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Does getting married really matter?

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  • August 30, 2021
    9:00 AM
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Love marriage, is there an order to these to or does other than not matter or find out on this up? So I've in verse the coming to you from silverspring, maryland. Welcome to in a bible based compensation on my principal, contemporary issues and thought provoking perspective. Just in can with in Love and marriage and won't even put the word sex in there is there in order to these things. On this episode, we're looking at the concepts of biblical sexuality. And as we are talking about a sensitive matter, we wanna encourage you to if you have minors in the area to be mindful of the subject at hand, we're going to go to the bible. We're going to go to 1st corinthians chapter 7139. And we're going to ask don't read but israel pray for us by the way, hey, I don't welcome you guys to say, hello. You're watching andrew. My name is Justin. Can I forgot to introduce ourselves and we're so excited about the topic today. The episode is called pre marital sexuality and we are in whatever episode, episode 10. And for about the last 9 weeks, we've been looking at different aspects of biblical sexuality, not sexuality as a whole, but the bible has to say and do different pre suppositions of scripture. And we wanna encourage you to go the inverse bible dot or g, we can catch up and binge watch all these exciting episodes that have been very, very, very application. Very, very teach worthy, very, very, very juicy. So let's go to, Well, let's pray. Let's as her pray for us, i'll be happy to pray just and father in heaven. We are addressing a topic that is extremely important, especially in today's society and we pray that you would bless us with your presence in jesus, ma'am, ma'am. Hey, man. And thank you for that 1st coffee and chapter 7 and Johnson now concerning the things of which you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual morality led each man have his own wife and that each woman have her own husband. But the husband render to his wife the affection do her and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over home body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have a for authority over his own body. But the wife does not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting. And prayer and come together again, sort of satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment for I wish it all men were even if I myself. But each one has his own gift from god, one in this manner and another and that, but I say to the unmarried and to the way to widows, it is good for them if they remain, even as I am. But if they cannot exercise self control, let them marry for it is better to marry dent or burn with passion. Ok, thank you. This is a very interesting passage and we're going to dive deep into this passage. Want to ask cali? Our topic is on, on pre marital sex. It is why many people think it's wrong or do anything. The church is Rhonda bye said there is no bible verse that talks about being right. Why, why is it, why is it wrong for the same reason? We believe in the trinity. Okay, you want to What do you mean? Just like in the bible there's no verse that says there is a trinity and this is who it is. But there are many passages that emerge. It implies there is a trinity, i mean the principles that make sense here, here, here, here, here, here and there we bring a composite picture of the trinity is real. And in the same way, there is no vs as thou shalt not have pre marital sex for stuff that doesn't exist. But there are principles throughout scripture that say this is how sexual this is, how sexual happen in these parameters. And this is good. This is not good because not good. And even though pre marital sex, that phrase and even some of that, a very strong synonym isn't used. All the principals together. Say yeah, that's why and wonderfully so wonderfully said why. What are well, let's get into this next year. This will share with us and what's, what's going on in this text and how does it feed into our topic? Yeah. Well, I think if you, if you were to take up the whole text summit up essentially what paula saying is that sexual fulfillment is not the ultimate goal in life. Right? And many times that's kind of what we, what we believe as human beings, especially when we're younger, right? All man, I hope jesus supermarket in every movie. You see that every yes, sexual fulfillment, sexual not a goal, that's not the goal. That's what, that's what paul is saying, Right? That sexual fema at the end of the day, that's not the greatest concern that god has for our lives. And neither is and by, by extension, sexual fulfillment is not the greatest fullfillment that one can experience, right? Cuz that's kind of what we think. We think that we cannot be happy unless we are sexually fulfilled. It is still a gift from god variance, but it is not the all in all of experiences and you've afterwards. Yeah. And it's not the ultimate purpose as a matter of fact he, he continues to say that you can experience will film and even without. And that's what he's saying. I wish there were people that were even as I am. But the fact is that in many cases you, there is a lack of self control. And so in many cases, the problem with the Human race is the fact that is the fact that we come to the topic with the, with the position of a lack of self control. And so scripture them has to provide boundaries