underappreciated viewing direction you we have enjoyed our time with each one of you as we receive you at a distance some of you are going to know a little bit I encourage you God knows your heart and an trusted I have given up with the fact that I thought there's no before me I am going to be under the light pool but are reluctant for sure I called out not to be as happy as he was about being single and so I was just like this is this is what I have and I'm going to appoint lackeys .com it was at that moment when I met my wife and you know I want to say that was a blazing I could never when I couldn't have predicted that what is thought I was shocked international enough but that God you and I when I was slow notice this is never happened to me before and it's pretty rare occurrence for me when I saw I felt strongly imprisoned on talk to and was completely nonsexual homages like why should I go talk to and I felt the strong impression I had to go speak to God who made I handed it over to God and he listened my life godliness together we can depend on an appreciable we had to work it out and pray about it and speak to people that I knew from that moment that God was doing something trust God he's got the base plan is given over to him he'll give it back a hundred phone you know and I encourage you if you are lonely I know most of your single realize there is not the answer to loneliness most married people are walking past you are even lonelier and they had this desperate feeling of I married the wrong person or for one reason or another I married still I'm lonely only now I have no hope of finding somebody who will make my loneliness go away and there's even a survey average recently on CNN that people who were unhappy before they got married had a little help of happiness and immediately go back to being unhappy again it people who were happy before they got married were happy after they got me people were unhappy before they got married were unhappy after they got married the marriage is not the solution that the world think that could be only God is the solution is a longer relationship we realize we have not been created that is not good for man or woman to be alone but on the other hand God is one who is really the answer to loneliness right amidst an inappropriate on it we want to thank you that you know those deep nights they were either recovering from a relationship or longing for you gone to a Garden of Gethsemane when every friends deserted you and you with the law and yet your we see that you are willing to embrace that cock for a grand purpose help us define victory in Jesus help us to see that you are a friend of sticks closer than a brother and will announce times of loneliness why invest about so that we will mount up with wings like to thank you for this and Jesus are as meaningless by a murderous media ministry lines generation a would like to listen to you is present in court he would like to learn more about keywords visit WW NYC web board also binary with some union audio burgers or hand it will come home and for a on

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