in which we can kind of function, but that's what kind of success that, that is a strong please, a position you find all throughout scripture, right? But at present this isn't of the world is you need to have sex unit, and if you don't, you will die. You will die. There'll be grave markers everywhere. This person died because he did not have so just one day he spontaneously exploded. Right? And I'm going to be humorous, but that is a priest opposition that a lot of people have a lot of people. It's a script that a lot, a lot of young adults are, have grown, grow up with. And even though they, there's just overwhelming societal pressure too. You can, you know, you know, all and even if like, sometimes people say they want to wait, but then they care like I remember when I was single and someone asked me like all, so you don't, but you don't like sleep around like, you don't like to town like no, I don't like, I wish I could do that. I would die away. So even even like people express a desire to do that, but that's impossible because of that script. So you're even limiting your ability to live a certain way because you think it's impossible for you to physically not do something really when it comes down to what I, what, what motivates in your life, obviously, as a christian, the way I look at it while and I want to acknowledge that, of course, as paul acknowledge this is this, you know, the sex drive, we are sexual beings. There is a desire in US to experience this and there's nothing wrong with that god has given us that. But when we understand that, as you said, israel it is not the most important thing a life number one, number 2, and you understand that this is something that is supposed to happen in marriage. We can look at god and say, god, you fulfill me 1st, I want to feel fulfilled. And you 1st, I think actually that is the one of the keys to, you know, we had an episode on an incredible sex right at one of the keys to really experiencing a complete sexual experience as god intended to be. You have 1st wholesome experience with god, wholesome relationship with god so that you can then enter this. Really the sexual encounter is a spiritual experience as well, in the right way and in a beautiful way. So paul is telling us here that we need to keep that in mind, that the priorities are 1st god and then all these other desires follow. But what I was going to say to what you said is that the motivation to stay pure and to stay away from prenatal sex. As a christian is my love for god, my desire to have have a relationship with him. That fulfills me and brings me joy kinda paul, experience himself while he exemplified me. Can I say something here in verse 3? It says chapter 7. Yeah, it says let the husband render to his wife the affection do her and then likewise also the wife to her husband. This is also a critical principle that it's important for us to discuss. And that is that the sexual intimacy, relationship that exists between 2 individuals is designed to be even within the christian context, is designed to be selfless. Which is kind of mind boggling. How is this even possible, right? Because there's so much personal fulfillment from it. But notice here that the scripture says that as, as personally fulfilling as it is, the intent of sexual intimacy is for the other individual. And so this cannot exist within the marriage context, right? It is in the marriage context that you're able to exit to have this kind of expression. So he says, the purpose of sex is so that you can actually render to your spouse the affection that they deserve. And so there's a certain x, there's a certain affection that the, the person that you're married to, deserves. And the sexual intimacy is a part of that, right? It's not just the only thing, but it's a part of that. I love that I love the concept of the sexual equity that you see there. A lot of, lot of the opposition is that hey, males have high 6 die as females don't. And they're in a lot of cultures that are here. It feels more r duty or more of just getting whatever, but there are, as you said, human beings recreate as sexual beings to have the sex drives. It is not a sinful thing. That's not something to be poured this to me, god put it into our program. In our human nature and within the confines and the protect protectorate of marriage, we can express an in the, in India, in the line of service, whether male, female, and female, male. There's, there's some sex. I love the, the equity there. Quality. There are other principles that you find in chapter 7, principles of marriage. It's very trusting, easy principles of marriage. Although he's advocating for single hood here. Her very interesting and gross 5, it says do not deprive one another except with consent for a time. Yes, I think is important also kind of goes who have said, but to acknowledge that sex is part of marriage and it is not and is not to be used as a tool to manipulate or Well, if you do this then you'll get this. No, not sex if the sexual encounter is, as we said in early episodes, well it's celebration of what has already taken place in your marriage of your faithfulness of your, of your covenant to each other. And you not to, to use it as a tool to manipulate each other or to, you know, while you're not going to, you know, we're not going to have any intimacy. If you know, do this or whatever. So policy, he's acknowledging, even though he's talking about, you know, abstaining and so on. He's, he's acknowledging that in the marriage context, the sexual experience is, it is to be that the sexual encounter is to be experience. And it's not to be with withheld unless for a short time to pray and to, you know, study and so on. But it is, it is important. There is a spiritual discipline embed into his counsel. Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate that, that with, with, in relation to our topic, a pre medal sexuality that, that there needs to be marriage. There needs to be covenant there need. And then people ask why, why, why is their commitment is causes trying to lock you in, in the door, ball and chain or whatever. But at least on the psychological level, there needs to be permanence. There needs to be an absence of risk for us, for the 2 individuals to engage into that matter, that level of depth and vulnerability and that premium sexual experience. That the permanence needs to be a foundation, but with pre marital sex or the other older versions out there without there may be made to look more exciting and more. Ha, but that there is a certain level that not be access because there is the fear of abandonment or, or what's gonna happen or whatnot. And that's something that god has not designed really, as he said that that, that the fullest effectual experience will not take place until you have that foundation. It comes with marriage and like you might, as he said, it might sound exciting outside and doing whatever. But like, you are actually missing out, if you engage in pre marital sex, you cross the sexual experience in marriage and the right context with a relationship with god, et cetera, is so much more premium, so much more amazing because it's so much more holistic. Now we're take a break right now, but when we come back, when I look at the cons of cohabitation, what's wrong with shocking up and just live in and test driving the car, if you will. This is inverse. I'm just came, stay with us after the break. The have been a blessing to you. Do you have questions, comments, or feedback? You'd like to lever? Find us on social media by searching in booth bible on Facebook, twitter, instagram, or youtube. While they're join us, like us caught us thumbs up by a handle again, is in both bible no faces. Now back to the discussion, ah, I will come back. There are a oh, an alarming and a larger number of young adults who in many societies it is the majority where you live together and question is that the bible talk about that? Is that wrong? Is that right? And should the body or should we as, as even cast judgment on them. What's wrong if they're living a good spiritual life? Who are we to judge that they're there, they're doing adult activities behind closed doors. Should lighten this from, from this passages, or i've had the opportunity as a measure to counsel many young people who are building their relationships together and ultimately decided to get married. And this has been actually a growing trend among, even among christian couples that they, they want to live together. And as you, there's, there's an element of trial that takes place prior to making a final commitment. And in many cases seem this seems to be actually a very logical approach to a relationship. I think what happens here is that there is a misunderstanding regarding what the purpose of the pre marital relationship is. The premier relationship does not exist a kind of test my relationship with another individual. What it does is that it provides an avenue, it provides a venue, it provides a testing ground for me to be able to check my own self, right test, my own ability, my own readiness for marriage. Why? Because once I have committed to marriage, this is an eternal thing. And this is the problem that many of us have with marriage even afterwards. Is that whenever we get into a marriage relationship, the temptation is always to think it's the other person's fault, right? It's the other person's fault why our marriage is not good at the other person's fault. Why I'm not sexually fulfilled. Is the other person's fault? Why I'm not emotionally fulfilled? Why does this exist? This exist because in the pre marital relationship, we have set up ourselves to always focus on what the other individual are we compatible is this person compatible with me, are we sexually compatible, etc, etc. So that's one of the main reasons why it's important for us to not have these kinds of distractions within the pre marital context of our relationship should focus on self. And my personal ready is not my compatibility so much with are the other person's compatibility with me that's that's, that's awesome. I think we need to stress that went in marriage. You don't enter a marriage being, you know, perfectly compatible and everything worked out and, and out. But that's how we often think we have to be throughout the entire experience of marriage. You are growing together and you are, you know, iron sharpened iron. It's a process. And there will always be, there will be conflict, there will be issues. And even if you're the most holy couple in the world, there will be issues. And so we have to accept that as a reality and not stress out to think I have to make sure everything's out before or we enter into a relationship. Now as he said, 1st, you need to iron out some personal issue that you between you and God and, and there's the data if it's time for everything. But if I can quickly take to the bible here in genesis chapter 2, we do get some biblical council, as well as far as pre pre, you know, living together before you married spectra. Genesis chapter 2 or 2424. Yes. And says there therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh here we see what is the order of surface the order you are with. You live with, live with the father and mother. And then you leave, yes, yes. Of course, and I run lives with parents before they got married, but this was also originally ended up being wrong with not living the parents before you mirrored however you don't, you don't, you don't enter into that one. This with your spouse until marriage and that includes where you live. All of our discussions that go back to like the 3rd one is scripts. Some cultures, you know, you cohabiting is, is the norm, right? You go out in your own and you and you live with someone, and that's norm. And that's the norm. Why can't we bring that norm into the church and then the one and then you bringing up genesis to. There are some people that you know, you live with your parents and after you live, if you get married, you live with your parents until they die right. Until you die, i mean if someone has to die or something to take place. So that's also a cultural norm. Why can we bring them to church? So we find that scripture in many ways is countercultural. Yeah. And if you don't know what I'm talking about when encourage you to go to hope, hope, tv, or g slash verse and look at the past episodes, and especially the episode one, which really is informing elaborate. So it's afterwards kelly, i want to speak to another reason, people might try to go down this path of living together and trying things out. And that is the room fear. Now it might not be explicit, but it's, I'm not sure this is going to work out. Yeah. So I don't want to get married because like divorces are messy. They're financial, they like may people, sad, so like luscious. What's the big deal about us cohabitate and just trying it out and you know, growing up I was very afraid of divorce because so many people get divorce and so like I, I really resonate with that fear because it is a terrifying reality. But that requires us to allow god to guide our relations yet because it's not because we, if we just take this as people who don't already surrender their lives to God, we're like, oh, don't cohabitate like while I listen to other things. So like, why would I listen to that? But if, if we really want to surrender everything to God, he can guide us into godly marriages. That last the test of time. And I even think, you know, like my, my husband and I, we were long distance the majority of our relationship. And so we didn't get to go grocery shopping together, anything to balance a check, things that make people fight. We going to talk about finances as much, but even in the 1st months of our marriage, we move different cotton that we renovated an apartment. We hosted my family for like 2 months, and we still like each other at the end of it. But it's like we didn't get to live together. How did we know that was gonna work out? How did we know if the toothpaste on the right side of the think? Because we talked about the things that mattered the most. Right. And so then when we were together everything else we can make it work out, right? Even if it doesn't do it naturally. So god is a trustworthy god is not like, oh, I'm let you run it yourself and you figured out the sucks to be you. But we can trust him to see us into a godly relationship, so we don't have to test it ourselves. We can trust our hearts in his hands. Yeah. I really like what you bring out there, the fear factor, and also it has to do with I want to control the situation about we, we want to control everything. It's going to take place and about surrendering control to God saying I trust god is going to help me with this. And it has, it's not just we, pre marital sex is also with, you know, anything really do I trust that god script? God plan is really good. How do I know? Well, you look at the word of god. You look at your relationship with him and you see that he really has only the best in mind for you. Yes, it might go against what you sometimes feel or desire, but you will see on the other end, how much better his way and the same goes for this is just a really powerful, powerful minute. What I appreciate about our conversation is that it's foundational to how marriages are then built up. And you know, it's important for people, especially those people who are not married yet. Sex in a marriage relationship is vastly different from outside of marriage relationship. And you know, the idea of pre marital sex or being able to have multiple partners or being able to not commit in the marriage relationship in order to have sexual intimacy. The, the foundation that is being laid is going to be vastly different and will not apply within the marriage context. You know, with, when you're dealing with pre marital intimacy. The, the constant focus of that is yourself. You know, you and you essentially are finding people who are matching in their experience, who also have the similar focus and then that, that matches up. What does that produce? It produces, it produces an enormous amount of insecurity, right? Am I the best person they've ever slept with? Was I good enough? You know, I'm, I just being after a while I just feel i just being used. And within the middle context is vastly different, right. In order to experience the intimacy that is necessary to make a marriage happy, it's not the same way. It's not whenever you want, we're going to do. It's not going to be, you know, I'm going to shoot a text and everything is going to be all you know, nice and easy for things to work out. Marriage within the marriage context, sexual intimacy takes a lot of work, right? It takes a lot of coordination. It begins with, you know, it because of washing dishes or making a meal, right? All of these things are critically important to a happy sexual intimate marriage. And so these 2 worlds do not meat they, they do not, they do not work together. They're very, very separate. And it's important for us to understand that when we are engage in this kind of lifestyle, marriage lay also the foundation for the sexual experience to be really sanctifying experience. Because in the, in the conduct of marriage, you build trust. And a lot of grace is needed in America. They report to work out and in the sexual encounter. In that nakedness that takes place. You are showing grace towards your partner because you both both spouses to it towards each other and you realize while I'm accepted with all my flaws with all my issues, not just, you know, physical issues, but really any, all the issues and my partner knows about me last week, right? Love me. And that is a beautiful experience of, of grace and forgiveness and love that takes place there. That reflects how god treats us so and you will not encounter that out of the marriage context to such a degree. So I think it's, it's a salt so much it takes place within the marriage context that you cannot reproduce outside, right. And in many cases, sadly, it's even hard to experience that there's a lot of marriages who unfortunately, are not able to experience. I'd like to shift and go to genesis to if you will. 222 and maybe address a little bit about the 1st wedding. The 1st marriage server that really sets the over the proper tone for, for future marriages. Verse 22. Then the read which the Lord God had taken from man he made in torment and he brought her to the man. And adam said, this is now the bone of my bones. The 1st of my flesh shall be column and because she was taken out of men, you see this is kind of all that kind of approach. Ho, wedding service here, the man and when meaning together, but they were brought before the Lord of the law. What was bringing them together, but there they are. All the 3 of them are together. And this shows you that the testifies the power of god to begin being with a relationship since the beginning and carrying it out till till, till the end of today. We have so many wedding services that are so much more than an sacred ceremony. It's just, we don't have a witnesses anymore and we had guests, right? We don't have our musical offerings anymore. We have special numbers. We have special, you know, here's our musical song, and very interesting now that grooms and mcbride's brides, my bridesmaids brian bride to video kinds of words like right. They, they are there, they're promising to each other, making vows to each other. But really, the directionality should be all be going to God, right? They're, they're making vows to God, right. By the time of the wedding service, they should have already promised each other, hopefully that discussion that are taking place. And all those who are guests are really witnesses of them, making a promise to go and that god being there since the beginning were really ensures that god is the Lord of that couple and kind of seals them. And we see that language and song with solomon. How, why is it, where's the ship take place? How come we are moving away from that model? Well, I think we're moving away from the model because we are afraid to allow god into the most intimate aspects of our relationship. If you something that I wish would have been mentioned earlier was the fact that god is the one that took upon himself. The responsibility of making someone compatible and we said, you know, we don't want got to make a person compatible for me because I don't trust them. I need to make my own person. I need to find my own compatible individual. And I think because we have been afraid to, we have been afraid to entrust god with our own happiness. We've pushed them out of the picture and then we've taken that responsibility on ourselves. I just wanted to maybe address also the fact. What if you have already engage pre marital suddenly i think the bible speaks to the reality that god is able to even restore those wounds that we have inflicted on us else. 100 in jesus said, you know, go single moria. I don't condemn you. If you, if you confess, you said god is willing to forgive to heal and to restore even that will, which was loss virginity so much more than just physical it's, it's, you know, motor spiritual is and God can heal that and is more than willing to do this a meant him and we've been looking at these high ideals in the last couple of episodes and in, in this one. And now we would encourage you to stick with us next, next, next week. We're going to look at some ways that Miss, should you have made a mistake or you're, you've messed up and things have gone wrong. How do I rectify it? What does the bible have to say about that? Would encourage the encourage continued conversation on social media under the handles of inverse bible and go to inverse bible dot orgy to download our bible study guides were so happy that you decide to join us with you next week. As we continue our conversation on the topic of biblical sexuality, god bless you guys. You've been listening to invoice a bible based conversation telling. Jonathan was the fashion braxton dachelle and justin kim. The invoice is brought to you by the whole channel. Television that change his life more by episode, visit info, hope to Find us on social media, invoice 5 until next time. This is invoice.

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